Life has many ways of testing a man’s will and inner strength.
Yesterday I joined a different gym here in my little seaside town. I had not been regularly using the ‘old gym’, and they had increased their prices. Often the walk there, around the marina, was so interesting and distracting that I never made the gym at all.
I’m pretty surprised that I just went ahead and joined a new gym, without hesitation, procrastination, or much thinking about it. But then, since my recent vacation in Turkey, I’m a changed man. In Turkey I had a bit of an epiphany.
I know that I’m now venturing on yet another important evolutionary step on the warrior’s path to discover what I am truly capable of, and I have come to know that I have an immense inner strength. Part of my journey along the warrior’s path is knowing what this inner strength and power is, and how I can use it, for the greater good, in my daily existence.
You have power over your mind ~ not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius
My goal is to unearth and understand this power and strength from the depths of my subconscious mind, my heart, and my soul. I have something to say and I need to learn how to say it. Perhaps I need to break away from traditional approaches and practices and accept that I am now a unique individual that deserves to receive more recognition and respect for who I have worked so hard to become.
As I was taking my leave from the new friends I had made on vacation, a very together lady said to me that; ‘You are a very different kind of man from most…..’ She said that and more in a very caring way.
However, right now I still do not feel as fully in charge of my own destiny as I could be. I know that I need a clearer vision of what lies ahead of me. I need to work towards more balance, acceptance, understanding. I need courage. I need to use my new-found self-awareness, self-confidence, inspiration and motivation. And, I need to eliminate negative energies and negative people from my life.
I know, trust, and believe that I am capable of forging my own path, that I have a manifest destiny to reach, a destiny that is not intended for anyone else, at least for no one who cannot share my vision, needs, wants, dreams, and desires.
It is time to explore my dreams and to experiment with the strength and power I suddenly possess. I need to become connected with who I really am, and I need to better connect with those I care for. I want and need to become the real Renaissance Man that some have thought I have always been. Until now I believe that I have always fallen short of that ideal.
Some say that we take for granted those things that are most deserving of our attention. And, that most people never show up for their Appointment with Life. All I know is that Real Life is what happens to you while you are busy making pointless plans.
Marmaduke likes to sunbathe on one of the historic ships moored in the marina
To be an ideal guest ~ stay at home.
Have you ever had one of those house guests you wish had never turned up at all? Well it seems that President Trump is less than an ideal candidate for a State Visit to the United Kingdom.
To be fair, this great country’s Queen Elizabeth II has hosted some very unsavory and embarrassing characters on previous state visits to her United Kingdom: from Mobutu Sese Seke in 1973, (then the president of Zaire), Robert Mugabe, in 1994, and Xi Jinping the leader of China in 2015. At least Mr. Trump isn’t a homicidal maniac who has criminalised homosexuality or stopped women from being educated or voting.
Mr Trump is merely ill-mannered, badly educated, and prone to saying what he really thinks. Really, in no way a typical polite and cultured American.
The president broke Royal Protocol three times when he visited the 92 years old Queen at Windsor Castle. Firstly he kept her waiting for a quarter of an hour in 80 degree heat, he refused to bow to the Queen, instead shaking her hand, and the he turned his back on the monarch and walked ahead of her when inspecting the guard of honour. You know what? You just don’t do that here.
An Englishman thinks all American males are ignorant, boorish, and uneducated ~ Trump proves it.
A significant proportion of the population of these Islands have protested against the President’s state visit; thousands of
fucking stupid protesters have hit the streets in a display of left-leaning-liberal indignation, (including the leader of our Labour Party, the facile Jeremy Corbyn.) I’m not certain what English law says about banners that use Fuck and Cunt in their slogans, but that was deemed perfectly acceptable in the anti-trump demonstrations. A million people, (allegedly), have signed a petition to stop this state visit.
Meanwhile, the supposedly completely independent BBC has taken advantage of every opportunity it could find to denigrate President Trump, his State Visit, and America in general. It’s appalling that this state-funded broadcaster has lowered itself to the same level as those ignorant rent-a-mob street protesters.
