Category Archives: Ethics

Monochrome Monday ~ Smoking Hot

Love is a smoke made up with the fume of sighs.  ~   Shakespeare

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

It takes a certain type of woman to accept a light when she’s only wearing black lingerie

and lots of makeup, and earrings, and probably tall heels

Why Stop Stacking Rocks?

making a rock stack is a kind of environmental graffiti

those are gigantic, natural ‘rock stacks’

There are those environmentalists who urge people not to build rock stacks because it’s meaningless environmental graffiti,  and disturbs the natural world.  And there are those other environmentalists who would like us all to reduce our carbon footprint by stopping flying cattle-class to take our two-week annual vacation in the sun, as all the while they take a dozen trips a month on private jets to speak at meaningless green conferences.  There are also those beggar-my-neighbour lunatics who would like to have building a little rock stack made illegal.

Man has been making piles of stones since the dawn of time, usually making big heaps of stones called cairns to mark a footpath ~ in the days when losing your way was a deadly mistake.  No doubt some Neolithic nutters were against that too.  Mind you I think it’s a damn shame that man cut down most of the ancient woodland here in England.

Unless you’re digging up stones with a lot of critters underneath, then the environmental impact of making a rock stack is effectively zilch.  Anyone can easily unmake it at any time.  But then ‘environmentally friendly’ ‘people are never really live-and let live types.

Some say that people should be banned from all the ‘unspoilt’ places on the planet.  And don’t do as I do, do as I say.  All I know is that the world would be a better place if most of the ‘environmentally friendly ‘ people packed their bags and left.

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Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

probably someone wanted to ban building Stonehenge, that’s a rock stack

Vacation Drinking

water and booze should only ever meet in a glass

~

Here in very hot and sunny Turkey I’ve suddenly noticed how much people drink on vacation.  And, maybe I’ve only noticed because I’ve been sober for a little while.  Not so long ago I would have been boozing along with the best, and totally oblivious to how much others drank, or as is less likely, didn’t drink.

I am minded to think that copious quantities of alcohol, holiday uninhibitedness, skimpy clothing, heat, sun and deep water could lead to more sorts of trouble than one.

Some say that vacations are a time for fun, and never mind the consequences.  And what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  All I know is that whatever you do and wherever you do it, there will be consequences afterwards.  There is no such thing as a free ride.

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Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I have pictures of people boozing,

but there are privacy issues

Personality Disorders

You must suffer me to go my own dark way.

50 Shades of Grey is full of people with serious personality disorders

In psychiatry a personality disorder is defined as; a deeply ingrained pattern of behaviour of a specified kind that deviates from the norms of generally accepted behaviour, typically apparent by the time of adolescence, and causing long-term difficulties in personal relationships and / or functioning in society.

Those unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder have a serious mental illness, which often varies in severity over time, and struggle to live anything like a normal life.

There are about 10 different major types of personality disorder;

  1. Paranoid.  People with this have extreme paranoia which is not based in reality.
  2. Schizoid.  This is not schizophrenia. This prevents people from having close relationships with others.
  3. Schizotypal. This is not schizophrenia nor is it schizoid personality disorder.  People with this tend to have strange and eccentric beliefs, such as in UFOs and a Flat Earth.  Normal people have difficulty relating to people with schizotypal personality disorder.
  4. Antisocial.  People with this utterly disregard the rights and feelings of others.  Antisocial Personality Disorder encompasses sociopaths and psychopaths.
  5. Narcissistic.  This is similar to antisocial personality disorder, again these people disregard the feelings and rights of others, but this is also accompanied by total arrogance and a feeling of importance.
  6. Histrionic.  These people excessively seek out attention, are the life and soul of the party, they need to feel validated.
  7. Borderline.  This is similar to paranoid personality disorder, but people with BPD also have extreme and rapid mood swings and a morbid fear of abandonment.  People with BPD engage in risky behaviour.
  8. Avoidant.  These people do not take risks, suffer from agorophobia, extreme social inhibition…..
  9. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  People with this personality disorder have to be control of their environment, are obsessively clean and tidy, and engage in strange and repetitive actions.
  10. Dependent Personality Disorder.  This causes separation anxiety, and an inability to take action on their own, without the advice of others.

