hospital isn’t for fun, especially not now
Britain’s Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is now in intensive care after his coronavirus condition worsened. It’s only 11 days since he tested positive for the deadly disease, and no he is no longer leading the government. Mr Johnson was looking decidedly unwell the last time he was seen on TV. I know what this virus feels like, and let me tell you, one does feel very unwell if you contract this nasty disease.
Here in the UK we don’t have an official second in line of succession, so Mr Johnson has temporarily delegated his responsibilities to the Foreign Secretary, Mr Dominic Raab.
No doubt the Prime Minister has only been taken into the critical care unit at London’s St. Thomas’ Hospital as a precaution, but with this virus one never knows. We can only wish him well.
The British death toll from the coronavirus now stands at 5,372, with the number of patients officially tested as positive is 51,608. This means the mortality rate here is something over 10%.
I trust that we will all stay safe during this critical time.
Great Britain is somewhat rudderless today.
alcohol is the anesthesia through which we may tolerate this life
even those who don’t drink anymore
feel like taking a drink to get though lockdown
the company you keep dictates the choices that you make
perhaps this man is not a true friend to her
Most of us have all sorts of friends, and in our past we have had all other sorts of friends, depending on how you define a friend. There are twitter and facebook ‘friends,’ those who regularly follow our blog, and some of them may become long distance friends we email, chat with, phone….. Then there are members of our church, neighbours, coworkers, golf / tennis / walking / sports buddies, other members of whatever groups we have joined, drinking buddies, fuck-buddies, and lovers. There are also people we, (more or less), have to closely relate with; parents, other family members, husbands / wives, partners, and children ~ we may or not count any of these as our friend.
And then there are false friends, fake friends, enemies disguised as friends. Just because someone hangs out with you, drinks with you, laughs with you, and has sex with you doesn’t mean they are your friend. People pretend well, everybody lies by omission, people use you for their own ends, and some people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back. Some people are very good at being fake.
Real friends will bring out the best in you, fake friends will take your very best and use it for their own ends. An evil fake friend will take everything you have and use it to satisfy their own perverted desires.
I firmly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason, but some of these reasons are to teach us a hard lesson, and if we don’t learn and live by those lessons, then we will go on becoming ‘friends’ with toxic people who will teach us those hard lessons over and over again. When you fail a test, life will make you retake it, as many times as you need to learn, accept, and understand those hard lessons.
Be ready and willing to lose, reject, and walk away from toxic friends and dysfunctional relationships. Watch out for people who are;
- mean, unkind, and abusive to you
- belittle you, are jealous of you, will not accept the real you
- are selfish, narcissistic, uncaring of your needs
- have values, opinions, habits and behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable.
- get drunk, use drugs, abuse prescription medication, gamble, cheat, steal, engage in promiscuity with people they pick up in bars
Walk away from those people and all of their friends. Don’t ever try to explain or justify anything, just run far, run fast, and never once look back.
Most of all, remain true to yourself.
Some say that your friends can make or break you. And that some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family. All I know is that when you have a true and genuine friend, you don’t deal with the fakes anymore.
nobody you meet in a bar will ever be a true friend to you
you can start with nothing,
and out of nothing and nowhere, you will find a way
if you sink low enough you could live in a building like this
Although I have been putting them on this blog for ages, I never understood quotations like the one at the top of this page, probably because I didn’t read them properly, and never took the time to think about them carefully enough. The little bit I thought I understood about self-help, self-development, self-denial, and spirituality I found to be rather twee, overly religious, and happy clappy churchy. How pretentious of me.
The modern church is producing passionate people with empty heads who love the Jesus they don’t know very well. ~ Voddie Baucham.
The same dismissive attitude applied if ever I attended a self-help group, but in all honesty I put that down to the fact that I dislike intensely all clubs, groups, associations….. In fact I don’t much like being any place with a bunch of weirdos who have a committee and a ‘chair’ because I very quickly get totally unimpressed.
And yet, I always felt that I was drifting through my dysfunctional life, with just the occasional passage of being; a very cool guy, living a really great life to keep me sane and interested. I was a mess, and the worst part was that I knew I had it in me to be a far, far better man than I had ever been before. Some things I had already accomplished, I still have a cool roof over my head living in the garret, I have money in the bank, and generally speaking I’m pretty fit, strong and healthy. (Admittedly I only just got of hospital, where they said I looked like a bad advertisement for death.) But, generally, as my school reports and annual reviews at work usually read; He could do better if he tried.
As you’ve sought out my blog, then maybe you think there are some parts of your life that aren’t looking so good either. And, that you could do a whole lot better if you tried.
The place to start is to stop doing all those things that completely fuck up your life.
