You will find your true life path when your inner compass is steady.
Each of us has an inner compass deep within our subconscious mind, and this controls and regulates everything we do, each and every hour of every single day. The snag is, sometimes our inner compass doesn’t point to the moral and ethical equivalent of North, and sometimes our inner compass just spins out of control.
We also have maps, models, and frameworks in our subconsciousness. And these maps, models, and frameworks allow us to make sense of the world and our family, our partner, our work, and the all the rest of our environment. These maps, models, and frameworks are what allows us to have any kind of a relationship with others because they help us to make sense of our body, our heart, our mind, and our spirit and intuition. These maps, models, and frameworks are our inner world. But, each of our inner maps are likely to be very inaccurate and incomplete, and have such helpful annotations such as; ‘Here Be Monsters’, and ‘Impassable Swamp’. Our models and frameworks are often completely wrong too.
Our inner compass, and our maps, models and frameworks are most likely to be utterly and totally wrong when we are under intolerable stress, or have suffered from a recent, (or not so very recent), trauma.
Because we are the Captain of our own ship, trying to navigate our way through this complicated, complex, and dangerous sea of life, we need to put our maps, models, and frameworks in order, we need to find a guiding light ~ sometimes we just have to junk our existing picture of the world and life, starting again with clean sheets of paper. We need to take our authority back to ourselves and ignore or reject all the authority that has been imposed upon us. The patterns and authority imposed upon us is always negative and self-destructive.
We need to become the very best version of ourselves that we can, and take back our self-belief, self-confidence, and self-will. We need to rediscover our truth and purpose, and we can never do that if we rely on outdated maps, inaccurate models, and broken frameworks.
In order to restore health and equilibrium to ourselves, to fix our broken compass, and to make new maps, models, and frameworks to help us make sense of the world we need to realise that much of what we are doing and have done falls into the realm of negativity and self-destruction. In order to rebuild something better we need to junk the old negative ways of thinking and allow new and better into our lives.
This is easy. This quest to become the best version of you that you can possibly be, the way to becoming the true Captain of your own ship, will just require you to work at it for every waking hour for the rest of your life. Regaining control of your inner compass, your maps, models, and frameworks will be a never-ending story.
Some say that self-improvement and self-development books, podcasts, videos, conferences, and retreats are a waste of time. And, some say that there is nothing at all wrong with them and the way the react to the world. All I know is that the harder and longer I try, the better I become.
hold true to a better Goddess
hold true to a cleaner and more positive sea
Dreams do not have deadlines nor commitments…..
Hardly anyone is really in control of their own life. This is doubly true if you happen to be an ‘average person’, who has a job, mortgage, and normal financial commitments ~ face it you have to turn up for work every day, whether you like it or not. Add in a family, who undoubtedly will have expectations of you, and your time is not hardly ever your own. (And, I wasn’t even thinking about the ‘average person’ who is married with children.)
The ‘average person’ can’t really have dreams and desires, unless their dreams and desires happen to fit in with what others expect of you.
Just supposing you want to take a year off, buy an old school bus, turn into a camper van, and see as much of backroads America / Europe, as you possibly can in that year. What do you think your partner / family / friends / employer / neighbours are going to say about that?
I’ll tell you that the likelihood is that their views and words will range from incredulity to negativity, to downright hostility. That is if you are an ‘average person’ living a ‘normal life’. Ergo, to protect yourself you would probably not ever have that kind of empowering dream and desire.
Instead your mind will be filled with things such as; ‘what can I do about my partner / sister / brother…..?’ or ‘how can I afford to pay my bills’, or ‘how can I get a better job?’ or ‘what can I have for lunch / dinner / supper?’
None of us can do anything about our past, except reframe the way we think about it.
Most ‘normal’ and ‘average’ people can do very little about what’s happening to them in the present. The chances are that, for them, today will be pretty much like yesterday. If they have to work for a living the chances are that any working day will be exactly like the working day before. Even their thoughts and conversations will have a mind-numbing repetitious banality.
However, and this is
fucking damned important, we can all do something about our futures.
NOBODY has to settle for the status quo. If there is something or someone in your life that’s sucking the life out of you, then get rid of it / them. If your marriage is crap / abusive / boring, then get out of it. If your job is horrible and badly paid, then leave and get another job ~ there’s nothing like being out of work to put a real edge on job hunting.
