howay man, wesa gannin doon the toon
Yesterday I went shopping in Newcastle. Not only does the place bring back so many memories, it’s also the best place to go shopping outside of Italy. I always spend far too much there. Here’s a little song to remind me of the toon.
Although Newcastle never really was my home town ~ I was born in a far more ancient and much smaller pit village.
Please listen with a smile.
a real man makes all women smile
but reserves his very best smile for only one
I believe the nearest Kirk Douglas got to Shakespeare was Spartacus
Shakespeare has a scene in Hamlet where the Danish Lord Polonius expounds to Laertes upon the nature of being a better man than the average spear carrier. Most may merely remember that in that scene there are a couple of lines that proclaim; clothes make the man. Which, outwardly is a limited truth. But there is more to clothes than buying the best and most tasteful apparel your wallet can bear. For a start an expensive suit still looks like a sack when worn by a slob. And, many an expensive coat of paint conceals something rotten inside.
True attractiveness, the kind of look that appeals to emotionally intelligent and discerning people, especially to cool and together women, isn’t something a man can just put on and wear. That kind of attractive, clean-cut, elegant persona comes from within. It’s who a man is, not only what he wears, that is really attractive to others.
Be faithful to that which exists within yourself. ~ Andre Gide
Some lucky guys can look great in jeans and a singlet, whereas the rest of us need to try a little harder than that.
I have discovered that there are a few guidelines a man can follow if he wants to succeed when it comes to Shakespeare’s maxim; ‘the clothes maketh the man….’
- As Polonius says, always buy the very best you can afford. Most women can spot thrift store purchases, cheaper makes, and remaindered stuff a mile off. Besides, quality lasts. You do get what you pay for.
- Always dress up, rather than dressing down. If, on dress-down-Friday most guys go to the office in jeans and a T, then make a point of wearing decent trousers and a crisp, freshly laundered shirt. There is nothing wrong with adding a cool necktie either. A surprising number of women find a nice shirt and tie pretty hot.
- Don’t neglect the obvious. Make certain everything matches, (if you’re colour-blind get help from a friendly female). Your shoes should be spotless, and your aftershave / cologne / deodorant classy, not overpowering.
- Be very, very clean ~ both you and everything you’re wearing.
- Have your own style, but don’t be outlandish, neither try to be too fashionable. Besides which very fashionable soon goes out of fashion. As you would expect, my style is very English / preppy.
Some say that clothes make the man. And that you can spot a slob a mile off, no matter what he’s wearing. All I know is that to look really good you have to work at it every single day.
many real men have walked the tracks alone,
and still made an effort to look good
Faint Heart could never win Fair Lady
This is all an artificial construct, because a very sensual, intelligent, emotionally mature, and very grounded woman can never be attracted by techniques, or schemes, or cunning artifice. The only person who could ever deceive that woman, or make her date an unsuitable man, or get into a less than ideal relationship is herself. And, women can be very good at fooling themselves, not that they would ever admit that, (hardly ever anyway).
There are innumerable works out there which will purport to tell a guy how to pick up a woman, how to regularly get casual sex, how to manipulate women, how to fuck them and leave them, and how to use them. Perhaps the deepest and most thorough treatise on the art of using women is The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida. I can only stomach this book for a couple of pages at a time.
So, to the truth, and assuming you are not James Bond. To attract a sensual, intelligent, emotionally mature, and very grounded woman;
Be the very best version of yourself you can possibly be.
- Get healthier and fitter. Exercise, eat right, get some sun.
- Look as good as you can. Haircut, manicure, teeth, and manage any facial or other extraneous hair.
- Dress as well as you can ~ appropriately for the place and occasion, but find your own style. Always dress up, rather than dress down. Pay attention to your shoes and tie.
- Control your addictions. Stop smoking, don’t drink much at all, don’t gamble, don’t overeat or eat junk food, and FFS do not use drugs.
- Learn some English good manners. Almost all American men have appalling manners, but not as bad as Germans, Japanese, and most other Asians or Hispanics.
- Learn how to hold a conversation, and for most men that means learning how to listen to her.
- Read some interesting books, learn some interesting things to talk about ~ most women are very uninterested in sports. Find out what she is interested in and learn about that. Have a wide and deep knowledge base, but never ever bore her with what you know.
- Accessorise well. Apartment, car, watch, pen…..
- Learn about money, manage your money well so you can always pick up the tab if you need to, but never ever flash your cash around.
But, most of all, care about her. If you do not genuinely like her and care about her then you are wasting both of your time. I’m not talking about love, that should usually only come deep into a relationship. Caring about someone is different. She is a person, not a sex object. If you want a sex object find a hooker or a slut.
Some say there is no such thing as ‘the art of attracting woman’. And that any woman you can get that’s willing and breathing is the one you want. All I know is that there is nothing so precious to a man as real and honest friendship with a woman.
Bond makes up his own rules
to her, drinking responsibly meant not spilling it
what happens to history if booze had never been invented?
