Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength. ~ Freud
Love’s Long Lonely Road to Nowhere
We are never so vulnerable as when we believe that we are in love. We never suffer so much torment and pain as when we believe that we love someone. We are never as confused and uncertain as when our love seems to be unrequited. And, for many of us, we never do so much stupid and irrational stuff as when we are in love ~ or when we believe that we are in love, (which isn’t quite the same thing as true love at all).
Sigmund Freud built a whole series of complex psychoanalitical theories around the whole gamut of interpersonal relationships, from the Oedipus and Electra complexes to the idea of us all having an Id, Ego, and Superego. If you wish you could try to make sense of your feelings by reading lots of Freud and his modern counterparts such as M. Scott Peck, but I wouldn’t bother. The more you know the less sense it’s going to make.
Chances are that much of what Freud says is right, and also that some of it is utterly wrong. However, I firmly believe that when Freud says that our interpersonal actions and reactions come from our subconscious mind he is absolutely correct. And, especially so when our emotions and hormones are in control, such as when lust, desire, and love are in the frame. That is when we are likely to think, feel, believe, and do some very stupid and irrational stuff ~ and when we are most likely to think, feel, believe, and do things that are completely opposite to anything that might make sense in the real world.
This is all down to the primitive defence mechanisms inherent in our body, mind, emotions, feelings….. These defence mechanism include denial, repression, sublimation, and projection, and taken together these defence mechanisms make us believe things that either aren’t true, or never happened, or don’t matter anyway. We unconsciously lie to ourselves, and that makes us lie to others, and that makes us often do the complete opposite of anything that makes sense.
How many times have I desired, cared for, loved someone…… and instead of cherishing them have done everything I could to push that person away from me? And, how many times have you done that too? If you have even the slightest tough of Borderline Personality Disorder, then the answer is; all the time.
Some say that they are in love, when it’s actually lust and desire. And that love and hate are but two sides of the same coin. All I know is that you can’t love anyone unless you first love yourself.
booze, drugs, cigarettes, and casual sex never solve anything
There’s mo metaphysics on Earth like a chocolate dessert. ~ Pessoa
Now that summer is here, and some of us may be thinking of entertaining and garden parties, it might also be the right time to think of indulgent desserts. After all, one may have the greatest grill in the district, but that means little if you can’t follow up the steak, oysters, and king crab with a really great dessert.
Some of you may also have some annual holiday celebrations coming up, I know my cousins across the pond celebrate their independence soon….. And talking of dessert in the USA, pie and cheesecake isn’t what a great summer desert is all about.
So, first up this week, from Heather Christo, we have this vegan triple coconut sorbet. I love sorbet, so light and refreshing on a hot summer afternoon. This sorbet is dairy-free, nut-free, and free from soy products.
Vegan Triple Coconut Sorbet
Now, from Chungah at Damn Delicious, I offer you this substantial slow cooker apple pear crisp. Apples and pears are such a fabulous combination ~ I used to know a great London pub called The Apples and Pears. (In Cockney rhyming slang that doesn’t mean what you think.)
Slow Cooker Apple Pear Crisp
Jessica Merchant at How Sweet Eats has a very cool looking dessert which appeals both to the sophisticated English Gentleman and the northern street kid in me; black raspberry lavender cobbler.
Black Raspberry Lavender Cobbler
I suppose I have to include one cheesecake recipe, but to give it an English flavour I offer you this no-bake Eton mess berry cheesecake from Half Baked Harvest. (Eton is a town near Windsor, where the Queen lives.)
No-bake Eton Mess Berry Cheescake
Ultimate Chocolate Fudge Cake
Your collection this week is from Delish Magazine; 79 delish summer desert recipes you’ll be making again and again. I confess that this collection had me at the best ever rhubarb pie. Being a proper Northern Englishman I love rhubarb pie ~ serve it with custard or vanilla ice cream.
Best Ever Rhubarb Pie
and to drink with your delicious desserts,
how about champagne mojitos?
(or a nice cup of tea)
once we were lovers, but somehow things have changed
doesn’t take a genius
that it’s all in the past
and you know
it wasn’t supposed to last
but one more throw
of loaded dice wasn’t to suffice
to tell me although
I should never have even asked
if she had felt love’s glow
and the answer was always no
she was just a stimulating aphrodisiac
goddess of sexual love
Some arguments are the angry end of a relationship.
All Right! All Right!
you’re bloody well right,
you know there’s no point,
so Goodbye and Goodnight.
loneliness is a long angry road to nowhere
Arguing isn’t communication, it’s just hot noise.
Violence is an argument lost.
Most arguments are nothing like a reasoned debate, because usually arguments come about when two people in a relationship have completely opposing and irreconcilable views. Most arguments become heated at some point and degenerate into a flaming row ~ or turn utterly cold and vicious. Seldom does an argument tell anyone anything that they didn’t already know ~ usually arguments are circular and rehash familiar disagreements. And, no argument ever changes anyone’s mind about anything at all. In fact, arguments tend to reinforce existing views as new reasons are found for the status-quo.
Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy. ~ George Herbert
Think of this; you and your partner have opposing views, you disagree, and you argue. In that case we mostly pretend to listen and be open-minded, instead what we really do is try to find weaknesses in his / her position so we can disprove his / her argument. Or, if they’ve just put a dent in your reasoning, you are frantically thinking of some new counterpoint. Open-mindedness and reasonableness doesn’t come into it.
Denial and self-delusion also form a big part of most arguments. Even when we are totally and utterly wrong we are unlikely to admit it, even to ourselves. However, most arguments are not a clear matter or right and wrong ~ black and white is often more like multifarious shades of grey. Mostly there is some right and some wrong on both sides.
A truly calm and informative discussion of opposing views should, in theory, lead to a compromise. BUT, more often than not a compromise is just a situation that pleases neither side. Compromises often leave both sides unhappy, which will lead to future arguments over much the same ground.
Worse than a compromise is to resolve an argument by one side imposing a resolution on the other. The ‘stronger’ imposing their will upon the ‘weaker’, the richer imposing their will upon the poorer, the adult imposing their will upon the child. These false resolutions are usually unjust, which will undoubtedly create resentments, which will undoubtedly lead to more and bitterer arguments in the future.
The imposition of the Treaty of Versailles on Germany after the 1914 – 18 war inevitably resulted in WWII. World War is the ultimate of hot arguments.
Some say that they are honest, honourable, and open-minded. And, that you should always agree with them, because they are always right. All I know is that you may be right, but I don’t agree.
a short Lee-Enfield convinces most people
There is no time or distance between true friends.
truth, honesty, openness,
caring, loving, kindliness,
passion, wisdom, desires,
yet there is still distance…..
the road between us is long
Do the best to treat yourself with truth and loving care.
Red Rock Country, Arizona
On my very recent rip to Arizona I was fortunate enough to be taught some of the wisdom of the ancient Aztecs. These new-found insights into dealing with the more difficult parts of life came in useful ~ when I eventually got back to the North of England, after some 30 hours travelling from the Western USA.
After an interminable delay at Heathrow, I manged to arrive late at Newcastle upon Tyne Airport ~ I got home, but my luggage didn’t. I did not take my missing luggage personally, British Airways had loaded none of the passengers’ bags onto that flight. Something the pilot only told us just as we about to deplane at Newcastle. You can imagine the scene at the baggage agent’s desk in arrivals, with more than 100 people completing forms, crying, and complaining bitterly about their ‘lost’ luggage. It was chaos.
I remembered some of the teachings of the ancient Aztecs;
- Be open, honest, and honorable to yourself and others. In all honesty, it didn’t much matter to me that my luggage hadn’t arrived. That just meant that I wasn’t going to be starting my laundry as soon as I got back to the garret. I was also honest with myself, and accepted that all the crying, complaining, and shouting passengers at the baggage handling desk annoyed the hell out of me.
- Don’t ever take anything personally. I wasn’t singled out by fate or British Airways to suffer the inconvenience of missing bags. There were more than 100 people on that flight, and all anyone had was their carryon bag.
- Don’t make assumptions. I’m not assuming that my luggage will eventually arrive, or not. What will be will be, and there’s
fuckbugger all I can do about it.
- Always do your very best. Yesterday, and the day before were not my best days, but somedays my best isn’t as good as 100%, and somedays my best is maybe just 50%. However, if I always do the very best I can in the circumstances, then that’s the best I can do.
These teachings applied to the trivial matter of a horrible 30 hour journey and missing luggage. However, these teachings of the Aztecs apply even more to matters of much more import in one’s life. For example; Love, Relationships, Illness, Poverty, and Abundance…..
Some say that Life is a version of Hell. And that if you think someone is out to get you then they probably are. All I know is that the Cosmos doesn’t really single me out for misery and misfortune ~ even in matters of missing luggage.
When you are drinking, the mood swings can be horrific.
I started drinking when I started working in the City of London in 1982. Back then, high-powered banking was a vicious trade, swimming in booze. And my drinking got worse when I began my role in International Finance in about 1990. What do you do at an airport during a four-hour layover? This has left me with a chronic alcohol problem ~ which might not be so bad if my body could still handle booze.
One strong beer will get me incredibly buzzed, and needing another drink or a dozen. It doesn’t happen often, but even once more will be one more time too many.
Even that might not be so bad if I was a happy drunk, but I’m not. If I drink I suffer from terrible mood swings ~ and horrible paranoia, depression, and aggression. I take what I hear in my own mind far too seriously and personally. Being who I am, my bad mood comes out only in words, not anything physical. I suppose that’s one saving grace.
Perhaps the mood swings come even before I take a drink.
I know that I can’t ever touch booze again, and I need to work on that.
With the help of my higher power I may just be successful.
Even one IPA is far too strong for me now.
The pleasures of the flesh are but fleeting passions.
Women deserve respect
What becomes of the broken-hearted man.
land of confusion
desire’s lost illusions
an inevitable conclusion
hit the road Jack,
and don’t look back