subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood
what’s behind you doesn’t matter
There’s another definition of mercurial which is someone who is clever, confident, lively, and quick; the archetypal Type A personality. Both of the above are pretty accurate descriptions of who I am. I am also an Ares; passionate, intense, instinctive, aggressive, physical, unpredictable, a black-and-white, here-and-now, straight-line thinker. You might gather that I don’t like settling for second best. You might not think that I have a great sense of humour and a wicked laugh.
In the past I used to like things quick and dirty, but that was because I had no inherited wisdom, no role models to look back on, and very little fear of failure. I learned the hard way that walking blindly into the swamp to slay a dragon wasn’t always the best way to go about things. I learned very fast that casual sex is sordid. Acting on impulse has usually ended in big trouble for me.
I used to have an uncontrollable and sudden temper, which fortunately always passed just as quickly as it came upon me. These days I’ve learned to count to ten, and then ten again, before letting anger and frustration get the better of me. (Actually after counting to 20 I’m usually bored with being annoyed.) However, one hangover from those bad old days is that to this day I never forget and never forgive.
My standards are very high, some would say impossibly so. I am judgmental, I measure myself harshly and I judge others just as severely. Perhaps that’s because I am intelligent, dynamic, quick, and confident enough to see the slow mediocrity in others. Because I am utterly honorable and honest I despise liars, especially those who lie by sly omission.
Why am I telling you this? Because my birthday was just a couple of days ago, and now we are into my star-sign of Ares it seemed a good moment to remind myself of just who I am. A man who likes the passionate joy of the chase as much as the conquest. A man who lives a great life to the fullest, even during this fucking lockdown. (BTW, I get very upset if a woman ever used the ‘F’ word in public.)
I know about astronomy
and astral navigation too
drinking alcohol is very bad for your brain
beer still gets you drunk, but it also makes you fat
For a lot of people alcohol becomes a crutch to allow them to handle the feelings, situations, and people they encounter in daily life. Lots of people I know use booze to become more outgoing, manage stress, combat depression, relax, and as an aid to sleep. However, alcohol isn’t a cure for shyness, stress, depression, anxiety, nor insomnia ~ except in the very short term, and if you only drink in moderation.
Taken in larger quantities, and over longer periods, alcohol does exactly the opposite of the things that you drank for in the first place. Add to that some worse effects of too much drink; recklessness, loss of morality and ethics, severe anxiety and depression, complete emotional immaturity, using other drugs, promiscuity, criminality ~ and one can see that drinking a lot for very long is a bad idea.
If you drink too much, for even one evening, the alcohol will affect your memory. Memory loss is a sure and certain effect of too much booze. You might not remember the night before at all, or only vaguely remember bits of it, and you might not believe it when your friends tell you what you did. Your brain will even invent false memories just to let you fill in the blanks.
Drinking to excess over long periods means the memory loss becomes permanent, along with nastier things like wet brain and dementia. Luckily most people die from alcohol related causes long before they lose their mind. Even better, if you stop drinking the memory loss and cognitive dysfunction will slowly reverse itself as the fog of booze clears and new brain cells grow to replace the ones killed off by alcohol.
I stopped drinking just after Christmas 2020. Now, instead of being a high-functioning binge-drinker I am becoming a Modern Renaissance Man with a near eidetic memory.
Which would I rather be; a drooling incontinent drunk, or a very cool guy, living a really great life to the fullest?
Alcohol has left the building.
people do things under the influence
that they would never do sober
one reason men are slobs is that
mothers let boys get away with it
it takes a lot of hard work and practice to become a lazy slob
some men think that being a lazy slob is a full-time job
men have more grades of laundry than clean and dirty
a man will spend ages looking for the remote
rather than walk over and change channels manually
men believe that where there’s muck there’s money
rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength
Moses was lost in the desert for 40 years
and he wouldn’t ask for directions either
men look after the environment
they like saving water
and eating right out of the can
most men will cheat
and have sex with any bar fly
if they think they can get away with it
most women are very good at emotional blackmail
but a better woman would never go that low
solitary sulking in a bar is also sexual and emotional blackmail
I would aver that any man who has been in a dysfunctional relationship has experienced emotional blackmail at first hand ~ so that’s 100% of mature men. And if a man is strong enough, or insensitive enough not to give in to being emotionally blackmailed, women will deploy the nuclear option and start crying. All women can cry on purpose as a way of manipulating a man’s emotions. Conversely, where and when I was brought up in England real men never cry.
