When you stop expecting people to be perfect,
then you can like them for who they are.
Believing our expectations causes pain because the expectations often clash with reality ~ with life as it really is, and the future as it is meant to be. The expectation could be as simple as; I wish I didn’t have to go to the store today’ or the expectation could be powerful, such as ‘after all this I expect her to have sex with me’. It could be an utterly impossible desire, such as wanting her to exercise hard to have a better body.
Whatever the disconnect is, any time we believe a thought that says Life should be different from the way it is now, then we will really suffer. Every single time.
Have an expectation that isn’t completely under your own control, an expectation that says; ‘he / she should be different, Life should be different’, and you will get badly hurt. Take life as it is, live in the moment, and don’t ever try to change another person, and most likely you won’t be hurt ~ or not so badly. Even you cannot control the cosmos.
Some of the time we cannot even control our own thoughts, which have a tendency to drift off into fantastical flights of fancy, building castles in the clouds. Most of the time we can’t control our own bodies; we get sick, we gain weight, we start looking older….. What will happen will happen whether we like it or not ~ sometimes it’s best to pretend to like what’s happening, even if you secretly hate it. Remember the adage ‘fake it to make it’.
If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou.
Never focus so hard on what you want that you ignore what you already have. Never believe that you can change a woman, because you can’t. And, if you can’t live with what you have, then just walk away. You certainly can never change her past.
Some say that men are quick to leave a relationship. And that they almost always return. All I know is that if you leave her, you should never, ever look back.
never date an alcoholic woman
it will not end well
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again.
This song says something important to me right now.
You cannot change anyone, unless they want to change.
some men think that there’s more than one way to fix a woman
The unbearable pain of loving a woman who does not love you.
hot heavy deep urgent
steaming locomotive breath
passions spent and now resting
she just gives it away
to whomsoever wants her
casual sex is what she desires
A liar will never be believed, even when she speaks the truth.
Everybody lies. Lies are the oil that lubricates the grinding wheels of interpersonal relationships. Most people don’t always want to be told the unvarnished truth, especially by their partner ~ for example being told that you look terrible hurts, even if it is the truth. In a 10-minute conversation the average American will tell two or three lies ~ basically people lie a lot.
There are different kinds of lies, some are small and immaterial, and some are huge, outrageous, and evil. However a lie is still a lie, even if it’s justified as a well-intentioned white lie, or it’s a lie of omission where we just don’t say anything at all about something important.
Some lies are actually criminal fraud. For example;
- lies about your qualifications and work experience on your CV
- Plagiarism, piracy, and passing-off
- creating false paperwork to obtain a loan, drivers licence, passport, etc.
- using false information to complete official forms, for example health insurance
It seems that many people are happy to live with lies like this, telling themselves that it’s just a clever way to beat the system. Do or say whatever you like, but if you go down this road your life will be a fake. And, at some point you may get into serious trouble. As an example, a contract of insurance is a contract uberrimae fidei, (of utmost good faith), if you don’t tell the whole truth on an insurance document the whole thing is null and void. Your insurance company can refuse your claims, and reclaim any past claims you have made.
If you do lie and cheat, just be ready for the consequences because eventually you will be caught out. Your fantastic house of cards will just fall apart. The thing about lying is that you can never know with certainty the risk of being discovered or the severity of the consequences. Lie in a relationship and you’ll probably get dumped. Lie in a marriage and you will probably get divorced.
Some say that there’s a fool born every minute. And that women make the best liars. All I know is that some truths are best left unsaid.
lovers often lie to each other
and to their husbands and wives
The only certainties in life are death and taxes. ~ Mark Twain
Everybody lies, and everybody lies the most to themselves. Because of my 30 years in banking and finance, I have been able to mostly avoid paying taxes through not always telling the whole truth, but death is something nobody can avoid. However, like a lot of men I’ve been lying to myself about that. It’s time I faced the truth.
Over the past few weeks I’ve come to the conclusion that I need an ‘end-of-life’ plan, so that others are not left to clear up what is left after I shuffle off this mortal coil. I never wanted to think about these morbid things, yet what I need to do over the next few weeks and months is put in place some very uncomfortable stuff.
- Contact a lawyer and write my will. I more or less know what’s going to be in it.
- With the same lawyer write a ‘living will‘. A living will is an advance decision that says I refuse certain medical treatments, even if that would lead to my death. I have no wish to spend my final days as a vegetable.
- Contact a funeral director to arrange and pay for my cremation ~ which will be a very simple affair.
- I have more money than I can sensibly spend between now and when I’m not really interested in having fun any more. Even though I’m an expert in banking and finance, the money I have, and the property I own should be better managed. I need to get on with that.
- I need a better plan for my own physical and mental health.
I never, ever wanted to think about these morbid schemes. Planning my own ‘end-of-life’ has been freaking me out. But, now that I’m determined to get on with it, things don’t seem so bad.
The greatest reward a man can leave at the end of his life is a clean and tidy death.
Be steadfast in your love, and honest in your heart.
bravery courtesy gallantry
civility chastity celibacy decency
dependability desirability dignity honesty
humility intimacy fidelity integrity loyalty morality
modesty nobility purity probity reliability sincerity veracity
immoral sexuality sensuality physicality promiscuity dishonesty
the truth of love is in a rose
A firm sense of right and wrong isn’t fashionable these days.