There is only one problem ~ most people will never leave their ‘comfort zone’. If that’s you, then it’s time you grew up and grasped your own future with both hands ~ carpe diem.
As for me? I’m a really cool guy, living a great life. I can do just about whatever I want, just about whenever I want ~ within my own pretty rigid code of ethics, and the fact that I don’t ever want to get arrested again.
That van was in Palm Springs
Love can be the infinite curse of a true heart.
If you believe that you love someone, then there’s no rhyme or reason about the way you think, feel, or behave. All of your various emotional and happiness chemicals just take over. Scientists say that there are 4 sets of these; dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and the endorphins which accentuate the effects of everything else. But, you have to add to that a whole bunch of other mind – brain – body stuff happening when you think you’re in love ~ such as an adrenaline rush every now and again. Add to that not eating, not sleeping, and drinking too much, and no wonder we get messed up when we believe we are in love, (or we are consumed by desire).
Our own default subconscious personality type also has a big part to play. For most of my life I suffered from an intense fear of abandonment caused by a serious psychological illness called Borderline Personality Disorder. This fear of abandonment thing either makes you utterly destroy a relationship you’re in, or hang on to a dysfunctional relationship long past the point you should have called it a day and walked away.
So this deep interest in / deep affection for / sexual desire for a particular person caused me no end of problems, because none of it was real. Multiply that by several women over time and you can see how a polite and generous Englishman could become seriously screwed up. And ‘screwed up’ is putting it very mildly.
If I tried I could probably work out how much these false love affairs / relationships / marriage had cost me in time, money and lost opportunities, but being a banker I’ll make a stab at how much ‘being in love’ has cost me in hard cash over the years. Roughly, to the nearest $100,000 ~ about $2.75 million. Thinking I was in love, with the wrong woman, has cost me more than most people will earn in a lifetime.
And what did I get in return? Bad sex.
Ah well, t’was ever thus. A fool and his money are soon parted.
you would think I should have learned my lesson by now
Political Correctness is merely bullying by another name.
It seems that I’m really not ‘politically correct’ ~ if what you mean by political correctness is fitting in with whatever is perceived as the ‘right’ way to believe, think, speak, and act by whatever minority group holds sway. For example; I like the film The Damn Busters, about a WWII RAF raid on Germany ~ that even though the word ‘Nigger’ is used 12 times in the movie, and I have no problem with that. (Nigger was the name of Wing Commander Guy Gibson’s black Labrador dog.)
Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organises hatred. ~ Jacques Barzun.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that all women, (including whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), deserve to be treated with the utmost consideration and respect. And, that sometimes creates a cognitive dissonance for me when a woman acts like a lot less than a lady; smoking, swearing, getting drunk, using drugs, cheating on her partner, picking up guys in bars,
fucking having extra-relationship flings with younger men, and having multiple sexual partners. But then, who said the world has to be perfect?
If the first words out of your mouth are to cry ‘political correctness!’, chances are very, very high that you are in fact part of the problem. ~ N. K. Jemisin.
I’m mentioning all this because of a couple of things I saw on television.
Firstly, I’ve been enjoying re-watching some old Carry On Films. These bawdy British movies are so incredibly politically incorrect it’s almost surreal. They feature very attractive, very well endowed young women, often portrayed as dumb blondes, often played by the legendary, and very funny, Barbara Windsor.
Secondly, and very seriously, I caught an episode of a US comedy / crime / drama series I quite like. The dramatic hook in this episode was that there was a person of interest, and nobody in the police department could figure out what this guy was saying, or which obscure Eastern European country he came from.
Having said that, even I couldn’t understand a
fucking damn word this particular character uttered. Whatever accent he thought he was imitating it certainly wasn’t Geordie.
No American actor can imitate any British accent whatsoever, so why the
fuck hell did the producer of this show go down the road of totally pissing off every English person born North of the Watford Gap? Ignorance and Stupidity.
There is no way the same producer would have made the same kind of mistake with any American minority, especially someone from the Gay, Lesbian, Transsexual, (whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), community. If he had he would have been sacked, pilloried, and remorselessly attacked.
But then, who gives a fuck about white Englishmen like me? (And by the way, I am NOT British, I’m English.)
