you are allowed to walk away from people that hurt you
finding ways to cope is no answer
I am guessing that everyone reading this has been in at least one toxic and dysfunctional relationship in their life. Some of us may have been in abusive relationships, and abuse includes mental, verbal, financial, sexual, and physical. The questions are not how we got into a bad relationship in the first place, but why we stayed in that friendship, affair, partnership, marriage long after it became painful and destructive? It’s like a kind of insanity, but a craziness where the victim actually knows they are insane.
It begins with just not knowing, not realising, how bad things are, and having no idea how much worse they are going to get. Trust me, no matter how bad things are, they will get worse, and then even worse than that.
Then, when we do know something bad we find ourselves just not believing it. We don’t believe that our partner stole from us, cheated on us, or just doesn’t care about us. Disbelief is different from Denial. Disbelief is thinking the weather girl is wrong when she says there’s going to be a hurricane. Denial is refusing to accept that the weather outside is as bad as it ever gets, even when the rain is lashing down and the winds are over 80 mph. Dysfunctional relationships always go from disbelief to denial.
Then, when we know and mostly accept that our partner is an avaricious bitch, an alcoholic slut, an uncaring bastard, a narcissistic liar, a sadistic abuser we begin to rationalise things and make bargains. We make bargains with our partner; ‘please don’t do that again…..’ and we make bargains with ourselves; ‘if he / she does that again I’m walking out…..’ That can go on for years, the bargains and rationalisations will change, but in reality it’s that we can’t bring ourselves to walk away. It might be that despite everything we still care for / love her or him.
It gets worse. We may stay in a toxic and dysfunctional relationship out of a sense of duty, or because we have nowhere else to go. Nowhere else to go might mean physically and financially, or it might mean we believe that any relationship, no matter how bad, is preferable to no relationship at all. Half a loaf is better than no bread…..
Take it from one who has just walked away from a woman, that it’s better to have no companion at all than to stay with someone who either takes pleasure in hurting you, or just doesn’t care at all.
walk away and never look back
I’m a prisoner in my own home
The other day I went for breakfast with my friend Pam, and I had to give my name and phone number to the cafe. I’ve been contacted Public Health England under track and trace, and told I have to stay in the garret for 14 days from last Saturday.
Luckily I have plenty of canned goods and medication. There is a £100 fine if I go out, terrible.
This really is the last straw.
a locked door
if you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody
Unless you are a sociopath or a narcissist you will tend to want to make other people happy. If you are in a romantic relationship you will tend to want to please your partner. If you are a child you will tend to want to please your parents, teachers, and just about every other adult you interact with. There are exceptions; we all have bad days when we couldn’t give a fuck, there are some people we don’t care about at all, and there are some other people we dislike so much that we are at the other end of the people-pleasing spectrum.
And then there are those of us to get sucked into the role of a people-pleaser, continually doing what other people want us to do, always saying yes when we should be saying no, and trying to find ways to ingratiate ourselves with people who take us for granted. We become the epitome of a people-pleasing fool because there is something in our past that made us eager to please someone in authority over us, (and / or someone we loved), for the sake of our own safety, sanity, or just because that was the only way we would ever get any attention or affection.
For a lot of my life I was trapped in the role of a people-pleaser, because my feelings of self-worth were so low as to be almost non-existent, and I was always looking to others to validate myself. My self-esteem was whatever other people told me it was, and that was doubly so for women I liked and / or was in a relationship with. I was a prisoner.
Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. ~ Lao Tzu
Once someone consciously or subconsciously realises just how much they are being taken for a fool, then they have some chance of escaping that submissive, subservient, complaisant role. And, other people will not like that at all. I stopped being a people-pleasing serf a little while ago, and some said a lot of unpleasant things to and about me. Yet the people who truly cared for me were happy for me, and encouraged me to go on steadfastly walking the true warriors path of independence, courage, confidence, determination, and kindness.
Some say they exist to please their master / mistress. And that if they didn’t take care of everyone else in their life, then who else would? All I know is that you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.
just because she enjoys being submissive doesn’t mean she is someone’s doormat
love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies
Well, perhaps, but even in the truest of loves between the most compatible of people each of them has their own separate road to walk. They may walk it together, supporting each other always, and the one may carry the other for a time, but each one wants / should / must have their own choices to make. It is a truism that you cannot / should not / must not try to live another person’s life for them.
More than that, almost every adult craves their independence, needs their time alone, and wants to be able to make their own mistakes. The thing about romantic partnerships and love is that the partners should be good friends, perhaps each another’s very best friend. And the thing about very good friends is that you don’t always want to see them, but you always want to know that they’re there.
No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main….. ~ John Donne
Sharing everything with your partner might sound ideal, and I guess many young lovers strive for that perfect ideal, but there is nothing worse in life than perfection. Living in your partner’s pocket is claustrophobic, actually living with anyone every minute of every single day, month in and month out, would constitute a cruel and unusual punishment in most legal systems. But solitary confinement is even worse.
How much you share with your partner, and how much of your partner you share with others is, like all of life, a balancing act. But I would strongly suggest that sharing absolutely everything isn’t going to work for most people.
Here I can best speak for myself; a real, honest, honourable, steadfast, and true man. And I need time alone, not fully engaged with anyone or anything other than myself, my innermost thoughts, and the Goddess of my understanding. Men such as I tend to seek out solitary pastimes ~ I take long meditative walks by the sea. But from time to time some company is nice.
Most men have very poor conversational skills in comparison to their female partner, so telling her about ‘everything that happened in my day’ is difficult for men. Similarly, listening to her narrate her day’s events is hard for men. And trust me on this; some of the things she may have done he will not ever want to know. Men have very poor empathy in comparison to women.
And then; a man’s feelings, drives, and needs are very different from a woman’s. He will not ever want to know about your past and the other men in it, and if he does a woman should worry. The same goes for men in your present life, (coworkers and such).
People who want to know everything about you and live with you 24 / 7 are but one step from spying, stalking, and gaslighting. Maybe ~ so give each other some space.
(there is a whole other set of meanings about ‘sharing’ in relationships ~ but I’m not going to go there)
most women would not want to be chained
not all the time anyway
sometimes air sickness isn’t about a bumpy flight
My flight back from my vacation in Turkey was terrible, not because it was a bumpy flight, but because there were so many sick people on the aeroplane. Before we took off a whole family was deplaned because they were too ill to travel, much tears and consternation.
They had been sitting just across the aisle from me.
Several other people were very sick for the whole 4 hour journey, and one middle-aged woman fainted and had to be given oxygen.
As I’ve been ill since I got back to the garret, I ‘m wondering if the trip was such a good idea, after all.
but Turkey is a great place for a sunshine vacation
millions are being wrongly put back into lockdown
because mass testing gives too many false results
The entire effort to contain the coronavirus is a massive waste of time and money. The greatest impact of all these efforts has been to destroy the global economy, take away our civil liberties, and to hand unimaginable powers to politicians and unelected officials. Here, the government is even talking about putting the army on the streets of England to enforce lockdown ~ that will end social cohesion for a generation.
- Closing borders does not work. Australia had some of the strictest entry rules for visitors and returning Australians, and yet the coronavirus is allegedly rampant in that country. You cannot stop aircraft from landing with mail and essential imports, you cannot stop ships docking with essential imports and to load exports, and there are always some people who are exempt from the entry restrictions. (Doctors, Politicians, and Unelected Officials.)
- The money spent on mass testing has been thrown away. Here in England the mass testing centres were mostly ignored by the public, there are far too many incorrect results, either producing false positives or false negatives, and people can catch the virus from the testers themselves. Testing offers no benefit to the person being tested.
- Recently President Trump stated categorically that lockdown doesn’t work, (at least not when it comes to containing the coronavirus). A study in New York confirmed that the infection rate was just about the same for those in lockdown as for those still walking the streets and travelling on the subway.
- The vast millions spent on ‘track and trace’ have been wasted. Here, one fifth of potentially infected people are never traced, one in four of those traced could not be contacted, and there are no numbers to say how many of those reached actually went into self-isolation ~ not very many I suspect. Most of the staff in the test and trace centres have so little to do that they play games and surf the web on their official computers all day.
- Scientific studies from the Netherlands state that face coverings are worse than useless. Face coverings may be beneficial for short periods indoors where there is a risk of close contact with people you do not normally meet.
- It takes decades to even partially contain a virus; the common cold, ebola, epstein barr, flu, HIV/AIDS, rabies, smallpox, West Nile Virus….. are all still out there. Vaccines have serious side effects.
- Vaccines have limited effect. Millions are vaccinated against the flu, but you have to get a vaccine every year because the virus mutates, and you can still get sick from flu viruses that you weren’t vaccinated against.
If you want to know what a real pandemic looks like, as opposed to the coronavirus hysteria, then read about the influenza epidemic of 1918 ~ especially how it affected the USA. Everything that is being tried now to contain COVID-19, was tried back then, and none of it worked worth a damn.
Some say the people in white coats will save us all, all those under 50 years old anyway. And that the mad scientists should take over the world. All I know is that any ‘expert’ who says there is a way to contain a virus once it is in the general population is either a charlatan or a liar.
bar your doors and become a hermit
you will get lots of peace and quiet
you can still get the coronavirus
some things are socially acceptable, and then again…..
Promiscuous casual sex is morally reprehensible, socially unacceptable, and
fucking very dangerous. Or rather, that is what I believe to be the truth of it. One reason for this post is a news story concerning a married woman who picked up / was picked up by a stranger in a bar, went back to his place, where she was stabbed twenty times by the drug addict thug, who then tried to cut off her head. The body was naked. They’d had sex.
This was by no means an isolated incident of casual sex turning into something very worse.
Picking up a stranger in a bar may be exciting, sexy, erotic, physically satisfying, with a frisson of danger thrown in, but it can also be fucking damaging to your self-respect, health, wealth, sanity, existing relationships, future relationships, social standing….. You could end up being humiliated, mugged, beaten, raped, passed around, stalked, gaslighted, ghosted, or dead.
Some of the same goes for people you ‘meet’ on social media, dating / sex dating sites, or any of the other myriad ways we can connect via the internet. Basically you have no idea who these people are, where they’re from, what they’re really like, their history, criminal record, and what the hell they really want from you. Are they the sex / age / ethnicity they say they are? If there’s a picture is it of them, and how long ago? If it’s an intimate picture they are probably not someone any decent person would want to know anyway.
There are labels for women who have casual sex with strangers and post intimate pictures of themselves on the internet ~ all of those labels are extremely derogatory.
Personally, I have three things in my favour when it comes to social media / email / long-distance friends and relationships. #1 I know my way around blogging. #2 I am a man. #3 I am very smart / computer savvy / I was trained to spot liars a mile off. Not everyone has my advantages, and yet women do engage in intimate relationships with people they only know from what they see on their own computer screens.
Personally, I have never knowingly ‘hit on’ a woman I didn’t know from Eve, picked up a woman in a bar, had first date sex, had multiple partners, been on a sex dating site, had sex with an ex, had sex with anyone much older / younger than me….. Maybe I am staid and naive, maybe I’m shy, or maybe I have standards, ethics, and morals.
Some say that fucking a stranger is incredibly hot. And that having multiple sexual partners is where it’s at. All I know is fucking a stranger has nothing to do with love and a lot to do with instant gratification, or money.
If you’ve been there with a stranger I don’t want to know
the life you have known isn’t the only life you will ever know
Overseas travel is a little problematic just now. There are some places I cannot go, some places I can go to will mean self-isolation for a couple of weeks when I return home, and some other places I would never go to anyway. Of all the world one of the countries I can travel to without much hassle is Turkey. So, in a little while I’m taking myself off to a little town on the Turkish Aegean cost, hard by the mountains. In theory, maybe, if I’m lucky.
As the 600,000 thousand or so British holiday makers who went to Spain recently will tell you ~ thinking it was safe, permitted, allowed, not a lot of hassle ~ the rules can all change at the drop of a hat. Some estimate that there are 1.8 million Britons in Spain right now, (including the ex-pats), and any of them returning to the UK will immediately have to spend 14 days in lockdown, under some very stringent not-going-outside rules. And when they are allowed out they will have to wear a face-nappy. If anyone breaks the rules they could face a hefty fine.
(BTW neither a face mask, nor surgical gloves offer any protection whatsoever to COVID-19.)
It’s all utterly farcical, knee-jerk, bullying, pathetic, lily livered political crap. The Government here warns that there is no viable alternative to 14 day quarantine for travellers returning to the UK from high-risk countries. It looks like Belgium, Luxembourg, and Croatia will be taken off the ‘safe travel list’ tomorrow. The Government say that; ‘people should continue to book holidays, but they needed to be aware of the risk of the 14 day quarantine being imposed for the country they are travelling to’. Oh, for f**ks sake! What a bunch of w**kers!
Meanwhile, here in Europe, lockdown free Sweden is managing quite nicely, seeing a very positive downward trend in coronavirus cases. Officials there utterly play down the effectiveness of masks on public transport, saying there’s no point to a face-nappy. Naturally the other European Union countries are not happy with the Swedish stance on COVID-19. You can always tell a Swede, but you can’t tell him much.
Some say that I’m stupid to go abroad in the middle of a pandemic. And that it will serve me right if I have to submit to 14 days of quarantine upon my return. All I know is I’m going anyway, unless Boris panics again.
I think that Marmaduke wants to go with me
he’s got a hell of a lot of luggage for a bear
our civilisation is under attack from within and without
Fascism is rearing it’s ugly head again
state control of everything