It seems that unless I always agree with what others think, say, and do ~ then I’m wrong, bad, reactionary, and backward. Worse than that, if I happen to think that what other people have done isn’t necessarily ethical or sensible, then somehow I’m attacking them. I’m not, I just disagree.
Look at what the majority of people are saying and doing, and do the exact opposite, and you’ll probably never go wrong for as long as you live. ~ Earl Nightingale.
Thinking and doing the opposite of what the majority is doing or has done isn’t about being different for the sake of being different. There are lots of times that agreeing with everyone else is the right thing to do. There are lots of times when the well-trodden path is the right one for me to take.
The challenge for me is to know when to take the road less travelled.
Thinking, saying, and doing the opposite of what others would have me do is quite likely to make me feel uncomfortable. It’s scary, lonely, and exposes me to the harshest criticisms. It’s never easy to be seen to be going against the grain, and ignoring the attitudes and advice of my friends, family, and wider society. But, I’m used to being uncomfortable and the odd one out.
I feel no need to justify my ethics, attitudes, and actions ~ no matter the slings and arrows of discontent thrown against me.
Doing the exact opposite of the norm, or refusing to change who and what I am, does not always achieve the results, goals, and dreams I want. But, I have discovered that just repeating what others do, or agreeing with what others think, doesn’t always work either.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein.
There are some people it would be much easier to always agree with. It would probably make me much happier just to agree with them and go along with what they like.
It isn’t going to happen.
Some say that it’s good to be liberated and do whatever you like regardless of the consequences. And, that if you don’t agree with the latest and most fashionable opinion, then you’re wrong and reactionary. All I know is that I have the strongest possible self-awareness and self-discipline, and I’m happy with that.
sometimes, a real man needs to take the road less travelled
If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. ~ Hitler
Allegedly there are 8 types of lie ~ that is an oversimplification. I don’t believe that you can simply categorise lies. I believe that there are an infinite number of ways that we lie, and that we are lied to, and that most often we are lied to by omission. People just don’t admit to some things they don’t want us to know.
The slickest way in the world to tell a lie is to tell the right amount of truth at the right time ~ and then shut up. ~ Robert A. Heinlein.
The worst lies of all are those we tell to ourselves, and again mostly these are lies of omission. We refuse to remember some of the bad stuff we have done in our past, and we refuse to admit to ourselves the bad things we fully intend to do in the future. And if anyone asks us about any of that, of course we shall lie and hotly deny our past, present, and probable future sins.
Probably the biggest lie being foisted upon the world at the moment relates to the cause of the fire at the medieval cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris, which allegedly was an accidental electrical fire, or something like that. I believe that like I believe Parisian women don’t smell of garlic and cigarettes, overlaid with lots of perfume. But if I was a Frenchman in authority, I wouldn’t want to stir up even more sectarian hatred of moslems.
But that matters not one jot. What really matters is how much of the truth we admit to ourselves, and how much of the truth are those we care for telling us.
We should stop expecting loyalty from people who won’t even give us honesty.
if you think you’re being lied to, then you probably are
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. ~ Seneca
There’s a 1945 film noir called The Lost Weekend, starring Ray Milland, which explores the really bad side of drinking far too much. The lead character literally loses an entire weekend ~ and then tries to kill himself over the things he learns when all the misery and pain start to come back to him.
Alcohol and suicide go together like ham and eggs.
As it goes, any booze at all counts as drinking far too much for me. I have no tolerance for alcohol whatsoever. Most people can take a couple of drinks in safety; nothing really bad happens to them. These days I can’t even smell strong drink without something bad happening to me.
Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you. ~ Jay Bylsma.
I took a couple of drinks on April 13th, and didn’t really come around again until April 19th ~ that’s very bad. I lost a whole week out of my life, and for what? I don’t even enjoy the best wines anymore
It is not the length of life that matters, but the depth of life.
What would you do if you knew that you only had one month to live? Or just one day ~ until noon?
Some say that they would finally say goodbye to all of their friends and family, put their affairs in order, and quietly sit down and wait for the grim reaper to call.
Others say they would tick off as many things on their bucket list as they could. They forget that wherever they go they take their whole life along with them.
And then there are those facing certain death who retreat into denial with religion and a bottle of booze.
Not that I believe that I am anywhere near the end of days, but I’ve had to seriously accept that my time on this planet is numbered, and the count-down started the day I was conceived.
I get the feeling that I don’t belong here, that everything good is so hard to hear, they’re just not listening. I’ve walked so far along the warrior’s path that sometimes I aim too high. I get the feeling that I am among the lucky few who has been able to accept that winter comes eventually.
So, with the assumption that I have 28 Days to Live, how does that change what’s left of my life?
- Money is worthless.
- Possessions are useless.
- Unhappiness is pointless.
- Stale relationships don’t matter at all.
- Negativity and judgementalism are a waste of time.
Only people, places, and things I do that bring me immediate happiness, contentment, and serenity deserve any place in what’s left of my life. Making other people happy may give me vicarious satisfaction, but that matters not one jot. Nothing lasts forever, people change their minds, and today is just another day. Living life to the fullest, seizing the day, means that I will only be around those who can fill my life with a kaleidoscope of colour.
My castle is in the clouds, and if others don’t want to go there then they can fuck off and have a nice day without me.
Some men say that she holds their heart in their hands. And, that if they can’t have her their life can never be complete. All I know is that it will be all right without her, I will be as strong as I can be.
a man with 28 days to live should perhaps find a woman who has fabulous legs