In an interview with the Sun newspaper here, Mr Trump also enraged Brexit Remainers by saying that Prime Minister Theresa May had wrecked Brexit. And you know what? This president says it like it is, and more often not he’s right. As Prime Minister Mrs. May is as much use as a concrete life-preserver ~ no good at all.
So, President Trump’s State Visit has enraged some, but their petty indignation says more about their narrow-minded, juvenile attitudes that it does about Mr. Trump.
Some say that if you don’t agree with someone, you should stop them from talking. And, that if you take to the streets and protest loudly enough you will force ‘the authorities’ to sit up and take notice. All I know is that I like Mr. Trump better than I like the people protesting his visit to this Great Britain.
I think that slogan is so cool
When I am true to myself, I am strong beyond measure.
the application of will
continues to tempt me still
uninhibited too dangerous thrill
urges wants desires needs emotional
uninhibited casual sexual relationships fill
my life with seductress midnight encounters
hazardous erotic carnal liaisons midnight hours
rash instant gratification sensual lustful animal urges
I know that I should have become a better man than that
the path to freedom from suffering
is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit
inexplicable interconnectedness in everyday magic.
Sometimes a vacation is more than just a holiday. Sometimes chance meetings have a deeper meaning than just ‘hello’.
This vacation happened by chance. Everyone I have met in the past few days I have met by chance. Every meaningful event from the past few days happened as a result of the chance interconnectedness of all things.
And yet, in the past few days, three events that I needed to happen have come to fruition.
I did not know that I needed these experiences, but now they have occurred I know they are vital to my emotional and spiritual health.
Firstly, learned that some men are irredeemable bastards, but that doesn’t stop otherwise sensible women liking them and wanting them.
Secondly I learned that friendships between men and women are often just transitory bargains.
Thirdly, I met a man I didn’t know I needed to meet. We talked of the warrior’s path and borderline personality disorder. We talked of addiction, drugs, booze, and sex. We talked of other things. We talked of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings.
All of those things happened by chance, because by chance I took this little vacation in Turkey.
Sometimes the Magic happens.
I am what I am, and that’s a man.
Your feelings are not my feelings, and my feelings are not your feelings
your standards are not my mine, my standards are not your standards
your past is not my past, and my past is not your past
your life is not my life, and my life is not your life
you are not me, and I am not you
and yet we are friends and lovers
Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs tails…..
It has become fucking obvious to me that I need to address some things I have been unhappy with for a very long time. I need to start putting my own personal band back together. (at least I can dance like fred astaire)
I need to change, and not just for me, but for the ‘greater good’.
Well I’ll just go to the top of our stairs.
My very best friends have been telling me this for yonks.
The changes I need to make should not be to meet some base personal ends, such as money, power, or sex. (OK that last is hard.)
The changes I need to make should be for the good of you, me, everybody…
OK, strike 1 and 2, they are not an issue. I have money, and I’ve had power and you can keep it. Being a guy #3 is always on the table. But then, little girls are not always made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Would I trade friendship for sex? Would I fuck your daughter / girlfriend / my friend / a co-worker?
Yes Just maybe Probably not. Which shows that I still have a long way to go. I need to try to do good. Maybe I’m still just a dog at heart. If anyone out there want’s sex then…
At least I’ve never ever picked up a girl in a bar.
Marmaduke wouldn’t stand for it.
So I can’t sit own and let the time of my real being take me, for if I try and for a moment can see no direction, cannot tell where I am going, I am filled with panic, scared of emptiness. I am driven and must always look to the far horizons. ~ Joanna Field
For most of my life it seemed that I was afraid of still serenity, uncomfortable of just having nothing to do, and having to make no plans. I seemed to be happiest if there was a great deal going on around me, as though I was in the midst of a raging storm.
I have come to believe that this was a manifestation of what was going on inside my own mind, that I was driven by a mixture of perfectionism and fear of failure.
My focus seemed to be on what I didn’t have; materially, intellectually, and spiritually. My glass was always half empty, never half full.
Perhaps that was not such a good place to be.