Anyone suffering from any of the above personality disorders will have difficulty coping in the real world, struggle to have and maintain healthy relationships with others, and can suffer from the symptoms and traits of serious mental, emotional, and psychological illnesses; depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, promiscuity, gaslighting, compulsive gambling, criminality, suicidal tendencies, extreme anger and violence, detachment from reality…..

Those with a serious personality disorder may also appear charming, successful, and high-functioning.  However, if others feel that they are always walking on eggshells around you, then it’s a sure sign that you have one or more of the above personality disorders.

If you have a personality disorder you need immediate and long-term medical help ~ or you may cause serious harm to yourself and / or others.  In extreme cases those with serious symptoms of their personality disorder may cause death.  But, good luck in getting a proper diagnosis or any suitable treatment.

Some of the personality disorders listed above do not respond to medication, and are only amenable to talking treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I have suffered from borderline personality disorder for a long, long time, and I am only now beginning to have some decent recovery from the destructive symptoms of this illness.

Some say that you’re just plain crazy.  And that you’re one strange dude.  All I know is that if you have a personality disorder, it’s not your fault.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

those with a personality disorder are very much Jekyll and Hyde characters.

No Redemption for Young Men

typically, younger guys never make good choices

British lager louts

Rigorous statistical and sociological analysis tells me that younger guys, in their late teens and early twenties, are rude, lazy, self-centered, mindless, moronic, destructive, uncaring, loutish jerks.  They have no finer feelings nor noble thoughts, they operate purely from reptilian instinct.  Younger guys tend to drink too much, use drugs, do nothing for their fellow human beings, act on dangerous impulses, engage in criminality and lawlessness, destroy places and things just for the savage joy of destruction, and screw every girl or woman who is stupid enough to let them.

Allow me to give you some evidentiary examples;

  • Walking past a filling station a couple of days ago I watched a couple of younger guys driving out.  Their car windows were open, mindless music blasting out, and they each chucked a half-empty drinks can out of their respective window, littering the filling station forecourt.
  • Walking on the footpath a younger guy, (who looked for all the world like an addict), almost ran me down with his bicycle.  No apology, no consideration for my safety at all.  The words fucking wanker remained unspoken in my mind.
  • A few days ago a couple of teenage males were caught on camera mindlessly kicking shit out of a D-Day memorial in Gosport.
  • The scourge of violent moped gangs plaguing British city centres are all disaffected younger men ~ not so bad if they didn’t arm themselves with machetes.
  • Here, the city has just planted some young trees in the street where I live, and on Sunday night, (which is a big party night), a young guy tore one of those saplings apart.  What kind of mindless moron would deliberately destroy a sapling, just for fun?
  • Every day I take an early morning walk.  On Saturday, Sunday, and Monday mornings, after a drunken party night before, the whole town is littered with bottles, glasses, broken glass, discarded girls’ shoes and bits of clothing, and piles of vomit.  Only younger people go to the bars around here.
  • I have it on very good authority, from a very close friend, that when a young guy dates a girl or woman, it’s all about money, lust, power, and sex ~ there is never any affection, romance or love involved,  just mindless fornication.

I could go on and on, but I don’t need to because you already know all this stuff.  Many of the young guys of today, especially poorly educated young men from a lower-class background, are often utterly anti-social, violent, destructive thugs.

