The sins of the fathers will be visited upon the children…..
Our parents told us to be wise, look ahead, be strong, don’t look back, get a job, be cool….. That’s if we were lucky. If we were unlucky they mostly ignored us, left us to fend for ourselves while they were out doing adult things. If we were very unlucky we witnessed a dysfunctional relationship, totally filled with an utter lack of love. For some it was worse than that, with one of their parents being an abusive alcoholic while the other merely acted as an enabler. There will be blood on the lawns of those homes.
Children who had abusive parents, or were from dysfunctional families, would grow up with all kinds of mental problems; Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. Alcoholism, drugs, gambling, and other addictions are also common among adults who suffer from mental health problems created in their childhood. The likelihood is that they will struggle with their own psychological and spiritual problems for all of their adult lives, mirroring the lives of their parents. They too will find themselves in dysfunctional or abusive relationships, treatment centres, rehabilitation centres. and hospitals of one kind or another for one reason or another. If they are wise they will not have children of their own.
I know this because I have suffered some of this, and I have also known many people who have suffered a less than ideal childhood and have turned out to be less than perfect adults and parents. Sadly many of the suffering people I used to know are dead; alcoholism, drug use, accidents, sundry medical problems, suicide…..
If you’re suffering from anything I’ve mentioned above, you will also know that the caring professions are mostly
fucking damn useless at helping people with mental illnesses or addictions of any kind. You may get talking therapies, and you will probably be prescribed all kinds of nasty medication, neither of which will be of much help. You may have tried 12-step recovery groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon. Not many stick around these 12-step groups for long. But there is something that helped me.
One thing often said in these 12-step groups is; ‘fake it until you make it’, or ‘fake it to make it’. In other words if what you want to be is a kind, caring, sober person, then ‘act as if’ you were that person. This technique is widely accepted in the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming. And, keep telling yourself; ‘I am a kind, caring, sober guy’. If you believe it, then you actually are that guy. Self-talk does work.
It turns out that I believe my own self-talk ~ ‘I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life’. I can be anyone and anything I want to be. I can manifest any kind of life I want, need, desire, or dream of ~ providing I don’t give in to lusts or base emotions.
There has been blood in my garden, blood helps the flowers grow.
in your race for self-destruction
stop to smell the flowers
The past is never what you believed it was.
memories like past passing clouds
drift silently screaming monochrome
colourless in grey and white shadows
destructive shades of love and home
ignored lies, shards of present charades
living in the past bitterness forever alone
the less you give a fuck about the shadows, the happier you will be
A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.
As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses. But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us. It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit. Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.
There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life. For me, these tools include;
- Good Nutrition. A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
- Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
- Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
- Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
- Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
- Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.
It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.
In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever. So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.
If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.
Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier. And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life. All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.
enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day
Chaos breeds life energies – Order brings habit
from my hotel room’s patio
Day one of the From Chaos to Coherence retreat was gratifyingly far more intense and content-rich than even my best expectations. Admittedly, with two speakers operating consecutively, there wasn’t quite the strongest thread running through the dozens of topics explored – and I wonder how many of the delegates managed to keep up. I’m not certain that all of the mature women there, (and the attendees were by far mostly women), are totally alongside the counterintuitive concepts of quantum mechanics. Although I’m damn certain everyone there was fully congruent with spooky connections, and that reality is an illusion.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. – Einstein
For me, the most powerful message imparted can be summed up in the phrase: The interconnectedness of all things.
Ergo, if you change one thing in your life, the ripple effect will mean that everything in your life will change in some way – eventually. And that if you take a drug, prescription or otherwise, then every organ and cell in your body will be affected, not just the organs the drug is supposedly targeted towards.
Some say that without movement, change, and chaos there is only stagnation and death. And, that the better we know ourselves the less we fear change. All I know is that I feel self-empowered, and self-confident today.