Instead of bemoaning what I don’t have and the things I feel are wrong with my life, I am changing my attitude to celebrate what I do have.
Today I have an infinite number of choices, and they all begin with me having a positive outlook. The decisions I make today will have a direct bearing on how meaningful and mindful my life will be.
I am reminded of some words by Ralf Waldo Emerson; This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.
Today I will try to do some good and mindful things with my time.
Today I will be peaceful amid the storms.
Insomnia turns an earthly paradise into a place of torture.
If you don’t fall asleep within 20 minutes of getting into bed and turning off the lights, if you toss and turn and wake up several times in the night, if you don’t wake up feeling instantly refreshed and ready to hit the ground running, then you are not getting enough good sleep.
Scientific studies show that for good health almost everyone needs 7 or 8 hours of good sleep, every single night of their adult lives. Not getting enough good sleep does really bad things to you.
Just some of the bad effects of lack of sleep are; depression, diabetes, fatigue, heart diseases, heart attack, high blood pressure, poor immune system leading to illness, impulsive behaviours, irritability, paranoia, stroke, suicidal thoughts, and Death.
All of us know exactly that some of the things some of us do from time to time will prevent us from sleeping well at night; not getting enough fresh air and exercise during the day, drinking too much booze, eating late at night, using social media late at night, not going to bed at the same time every night, staying in bed late at weekends, having unresolved issues that prey on our mind, having an untreated mental illness, having our bedroom too warm, too noisy, and not dark enough, being in a dysfunctional relationship, hanging out in bars, casual sex…..
I’ve got a bad case of the 3.00 am guilts ~ you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression, paranoia, and self-loathing. ~ D. D. Barant.
Some things that most of us do will disrupt our internal body clock, our circadian rhythm, and prevent us from getting a decent night’s sleep, for night after night after night. Who knew that our internal body clock is so important to good sleep and good health? If you do stuff that
fucks up disrupts your internal body clock, resulting in a lack of good sleep, you will seriously damage your physical, mental, and spiritual health and fitness.
All the things that will help ensure that we will always have a good night’s sleep are so
bleeding obvious that a child of 5, or 6, or 7 already knows them, instinctively.
- Stick to a sleep schedule. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends and vacations.
- Get plenty of fresh air and exercise. Get out and walk for an hour a day, (10,000 steps), but not too late in the day.
- Get plenty of sunlight during the day ~ tricky if you live in northern England like me, (or Canada, or Alaska, or Scandinavia…).
- Avoid caffeine later in the day. It’s a stimulant, and the caffeine in a cup of coffee will take about 6 or 8 hours to wear off.
- Do not smoke. Nicotine is a stimulant, smoking affects your breathing, you will get nicotine withdrawal through the night and wake up, you will have nightmares for years after you stop smoking. Smokers never sleep well.
- Booze. Don’t drink to much, especially late at night. A glass of wine / hard booze just before you go to bed will stop you from getting a decent night’s rest. Trust me, people who drink late at night, most nights, are three parts of the
smeggingway to being an alcoholic.
- Do not eat late at night. Don’t eat anything much for a couple of hours before bed-time.
- Don’t take a nap after three in the afternoon.
- Have a relaxing hot bath just before bed-time. Light some candles, play some relaxing music, turn off your racing mind.
- Have a dark bedroom, quiet bedroom, cool bedroom, gadget free bedroom, and no
fuckingblue light from your phone / tablet / computer shining all night.
- Forget all the bad things from the day, especially the ignorant
son of a bitchperson who cut you up on the freeway on your way to work.
- Finally, if you just cannot get to sleep, then don’t just lie in bed fretting. If you really cannot sleep, get up and do something else instead, (but none of the bad things listed above).
One thing that some doctors say will result in a restored sleep cycle and better sleep is using marijuana, pot, cannabis. There are some serious downside risks to the cannabis user, such as; anxiety, breathing problems, poor coordination, damaging a child in the womb, hallucinations, heart attacks, impaired thinking and cognitive functions, nausea, road traffic accidents, smoking anything is a known health risk, suicide, paranoia and schizophrenia, being arrested, losing your job, and Death. All other drugs you can take to help you sleep are worse than marijuana, especially in the longer term. (Anyhow, I would never sleep with anyone who uses drugs. Come to that, I wouldn’t have lunch with a drug user.)