Crying in babies has a real function in that it stimulates loving and protective feelings in adults. Most of the time an adult woman crying is deliberate emotional blackmail ~ and it works on boyfriends, lovers, partners, and husbands. Only women and gay men use tears to manipulate others. Generally women are experts in emotional blackmail, generally real men aren’t. Generally, the most common emotional blackmailers are family members, close friends, and lovers.
Emotional blackmail is one of the great pastimes of family life. ~ Mason Cooley
Men are far more often the victims of emotional and sexual blackmail than the villains. It seems that men will use a well-planned direct approach to get what they want, whereas women prefer blackmail because it avoids direct confrontation. At its worst emotional blackmail is where a woman who is close to you subtly threatens to punish you, or implies that you will suffer if you don’t comply with their wishes. That woman will know your most intimate secrets and vulnerabilities. She will use this personal knowledge to get you to obey her. Whatever strengths and weaknesses a man has, an unscrupulous woman will use them against him.
A man must never, ever yield to emotional or sexual blackmail, or it will become a lifetime curse. You can refuse to give in to threats, you can negotiate, and a strong man can just assert himself, but you must always honestly believe that you are in the right.
Some say that emotional blackmailers are childish bullies and should be treated accordingly. And that women will use the withdrawal of sex as a tool in blackmail. All I know is that you can’t go on fighting an emotional blackmailer, you can either train them to be better, or walk away.
this woman is an expert blackmailer
tradesmen are not good at listening
Yet again I’ve been faced with examples of men who work with their hands treating female customers badly. I’m never surprised when I hear that some garage mechanic hasn’t done whatever it was a woman has asked them to fix on her car. Nor am I shocked if a car shop has done something very badly, half a job, and then charged their lady customer three times the going rate for a proper job.
I have heard tales of half-assed plumbers totally flooding a female friend’s home, making the place uninhabitable for months. I’ve seen electrical work done so badly that a woman was lucky not to have her home burn down around her, and building work that was an utter joke. The same goes for bathroom and kitchen fitters, gardeners, roofers….. all of them do shoddy work for women and then overcharge them for it.
The thing is that the average tradesman learns a trade, (if you’re lucky), but never learns interpersonal skills ~ they do not listen. Most tradesmen are very bad at their jobs ~ face it, most car mechanics are only car mechanics because it’s a step up from flipping burgers. Almost all tradesmen learn how to do one thing, and never learn anything else. In general, men who work with their hands are lazy, goof off at every opportunity, are sexist, misogynistic, and lecherous. Add in to the mix that many so called ‘tradesmen’ are immigrant casual day labourers, who have never actually learned a trade, and you have a recipe for disaster for any woman who wants anything fixed, serviced, repaired, fettled, or built.
All women should be suspicious of mechanics, plumbers, electricians, roofers, gardeners, builders, kitchen and bathroom fitters….. and you should never, ever leave them alone in your home, not for an instant. Always ask to see their appropriate qualifications, on paper, there are trade associations for every single damn trade. For example; here every gas fitter is obliged to be ‘Gas Safe Registered’ and show their customers their registration number. Never ever employ a tradesman or use a garage based solely on the recommendation of a friend ~ look them up on the internet. Always thoroughly check their work, or better still get a competent male friend to check their work before handing over any money. Better than that, learn some basic trade skills yourself.
Some say that they trust their gardener / plumber / electrician / car mechanic. And that it’s impolite to think they might have done a shoddy job. All I know is that I don’t trust tradesmen, and I’m a very competent guy.
this isn’t finished
unrealistic expectations can destroy relationships
sometimes, walking out is the best thing you can do
You can waste a whole lifetime trying to be who and what is expected of you, trying to become who you are expected to be. Mostly what other people want you to be isn’t what you truly want at all. Worse is when you try to be who you think other people want you to be, because then you’re just making a rod for your own back. And it all begins at a very early age, when your parents, siblings, teachers, et al shape you to meet what they want, instead of nurturing the inner you, allowing you to develop naturally.
There is also the ‘Pretty Woman’ ‘Pygmalion’ syndrome when the more powerful partner in a relationship changes the weaker to become some ideal man or woman. Just occasionally the ‘Pretty Woman’ thing is justifiable because whoever is being changed truly wants that. I have been there, once.
However, most of the time it’s all far more mundane and prosaic than that. For example your date might expect that you always pick up the check, or drive because they intend to get drunk. Your partner might expect you to always take out the trash, pay all the bills, always put petrol in the car, and have dinner ready whenever they get home. The commonest expectation from friends / family / partners is that you are always there when they want you to be, always go along with what they want to do, and never argue about it. Some people do not expect you to have a mind of your own.
