I am a free man
Yesterday I tried to come up with a bucket and to-do list that had 7 important things on it, and I got stuck after 6, which you will see if you look back at that post. I shouldn’t have been surprised, the number six is in my destiny right now.
Kipling thought that six was important too;
I keep six honest serving men, (They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why, and When
And How and Where and Who
If you can remember those, then you will never go far wrong when it comes to making any decision, writing anything, or making a success of anything you wish to do.
There are also 6 healing powers. The six best doctors are;
Sun, Rest, Exercise, Good Food, Self-Respect, and Friends
But, when it comes to good food, don’t eat too much of it. Keep well hydrated, and stay away from the booze.
In fact there are 6 things one should really stay away from;
Alcohol, Casual Sex, Drugs, Over-Eating, Smoking, and Refined Sugar
All of those will kill you eventually, some will just kill you faster than others.
The number 6 is also a perfect number, a congruent number, harmonic divisor number, and has lots to do with weird stuff like Zsigmondy’s Theorem, sphere packing, the kissing number problem, and Graeco-Latin squares.
Some say we should not worry about material items, including money. And that worry lowers the effectiveness of your thoughts, dreams, wishes, and prayers. All I know is that the Angel Number 6 means that our prayers will be answered, although the answer might be ‘no’.
we each have our own Angel and Goddess
you know where you’re starting, you just have no idea where you’re going
Doctors, dietitians, and fitness gurus are sold on the idea that walking 10,000 steps a day is good for our health and well-being. It’s an arbitrary number, there’s nothing special about it, but it has the benefit of being easy to remember, and for most people walking 5 miles in a day, every single day, is a hell of a big thing.
It turns out that 5 miles is the most that even moderately active people can manage, and given that it’s going to chew up a couple of hours of you day, that’s the most time most people can allot for fresh air and exercise most days. Luckily, walking is one of the three best types of exercise you can get. Some respected scientists say that walking may be one of the most powerful medicines available.
Walking is man’s best medicine. ~ Hippocrates
I started back on the 10,000 steps a day thing on May 1st, after spending weeks in lockdown, getting sicker and sicker every day. Self-isolation indoors will kill you more certainly than the caronavirus will. The fucking malevolent politicians and health bureaucrats who are telling you to stay at home are utterly wrong. Go out and get some fresh air and exercise.
After a very shaky start on May 1st, when I really struggled to walk the half-mile to my nearest supermarket and back, I now feel Damn Good.
In the past 7 days I have walked 89,130 steps, (I have a pedometer), which is 44 and a bit miles.
Maybe it’s time I turned around and went home.
in the Parachute Regiment they call a long walk with full packs ‘yomping’
the devil finds work for idle hands
If you are unlucky enough to find yourself in lockdown / quarantine / self-isolation, then you will know just how boring, enervating, and soul-destroying the long, long days can be. Unless you are so ill that all you want to do is sleep, you will probably be tempted to do three things; drink too much, eat too much junk food, watch too much mindless TV. If you are so inclined you may also be tempted to smoke too many cigarettes, and over-indulge in your other drugs of choice.
None of the above activities are such a good idea. May I make some alternative suggestions;
- Make a plan. With your partner, friend, long-distance friend(s) make a plan for how you are going to survive and thrive during this present coronavirus crisis. Make a plan for what you are going to do after lockdown is over. Make a plan for what you are going to do with the rest of this year / next year / next 3 years. Me, as soon as air travel is allowed I’m flying to the USA to visit a friend, and we are going to take a long road trip.
- If you are well enough take yourself for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine. Just stay at least 6 feet away from any other people you may meet. Take your dog if you have one.
- Exercise at home. There are hundreds of exercise sites on the internet. If you’re not feeling so good then try learning yoga, which is an excellent form of exercise. If you’re not well enough for that then look for exercises you can do sitting down.
- If you are lucky enough to have a garden, get out there and get your hands dirty.
- If you aren’t well enough for that, then sit on your balcony, in your garden, outside your apartment. Take no notice of any officious neighbours, and assume that the police are too busy to be jerks on your behalf.
