Category Archives: Humour

Random Jottings ~ Mad Scientists

and so he created a woman, who got angry when her batteries ran down
~

he was smart, but he could never get a girl

so he made one

~

every mad scientist dreams of playing God

the really crazy ones believe they are God

~

keep you arms in the time machine at all times

~

‘that’s strange perfume…..’ he said

that’s not perfume, it’s formaldehyde…..’ she answered

~

they had solved the theory of everything

and after a few bottles of booze they thought it was a good idea to build a time machine

things went downhill after that

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

she must be a scientist

she’s wearing a white coat

Random Jottings ~ Sunshine Love

love is the sunshine of the soul

~

you were the sunshine of my life

so why did you rain on my parade?

~

my lover was the moon and stars to me

shame they were someone else’s sunshine

~

bright flowers die without sunshine

and a real man cannot live without a woman’s love
~

she burst into my life like a thousand blazing suns

and then I got burned

~

the real truth of true love is that the sun always shines

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

trust that the sun will shine

someday soon

Random Jottings ~ Friendship

friendship is constant in all things, except when it comes to sex and love

~

travelling with a friend needs no destination

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a soft kiss from a friend has a memory all its own

~

a close friend is like buying two tickets to adventure

~

true friendship nourishes the soul and warms the heart

~

he loved her in true friendship, but he desired her in hot lust

~

choose your friends wisely, choose your enemies with even more care

~

a really bad friend is like having an albatross hanging around your neck

~

no real man can ever be ‘just good friends’ with an attractive woman

and what makes a woman attractive is her friendship

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

friends with benefits

basically it’s just regular sex

Random Jottings ~ Witches

she walks barefoot in the moonlight and whispers magic to the wind

~

magick is not something she does, magick is who she is

~

lie awake in the night and listen for the witch’s promise

~

loving a witch is difficult

it’s no picnic breaking up with one either

~

don’t wish for a kiss from a witch in the moonlight

it might ruin your whole evening

it might ruin your whole life

~

love a witch

it’s a short life filled with incident

and slimy things in jars

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

she has something very much darker than ice-water in her veins

Random Jottings ~ Dragons

great big mouth and great big teeth and great big goggly eyes

~

evening, not always the best time of day when the dragon lurks in the gloom

~

when you dance with a dragon don’t expect to escape without being burned

~

it was Monday, it was midnight, and the dragon was feeling very annoyed

well, nobody likes being woken up by a knight errant

unless you’re a Lady Fair

~

never stroke a dragon, it might get you very dead

~

‘aww isn’t he cute’ she said

right before the baby dragon turned her to toast

~

love me, love my dragon

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

dancing with dragons

Random Jottings ~ Love

cursed are they who get the love they think they deserve

~

‘I love you…..’ he said

‘why…..’ she asked’

because I’m bloody stupid…..’

~

she loved him and he didn’t deserve her

so, eventually he walked away

she didn’t know how lucky she was

~

she was attractive

she was available

she was loving

she was going to be a complete waste of time and money

~

car sex is the opposite of true love

~

love is a drug

but so is sex, alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, opium, viagra…..

~

Fuck Me!  No way, I’m a man and you’re a surprised shade of blue alien

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

she will never love you

not if you try to force it

Random Jottings ~ Faith

only in the darkness can you see the moon and stars

~

worry ends when faith begins

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faith can move mountains, but dynamite helps

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faith, hope, and love

and the greatest of these is love

~

faith is what makes men carry on when it all seems impossible

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some say that when you have faith you have everything

I’ve found that a lot of money helps too

~

a casual walk through a lunatic asylum will tell you

that blind faith doesn’t prove anything at all

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

faith is the light that shines in the depths of distant space 

Random Jottings ~ Medical

it’s a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice…..’

after a sixteen-hour shift women doctors need to practice standing on one leg

~

nurses, the problem is you can’t live without them, and you can’t always believe them

~

his temperature was up to 105, and there was an icy look in the nurse’s eyes

~

little do the doctors know, but you’re never alone if you’re paranoid

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never give up on life, if you give up you have no chance at all

~

he was happy before the doctor told him he was sick

~

she had wise eyes in a face of angelic concern

shame she wasn’t a nurse

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

learn how to breathe

it’s one of life’s more important skills

Random Jottings #20

tiger tiger burning bright, in the forests of the night

~

if you look into the eyes of a tiger you have to be stupid

and too bloody close

~

never, ever open the door marked ‘here be tigers…..’

~

when you’re in trouble, always go through the door marked ‘staff only…..’

~

cats are cool, cats are nice, cats torture mice

~

when a tigress says she loves you, count your arms and legs

but wait until after the good part

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

never smile at a tiger

or a woman with very heavy eye makeup

Random Jottings ~ Vampires

vampires do not drive sensible cars

~

never offer a vampire a drink

~

he tasted the blood in the water

well, she was that kind of vampire

~

she was bad, she was mean, she was dangerous

but she did drive a vintage red Corvette

~

most vampire’s theme song isn’t the toccata and fugue

it’s bat out of hell

I once loved a vampire, but she was a few hundred years older than me

~

jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net

she had wise eyes

a face of angelic innocence

damn shame she was a vampyre

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