Some say that we were all kids once.  And that boys will be boys.  All I know is that I cross the street to avoid groups of younger guys.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the lives of most loutish disgusting horny young men revolves around booze drugs and sex

Recovering from Retroactive Jealousy

I get jealous, I get mad, I get curious ~ that’s only because I care

jealousy is always, always, ultimately destructive

Yesterday I posted some stuff about Retroactive Jealousy, which seems to be the most disturbing, counter-intuitive, difficult to comprehend, painful psychological condition anyone could suffer from.  Jealousy drove me to drink and thoughts of suicide.  But, how to get over this life-destroying problem, just how does one recover from jealousy over your partner’s past?

Retroactive Jealousy is a serious mental disorder, which means that your jealousy is not really part of you, it’s your mental illness driving you into painfully insane thoughts and actions.  Your jealousy may not be you, it might be obsessions and compulsions which arise from a medical disease, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Do not make the mistake of waiting passively for the jealousy, and the insane urges to do something crazy to just go away.  By something crazy I mean getting drunk a lot, stalking your partner’s social media, spying on your partner, committing suicide…..  If you suffer from retroactive jealousy the worst thing you can do is nothing ~ the most important thing is to do something, see a psychiatrist, talk to your sponsor in whatever 12 step group you attend, watch some appropriate podcasts on YouTube, read a useful book ~ Brain Lock might be helpful, as might The Road Less Travelled.  DO NOT ever talk with your partner about this ~ that is the very worst thing you can do, it’s like an alcoholic taking just one more drink, there is no relief to be found there.

Talking with your partner about their past, the past that you suffer crazy jealousies about, is just another way of harming yourself ~ and in any event your partner will probably lie, deny, and minimise what they did in their past.  There is no truth and no recovery to be found in talking things over with your partner.

To recover from retroactive jealousy you have to put in some very hard work.  And the first step is to admit that you have a real and life-destroying problem.  And then you have to consider Desire, Wants, Needs, and Love.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.  ~  Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The accepted prerequisite for anyone to suffer from Retroactive Jealousy is that they must both love and need their partner, or at least firmly believe that they both love and need their partner.  There can be no retroactive jealousy unless you first deeply care about someone.  Ergo, one sure cure for this horrible condition is to stop needing and loving him or her.  Face it, why would you love someone who has done things which hurt you so deeply, perhaps things that disgust you?  That really is counter intuitive, so to stop hurting, just stop loving.

Another way to cure retroactive jealousy is to just walk away ~ leave your partner, never look back, and then completely forget them.  Mark the time you spent with him or her as the biggest mistake of your life, and move on.

Or, put yourself into months and years of really painful therapy.

How am I recovering from Retroactive Jealousy?  I’ve stopped needing.  The truly self-aware and self-reliant man has no neediness.

Some say that real men don’t suffer from jealousy.  And that being jealous only shows up your own inadequacies.  All I know is that the insanity of being jealous of the past almost killed me.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

falling in love with a centerfold is maybe not the best idea a guy could ever have

 

No Resentments Here

let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday

~

animus

on a poster

on a dingy wall

in the room where

the meetings were held

were these spiritual words

no ill will, hostility, bitterness

no matter how ugly the jealousy

dissatisfaction, rancour, antagonism

there is no justification for resentments

not here, not with one you loved, not ever

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

in a bar hunted by singles

drinking and smoking alone

is no panacea for resentments

 

 

Retroactive Jealousy

The past is not the past, it is never done and gone.

male sexual jealousy is a dragon that will devour your very soul

I only just learned of a condition called Retroactive Jealousy, but it seems as though I’ve suffered from this horrible character defect for much of my life.  Now I know that this is a quite common condition that’s also known as retrospective jealousy and retrograde jealousy.

Retroactive Jealousy is having extremely painful thoughts and morbid curiosity over your partner’s / loved one’s past relationships and / or sexual history ~ especially if they went through a very promiscuous phase involving multiple sexual partners or were deeply in love with another or others.

Retroactive Jealousy can lead you to do crazy things; stalk your partner’s social media, check through all their old photographs, post very negative and attacking things about them on your own social media, hire a private detective, park outside their house night after night…..  All jealousy is utterly insane and crazy.