- If your mind is working well enough, then read something challenging, preferably while you are sitting out of doors.
- Even if you don’t feel much like eating, then just make yourself cook something you will eat. Use whatever ingredients you have in the larder, refrigerator, freezer. Or find a recipe and go to the store, and that will also get you out of your place. (or order on-line, or get a friend to go to the store for you)
- If you’ve been very unwell then you probably look like hell. Get yourself clean and tidy, put on some cool clothes, and launder all the dirty stuff. Change your bedding and launder that too.
- If you’re anything like me, not doing anything much for 10 days or so, then your place is most likely a hell of a mess. Clean it all, including your kitchen and bathroom ~ and I mean really clean it. Me, I did the garret in half-hour stints, because after a half hour I had to sit down and rest a while.
- Work on your relationships. If you live with a partner, then give them some TLC. If you live with your kids then find some fun things for them to do with you. Repair any damage you may have done when you were depressed, angry, and insane.
- If, like me, you have long-distance relationships, then use the internet and telephone. Or even write your to your friend(s) in an old-fashioned pen and ink letter or card.
- Learn something new. There are innumerable on-line courses. A friend of mine is studying Late Medieval Devotional Art through a free Harvard course. Me? I’ve reading all about how to survive the end of the world….
The thing is you can be utterly depressed and miserable during this period of enforced self-isolation. Or, you can make the most of this time so that you emerge from lockdown a better, fitter, healthier, more grounded person than you were in March this year. I know which one I’ve chosen. I’ve tried the insane misery route, trust me, it doesn’t work.
all of the above applies if you’re working from home
it’s official ~ lockdown causes insanity
I’ve got to get out of the garret. I’m physically comfortable and safe here, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually I’m hurting. There is serious concern for the mental health of people feeling trapped and lonely during this present medical emergency. It seems that lockdown / self-isolation isn’t good for the soul.
It’s not even as though I can stay in touch with my friends on-line because my internet is very flaky. Presumably there are no engineers working to fix whatever is going wrong.
This song is pretty heartfelt for me.
Please listen sympathetically.
this is what self-isolation is doing to me
the infinite mystery of the sea dwells in a mermaid’s magical heart
You may be in lockdown, which is pretty miserable, but that shouldn’t mean sitting in front of the TV all day snacking and drinking beer. We all need to stay fit and healthy during this medical emergency, and that means carrying on with our exercise routines.
Here in England I can go out for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine, once a day, providing that I stay close to the garret, (and sensibly don’t stop and talk with anyone at all).
Something else I can do is take some fun exercise indoors. My friend magickmermaid posted this music video as a comment on my blog yesterday as something different to exercise with ~ and I think it’s brilliantly hilarious. I hope you do too.
If you have any other suggestions for fun music videos to exercise to, then please share them.
I’m told laughing and sex are great exercise too.
please click on the link above
my wish is to wake up a better person than when I went to bed
We always want what we think we can’t have ~ that’s just human nature. It’s striving to get what we think we can’t have, to dream the impossible dream, to find new experiences and new loves that makes men and women do things like climb Mt. Everest, invent the wheel, put a man on the moon, and besiege Troy for the love of Helen. And every time ordinary people said they were crazy.
If we become a better person we are not only able to take better care of ourselves, we can also take better care of others, especially the people we have feelings for, especially the one we love the most of all.
When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better. ~ Solange Knowles.
Ergo, the first thing you should want to become is a superior version of yourself. Look after yourself, get healthier, fitter, stronger in body, mind, and spirit ~ get control of your emotions, get out in the fresh air and sunshine, get some exercise, read some good books, listen to some uplifting talks on YouTube….. Not only that, take a good hard look at yourself and be brutally honest; are you looking as good as you could? Hair, manicure, clothes, shoes, is your skin as healthy and glowing as it could be, do you smell nice?
What about your finances? Have you got spare cash at the end of the month, or are you continually broke? Are you in a dead-end job that pays peanuts? Do you actually manage your money, balance your cheque book?