The Enchanted Land
Hold infinity in your soul, and eternity in your dreams
haunting music of the wind, wave counterpointed, kaleidoscope echoed
wildly framed the seascape bowl with solitary figure slowly walking
alone against a world struggling, changing but ever the same
men, mankind, tide, and time change
but the sea is the ever the same
There are more things in Heaven and Earth
Than are dreamt of in your philosophies
At heart I am a skeptic who refuses to believe without direct personal experience, or hard evidence that what I have been told is indeed true. More than that, I am a practical, engineering, Newtonian Physics kind of Englishman who does not take charlatans, fools, and knaves kindly. I give no credence whatsoever to alien encounters, flat earthers, or people who believe that the Pyramids were built by men from other star systems.
So what am I doing trusting in such things as divination, precognition, and spooky connections? Why do I have and use a pack of tarot cards, am in constant close contact with my personal astrologer, would walk ten-thousand miles to avoid a ouija board, and believe that kissing a witch in the moonlight is more than just a kiss?
If it comes right down to it, why do I believe that there are such beings as witches?
Well, recently Victoria, my personal astrologer and tarot reader, wrote to me;
You are now venturing on another important evolutionary step on your life path to discover what you are truly capable of, and realizing that you have an immense inner power! Part of your life path is discovering what this power is, unearthing this power from the depths of your heart and soul, and knowing how you can use it in the various areas of your daily existence. ~ Victoria
Not so long ago I would have utterly rejected those words.
Now, I’m pretty certain that Victoria has a gift, and that she knows what she’s talking about.
I’m better at denial than most, and my mind is more closed than even most Englishmen of my generation, but looking back on my life I can see some hard evidence that I have abilities most others do not.
For example; it’s not just that I can tell when people are lying to me, or know when they have falsehoods in their soul….. my ability to read people is far deeper than that, and I used it unashamedly when I worked in banking and finance. And, that’s as much as I’m going to say about my ‘…..immense inner power…..’
What I will tell you is that everyone who reads this blog is a unique individual who deserves to receive much more recognition and respect for who they innately are, and for the good they do in this world.
Some say that they do not feel as much in charge of their own destiny as they could and should be. And, that there are people and situations preventing them from accomplishing all that they deserve and desire. All I know is that everyone reading this is stronger than others believe.
the ultimate and impalpable strength
of the Divine Feminine
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter if it’s alcohol or marijuana
In yesterday’s post 10 things successful people do, I said that successful people stay healthy and overcome their addictions ~ well, it’s impossible to stay healthy in the long-term if you have a drugs habit, drink too much, or smoke. Alcoholism, drug abuse, and smoking will all kill you, especially if you are prey to all three. Most addicts have multiple addictions. Add gambling into the mix and you will die a horrible death, after you have lost everything you have.
There are NO exceptions to that rule.
You may think that you drink a little bit, use pot or coke just now and again, take a few too many of your prescription drugs, smoke the odd cigarette when you’re feeling stressed or happy, go to Vegas to gamble every once in a while….. It could be you have a problem you’re not admitting to yourself, and lying about to everyone else.
Denial is not a river in Egypt. Denial will kill you.
The very first step in overcoming an addiction is to admit that you have a problem. The first step in all 12 step recovery groups is to honestly admit that you have a problem. Your problem with booze, drugs, smoking, gambling, unsafe casual sex, erotica, pornography, dangerous pastimes, sugar, food….. may not be so bad ~ YET. Let me tell you, your problem will only get worse, unless you do something about it. And what you have to do is STOP drinking, smoking, using drugs, gambling, or whatever.
There is no such thing as controlled drinking, drug abuse, gambling…..
And, if you cannot stop, and if you still lie about it to yourself and others, then you are a true alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler, long-term chain smoker, and you’re going to lose everything you have, and die horribly. Things may only be a little bit rocky now, but that’s ok for you, missing work once in a while isn’t so bad. Let me tell you, it is going to get worse if you do not completely stop drinking, using, smoking, gambling…..
No matter how bad thing are now, they will get worse.