- stop lurching from one disastrous relationship after another
- stop all that promiscuous casual sex that makes everyone with even an ounce of morality think you’re a cheap slut
- stop the drunkeness, drug taking, smoking, smoking pot
- give up the gambling, the impulsive buying of things you don’t need or want, spending and wasting a shit load of money you don’t have
- stop driving that junker of a car that gets you a ticket every time a cop can be bothered to pull you over
- stop getting yourself fired, or walking out on jobs you can’t afford to lose
- stop alienating your family and true friends, just because they might tell you the brutal truth about yourself
- stop being a total fucked-up jerk
Some say that there is a little good in all of us. And, that if you dig deep enough you will always find a treasure. All I know is that when I stopped being a total fucked-up jerk my life suddenly got much better.
selling yourself and your self-respect isn’t a good way to escape your fucked-up life
stalking is a serious crime with serious consequences
Stalking is cruel and incessant torture that can have terrifying results. The victim of a stalker can be tormented for years, left too scared to go anywhere, to leave their home, scared of the telephone ringing, unnerved by the slightest unexpected sound. Stalking is a crime that can paralyze an otherwise normal woman with fear, paranoia, and dread.
Your stalker is probably also an alcoholic, they have a sixth sense and know when you change your routine. Sometimes when you plan to be far away from anywhere they would expect you to be they will come home early, or call you, or when you stop to get petrol, (gas), they will be at the same gas station.
Stalkers have an obsessive over-identification with their unwilling target but also a latent envy of their talents and beauty. If they can’t possess the object of their obsession totally, they will destroy the victim’s qualities that they can never have. ~ Stewart Stafford.
Stalkers are cunning. Stalking can happen to you with or without a fear of physical violence, but it will involve verbal and mental abuse. This is not acceptable but is very difficult to prove and the authorities will be reluctant to take strong action. Stalking can even involve you constantly receiving flowers and other gifts, and there is fuck-all chance that the authorities will take any action over that.
Stalking also leads to threatening behaviour, physical attacks, serious sexual assault, serious physical harm, and murder.
The sad thing is that reality says that you will be your stalker’s active object of obsession for anywhere from one month to forty-some years ~ probably the rest of your sad and tortured life. So how to win?
Trust your instincts. Your family, friends, children will pressure you to downplay your stalker’s behaviour. Don’t, your own safety is your #1 priority, not keeping other people happy.
Call the police if you feel in immediate, clear, and present danger.
Keep a record, a stalking diary, tape all his phone calls and any verbal contact he has with you. Save all emails, texts, letters, photos, cards, and postings on social networking sites. In any event, if you are being stalked get off all social networking sites.
Get a restraining order from the courts ~ your stalker will undoubtedly ignore this.
Find a victims’ group, but beware, stalkers also try to attend these groups.
Murder, or having your stalker beaten up is not a good plan for you.
There is only one effective way to defeat your stalker, and that is to bug out, do the big geographical, just plan on getting out ~ but unless you really leave your old life behind your stalker will find you.
Some say that stalking is just a serious of coincidences. And that there is a very fine line between serendipity and stalking. All I know is that some ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, and estranged daughters need and deserve all the protection they can get.
eventually your stalker will grab you by the throat, you don’t have to let him choke you
that’s why I drink ~ escaping from the real world
Some situations you can find yourself in are uncomfortable, painful, difficult, dangerous, intolerable. It might be work, family, marriage, living with someone, romance, an affair, a stalker….. It could be as bad as gaslighting, where you are being psychologically manipulated so much as to doubt your own sanity. Or you could be verbally and physically abused, bullied, threatened, and deeply hurt.
I myself was once bullied at work by my director, aka the Ginger Bitch, she was a woman and I was a very senior and very successful executive. It made going in to work at all an immensely stressful thing, it kept me awake at nights, and I started drinking far too much. Drinking too much is only a temporary escape. For a while I fantasized about pushing her into traffic on a very busy London road, decided that wasn’t a good plan. So, I did the only sensible thing I could, and left that job, got myself out of there, escaped.
If you are in an intolerable situation, then the most sensible thing you can do is leave, get out, escape, leave town, change all your numbers and email addresses…..
And this is where it will get heartbreaking for you. Leaving home is a momentous decision you will shy away from making, put off for as long as possible. You would rather live in misery than make the irreversible decision to leave your abuser. Before that you will try all kinds of other ways to escape; booze, drugs, an affair, promiscuity, vacations on your own with all of the aforementioned.
It’s no good, eventually for your own safety and sanity you will have to leave. Before that you need to prepare;
- tell nobody of your plans, not family nor friends
- stash away a lot of cash in a place known only to you
- if you can find a place, say a storage unit, then stash away clothes, shoes, utensils, and anything else you might need in your new life
- get a new cell, new email id, new internet provider, new tablet
- decide where you are going to go, not to your family nor friends because your abuser will find you there ~ a woman’s refuge in another town is good
- leave home when your abuser is at work, at a bar, with their whore, vanish, disappear, tell no one or your abuser will find you
- buy a different car, preferably a van, pick up your stuff, and drive, keep to all the traffic laws, drive a long way in an unexpected direction
Sadly it might be more complicated than that. You may have kids in tow, you might be reported to the police as anything from a missing person to a kidnapper of your own children, you have no job so you might go broke fast, if you tell a relative where you are then your abuser will find you. Tell nobody, and I mean nobody where you are; send a postcard from another state to tell people that you are safe.