‘she is my most precious possession…..’ he said
then she threw her drink in his face
‘I drink to forget…..’ she said
‘fucked if I can remember…..’
the secret of life, the universe, everything really
isn’t found at the bottom of a glass
but it’s always worth looking
if she was going to get buzzed
she was going to do it elegantly
my wish is to wake up a better person than when I went to bed
We always want what we think we can’t have ~ that’s just human nature. It’s striving to get what we think we can’t have, to dream the impossible dream, to find new experiences and new loves that makes men and women do things like climb Mt. Everest, invent the wheel, put a man on the moon, and besiege Troy for the love of Helen. And every time ordinary people said they were crazy.
If we become a better person we are not only able to take better care of ourselves, we can also take better care of others, especially the people we have feelings for, especially the one we love the most of all.
When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better. ~ Solange Knowles.
Ergo, the first thing you should want to become is a superior version of yourself. Look after yourself, get healthier, fitter, stronger in body, mind, and spirit ~ get control of your emotions, get out in the fresh air and sunshine, get some exercise, read some good books, listen to some uplifting talks on YouTube….. Not only that, take a good hard look at yourself and be brutally honest; are you looking as good as you could? Hair, manicure, clothes, shoes, is your skin as healthy and glowing as it could be, do you smell nice?
What about your finances? Have you got spare cash at the end of the month, or are you continually broke? Are you in a dead-end job that pays peanuts? Do you actually manage your money, balance your cheque book?
And how are your relationships? Are you still madly in love with your partner, or are you in a dysfunctional relationship? Do you like to see your family regularly, or, like me are you totally estranged? Have your friends all turned to strangers?
You know you need to make some changes and rearrange your whole life, and deep down you really know what it is you need to do ~ so do it. You have had enough lessons from life ~ so use them and unfuck your life. You’d think you’d have made some changes by now, so dump the apathy, and be who who really want to be.
And if you don’t know who you want to be, then find yourself your ideal role model, and become them. It does not even have to be a real person; you may want to be India Jones, James Bond, Achilles, Holly Golightly, Ellen Ripley, or Aphrodite ~ don’t just sit there, do something about it ~ act as if you were that person. You will never become your role model, but along the way you will become a superior version of yourself.
Some say that there are going to be some changes around here ~ tomorrow. And that they are just running around in crazy circles like a rat on a wheel. All I know is I hope we find our way someday soon.
don’t all men just love that kind of discourse with a woman they care about?
It’s never to late to be what you might have been.
Most people would like to change some things about themselves. They may want to be fitter, to lose weight, to be more successful at work, to be more successful with the opposite sex, or maybe just to lose the terrible feeling of dissatisfaction they constantly suffer from. Or it might be worse, some people want to lose their Borderline Personality Disorder, or paranoia or schizophrenia…..
One thing is certain, we can never get what we want by trying to change other people, nor by attempting to alter the way the world works. The only thing we can ever change is ourselves. But, look at the upside, when we change ourselves the whole world and everyone in it changes around us.
Reinventing ourselves into a better looking, cooler, fitter, more effective, more successful, less disturbed person is an essential process if we want to grow and flourish.
Here’s the hard thing. To reinvent yourself into the person you really want to be requires some hard choices. You need to be ready to walk away from aspects of your life in which you may have invested much time, effort, and money; the way you look, the personality you project, your existing career, unsuitable friendships, toxic relationships with the opposite sex, a dead-end marriage, the pub where you get drunk and try to get casual sex with anyone you may meet at the bar…..
Worse than that, you may have to forget and hide some of your past; the alcoholism, drug taking, criminal record, gambling, over-eating, casual sex, heavy smoking…..
Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you. ~ Charles Bukowski.
To reinvent yourself and have a truly successful life, ask yourself these questions;
- What should I stop doing and thinking?
- What should I start doing, thinking, and being?
- What could and should I do less of?
- What could and should I do more of?
- What could I do, think, and be differently from who I used to be.
Reinventing yourself can be a difficult and lonely path, and it is not a one-shot deal. Truly reinventing yourself is an on-going process you will have to work at, every single day.
Some say they already have everything their heart desires. And there is nothing really wrong with them that a few days sober and clean wouldn’t put right. All I know is that denial is the greatest block to becoming a better person.
Somebody here is going to get into trouble
or maybe they both will.
Her legs were much longer than her love lasted.
The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs. ~ Marlene Dietrich
I guess that I am not an average man ~ but then we always knew that, didn’t we?
I adore vampiric women
Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete in the summer months.
Another month, and another vacation planned.
This time I’m going to Chania on Crete, a spectacular island in the blue, blue Mediterranean sea. I fly out to Crete on Tuesday September 4th for a week, and I’ll be staying at a small, family run hotel, the Pella Steve II, which is exclusively for the more adult single traveller.
Chania is the most beautiful, interesting, and evocative town on Crete ~ from the Venetian Harbour to the narrow shopping streets and waterfront restaurants. Chania also has it’s own international airport, which is very cool when it comes to transfer times.
I’m fully expecting the weather, hotel, sightseeing, shopping, entertainment, food, drink, and company to be brilliant.
