Category Archives: Humour

Things Men Do

one reason men are slobs is that
mothers let boys get away with it

~

it takes a lot of hard work and practice to become a lazy slob

~

some men think that being a lazy slob is a full-time job

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men have more grades of laundry than clean and dirty

~

a man will spend ages looking for the remote

rather than walk over and change channels manually

~

men believe that where there’s muck there’s money

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rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength

~

Moses was lost in the desert for 40 years

and he wouldn’t ask for directions either

~

men look after the environment

they like saving water

and eating right out of the can

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

most men will cheat

and have sex with any bar fly

if they think they can get away with it

what Women want from Men

women need to feel protected by the man in their life

~

women would be dishonest if they ever said they didn’t like hot looking men

~

some women would be dishonest if they ever said they didn’t prefer men with money

~

women like men who are supportive, understanding, kind, and considerate

they also like men who tell them what to do

~

a guy who can, at least, put up a shelf without it turning into a disaster

~

women hate it when men don’t pick up the check

~

adventure, excitement, new experiences

~

hot sex whenever she wants it

~

a partner not a child

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

women like guys who own a cool car

better than guys who take the bus

 

Random Jottings ~ Isolation

enforced isolation is painful beyond human endurance

~

it’s important to have quiet time, but out there it’s far too quiet

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solitude tempers the strong, isolation and loneliness destroys everyone

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there are differences between being alone and being lonely

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isolation is the dream of the already defeated

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love and sex cannot exist in isolation

unless you are a narcissist

~

lockdown was invented by a sadist

~

solitude empowers, isolation kills

~

man is not a social animal

man is the social animal

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a long, lonely road to nowhere, Utah

Men Don’t Do Relationships

women need and desire to be cherished, understood, loved
men want sex

Men evolved as solitary hunters, and their main contribution to the human race was the ability to hit a moving target so that everybody could eat.  Sometimes several men from the same tribe gathered together as a cooperative team so they could kill something bigger so that more people could eat.

Any woman reading that will immediately see where the male fascination with sports comes from.  Sports are all about the ability of one man to hit a moving target, often with the help of the other players on his team.  Cricket, baseball, football, basketball ~ lady, you name it and it’s the same thing ~ personal responsibility, hand-eye coordination, spacial awareness, calmness under pressure, hitting a moving target, instant gratification, win / lose.  And it comes from tens of thousands of years of evolution.

This is one reason why men like to wear uniforms, hats, colours, insignia that indicates their personal competence and membership of a successful team.  Teams are not discussion groups, a sports team is really a hunting and killing machine.  Every man feels that he is perfectly capable of solving his own problems and does not see any reason to talk about them with anybody else; up to and including you.  This is the reason a man will never ask for directions ~ real men do not use in-car satellite navigation because the damn woman keeps on offering advice.

Nowhere in there does it say anything about feelings, discussion, emotion, nurturing, understanding, socialising, and asking for help.  Men are not wired to discuss, listen, feel, accept, empathise, or talk just for the sake of talking.  Most of the time when a woman really wants her guy to show some empathy and understanding what he will do is offer her a solution.  He thinks he is being caring and loving by solving her problems, and she knows he is being uncaring and indifferent, trivialising her feelings by not listening to her.

Actually most good men try to listen to their lady, but what he hears is the blah blah blah of moaning, nagging, complaining, and talking just for the sake of talking.

When men do talk it’s usually in a language women do not easily understand; either because it’s technical or it sounds like monosyllabic grunting.

A woman may dream of and desire a perfect man, but smart women know that ‘perfect man’ is an oxymoron.  In many ways her perfect man would be gay, or at least metrosexual ~ and what real woman would want that?

Real men just don’t do non-sexual relationships ~ unless they are prepared to try, try, and try again.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Marmaduke is a male bear

he likes sitting all by himself

thinking about nothing much

Random Jottings ~ Men in Relationships

she willed her perfect man into existence

that was the only way she was going to get him

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‘perfect man’ is an oxymoron

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men don’t have relationships

they have places to put their junk

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men don’t want to know what’s on TV

they want to know what else is on TV

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most men think Fidelity is only the name of a bank

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men don’t multitask

so don’t ask him to talk dirty when you’re having sex

~

men who pick up older women in bars

have no respect for the older women they pick up in bars

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

men who have an adonis belt

probably don’t know who Adonis was

Random Jottings ~ Argument Winners

being right will not necessarily win any arguments

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I don’t care what God said…..

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you might be right, but I don’t agree

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I don’t pretend to know everything

but I know I’m a lot smarter than you

~

she was making one mistake in her argument

she assumed that I gave a shit what she thought

~

why do stupid people think that shouting will win an argument?

~

ridicule and humiliation might win arguments

but they don’t win friends

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

it’s damn near impossible for any man

to win an argument with a sexy woman

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Herb Alpert

drunk under the boardwalk, out of the sun

I never wanted t go to Mexico. and while I was in Mexico City I hated it with a passion  But I would stop shaving and using deodorant to spend a week in Tijuana with my Californian friend.

I know she would like sitting at the bar, chatting up men.

But the stupid hat on me, maybe not.

I’m an Englishman, a legal alien.

The monster does it better.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

my friend drinks, smokes,

hangs out in bars too

Random Jottings ~ Vacations

English told to lock away their passports for a year

~

forget California

no holidays for Brits for a year

~

buy a sunlamp and some bags of sand

it’s the nearest you’re going to get to a vacation

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United Kingdom cut off from the rest of the world

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no sunshine holiday romances please, we’re British

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we English travel not to escape everyday life, but to escape Covid

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doctors say that having fun increases your risk of dying from COVID-19

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

no man needs a vacation so much as the man who has been in lockdown for 308 days

Arc Troubles

it wasn’t raining until Noah built the arc

~

 

Noah though he could fix the arc

with just a phillips screwdriver

the geese disagreed

 

~

with thanks to Paula Light for the phillips, thought, geese prompt

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Canada Geese, the golfers least favourite bird

Wants, Needs, Desires, and Shoes

why women desire more shoes and men don’t have a clue

hideous fuck me heels

It’s a funny thing, most men will buy themselves a new pair of shoes for a very special occasion, a new job, a first date, getting married…..  Or, if the shoes they habitually wear are so down at heal and scruffy that even spit and polish will no longer make them presentable.

In contrast most women will buy new shoes just because they like them, or to feel better, or because they like shopping, or they’ve bought a new dress / suit and they need shoes and a purse to match.  Women will also buy new shoes for a very special occasion, a new job, meeting old friends, vacations, a first date, getting married…..

But then most women like shopping, especially with his credit card, and most men don’t like shopping at all.  And most men can’t understand that at all, but then most men don’t have a clue about women.

A woman needs to know but one man to understand all men; whereas a man may know many women and not understand one of them.  ~  Helen Rowland

But then, most women know that most men are just a life-support system for their penis.

It’s a fact that women write almost all the books on human relationships, marriage, sex, and love ~ and that 80% of the people who buy these books are women.  Perhaps men would understand women better if they made an effort, and yet men don’t even listen when their partner is trying to talk with them.  A lot of men equate their wife / partner / girlfriend attempting to have a conversation as nagging.  And only women nag.  A man may criticise, find fault, complain, and go into ‘problem-solving mode’ ~ but that’s not nagging, that’s just passing on their years of accumulated masculine wisdom.

When women nag, go on and on about something, they firmly believe that their ‘nagging’ shows that they care about their man.  She might know she is being irritating, but she can’t help it because she’s a nest-builder, nurse, manager, and mother.  And, she knows that she’s telling then truth.

The fact is men and women are very different, right down to the structure of their brains, bodies, emotions, feelings, and instincts.  There is no equality of the sexes, which is why women desire more shoes, and men don’t have a clue.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the holy grail?

five inch Jimmy Choos

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