The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.
In the past couple of weeks I have had the fabled luck of a sailor being followed by an albatross, (never, ever, shoot the albatross). Something has carved out a window to let me see who I truly am, and allowed me to start to take control of my fate. But, it’s also enabled me to surrender to the will of the cosmos ~ working with natural energies to empower my body, mind, and spirit to true and lasting enlightenment.
I shot the ALBATROSS…..
I had done a hellish thing, and it would work ’em woe: for all averred I had killed the bird, that made the breeze to blow. ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge
These changes in me are never going to be some quick way to amass a fortune, (I don’t need to), or find an easy way out of life’s problems. Instead, taking control of my fate allows me to discover the interconnectedness of all things that binds us and the cosmos together, and creates the web of infinite circumstances, places, and people that allows me to walk the warrior’s path.
You know what? I am excited about all this enlightened thinking that seems to have taken over my psyche. However, whatever wisdom or enlightenment I have suddenly gained access to is more than a little bit complicated and confusing for an ordinary Englishman such as I.
I know that this is a positive and strong time of decisive action for me, and I need to harness all the determination I can muster. I firmly believe that, in the next few days I will need to take some action that is critical to the shape of my future. The snag is, right now I have no idea what that action is supposed to be. I’ve got no idea what I most need to do, except that it’s going to be a balancing act between passion and practicality.
So, I’m already working on my general health and fitness ~ walking everywhere, breathing plenty of clean and fresh sea air, and detoxifying my life of crap and negative influences.
I have a feeling that I also need to work on better friendships and more meaningful and mindful connections. I need to give more attention to particular special people in my life. I should build greater self-worth through more integrity, more confidence, better and more authentic interpersonal relationships.
I should be shrewder in my choices of friends and the type of friendships I want, need, and desire. But, being a shrewd operator does not mean that I would ever be underhand or less than utterly honest about how I nurture my friends and friendships, or be dishonest in how I choose the people I wish to associate with.
Some say that communication skills is an art we go on learning throughout our life. And, that interpersonal relationships never stop being a work in progress. All I know is that sometimes we only say to others what we ourselves need to hear.
Sometimes a man just has to howl at the moon.
just remember, interpersonal relationships can be dark….. and as deep and strange as still waters.
And, choices rule your life.
Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete in the summer months.
Another month, and another vacation planned.
This time I’m going to Chania on Crete, a spectacular island in the blue, blue Mediterranean sea. I fly out to Crete on Tuesday September 4th for a week, and I’ll be staying at a small, family run hotel, the Pella Steve II, which is exclusively for the more adult single traveller.
Chania is the most beautiful, interesting, and evocative town on Crete ~ from the Venetian Harbour to the narrow shopping streets and waterfront restaurants. Chania also has it’s own international airport, which is very cool when it comes to transfer times.
I’m fully expecting the weather, hotel, sightseeing, shopping, entertainment, food, drink, and company to be brilliant.
These singles holidays are something different and exclusive. Always in a smaller hotel, everyone has their own double room, everyone is open and friendly, and there always seems to be a lot going on among ‘the group’. These singles vacations are not just sitting by the pool and reading. In my experience these singles vacations are fun from waking in the morning to getting off to bed early the following morning. Luckily, these days I never touch booze and get by with a few hours sleep.
In my experience you don’t need to worry about not knowing anyone before you get there ~ on this kind of vacation, new and very interesting friends are made pretty quickly. Anyhow, on this type of vacation everyone hangs out with anyone they wish to ~ starting at the hotel bar.
However, I was thinking that it would be cool to have a travelling companion to share the experience with, not as a couple, but as friends who travel together. Being a guy, of course I’d be the one spending all the money. That’s what guys of my generation do.
You never know, I may find a cool travelling companion yet. And, after this holiday on Crete, there will be another vacation coming along soon.
My email is always at the end of these blog posts.
Crete is a very beautiful island
Character defects exist to remind you of how much you were wounded.
My past was darkness
anger, anxieties, arrogance
bigotry, blaming, boastfulness
controlling, cowardice, crudeness
dishonesty, destruction, deviousness
fear, guilt, hate, harshness, hopelessness
intolerance, judgementalism, lying, lustfulness
manipulating, negativity, perfectionism, recklessness
evil sarcasm, selfishness, thoughtlessness, unfaithfulness
unreliability, undisciplined thrill seeking, vulgarity, wastefulness
all my days were filled with misery, pain, suffering, doubt, difficulties
today I am empowered, self-aware, self-confident, accepting mindfulness
I have abandoned my character defects and found acceptance and happiness
the pain you felt yesterday
is the strength you feel today
Life has many ways of testing a man’s will and inner strength.
