Category Archives: Humour

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Stairway to Heaven

some things remain funny, no matter what

~

every day we live we learn something new

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

allegedly, kangaroo is aboriginal for WTF was that?

 

Does Anyone Care About Tokyo?

the Tokyo Olympics I mean
~

There is a thing called The Olympic Ideal which is to promote sport, culture, and education to build a better world.  I wonder which advertising company came up with that not-very-catchy slogan?  If ever there was anything noble about the Olympic Games it’s just gone down in a flurry of money-making, horse-trading, cheating, corruption, and grubby politics.  It’s a circus, an ideological, geo-political, power-grabbing battleground where the sport is just a secondary sideshow.

The circus is currently being held in Tokyo, Japan ~ and more than 80% of the Japanese are of the opinion that the whole thing should have been scrapped.  Here in England we have coverage on the BBC, except the viewing figures are in the cellar while complaints about the appalling standards of coverage have reached new heights.

Arguments and complaints among competitors, coaches, national Olympic associations, and officials are a more enthralling spectacle than the actual sports.  And as for the sport, when will tiddlywinks be accepted as an official Olympic sport, because it seems that medals are available for everything else.

Just WTF are artistic swimming, beach volleyball, BMX freestyle, rhythmic gymnastics, surfing, and FFS golf doing as Olympic sports.  And these are all ‘professional sports’.  If you ask me, the Olympics lost its way in 1986 when professionals were first allowed to compete.

It’s all about the TV rights and advertising.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

track cycling is an Olympic sport, but not proper road racing

 

Steadfast in Friendship

it’s a good life for those who don’t weaken and break

~

a friend in need is a friend indeed

~

a steadfast friend is unchanging and faithful

behave constantly, honestly, and courageously

~

a true friend is trustworthy, honest, open, and supportive

live with passion and conviction even in the face of opposition

~

a sure friend is dependable, reliable, constant, and unwavering

~

be like the cliff against which the waves continually break

but it stands firm and tames the fury of the waters around it

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a steadfast friend is there for you

in good times and bad

Random Jottings ~ Never

never give up on life

~

it’s worth waiting for

~

some say that life’s a bitch

until they marry a bastard

~

never give up on what you want

because giving up means he wins

~

It’s very nice to go travelling

because you get to be a long way away from your spouse

~

for some people being alone is safe

~

alcohol does not cure all ills

but it helps a lot

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

just when you thought you were supposed to be draining the swamp

Not Being a Better Man

ask not what others can do for you

~

follow the money

~

what’s in it or me?

~

she will never know

~

everyone has affairs

~

everybody likes strippers

~

so, what do I get out of this?

~

how can I get away with this?

~

so I watch a lot of porn, so what?

~

I don’t do her anniversaries and birthdays

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

just one little drink won’t hurt

Random Jottings ~ Sunshine

without sunshine summer isn’t summer at all

~

the sun rose like a goddess from the sea

~

the caress of warm sunshine is delicious

~

‘you are my sunshine….’ he said

and then she burned him

~

‘I promise you I’ll make the sunshine come every day…..’

after that it rained a lot

~

just as a flower blooms in the sunshine

so blooms a woman in love

~

it’s hard to see the sunshine the morning after she dumped you

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

in summer she always wears virginal white

it isn’t her colour

Scenes on Sunday ~ Marmaduke

the young at heart can find a friend in a teddy bear

could be Huntington Beach

Marmaduke, the Thinker

Somewhere in Utah

Kilroy Wos Here

downtown Big Bear

jack collier

jackcoller7@talktalk.net

 

marmy, the gymnast

Food on Friday ~ the Nanny State

when did Mary Poppins say that the English can’t eat meat?

the fish and chop van has arrived!

Here in England the government, its bureaucrats, and unelected busybodies are never happier than when they are telling other people how to live their lives.  Now the overweight and unhealthy-looking Prime Minister Boris Johnson has appointed an overweight and unhealthy-looking ‘restaurateur’ Henry Dimbleby to be the national ‘food czar’ with the task of getting Britons to eat healthier.

Dimbleby’s big ideas include a 6% salt tax to go along with the 18p per litre sugar tax we’re forced to pay.  (a Big Mac would increase in price by 20p just because of all the salt in it)  The same guy wants a meat tax, ‘in order to save the planet’, and aims to cut the consumption of dairy products by 20%.  There is also likely to be a tax on saturated fats.  (butter, lard, suet, cheese, ghee, and palm oil are all targets for new taxes)

Meanwhile the government here is spending £100 million on an anti-obesity campaign ~ they should look at their own waistlines first.

In another move the government here has banned fast food advertising from the television before nine-o-clock in the evening, when all good children should be fast asleep in bed.

And, the Prime Minister’s latest wife Carrie Johnson, (nee Carrie Symonds), wants to takle fish suffering, including protecting their mental well-being, by banning fishing.

The arrogant stupidity of some people appalls me.

Some say that all idiots went to Eton College and Oxford University.  And that the experience warped their brains.  All I know is that if you look at any really facile, incredibly stupid idea, then some Oxford University Graduates will be behind it.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

can’t have salmon for dinner

the mental well-being of fish is at stake here

Songs on Saturday ~ Don’t You Forget About Me

and don’t you throw, those spears, at me

If you have ambitions as a mimic then that’s one of the two Michael Caine lines you need to practice ~ which has nothing whatsoever to do with this cool song and great 80’s movie clips.  Zulu came out in 1964, and I bet that today’s woke film producers wouldn’t make that picture.

I must have gone to the cinema a lot in the 80’s because I can remember every single one of the clips in this mashup.

Of course you also have to learn to do an Aussi accent if you want to say; ‘that’s not a knife…. that’s a knife….’

You know what, people tend not to forget about me.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Zulus, thousands of ’em

Random Jottings ~ Walking

walking brings a real man back to freedom

 

not all those who wander far afield are lost

~

meditative walking brings wisdom and love back into your life

~

some say walking is the best exercise

while others say the best exercise is swimming

meanwhile, smart guys prefer sex

~

everywhere in the world is withing walking distance

if you have the time

~

the footpath right outside your door

will take you to wherever you want to go

~

if you walk ten miles a day

eventually you will be so far away your ex will never find you

~

no matter how hard you try

walking in flip flops is not sexy

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

cycling has a couple of things in its favour

%d bloggers like this: