Category Archives: Safety and Security

Rejection in Relationships

a healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down

misery is never acceptable

Who here has never been dumped?  I have, more than once, and it hurts.  However, I firmly believe that what hurts worse than being rejected and dumped is being rejected by your spouse or partner while the relationship goes on between you.  You are still mostly living together, but that’s the most you can say of it.  You may even be having sex, but it’s lacking in intimacy and is nothing more than satisfying some animal lust.  Bad sex is worse than no sex at all, and in a toxic relationship sex is all about power.

Everything in the world is about sex except sex.  Sex is about power.  ~  Oscar Wilde

Some signs of being rejected inside a relationship are that you avoid being together, you hardly ever talk and when you do there is no real communication, communication descends into arguments, recriminations, and raised voices, you don’t trust your partner at all, one of you drinks far too much, and the chances are that you are being cheated on.  Anyhow, if your partner is rejecting you then you already know.  Being rejected can hurt for a while, being rejected inside a relationship makes you miserable forever, or until you find the courage to walk out.

If you don’t trust your partner / spouse, if you don’t let them anywhere near your money, if you go to counseling alone or to a 12 step group, if you are being mentally, psychologically or physically abused, if you feel like a doormat, if you are always walking on eggshells ~ then it’s time to have an escape plan.  The thing is that, anyone who can subject someone they profess to care for to the misery of rejection is themselves a deeply damaged person.  In psychology Anti-Social has some very specific meanings, it describes someone who has no conscience, no empathy, no sense of right and wrong, no guilt.  Anti-Social people are promiscuous, often abuse alcohol and drugs, they cheat and steal, are narcissistic, and often they will break the law; things like petty theft or driving under the influence.  Someone who will reject their partner or spouse is deeply Anti-Social.

And beware because simple rejection can escalate into Gaslighting, a form of extreme psychological abuse.  If you suffer from anxiety, depression, question your own sanity ~ then you are being gaslighted.  If that is you, and you sometimes fear for your own safety, or even your own life, then it’s not time to walk away, it’s time to run.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

feeling like a prisoner is never acceptable

Lockdown Day 300

the end of civilisation as we know it?

Here in England it’s the 300th day of lockdown, quarantine, and self-isolation.  The economy has tanked, officially there are 1.9 million unemployed, and about 5.5 million are on unproductive furlough.  About half the UK workforce, some 14 million people, are ‘working from home’.  You can’t get a non-coronavirus doctor’s appointment for love nor money, some 4.6 million people are waiting for ‘non-emergency’ surgical procedures, 600,000 cervical smears have been cancelled, and our National Health Service is said to be close to meltdown.

I have no faith in any of these numbers, just as I have no faith in the ability of the British Government to act sensibly in the face of the ‘COVID-19 pandemic’.

If you’re interested, I’ve been feeling like crap for weeks.

Mind how you go.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk,net

immunisation, the great hope for freedom?

It’s a Mad, Mad World

it’s a crazy world out there ~ be a rational anarchist

how long before we see these scenes again?

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse along comes the penultimate act of the presidential election in the United States.  Depending on who you want to believe the ‘occupation of the capitol’ was either a peaceful protest gone wrong, or a violent insurrection presaging another American Civil War.  Patriots or Anarchists?

The best thing I’ve heard is that President Trump has been banned from twitter.  The truth of it is that nobody with even half a brain should ever use twitter in any way, shape, or form.  Twitter is merely the modern equivalent of the washroom wall.

Here in Blighty our parliament has approved the latest tranche in our never-ending lockdown ~ to last until the end of March.  Today, England is now in lockdown day 290.

The compulsory wearing of face masks, lockdowns, and now mass vaccinations ~ any student of history who has even so much as glanced at the literature on the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 knows that nothing governments and the medical professions do is going to make much difference to the numbers infected, and the people who sadly get very sick and die.  However, here in England the over-zealous police are gleefully throwing their not inconsiderable weight around as though they alone know how to control the coronavirus.  Woe betide you if you leave home without a very good reason, or you get caught without a face-nappy, try to drive to McDonald’s, or have a visitor in your home.

