Category Archives: Humour

Random Jottings ~ Desire

sexual desire is real, genuine, and powerful

~

you may desire her

but you can’t miss what you’ve never had

~

although all she desired was casual sex

she decided that she may as well fall in love

~

man is a creation of desire, not a creation of need

~

sexual desire and fucking are just biology in action

~

desire can be bitter, sweet, savoury, salty, and sassy

but never tasteless and boring

~

desire is a hunger in men, but just an appetite in women

~

there is but a small distance between the desire to fuck and the need to hurt

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the best moments in her life are the desires she can’t ever share with her husband

Random Jottings ~ Covid Christmas

in England it’s always winter now, but never Christmas

~

Christmas is a special day of meaning and traditions

spent in the warm circle of family and friends

unless you’re a Londoner in lockdown

~

and, one by one, all our freedoms were taken away

~

whatever draconian laws governments pass

the virus will always have the last word

~

The singing of Christmas carols is verboten

and all the churches are closed

~

have yourself a merry little Christmas

and I do mean little

~

silent nights have come to stay

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

and on Christmas Eve, the clock struck thirteen

Waiting for Something Good to Happen

surely nothing else can go wrong
because all this is slowly tearing me apart

Losing and feeling helpless isn’t something I’m good at.  I never lost a business contract that I really wanted to win.  I’ve never done unrequited love, if she didn’t want me I’d walk away and never look back.  And I have never let people ruin my life with the specious argument that we are all going to die if we don’t behave like good little boys and girls and go to our rooms when we are told to.  Come to that I have never let some spotty jerk tell me I can’t get on a flight I have paid for, not when I had every fucking piece of documentation imaginable.

It’s smegging unimaginable that the politicians supposedly running this once great country are seriously debating whether or not they should Cancel Christmas.  This must be a bad dream.  But no, if you read the news today there are far too many health officials and government advisors saying that if we have fun at Christmas we will all die.  And WE MUST PROTECT the NHS. This is the world we live in today.

I thought that the National Health Service existed to protect me, not the fucking other way around.

And our fathers fought and died for this.

It’s not as though my personal life is any better.  Once again I will be spending the holidays alone in the garret.  I haven’t actually spoken to another human being for weeks, not in person.  And as for romance?  No fucking chance.

I am wondering what I have to do to make something sensible and enjoyable out of my life.  I remember what it was like to have fun.  I  even remember what it was like to know love.  I just don’t think I will ever have those good things again.  I see years and years of being alone, stretching on and on and on.  I just can’t take this.

You know what?  Right now I think I’d do just about anything to get out of here.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

is the prison only in my mind

or is it real?

Random Jottings ~ Vacations

she had going to the wrong place,
with the wrong, man down to an art

~

the trouble with real life vacations is there’s no background music

~

women in bikinis pose, and sometimes that posing is an invitation

or so some men would like to believe

~

‘I promise you I’ll make the sun shine every day…..’ he said

after that it rained a lot

~

it’s unlucky to go back to work the day after you’ve been off

~

never throw a message in a bottle into the sea

you could get arrested for littering

~

it’s good to be bad on vacation

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

my favourite place to vacation

is anyplace by the ocean

Food on Friday ~ Thanksgiving

there is always something for which to be thankful

Well, it’s Wednesday not Friday, but there wouldn’t be much point in my publishing some Thanksgiving recipes the day after the event.  So forgive my erroneous title, it’s for a good cause.

You know that we don’t have Thanksgiving here in England, and that some of the things you serve make no sense to me; candied yams for one.  Yet, part of me wishes we did have a Thanksgiving feast in the dark months before Christmas.

There is at least one earlier Thanksgiving post here, you can click on the link of you’d like to see last year’s dishes.  Also check out my November 13th post Food on Friday ~ Mid Autumn.

Have a very happy day tomorrow.

So, first up this week we have a Candied Yams recipe from Lena Abraham at Delish magazine.  (I don’t believe I’ve ever had yams…..)

Candied Yams

This is another dish I really don’t get, but I understand goes down very well on the Thanksgiving board.  From Gimme Some Oven; The Best Green Bean Casserole.  This dish is also really healthy. Enjoy.