Some say that escaping is easy, it’s found at the bottom of a bottle of booze. And that things are bound to get better soon. All I know is that escaping takes bravery, determination, and a shed load of preparation.
just think how good freedom will feel
the only way our problems will go away is if we solve them
Most of us, myself included, tend to ignore problems unless and until they step up and smack us in the face. If something bothersome, or a bit irritating, or mildly inconveniencing is going on in our lives it is very much easier to close our eyes and ears and ignore it, rather than deal with yet another piece of crap.
So; the check engine light has come on in our car….. and how many people will just ignore that for days or weeks until the next regular service is due? Or, we are fed up with opening the mail, which is always just bills and junk anyhow, so we stop opening our mail altogether. Or, in my own case, sometimes I would feel so bad that I would get blind drunk for days and days just to escape the emotional pain, rather than work on the causes of my torment.
I can absolutely guarantee that if there is a problem, no matter how slight, then unless we accept that there’s a problem and do something about it, that problem will grow and grow until a minor issue becomes something
fucking extremely serious. In my own case, my getting drunk and insensible was nothing to do with alcoholism, or liking the party life, it was because I have a very serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD). I’d, (sort of), known that for a few years, and so had my doctors, but did anyone actually do anything about it? Hell no. The easiest thing to do was ignore the real problem and get me some easy alcohol counselling instead. Controlled Drinking is an oxymoron.
About 10% of people suffering from BPD commit suicide, which is about a thousand times higher than the norm across the whole population. Booze was never my real problem, Borderline Personality Disorder was.
Same with car problems, the easiest thing to do is ignore them and assume they will all get sorted out at the next annual service….. whenever that is. That check engine light could just be a little electrical fault. Of course some real problems with your car might leave you stranded on the interstate in the middle of the night. Or kill you.
If you notice a small problem, or you’re unhappy about something, then you could just ignore it and assume it will go away of its own accord. And it might. But it’s more likely that in a while a small problem, that would have been so easy to fix back then, has turned into a very serious issue indeed.
I have learned that there are no shortcuts in life. That all the bad things that we feel, all the suffering we go though, and all the shit that happens to us are usually not the real problem ~ rather these are merely the symptoms of some deeper and more serious issue. Unless we put in the hard work, dig deeper until we understand our problems, then every now and again something fucking frightening is going to happen.
smoking and drinking in a bar alone solves no problems, and neither does casual sex
A man’s self-worth is defined by the results he can achieve.
Real Men Slay Dragons
Today, practical men are great at solving problems involving faulty electrics, leaking faucets, broken-down cars, busted appliances….. Real men are crap at listening when all a woman wants is to talk about her feelings, or how her day was. Masculine men are basically problem-solving machines.
To understand why a man always gives advice and solutions, when all a woman wants is for him to listen, you need to know how the male brain works. And for a start, unlike women, men have dick-all connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.
A woman’s brain is organised for communication and empathy. A woman’s brain is structured to talk, and the main purpose of her talking is to talk and share feelings. For the most part she is not looking for solutions, advice, or answers, which is what the male brain is organised to provide.
Men evolved as mostly solitary hunters, and their main contribution to the survival of the human race was the ability to hit a moving target so that everyone could eat meat. Prehistoric Man needed the ability to accurately throw a rock, club, or spear, either at edible targets or enemies who wanted to steal their food or who threatened their tribe.
As a result, men evolved a target-hitting and spacial awareness area in the brain, which uses up the part of the brain that forms the speech and communications centre in women. Talking, listening, empathy, and emotions uses up odd bits of the male brain that aren’t used for much else ~ men don’t have a speech centre. Women don’t have a spacial awareness, target-hitting, and throwing centre in their brain, which is why most women have a useless sense of direction and can’t read maps.
Early man turned into result-oriented creatures who measure their own success strictly by outcomes, accomplishments, and their ability to come up with solutions to problems. A real man feels that he is the one person most capable of solving his own problems, and does not see any need to discuss them with anyone else. Men will only ask another persons opinion about a problem if he is looking for expert advice; say from a doctor. Unsolicited advice from a woman is not welcomed by any masculine guy.
Some women say that men have countless annoying traits. And that a woman wants to be listened to, not fixed. All I know is that real men don’t want to worry about toilet seats.
put a real man on an idyllic desert island, and the first thing he’ll think about is how to get off it.
You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, ashamed, angry, nor condemned.
If I sit alone and brood, then all the negative, dark, and ugly thoughts come back to me.
If I drink to escape and hide from my painfully dark and negative feelings, then things get far, far worse.
For me, The Past is a very dangerous place. Before I ever go there again I should take notice of the signs that say things like ‘Here Be Dragons’.
At times my thoughts can suddenly wander into dark places leading me to have unpleasant and negative feelings.
In own unacknowledged and unaccepted pain I am quite capable of hurting the ones I care for the most.
Deep within me I am still a prisoner of the negative ethics, judgementalism, and fears I learned when I was a child.
Right now, I do not know how to deal with any of this.
My only plan is to keep working on recovering from severe alcoholic poisoning, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. And, the only recovery I’m going to work on today is physical ~ not thinking or feeling at all seems like a good plan.
That and staying away from any thoughts and feelings at all.
there may be a new dawn ahead
it’s just that, right now
I can’t see it