And how are your relationships? Are you still madly in love with your partner, or are you in a dysfunctional relationship? Do you like to see your family regularly, or, like me are you totally estranged? Have your friends all turned to strangers?
You know you need to make some changes and rearrange your whole life, and deep down you really know what it is you need to do ~ so do it. You have had enough lessons from life ~ so use them and unfuck your life. You’d think you’d have made some changes by now, so dump the apathy, and be who who really want to be.
And if you don’t know who you want to be, then find yourself your ideal role model, and become them. It does not even have to be a real person; you may want to be India Jones, James Bond, Achilles, Holly Golightly, Ellen Ripley, or Aphrodite ~ don’t just sit there, do something about it ~ act as if you were that person. You will never become your role model, but along the way you will become a superior version of yourself.
Some say that there are going to be some changes around here ~ tomorrow. And that they are just running around in crazy circles like a rat on a wheel. All I know is I hope we find our way someday soon.
don’t all men just love that kind of discourse with a woman they care about?
if you’re going through hell, keep going
Severe anxiety and depression will blight your life, make you incapable of doing even the simplest things, alter your personality for the worse, give you panic attacks, headaches, breathing problems, digestive problems, heart problems, extreme fatigue, and fill you with a foreboding of doom. Oh, and most likely your blood pressure will go through the roof.
Go to see your doctor and most likely they will tell you that you are suffering from a mild to moderate state of anxiety and depression, and medicate you with something like Xanax or Prozac, amd maybe Zyprexa. All of these drugs directly affect the chemistry in your brain ~ when you take them you are not you. All of these drugs have serious side effects, up to and including making you want to commit suicide. Unless body, mind, and spirit are all nurtured, full recovery can never take place. Taking an antidepressant / anti-anxiety drug is just painting over the problem, you need to find the proximate cause of your severe mental illness and find a way of dealing with it.
The potential causes of your anxiety and depression are many and mostly a part of what should be a normal life ~ but even normality can be taken to extremes. You will probably have recently experienced, or still be suffering, one or more of these shattering events; death of a loved one, or someone you felt you should have loved, a failed relationship, a toxic and dysfunctional relationship, separation, leaving home, divorce, physical illness, a very shitty job, loss of your job, poverty, bullying, fear, taking care of the sick and elderly, worry about getting old and your looks, lack of good sex, spiritual issues….. and you are most likely addicted to booze, medication, or something like pot and cocaine. Also, anything and everything bad in your past means you are suffering from stored pain.
Nobody is even remotely interested in your pain. Your family and friends will proffer fatuous and useless advice. You must be willing to take full responsibility for your own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Especially you must stop hurting yourself with booze, too much medication, drugs, cigarettes, bad food, not eating, and not getting enough sunshine, fresh air, and exercise. If you don’t take care of yourself you will get sicker, you might die.
Most importantly stop trying to please other people all the time. You cannot ever change other people, you can only distance yourself from them so they stop hurting you. You must be the real and true you, and not someone that those around you think you should be.
Some say that you cause all your own problems. And that you just spend all your time feeling sorry for yourself. All I know is that you will get much better if you stop listening to all those unhelpful toxic people.
you can get used to almost anything
except death, but by then nothing matters
if you want to conquer the anxiety of life
live in the moment, live in the breath
If you are tormented by stress, if distress is making your life a misery, then what is the best way to live with it? The short answer is don’t. If the situation you’re in is so stressful it’s making you ill; for example a dysfunctional relationship, or a really shitty job, then just leave, get out take yourself away from the cause of your stress. If someone else is causing you great distress; for example your ex is stalking you, then do whatever it takes to make them stop, including invoking the full force of the law. If what you’re doing to yourself is the biggest cause of your stress; for example you are drinking to much, using drugs, gambling, living a promiscuous life….. the for fucks sake stop.