Yesterday I joined a different gym here in my little seaside town. I had not been regularly using the ‘old gym’, and they had increased their prices. Often the walk there, around the marina, was so interesting and distracting that I never made the gym at all.
I’m pretty surprised that I just went ahead and joined a new gym, without hesitation, procrastination, or much thinking about it. But then, since my recent vacation in Turkey, I’m a changed man. In Turkey I had a bit of an epiphany.
I know that I’m now venturing on yet another important evolutionary step on the warrior’s path to discover what I am truly capable of, and I have come to know that I have an immense inner strength. Part of my journey along the warrior’s path is knowing what this inner strength and power is, and how I can use it, for the greater good, in my daily existence.
You have power over your mind ~ not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius
My goal is to unearth and understand this power and strength from the depths of my subconscious mind, my heart, and my soul. I have something to say and I need to learn how to say it. Perhaps I need to break away from traditional approaches and practices and accept that I am now a unique individual that deserves to receive more recognition and respect for who I have worked so hard to become.
As I was taking my leave from the new friends I had made on vacation, a very together lady said to me that; ‘You are a very different kind of man from most…..’ She said that and more in a very caring way.
However, right now I still do not feel as fully in charge of my own destiny as I could be. I know that I need a clearer vision of what lies ahead of me. I need to work towards more balance, acceptance, understanding. I need courage. I need to use my new-found self-awareness, self-confidence, inspiration and motivation. And, I need to eliminate negative energies and negative people from my life.
I know, trust, and believe that I am capable of forging my own path, that I have a manifest destiny to reach, a destiny that is not intended for anyone else, at least for no one who cannot share my vision, needs, wants, dreams, and desires.
It is time to explore my dreams and to experiment with the strength and power I suddenly possess. I need to become connected with who I really am, and I need to better connect with those I care for. I want and need to become the real Renaissance Man that some have thought I have always been. Until now I believe that I have always fallen short of that ideal.
Some say that we take for granted those things that are most deserving of our attention. And, that most people never show up for their Appointment with Life. All I know is that Real Life is what happens to you while you are busy making pointless plans.
Marmaduke likes to sunbathe on one of the historic ships moored in the marina
When I am true to myself, I am strong beyond measure.
the application of will
continues to tempt me still
uninhibited too dangerous thrill
urges wants desires needs emotional
uninhibited casual sexual relationships fill
my life with seductress midnight encounters
hazardous erotic carnal liaisons midnight hours
rash instant gratification sensual lustful animal urges
I know that I should have become a better man than that
the path to freedom from suffering
is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit
Inner tranquility ~ freedom from anger, anxiety, and fear.
There was something weird about my short stay in Turkey. Was it the place, or the people, or the blue, blue sky? Was it getting enough good sleep, good food, staying sober, staying calm? Or, was it the long, meaningful, and mindful conversations I enjoyed? Or was it some inner spirituality that was awoken in me? I suspect all of these things and more combined to wrought a significant change in my psyche.
For me this was a jumping-off point. I lost some things, I lost negativity, I lost the way I was used to seeing the world, I lost judgmentalism, I lost my mistrust of others, I lost my fear and anger, and I learned how to fly…..
Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe. ~ C. JoyBell C.
I had not been there long before I knew a radical freedom that allowed me to seek acceptance, humility, integrity, mindfulness, and understanding of myself, of those around me, and of those I care for. I was encouraged to take a new control and responsibility for my own life ~ I believe that most of us, (up to and including me), are not in control of our own lives. Rather most of us drift aimlessly through life, so that today is pretty much like yesterday, and tomorrow will be pretty much like today.
That isn’t really living, it’s just existing, and that’s no way to explore true happiness and well-being. To know true happiness and well-being we perhaps should strive to improve and enhance our own lives, the lives of those we care for, and society as a whole.
Within the real meaning of human happiness and enhanced existence, within our aims, significance, and overall purpose, we all have the freedom to choose what to do, to be who we want to be. Sadly so many of us never even try to grow into an enlightened being.
After a couple of days in the mindfulness of my Turkish vacation I began to seek to understand things, to understand the interconnectedness of all things, and the ways to find the significance of my own life among the chaos.
The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darkness. ~ Nikos Kazantzakis
I realised that each of us is what we take ourselves to be. But to live in an authentic, caring, and mindful way, we each have to take each situation as it comes and show our true nature through what we do, and not what we say. Talk is cheap.