Some say that going without sleep for night after night is dangerous. And, that eventually going without sleep will kill you, after 11 days or so. All I know is that not sleeping is very, very unpleasant.
you may be able to tell that I didn’t sleep well last night
I had my share of nightmares
didn’t think there could be much more
then in walked Rodrick Usher with the Lady Elanor
only the moon and stars know,
where you got those pretty blue eyes,
that smile while you tell such elegant lies,
you must have fallen down from out of the sky,
you must be some sort of witch to torment a guy,
who’s unwise as to fall hard for your delicate disguise,
your every word of tenderness a tormenting sweet caress,
but I know just who you are, and I know your long goodbyes.
she sang me a starlight sexual lullaby,
a thousand times, or maybe more,
and in the end, she didn’t care
A wise man doesn’t try to get what he doesn’t want.
Many people don’t know what they want out of life, and many of them struggle to find a way to discover their true needs, want, desires, and dreams. Even if you know what you most need, want, desire, and dream of having ~ well, whatever it is might be very difficult, or almost impossible to acquire. This applies especially to friendship, love, sexual desire….. in fact anything that relies upon another person doing what you want is always going to be an almost impossible dream. You have no control whatsoever over what another person thinks, feels, likes, dislikes, loves, or hates.
Your most important “want” should be the one you can control. ~ Shannon L. Alder.
You cannot make her / him love you, desire you, or even like you.
It follows therefore, that in our journey through life, at some point we should work out what we truly, honestly, realistically need, want, desire, or dream of having.
And this is where most of us come unstuck. We have no idea what it is that we want ~ other than our life goes on pretty much as it has always gone on, without us having to think about it too much, or wandering too far outside of our own comfort zones.
We Just Do Not Know What We Really Want.
However, all of us, or almost all of us, know what we don’t like about our life. Almost all of us know exactly what we hate about our lives. Most of us know exactly who and what we want to walk away from, and after that never, ever, keep in touch.
Some of us can tell exactly when there’s an elephant in the room ~ we know when there are important issues that are not being discussed with our significant other, and instead all we ever seem to talk about is meaningless trivia.
Many of us know that our wants, needs, desires, and important dreams are not being fulfilled. We know that we are frustrated and unfulfilled.
Therefore, as a first step to knowing what you really want, write down what you know you don’t want. Write down what you don’t like about your life. Write down what you hate about your life.
Be honest. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Do not censor yourself ~ just write down what comes into your head.
Don’t over-think things, just write, whatever it is and however bad it seems.
You will have to force yourself to confront the real and damaging issues in your most private life, instead of just focusing on fluffy easy minor annoyances.
Most likely you will not complete your list of dislikes and hates in one short attempt. Keep your list safe, and add to it whenever you think of something else that disturbs your quest for a fulfilling inner peace.
And, most importantly, DO NOT let anyone else see this list of the things and people you hate and what you hate about them.
For example, your partner / wife / husband may not be happy to know that you think she / he is as sexually responsive as a wooden plank. You know what, if I had a significant other / partner / wife like that, then I’d hate that too. (Trust me, I’d hate it, I’ve been there.)
Most likely, if you’re brutally honest with yourself, sex will feature heavily on your list of things that aren’t going right for you. After that, probably your job, your home life, your friends, health, fitness, enjoyment…..
My current list of things I don’t like / hate about my life has 34 things on it, and I’m telling nobody what they are.
But now I have a good idea of what I don’t want, I can start to get what I do want, by any means necessary. (As long as the means I use are legal, honest, and ethical, I will do whatever it takes to get what I truly need, want, desire, and dream about.)
When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it. ~ Jim Rohn
Some say that success is getting what you want. And that happiness is getting what you need. All I know is that I’m damn certain what I don’t want in my life.
I would like to go back to California again