The Best Green Bean Casserole

All great meals need a light appitiser that one can also use as a snack with drinks if friends call around.  Jessica Merchant at How Sweet Eats has this very easy recipe for Smoky Chipotle Cheddar Twists.  I just know these will disappear fast…..

Smoky Chipotle Cheddar Twists

One of the most critical things about a turkey dinner is the gravy.  Ergo from Chungah at Damn Delicious we have; How To Make the Best Turkey Gravy.  Looks good to me.

How To Make the Best Turkey Gravy

To start off your Thanksgiving day with a very seasonal holiday breakfast we have these Easy Fluffy Eggnog Cinnamon Rolls from Tieghan Gerard at Half Baked Harvest.  These would also go well as a dessert with coffee after dinner.

Easy Fluffy Eggnog Cinnamon Rolls

Our collection this week is from Country Living magazine; 68 Easy Thanksgiving Recipe Ideas the Family is Sure to Love.  From this collection I have chosen to feature their Ginger Pumpkin Pie.

Ginger Pumpkin Pie

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

oh yes, cook a second turkey for the dog

but where are the trimmings?

Random Jottings ~ Femme Fatale

now the party’s over he’s beginning to wonder what went wrong

~

a hero is good

a heroine is brilliant

a villain is essential

but a bad woman is erotic

~

‘hold me….’ he said

‘hold your what? she asked

eventually she decided he meant his billfold

~

he would do anything for her

the trouble was so would a lot of other men

~

he would try to forget her

he would spend the rest of his life trying

~

he liked women who looked as though they killed men for a living

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

she thought of herself as a black widow

and that some younger men liked to be caught

last night’s loves

be patient, the best things happen at night

~

last night she realised that he never looked into her eyes

but she was happy he was staring at her deep cleavage instead

~

I love you…..’ she said softly, ‘please take your clothes off for me…..’

‘these aren’t clothes…..’ he replied

‘you’re a werewolf at night, are’t you?’ she asked excitedly

~

she came, and then

she came to the conclusion that car sex was much safer late at night

~

at midnight all she had left were half-remembered thoughts of love

~

last night, when he said he wanted to sleep with her

she expected him to stay awake for a while first

~

last night she wanted him

she wanted him to leave her alone

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

in a bar, very close to midnight

the black widow searched for her next victim

Random Jottings ~ Vampyres

loving a vampire usually ends quite badly

~

never kiss a vampire in the pale moonlight

~

when vampires go flying and bats are seen

the moon laughs and whispers

’tis near Halloween

~

she told me it was love at first bite

~

vampires embrace the moonlight shadows

~

‘I have a bloodthirsty mind, and you’re on it Darling’

~

loving a vampire ~ a short life full of draining incidents

~

every good vampyre deserves a chance to bite a virgin’s neck

~

she’s the only vampire I know who takes her phone into her coffin

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

oral sex with a vampire is interesting

Random Jottings ~ Desire

always desire to learn how to love

~

if you desire a dragon, remember things could get heated

~

some say that desiring a dragon isn’t quite normal

~

he said it was her faults that made him desire her

he was lying of course

~

all that real men desire, real men will attain

~

when men achieve their dreams and desires

they can still be dissatisfied

~

when most men say; ‘I love you…..’

they really mean; ‘I desire you…..’

~

when most men say; ‘I desire you…..’

they really mean; ‘I want to fuck you…..’

~

never give up on your desires

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

he desired a virgin princess

what he got was an angry dragon

Random Jottings ~ Insanity

insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result

~

‘you’ve got to be insane if you think I like abandoned railway yards’ she said

he could tell she wasn’t best pleased with their day out

~

he was happy because he didn’t know what the hell was going on

~

nothing is foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool

~

he didn’t suffer from insanity, he was very happy being crazy

~

he knew it was a win-win situation

she won and he didn’t

~

‘FUN!’ she said, ‘this isn’t FUN!’

‘what’s next on your agenda, the creepy crawlies of the fucking snakes?’

he could tell she didn’t really like the outdoors life

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

‘just lock me up and throw away the key,’ he said

and so that’s what she did

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