It’s always the way that if you grant someone in uniform a little authority they will tend to abuse it.  Give someone in uniform an inch and they will try to recreate George Orwell’s 1984.

The insane saga surrounding the mass vaccination programme here goes grimly on.  It seems that each consignment of vaccination doses has to be approved by some bureaucratic nonsense called the Medicines and Healthcare Regulatory Agency, and that approval process takes three bloody weeks per batch.  Those first in line for the jab are the over 70s, but there are only 7 mass vaccination centres around England.  How many over 70s do you know who still drive?  Madness.

Some say that Boris Johnson is doing a marvelous Job.  And that our Health Service is the best in the world.  All I know is that I’ve stopped believing most of what I see and hear in the news.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke doesn’t want to get arrested

I Have a Problem

sometimes, even I can’t fix everything

somewhere in there is a busted part

Well, I failed at repairing my heating / hot water system.  The part I ordered and fitted yesterday rectified one fault, but obviously it wasn’t the main problem.  There’s now a lot of pretty lights working on the gas boiler’s control panel, but the important indicator light, the one that says the gas is lit, remains obstinately dark.

I could investigate further and try another fix, but I won’t do that for three very important reasons;

  1. I don’t have the special tools one needs to work on gas appliances.  Crucially these special tools include a gas leak detector.  Although gas is actually odorless, a stenching agent is added so one can smell a very bad gas leak.  But a leak small enough to be undetectable by human olfactory senses can still be extremely dangerous.
  2. I do not have easy access to the parts I might need to undertake a repair.
  3. Legally, all gas work should only ever be carried out by an appropriately qualified engineer.  In the UK that means you have to on the Gas Safe Register, and renew your qualification every year.  I haven’t been a qualified gas engineer for 15 years or so.

Today I’ll find a properly qualified engineer who is working during this current draconian lockdown, and make an appointment to have someone come and look at my lack of heating and hot water problem.

Actually, wanting to have fixed this gas boiler problem myself is not a money issue, it’s more that I don’t like strangers in the garret, and neither does Marmaduke.

Failing to repair something is a huge blow to my self-esteem.  But needs must when the Devil drives.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

good old Marmaduke

he’s all ready to help

 

Waiting for Something Good to Happen

surely nothing else can go wrong
because all this is slowly tearing me apart

Losing and feeling helpless isn’t something I’m good at.  I never lost a business contract that I really wanted to win.  I’ve never done unrequited love, if she didn’t want me I’d walk away and never look back.  And I have never let people ruin my life with the specious argument that we are all going to die if we don’t behave like good little boys and girls and go to our rooms when we are told to.  Come to that I have never let some spotty jerk tell me I can’t get on a flight I have paid for, not when I had every fucking piece of documentation imaginable.

It’s smegging unimaginable that the politicians supposedly running this once great country are seriously debating whether or not they should Cancel Christmas.  This must be a bad dream.  But no, if you read the news today there are far too many health officials and government advisors saying that if we have fun at Christmas we will all die.  And WE MUST PROTECT the NHS. This is the world we live in today.

I thought that the National Health Service existed to protect me, not the fucking other way around.

And our fathers fought and died for this.

It’s not as though my personal life is any better.  Once again I will be spending the holidays alone in the garret.  I haven’t actually spoken to another human being for weeks, not in person.  And as for romance?  No fucking chance.

I am wondering what I have to do to make something sensible and enjoyable out of my life.  I remember what it was like to have fun.  I  even remember what it was like to know love.  I just don’t think I will ever have those good things again.  I see years and years of being alone, stretching on and on and on.  I just can’t take this.

You know what?  Right now I think I’d do just about anything to get out of here.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

is the prison only in my mind

or is it real?

Toxic Dysfunctional Relationships

you are allowed to walk away from people that hurt you

finding ways to cope is no answer

I am guessing that everyone reading this has been in at least one toxic and dysfunctional relationship in their life.  Some of us may have been in abusive relationships, and abuse includes mental, verbal, financial, sexual, and physical.  The questions are not how we got into a bad relationship in the first place, but why we stayed in that friendship, affair, partnership, marriage long after it became painful and destructive?  It’s like a kind of insanity, but a craziness where the victim actually knows they are insane.

It begins with just not knowing, not realising, how bad things are, and having no idea how much worse they are going to get.  Trust me, no matter how bad things are, they will get worse, and then even worse than that.

Then, when we do know something bad we find ourselves just not believing it.  We don’t believe that our partner stole from us, cheated on us, or just doesn’t care about us.  Disbelief is different from Denial.  Disbelief is thinking the weather girl is wrong when she says there’s going to be a hurricane.  Denial is refusing to accept that the weather outside is as bad as it ever gets, even when the rain is lashing down and the winds are over 80 mph.  Dysfunctional relationships always go from disbelief to denial.

Then, when we know and mostly accept that our partner is an avaricious bitch, an alcoholic slut, an uncaring bastard, a narcissistic liar, a sadistic abuser we begin to rationalise things and make bargains.  We make bargains with our partner; ‘please don’t do that again…..’ and we make bargains with ourselves; ‘if he / she does that again I’m walking out…..’  That can go on for years, the bargains and rationalisations will change, but in reality it’s that we can’t bring ourselves to walk away.  It might be that despite everything we still care for / love her or him.

It gets worse.  We may stay in a toxic and dysfunctional relationship out of a sense of duty, or because we have nowhere else to go.  Nowhere else to go might mean physically and financially, or it might mean we believe that any relationship, no matter how bad, is preferable to no relationship at all. Half a loaf is better than no bread…..

Take it from one who has just walked away from a woman, that it’s better to have no companion at all than to stay with someone who either takes pleasure in hurting you, or just doesn’t care at all.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

walk away and never look back

Self-Isolate

I’m a prisoner in my own home

The other day I went for breakfast with my friend Pam, and I had to give my name and phone number to the cafe.  I’ve been contacted Public Health England under track and trace, and told I have to stay in the garret for 14 days from last Saturday.

Luckily I have plenty of canned goods and medication. There is a £100 fine if I go out, terrible.

This really is the last straw.

~

jack collier

jackcollie7@talktalk.net

 

a locked door

Complaisant

if you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody

Unless you are a sociopath or a narcissist you will tend to want to make other people happy.  If you are in a romantic relationship you will tend to want to please your partner.  If you are a child you will tend to want to please your parents, teachers, and just about every other adult you interact with.  There are exceptions; we all have bad days when we couldn’t give a fuck, there are some people we don’t care about at all, and there are some other people we dislike so much that we are at the other end of the people-pleasing spectrum.

And then there are those of us to get sucked into the role of a people-pleaser, continually doing what other people want us to do, always saying yes when we should be saying no, and trying to find ways to ingratiate ourselves with people who take us for granted.  We become the epitome of a people-pleasing fool because there is something in our past that made us eager to please someone in authority over us, (and / or someone we loved), for the sake of our own safety, sanity, or just because that was the only way we would ever get any attention or affection.

For a lot of my life I was trapped in the role of a people-pleaser, because my feelings of self-worth were so low as to be almost non-existent, and I was always looking to others to validate myself.  My self-esteem was whatever other people told me it was, and that was doubly so for women I liked and / or was in a relationship with.  I was a prisoner.

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.  ~  Lao Tzu

Once someone consciously or subconsciously realises just how much they are being taken for a fool, then they have some chance of escaping that submissive, subservient, complaisant role.  And, other people will not like that at all.  I stopped being a people-pleasing serf a little while ago, and some said a lot of unpleasant things to and about me.  Yet the people who truly cared for me were happy for me, and encouraged me to go on steadfastly walking the true warriors path of independence, courage, confidence, determination, and kindness.

Some say they exist to please their master / mistress.  And that if they didn’t take care of everyone else in their life, then who else would?  All I know is that you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

just because she enjoys being submissive doesn’t mean she is someone’s doormat

Fear, Frustration, Stress, Distress

ashes to ashes, iron to rust, rust to dust

suffering, injustice, post-apocalyptic

The world has been suffering from the draconian measures taken by governments and their non-elected officials for some 6 months now ~ all of it in order to deal with a chimera.  The alleged coronavirus, COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t even qualify as a true epidemic because it doesn’t ‘affect many people at the same time’, and yet the powers that be have spread so much in the way of lies, damn lies, false statistics, and Project Fear bullshit propaganda that some among us are really and truly frightened.  Which is sad because this is just an ordinary bug which is killed by soap and water.