What to do? A good start is to go and see your doctor, and tell him / her that you have a problem. But, the chances are that, unless you have an exceptional doctor, they’re not going to be much help. Do Not just accept more medication from your doctor ~ drugs in any form are bad for you. Also, the chances are that if you have a propensity to addiction, then you also have an underlying psychological problem. What you probably need is ‘talking therapy’ to deal with your underlying Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD……
Admit you have a problem, and talk to people who understand.
From bitter personal experience I can tell you that there are only two things that work when it comes to recovering from the problems of an addiction;
- Completely stop drinking, using, smoking, gambling, binge eating…..
- Talk with people who truly understand. Ask for their help.
If you are an addict, then you will never, ever be cured, all you can do is begin to recover from your addiction. You will never be able to go back to drinking, or whatever…..
Some say that being an addict means that you are a morally weak degenerate lunatic. And, that all addicts are hopeless cases who will just die sooner rather than later. All I know is that it is possible to begin to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder and Alcoholism.
addicts are not lunatics,
but they may well have a psychological problem
Life can take us down unexpected and difficult paths.
Through painful experience, I have learned that to be very successful in your life, there are some things we must do. Most of them are difficult, bordering on the impossible, but all of these 10 things listed below are actually achievable.
There are two types of people who will tell that you cannot make a difference in this world; those who are afraid to try, and those who are afraid you will succeed. ~ Ray Goforth.
I firmly believe that these are the most important of the rules we must follow in order to overcome life’s challenges, and ultimately win out:
- Stay Healthy. It’s almost impossible to be successful if you’re often ill, spending time in bed, or in hospital.
- Overcome Addictions. Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Gambling, Smoking….. to name perhaps the most dangerous of all possible addictions. If you drink too much you will lose almost everything. If you drink and gamble you will lose everything. If you drink, gamble, smoke, and take drugs, you will lose everything, and then you’ll die ~ horribly
- Stay Within the Law. If you get involved with illegal activities, including taking drugs, drink driving, illegal gambling ~ sometime or other you will have a run in with The Police. A criminal record does your chances of living your dream life no good at all.
- Say Goodbye to Toxic People. Toxic relationships will make you unhappy, corrupt your mind and soul, and prevent you from realising how much better things can be.
- Seek Out, and Take, Good Advice. If you’re physically ill see a doctor, if you’re suffering mentally see a counsellor, and if you’re just struggling seek out your closest and wisest friend. Whatever advice you’re given, really take it to heart.
- Do Not Waste Time or Money. Too many people throw their money away without thought. Almost everyone wastes their time on unimportant activities. A fool and his money are soon parted. Time is the most precious resource we have.
- Stay Romantically and Sexually Faithful. Affairs, casual sex, multiple partners, using sex-workers, are all going to waste your time and money. You will get into trouble, and if you’re married, you will be asked for a divorce.
- Keep Learning. Nobody can know everything, but most people don’t even try to improve their mind and knowledge once they finish their formal education. The internet and a million books are out their, and something you learn may just give you the edge you need to become successful.
- Focus On Things You Can Control. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And, don’t let me try to change people, because that never works.
- Follow Your Dreams. Dreams are the fuel for your success. Without dreams there can never be any meaningful and lasting success in your life.
Some very smart people can ignore some of these rules, some of the time, and still be successful. But you can’t ignore all of these rules, all of the time, and still have a hope in hell of making a success of your life. And, never worry about failure, just make certain that you pick yourself up and start again.
Marmaduke is a success,
and he loves Bentleys and Jaguars
Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman ~ As Time Goes By
In Casablanca, Rick never said; ‘Play it again Sam’, but he should have
Women can drive a man to remember, and to think
all that may make a guy so take just one more drink
and booze does no good, but his love is treacherous
he can do better, and he will always have memories
I never truly told a friend how much I loved her, and I should have.
jack collier email@example.com
If you take everything personally and to heart, it will tear you apart.
be who you are
and total self-assurance
display utter self-confidence
try to really know who you are
let all those bastards and bitches
just fuck off to have a really nice day
in their sad dysfunctional relationships
of bad one-time loves and other strangers
some relationships are mere transitory financial transactions.