I was always frightened to show my true nature. I was a shadow man, the man in the mirror, I was always conforming to what others expected of me, putting on masks that fitted the roles I was expected to play. I saw the world through a winter mirror, darkly.
After just one week in a small Turkish hotel, under blue, blue skies, among a group of friendly and supportive people, I was able to throw away the masks, stop playing a role, eschew the man in the mirror, and really take charge of my own life.
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. ~ Lao Tzu
Today, back in the garret, I am self-analytical, self-aware, self-confident, and filled with real self-control, and self-discipline.
Now I need to act in a way that reflects my new self-awareness, and the awareness of my own complete freedom. This is what I am, this is what I choose to be, this is the real me, and I will never again dodge responsibility for being true to myself.
I do not pretend to understand how this enlightenment came about. Probably it was a unique set of serendipitous circumstances, a synchronicity that has energised me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Some say that once in a lifetime your chance comes along, that once in a lifetime fate deals you the perfect winning hand. And, that we each have to be courageous enough to take that chance, to throw everything we have behind our one great opportunity in Life. All I know is that today I feel better than I have ever felt before in my entire existence.
My short stay in Turkey was the kindling of a flame.
each man is an island unto himself
inexplicable interconnectedness in everyday magic.
Sometimes a vacation is more than just a holiday. Sometimes chance meetings have a deeper meaning than just ‘hello’.
This vacation happened by chance. Everyone I have met in the past few days I have met by chance. Every meaningful event from the past few days happened as a result of the chance interconnectedness of all things.
And yet, in the past few days, three events that I needed to happen have come to fruition.
I did not know that I needed these experiences, but now they have occurred I know they are vital to my emotional and spiritual health.
Firstly, learned that some men are irredeemable bastards, but that doesn’t stop otherwise sensible women liking them and wanting them.
Secondly I learned that friendships between men and women are often just transitory bargains.
Thirdly, I met a man I didn’t know I needed to meet. We talked of the warrior’s path and borderline personality disorder. We talked of addiction, drugs, booze, and sex. We talked of other things. We talked of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings.
All of those things happened by chance, because by chance I took this little vacation in Turkey.
Sometimes the Magic happens.
For those who have noticed that I haven’t been around for a while ~ I have been very ill for the last couple of weeks.
I’m a little better today, but still quite poorly.
I’ll write more when I feeling up to it.
Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs tails…..
It has become fucking obvious to me that I need to address some things I have been unhappy with for a very long time. I need to start putting my own personal band back together. (at least I can dance like fred astaire)
I need to change, and not just for me, but for the ‘greater good’.
Well I’ll just go to the top of our stairs.
My very best friends have been telling me this for yonks.
The changes I need to make should not be to meet some base personal ends, such as money, power, or sex. (OK that last is hard.)
The changes I need to make should be for the good of you, me, everybody…
OK, strike 1 and 2, they are not an issue. I have money, and I’ve had power and you can keep it. Being a guy #3 is always on the table. But then, little girls are not always made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Would I trade friendship for sex? Would I fuck your daughter / girlfriend / my friend / a co-worker?
Yes Just maybe Probably not. Which shows that I still have a long way to go. I need to try to do good. Maybe I’m still just a dog at heart. If anyone out there want’s sex then…
At least I’ve never ever picked up a girl in a bar.
Marmaduke wouldn’t stand for it.
So I can’t sit own and let the time of my real being take me, for if I try and for a moment can see no direction, cannot tell where I am going, I am filled with panic, scared of emptiness. I am driven and must always look to the far horizons. ~ Joanna Field
For most of my life it seemed that I was afraid of still serenity, uncomfortable of just having nothing to do, and having to make no plans. I seemed to be happiest if there was a great deal going on around me, as though I was in the midst of a raging storm.
I have come to believe that this was a manifestation of what was going on inside my own mind, that I was driven by a mixture of perfectionism and fear of failure.
My focus seemed to be on what I didn’t have; materially, intellectually, and spiritually. My glass was always half empty, never half full.
Perhaps that was not such a good place to be.
Instead of bemoaning what I don’t have and the things I feel are wrong with my life, I am changing my attitude to celebrate what I do have.
Today I have an infinite number of choices, and they all begin with me having a positive outlook. The decisions I make today will have a direct bearing on how meaningful and mindful my life will be.
I am reminded of some words by Ralf Waldo Emerson; This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.
Today I will try to do some good and mindful things with my time.
Today I will be peaceful amid the storms.