You may / will need help to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing that’s making you ill with stress ~ start with your doctor, who will want to give you ‘happy pills’ like Prozac. Medication for stress is worse than useless, except as a short-term life preserver. Most medication your doctor may want to give you for stress will be addictive in it’s own right, and SSRIs like Prozac might make you want to kill yourself.
To live a fairly normal life if you are suffering from severe stress then try some / all of these;
(there isn’t room to fully explain all these here, this is your chance to use your Google skills)
- Routine. Have a very solid daily and weekly routine, do the same essential things at the same time every day. This will take away some of your worries because a lot of the time you can operate on auto-pilot. Most importantly go to bed at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning.
- Get Enough Good Sleep. Stress causes sleep problems, and lack of sleep makes you anxious, agitated, impatient, and stressed. It’s a vicious circle. You need 6 to 9 hours of good sleep every night. Don’t use sleep medication, in the long term that’s harmful and addictive.
- Physical Activity. Regular physical activity will benefit your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Fresh air and exercise will alleviate your anxiety, stress, and depression ~ it will also help you to sleep at night. Try the 10,000 steps a day challenge ~ it helps.
- Meditation and Mindfulness. Before you go to bed at night try to meditate for 20 or 30 minutes. Practicing mindfulness is proven to help relieve stress.
- Breathing. There are a lot of controlled breathing / relaxation techniques. I have something very individual that works for me, kept me alive more than once.
- Learn Effective Time Management. If you are constantly running from pillar to post, then no wonder you are stressed. If you are at everyone else’s beck and call, plagued by interruptions, then no wonder you are stressed.
- Dietary Supplements. The chances are you’re not eating well, so the chances are your body is chronically short of vital vitamins and minerals; for example a deficiency of potassium or vitamin K might kill you.
There are innumerable websites that will give you all the information and advice you need on the above topics.
Some say that they’re not really stressed. And they’re just having a bad day. All I know is that less stress equals more happiness.
If you’re in real trouble, sit quietly for a while, empty your mind; and do not do anything stupid.
the trouble with introspection is that is has no end
my mood today
Still in hospital ~ I’m pretty down, depressed, and very troubled. Nothing seems to be going right for me ~ excepting I’m not dead and I haven’t had to have major surgery. I have some good and caring friends on this site, and who I met through this site, but I’m certain all of them think I’m crazy. Nothing much I can do about that other than every single day try to be a better man than I was yesterday. I hope my friends try to understand.
Now I’m free of the catheter I was able to take a bath this morning ~ you might have no idea just how good a soak in a hot bath feels if all you’ve had in about 10 days is a bed bath. My skin doesn’t feel madly itchy, and my hair doesn’t feel greasy and lousy anymore ~ and I had a proper wet shave. They won’t let me wear aftershave; why is that?
I’ve seen the nutritionist, who was nice, even though she gave me a good talking-to about my previous eating habits, and especially about my getting very drunk every few weeks. I have to completely change my lifestyle, and eat a modified Paleo diet;
- No Alcohol at all, ever
- lots of fruits and vegetables
- high fibre plants and whole grains, but not legumes
- nuts and seeds, but not peanuts
- low fat meats and oily fish
- very little added sugar, salt ~ and no trans fats, saturated fats, refined carbohydrates (flour)
- no processed foods at all
But I can have black coffee and green tea.
Why do I think my whole life up ’till now has been a total failure? But dreams can come true, if you have your dreams and you’re strong enough.
The most introspective of souls are often those that have been hurt the most. ~ Shannon Alder
Other things on my agenda today are an ultrasound on my carotid arteries and a PET scan ~ they keep testing me for possible precancerous signs. Thus far I’ve been lucky, apart from early-stage alcoholic fatty liver.
I also have to go for a walk today. That should be fun, so far everywhere I needed to go in here a porter took me in a wheelchair. If I’m going home tomorrow I’ve got to get up and get back on my own two feet again. That’s not just walking, that’s my whole life ~ because at the moment large parts of my life are down the toilet.
Some say that if you have just one good friend then you can do anything. And that if you truly love someone you can conquer the world. Too bad that love is blind.
my life is merely a darkling reflection in a winter mirror