It seems that jealousy commonly arises not only about events and thoughts that happen in the present, but also about the past ~ even the past long before we met our current partner.

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.  ~  Havelock Ellis

Both men and women can suffer terribly from retroactive jealousy, but from very different causes.  Men get jealous over their perception of their partner’s sexual history, whereas women get jealous about the other women they believe their partner has been in love with in the past.  And, retroactive jealousy only happens in the presence of love.  If you are just having a one-night-stand, casual sex, regular sex hookups, or a meaningless fling, then retroactive jealousy will not raise its ugly head.  It is only when you begin to really love someone that you might suffer from terrible jealousies about their past.

This is utterly counter-intuitive, because we are conditioned to believe that true love is unconditional, and that we should accept, understand, and cherish our loved one, no matter what.  Sadly, this is not how real life works.  The past will always affect our deepest emotions, and more often than not things that our partner has done in the past will tear us apart.

It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions ~ especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage, and grief.  ~  Debbie Ford.

Retroactive Jealousy need not plague you forever, as long as you are prepared to change, as long as you are prepared to put in the hard work ~ but that needs to be the topic of another post.

Some say that you should accept your partner’s past, no matter what it is.  And that a competent and self-confident person should be incapable of jealousy in everything.  All I know is that there are only two choices about retroactive jealousy; #1 fully accept and understand your partner’s past, #2 walk away and don’t look back.

Always remember that your jealousy is your problem not your partners ~ so deal with it.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

if your partner has things like this in her past most men will suffer retroactive jealousy

Building Self-Confidence

If you believe in yourself and feel confident in yourself, you can do just about anything.

acting utterly self-confident

Self-confidence is all about being comfortable and happy with who you are ~ trusting in one’s own abilities, qualities, and judgement.  It’s about being OK with what you are doing and where you are heading.  It’s not about going into a room full of people and wondering if they will like you, its about going into a room full of people and wondering if you like them.  True self-confidence is about being completely at peace with yourself.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which is a clinical condition, and this means I do not know who I am, people scare me for no good reason, and my emotions are all over the place, all the damn time.  It’s very difficult to have true and profound self-confidence when you also suffer from a morbid fear of abandonment.  Borderline Personality disorder is considered the most unstable and deadly of all mental health conditions ~ the death rate from suicide alone among sufferers from BPD is around 10%.

My confidence can be destroyed by minor setbacks, when people criticise me or put me down, or when my personality disorder creates anger, paranoia, jealousy, fear, and a complete inability to sustain a relationship.

Beware of those around you who subtly sow the seeds of doubt.  ~  Wayne G. Trotman

Back in the day, when I was in International Banking, I needed to appear to be totally self-confident ~ and I developed a set of coping mechanisms, techniques, and tricks that allowed me to give the appearance of inner certainty, complete belief in myself, and that I was totally at ease. Basically I was faking it.

However, nobody is perfect.  Nobody has all the answers.  The odd thing is that, because I know exactly what my faults are I can deal with my imperfections.  And, I am so fucking damn smart I know almost all the answers to all the questions.  I should be filled with self-confidence, and I’m not.

So what do I do?  I fake self-confidence ~ and when I fake self-confidence well enough, then I come to feel confident and empowered.  Most people have no idea that I’m putting on an act.  By appearing confident other people are happy to know me, to work with me, to rely upon me, to date me, and to be with me.  As they say in 12-step recovery programs; fake it to make it.

Some say that we don’t know who we are because we don’t believe in ourselves.  And that being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength.  All I know is that true confidence comes from inner peace.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

looking good builds self-confidence

and uses up a lot of time in the gym

Ignoble Desire

nobility is not being better than anyone else,
it’s being better than you used to be

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I wanted more

than just to adore her

she could see

it was all about me

there was no nobility

in my lust and desire

I was no better a man

than I used to be

just another ignoble lover

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I like to believe that I’m a better man than I used to be

 

 

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