TV can’t make mistakes when portraying lesbian BDSM
but it’s OK to make fun of Geordies
To enjoy a comfortable and happy life ~ stay fit and healthy.
If you want to live a great life, then you first have to show up. If you want to live a great life, then first of all you have to drag yourself out of bed at a decent time in the mornings. If you want to live a great life, then don’t spend your time smoking, getting high, drinking, over-eating, or having casual sex.
That’s unless you think that sleeping late, hanging around in bars, taking drugs, and fucking casual pick-ups constitutes living a great life. Trust me ~ it doesn’t. Live down there in the gutter like a slut or bum and you’ll die young and unhappy, and nobody at all will care.
Others may think that their lives are good, even though they spend all their time at home alone on social media, or on sex sites, or watching porn, or ‘enjoying’ other disreputable online activities. Those people are quite likely to go from one day to another unwashed, unshaven, without putting on a clean change of clothes, hair uncombed, and if they’re a woman without a touch of makeup. Their place probably looks like a pigsty, and they most likely stink too.
To live a truly great life we first of all have to be fit enough, healthy enough, and mentally alert.
And there are some easy steps to take;
- Stop using drugs ~ and that includes pot and unnecessary medication, such as sleeping aids.
- Stop smoking ~ I saw a documentary the other day, and a lot of older people were interviewed, people who had lived in the generation when everyone smoked cigarettes. Fuck! They looked horrific, especially the women. Smoking destroys your looks, your health, and then it kills you.
- Stop drinking so much ~ you may think you’re intelligent, sensible, and funny after several drinks. You are deluding yourself. After a few drinks you’re just embarrassing.
- Go to bed at a decent time every night, and get up at a decent time in the morning ~ every fucking day.
- Eat healthy ~ there are a million diet suggestions on the internet, for example try the Mediterranean Diet.
- Get some fresh air and sunshine ~ just don’t try to be one of the children of the night.
- Exercise ~ preferably in the fresh air and sunshine. For example, try walking 10,000 steps a day. Get out of your fucking car and walk to the store for a change.
- Learn to meditate ~ yoga, and walking meditation are good.
- Have some pride in yourself, learn to like and love yourself, and stop lying to yourself and others.
Everything I have written above is true. I should know, I’ve been to all of those bad places. Today I am really cool guy, living a great life, and I follow the simple programme I have outlined above.
always hanging out in the moonlight is just for vampires and fools
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much of a good time is barely enough.”
I had my flight back home to England confirmed last evening. I leave this pretty, (and pretty weird), island at 15:55 tomorrow, arriving back in my local airport at 20:10. So, I should be back in the garret at about half-past-nine tomorrow evening.
I enjoy being a solitary tourist, Lanzerote is cool, and the group of fellow solitary travellers I’m with are friendly, but something has gone a little bit wrong on this vacation. Perhaps I’ve had too much time to think, or too much sun, or I’ve had too many vacations this year….. Whatever it is I am going to be leaving here feeling uneasy, dissatisfied, and anxious. Which is not the point of a sunshine vacation at all.
Some say that you can get too much of a good thing. And, that wherever you go you take yourself with you. All I know is that I’m going to be glad to be home again.
For all the good you have done, for God’s sake Go!
There is political and economic chaos in the United Kingdom today after our Prime Minister, Theresa May, came to the Houses of Parliament and humiliatingly postponed a crucial vote on the exit of this country from the European Union. Mrs. May made lots of lame excuses as to the reason she suddenly put off this key vote, but the real reason is that she knew she was going to lose, very badly.
This postponement of a vote by a Prime Minister is almost unprecedented. It shows an appalling lack of courage, commitment, and belief on the part of the now lame-duck Mrs May. It shows this Prime Minister as a disorganised, shallow charlatan, unworthy of her great office.
If one really believes in something then one fights one’s corner to your last breath. You don’t cut and run leaving utter confusion and disarray in your wake. In the House of Commons, members of parliament laughed at this pathetic woman who showed a shambolic and cowardly side to her nature, who obviously doesn’t even know the meaning of the word courage.
Courage is the determination to do something that really frightens you. Courage is going the extra mile, telling the whole truth, and if you have to, then admitting defeat and walking away.
All good men have courage. It’s a shame that some self-serving women don’t even recognise the concept of true and honest bravery. Those women, like Mrs. May, should just be forgotten and left to rot in the dust.