You can get the feeling that you’re just killing time between doing whatever other people want you to do. It gets very bad when you accept that always going along with what other people want is perfectly normal. If you always strive to meet other people’s expectations then you don’t have a life of your own.
Be aware that not everyone is as ethical, honest, reasonable nor as sensible as you are. Some will have expectations of you that go beyond what’s normal and decent. This could range from you always being the one responsible for your aged and ill parent, to you being expected to take part in something other than loving and caring sex.
Some say that we should always go along with the majority. And that there’s something wrong if we want to do things differently from our family and friends. All I know is that other people’s expectations are theirs, and not mine.
I don’t have to like the kind of car you expect me to like.
smart women are not afraid to be alone
but some women are desperate
This post is addressed to women.
A friend of mine said that all a woman has to do to attract a man is to be available ~ I would go a bit further than that and say all an attractive woman has to do to interest most men is to be there. I’ve no doubt that the same applies in reverse to some women, some of the time ~ but not to the same degree as would apply to any man who has red blood running through his veins.
Which begs the question; do men have any discernment at all when it comes to women?
Some men think they have discernment when actually they are just suspicious. ~ Joyce Meyer
Speaking for myself; I’ve turned down more women than I’ve had sex with ~ which hasn’t always endeared me to the women concerned. Speaking for most men; we’ll have sex with anything ~ once, especially if there’s alcohol involved. Which explains why almost any woman can walk into a bar and get fucked within an hour or so, especially if she likes car sex.
This might be reprehensible of men, but it’s doubly reprehensible for a promiscuous woman. No real gentleman will have sex with a woman who has the morals of the average man. No gentleman particularly likes being hit on ~ at least I don’t.
‘Promiscuous’ implies that I’m not choosy. In fact I’m very choosy. I just happen to have had a lot of choices. ~ Jacki Weaver
As far as having a relationship with a woman is concerned, most men have an unbreakable rule; never, ever ask her about her past. Unfortunately some women will feel compelled to tell their partner all about their sexual and romantic history. This is a BIG mistake. All men suffer from retroactive jealousy, and if you don’t know what that is I suggest you look it up. Most men will not have a long-term relationship with a woman who has had more than a handful of lovers. That might be setting double standards, but that’s the truth of it.
Some say that when it comes to women, men have no discrimination. And that all a woman has to do to attract a man is turn up. All I know is that
some men will sleep with any willing woman between 17 and 70.
even drunk, most men can spot a married woman a mile away
for most woman, fear is a part of their life
some say that safety is the single biggest motivator for a woman to be in a long-term relationship with a man
women often perceive themselves to be powerless against men
trustworthiness is what women really want from a man
most men minimise or dismiss a woman’s emotions
most women do not see the world as a safe place
some women say that men need to commit themselves
to being reliable steadfast and trustworthy
or sex is out of the question
for most normal woman to be aroused
they must first feel safe
many women are afraid of their partner doing this to them, or worse
if you learn self-control, you can master anything
waste in a wasteland
It’s Lent, which is all about abstinence and self-control. There doesn’t seem to be much self-discipline, self-control, or mastering difficult challenges about in the world today. Rather there seems to be a lot of neglect, waste, and self-indulgence. It’s waste of human life in a wasteland.
Addictions such as alcoholism, gambling, smoking, drug-taking, eating disorders, infidelity, and inappropriate casual sex seem to be rife ~ even among our senior politicians and bureaucrats, who are supposed to set an example to we ‘ordinary people in the street’, suffering the miseries of lockdown. I myself have had a drinking problem, but I am pleased to say that I haven’t touched a drop since Christmas. (There are none so self-righteous as a reformed addict.)
I am happy to tell you that I have learned self-discipline, self-control, and how to master difficult challenges. It wasn’t easy, but I am getting there.
All we have to learn is how to say ‘No’, especially to ourselves.
hanging around in bars is not an indication of self-control
nothing great is ever achieved without much enduring
Lent is a time for abstinence, for giving up something that’s important to you. In my case I have given up on something that used to be important, and I will stay away from toxic relationships all through Lent and beyond.
The other two things I am giving up are alcohol and candy. For one thing booze is definitely not good for me, and neither is too much sugar. People who suddenly become sober tend to eat a lot of candy to make up for the sugar they’re not getting in booze. I have been scoffing quite a lot of candy this year.
So the three things I am giving up for Lent, and beyond are:
- Dysfunctional and toxic relationships.
- Alcohol in all its forms. (I have not had an alcoholic drink since Christmas 2020)
- Candy, chocolate, and what we English call sweets.
Instead of all that I am going to work hard at being fitter and healthier.
Please wish me luck.
women who drink to excess are no longer a part of my life.