Like a good boy, like a model citizen, I self-isolated and went into lockdown when my government told me to on March 23rd this year, and you know what?  I got sick.  The reason I was ill was nothing directly to do with the coronavirus.  I got sick because I was stressed and worried, I wasn’t getting any sunshine, fresh air, and exercise, and my diet had suddenly gone from healthy to crap.  When you have nothing to do all day but watch TV and worry you tend to over-indulge in comfort-eating, junk food, booze, (and if applicable to you cigarettes and drugs).  When you can’t get to the store you also lose all the fresh fruit and vegetables that help to keep you healthy.

Many people also lost their jobs, worried about losing their jobs, or had to think about working from home.  Nobody was allowed to see relatives, friends, or loved ones ~ up to and including people on their deathbeds.

No wonder this country and much of the world was filled with fear, frustration, stress, and distress.  No wonder that so much of the social media was filled with vitriolic, frightened, ill-informed shit.  No wonder America is going to hell in a hand-basket.

And it isn’t going to get any better any time soon.

Along with targeted lockdowns the latest ideas floated here in England are; compulsory flu vaccinations, compulsory coronavirus vaccinations, (when there is one), and the compulsory carrying of ID cards.  What’s more these ID cards would carry details of your health status.

There seem to be two kinds of country in the world today; those descending into totalitarianism, and those descending into anarchy.  And the only people to blame are governments and unelected officials whose sworn duty is to keep us safe.

Some say that COVID-19 is the biggest threat to world health since the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918.  And that we should all wear face masks all the time.  All I know is that if you give into irrational fear you may as well curl up and die.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

inner cities are suffering more than most

Sharing Love

love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies

Well, perhaps, but even in the truest of loves between the most compatible of people each of them has their own separate road to walk.  They may walk it together, supporting each other always, and the one may carry the other for a time, but each one wants / should / must have their own choices to make.  It is a truism that you cannot / should not / must not try to live another person’s life for them.

More than that, almost every adult craves their independence, needs their time alone, and wants to be able to make their own mistakes.  The thing about romantic partnerships and love is that the partners should be good friends, perhaps each another’s very best friend.  And the thing about very good friends is that you don’t always want to see them, but you always want to know that they’re there.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main….. ~ John Donne

Sharing everything with your partner might sound ideal, and I guess many young lovers strive for that perfect ideal, but there is nothing worse in life than perfection.  Living in your partner’s pocket is claustrophobic, actually living with anyone every minute of every single day, month in and month out, would constitute a cruel and unusual punishment in most legal systems.  But solitary confinement is even worse.

How much you share with your partner, and how much of your partner you share with others is, like all of life, a balancing act.  But I would strongly suggest that sharing absolutely everything isn’t going to work for most people.

Here I can best speak for myself; a real, honest, honourable, steadfast, and true man.  And I need time alone, not fully engaged with anyone or anything other than myself, my innermost thoughts, and the Goddess of my understanding.  Men such as I tend to seek out solitary pastimes ~ I take long meditative walks by the sea.  But from time to time some company is nice.

Most men have very poor conversational skills in comparison to their female partner, so telling her about ‘everything that happened in my day’ is difficult for men.  Similarly, listening to her narrate her day’s events is hard for men.  And trust me on this; some of the things she may have done he will not ever want to know.  Men have very poor empathy in comparison to women.

And then; a man’s feelings, drives, and needs are very different from a woman’s.  He will not ever want to know about your past and the other men in it, and if he does a woman should worry.  The same goes for men in your present life, (coworkers and such).

People who want to know everything about you and live with you 24 / 7 are but one step from spying, stalking, and gaslighting.  Maybe ~ so give each other some space.

(there is a whole other set of meanings about ‘sharing’ in relationships ~ but I’m not going to go there)

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

most women would not want to be chained

not all the time anyway

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