Some say that a hero can only die once, but a coward dies many times. And that if you hvre never been afraid, then you cannot ever be truly brave. All I know is that brave men and women are few and far between.
If you do what you always did, then you’ll get what you always got.
As I don’t need to earn a living these days, some may say that my whole life is just one long vacation. Actually it doesn’t quite work like that ~ when I’m at home in the garret my time seems to be filled with lots of ordinary and everyday stuff. Whereas, now I’m here holidaying on Lanzerote I seem to have much more time to just sit in the sunshine and let my thoughts drift where they will.
It seems that I needed to resolve some issues, to reject the things that have blocked me in the past; the people, the choices, the mistakes, the material possessions I thought were so important….. It seems that I need to move away from the material world towards spiritual and emotional growth, and that I need to place less importance on relationships that do not, and perhaps never will, provide what I need and desire.
I need to awaken the strength within me, the spiritual self, the masculinity, ready to fight back against all the negative influences, the misleading promises, the illusions and delusions about what real happiness looks like for me.
There are some dreams and personal ambitions I want to fulfil, particularly in terms of interpersonal relationships, and particularly sexually. I need to fully assert myself to reconnect with my own internal courage, fortitude, and drive.
This vacation has allowed me to see that I need to progress, for the physical desires I have allowed to be unfilled to really come to fruition, that it’s time to leave behind negative people and influences, even if those people have been very close to me in the past.
It’s time I told people exactly what is on my mind, and it’s time for me to take charge and stop shying away from speaking the truth of my innermost wants, needs, desires, and dreams.
Some say that you can get 80% of what you want for just 20% of the efforts you’ve been putting into a relationship. And that if you give some people an inch they will take a mile. All I know is that if people don’t like the truth they can live their lives without my help.
Lanzerote is pretty nice
The sins of the fathers will be visited upon the children…..
Our parents told us to be wise, look ahead, be strong, don’t look back, get a job, be cool….. That’s if we were lucky. If we were unlucky they mostly ignored us, left us to fend for ourselves while they were out doing adult things. If we were very unlucky we witnessed a dysfunctional relationship, totally filled with an utter lack of love. For some it was worse than that, with one of their parents being an abusive alcoholic while the other merely acted as an enabler. There will be blood on the lawns of those homes.
Children who had abusive parents, or were from dysfunctional families, would grow up with all kinds of mental problems; Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. Alcoholism, drugs, gambling, and other addictions are also common among adults who suffer from mental health problems created in their childhood. The likelihood is that they will struggle with their own psychological and spiritual problems for all of their adult lives, mirroring the lives of their parents. They too will find themselves in dysfunctional or abusive relationships, treatment centres, rehabilitation centres. and hospitals of one kind or another for one reason or another. If they are wise they will not have children of their own.
I know this because I have suffered some of this, and I have also known many people who have suffered a less than ideal childhood and have turned out to be less than perfect adults and parents. Sadly many of the suffering people I used to know are dead; alcoholism, drug use, accidents, sundry medical problems, suicide…..
If you’re suffering from anything I’ve mentioned above, you will also know that the caring professions are mostly
fucking damn useless at helping people with mental illnesses or addictions of any kind. You may get talking therapies, and you will probably be prescribed all kinds of nasty medication, neither of which will be of much help. You may have tried 12-step recovery groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon. Not many stick around these 12-step groups for long. But there is something that helped me.
One thing often said in these 12-step groups is; ‘fake it until you make it’, or ‘fake it to make it’. In other words if what you want to be is a kind, caring, sober person, then ‘act as if’ you were that person. This technique is widely accepted in the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming. And, keep telling yourself; ‘I am a kind, caring, sober guy’. If you believe it, then you actually are that guy. Self-talk does work.
It turns out that I believe my own self-talk ~ ‘I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life’. I can be anyone and anything I want to be. I can manifest any kind of life I want, need, desire, or dream of ~ providing I don’t give in to lusts or base emotions.
There has been blood in my garden, blood helps the flowers grow.
in your race for self-destruction
stop to smell the flowers
The past is never what you believed it was.
memories like past passing clouds
drift silently screaming monochrome
colourless in grey and white shadows
destructive shades of love and home
ignored lies, shards of present charades
living in the past bitterness forever alone
the less you give a fuck about the shadows, the happier you will be