These singles holidays are something different and exclusive. Always in a smaller hotel, everyone has their own double room, everyone is open and friendly, and there always seems to be a lot going on among ‘the group’. These singles vacations are not just sitting by the pool and reading. In my experience these singles vacations are fun from waking in the morning to getting off to bed early the following morning. Luckily, these days I never touch booze and get by with a few hours sleep.
In my experience you don’t need to worry about not knowing anyone before you get there ~ on this kind of vacation, new and very interesting friends are made pretty quickly. Anyhow, on this type of vacation everyone hangs out with anyone they wish to ~ starting at the hotel bar.
However, I was thinking that it would be cool to have a travelling companion to share the experience with, not as a couple, but as friends who travel together. Being a guy, of course I’d be the one spending all the money. That’s what guys of my generation do.
You never know, I may find a cool travelling companion yet. And, after this holiday on Crete, there will be another vacation coming along soon.
My email is always at the end of these blog posts.
Crete is a very beautiful island
La mode se démodé, le style monochromatique, jamais.
Noir Rouge à Lèvres Fumer
une garce est la contraire d’une salope,
et elle fume pour la prouver.
Women don’t like mind games. Most women like romance.
I’m just a guy, you know? Ergo I don’t actually understand the woman I care for, and sometimes I don’t really know what she wants from me. However, in an effort to be a ‘better’ guy I’ve been exploring the internet, and I believe these are the behaviours a woman would like me to bring to a relationship.
You know what? I worked out #1 all by my self.
- Do not be a jerk. (From time to time I have been a 21 carat jerk.)
- Give her respect. Respect her opinions, career, interests, friends, family, needs, dreams, and desires. Respect her body, her mind, and her soul. Accept and understand who and what she truly is.
- Give her time and space. She’s an independent lady, so don’t be clingy and dependent. She is not responsible for your happiness, you are. Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not ready for. But, when she needs you, be generous with your own time; always be there for her.
- Be confident and capable ~ take charge when you need to. She needs to know that you can always be relied on to take the lead when necessary.
- Always help her to feel safe. Don’t ever be threatening, and if she’s worried about someone or something, or scared of something or someone ~ then help her to deal with it!
- Respect her privacy. Don’t ever intrude where she wants to be private, and never, ever, comment on what she posts on social media.
- Follow through with your plans and ideas. Women like to know that if a guy says he is going to do something, he will actually do it.
- Be completely honest, unless complete honesty is hurtful. Women don’t like liars, and once you have lost a woman’s trust it’s hard to get it back again.
- When it’s appropriate be romantic. And, what is truly romantic changes from time to time, and from woman to woman. To be romantic; You need to get to know her.
- Be polite, well-mannered, and well-spoken. Very good manners take a little effort ~ but I’m lucky here, I’m a true English Gentleman, and good manners come naturally to me. And never, ever get drunk when she’s around.
- Self-deprecating humour. Don’t make jokes at her expense, but it’s OK to poke fun at yourself. She will probably like gentle humour, and dislike you trying to be funny by being vicious and nasty about other people.
- If she ever feels the need to apologise, accept her apology with grace. Especially never, ever, mention the things she’s apologised for ever again.
- A Man should never be late. She may have no sense of time, she may always be late for everything, but you should always be there on time~ always. If you’ve promised to call at eight o’clock, then you should call her at exactly eight.
- Be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy. Women don’t seem to appreciate unreliability, a good guy needs to be the same good guy every minute of every day.
- Listen to her. When she wants to talk, listen patiently with acceptance and understanding. Don’t give her solutions she hasn’t asked for, just listen to her.
- Respond to her texts and emails in a timely manner. She may take forever to reply to you, but if you get a message from her, then respond as soon as is humanly possible.
- Always be clean, tidy, and well-groomed. You and your place should always be pretty immaculate, especially the bathroom. And, if you are ever invited to her place, treat it with the utmost respect. Clean your shoes, get a manicure, get a haircut, have some great pictures in your place….
- Be faithful in word and deed. Don’t screw around, don’t date other women, don’t constantly flirt with other women, don’t check out other women, don’t ‘like’ other women’s pictures on social media, and do not constantly jerk off to porn.
- Be complementary. Tell her she looks pretty, her hair’s nice, tell her you like her. and if it’s appropriate tell her that you love her.
- Do things just for her. Clean her car, make sure she’s always got petrol, (gas), in the tank, fix things for her, send her flowers and perfume, but bear in mind point #9, and be romantic in the right way and when it’s appropriate.
- Sex. Do not try too go to far and too fast. If anything, follow her lead, and remember point #10 , and always be polite and well-mannered. And, if and when you sleep with her, remember that her pleasure is important. You may need sex, but perhaps what she really wants is love.
Writing this stuff, it all makes perfect sense, and I don’t believe I’ve got anything badly wrong in this list. But, Ladies, if I have, then please feel free to tell me about it.
And, writing this stuff I realise that I do most of these good things most of the time, and some of them all of the time. Sadly, that isn’t good enough. Point #14 behoves me to be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy ~ I need to do all of the above all of the time.
That’s a tall order, but if she is worth it, and you really care, then she’s worth all of it all of the time.
In future, I shall make every effort to follow my advice from this list. I am going to do this stuff.
pictures by Jack Vettriano
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