Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future,
but from wanting to control it. ~ Khalil Gibran
To a greater or lesser degree we all suffer from what the medical profession call endogenous anxiety / depression ~ which is a complicated way of saying that your therapist / psychiatrist / doctor has no idea why you sometimes feel bad and sometimes go off the rails.
I firmly believe that the underlying cause of all the anxiety, distress, depressions, compulsions, and weaknesses we sometimes suffer from is the direct result of the programming we received before our conscious minds were developed enough to filter out all the bad crap we were subjected to. Even before you were born, your subconscious mind, body, and spirit was receiving the shitty, negative programs you still live by today. Remember, your subconscious mind is running things for about 90% of the time.
After conception, right up to the age of around 7, your mind, body, and spirit were being programmed by everything in your environment ~ especially your parents, siblings, other members of your extended family, teachers, TV, & etc. & etc. And you know what? It’s all the bad, negative, and defective stuff that really sticks.
The likelihood is that your subconscious mind is full of stuff like; ‘the world is a dangerous place’ ‘people are not to be trusted’ ‘you have to struggle to survive’ and ‘you have to fight to get what you need, want, and desire’.
I also firmly believe that our inner distress is why we may struggle with addictions and compulsions like; booze, casual sex, a bad diet, drugs, health, lack of exercise, money problems, smoking, impulsive behaviours, and all those defects of character we might have, or that others say we have.
How can we fix this? Not through willpower, self-discipline, nor self-control. The only way I know to escape the inner distress, anxiety, depression, compulsions, and addictions we honestly accept and admit we suffer from is through a long time, (maybe years), of acting as if these problems and bad feelings did not exist. Or as they say in 12 Step Groups fake it to make it.
Some say that only the weak do things that they really shouldn’t. And that anyone can cure their own addictions and defects of character if they just use a little willpower and self-control. All I know is that every worthwhile person I have ever met has suffered from profound inner distress
your subconscious mind can become your own prison
She who is possessed by carnal desire for the serpent is lost.
Dawn, and smell the sulpher from the dragon’s breath as she purred
Her Life is a journey of imagined adventures, so lie back and enjoy the ride
Eat a marijuana cookie explore the inner Cosmos to see the rainbow serpent
Experimenting playing with psychedelic substances has always been her forte
Smiling as she watches the kaleidoscopic mordant rainbows melt and change
Reality is an illusion, real life is what she thinks in the strange deranged moment
No angels in bright, white raiment there, only darkly amorous vampyres play
At night, cats are black, vampyres are dark, except for the ones you mirror watched
Lazily, indolently, intoxicated, she dallied with a dulcimer as my heart was shattered
Venus was breaking, creating lust; then she said with laciviousness falsely enamored ~
if you want to prove your love, then bring me the head of the mirrored dragon
Or dead red roses in the hard midnight rain
Why think rationally? Common sense never had fair maiden
and fear never won the day
Neither in her canopied bed, nor even at the dismal end of a misted swamp
Bitter better man never gets chance to play with carnal women and absinthe
She’s beautifully dangerous, I desire her this moonlit night, and she is not patient
There are never certainties, nothing a man can ever trust, there is only useful myth
It could be worse, if the iron dice roll, may the Goddess help me
When she fails, take me back to Liars Bar again, finally
a vampyre will always bite
dragons burns, and women lie
et une belle biche, elle est gratuit
Chasing Imagined Dragons, she’s one part brave, one part a sorceress.
I know a woman who likes snakes, octopuses, and probably chasing dragons.
She likes psychedelic art, abstract spiral trees, and abandoned buildings.
But then, I like, love, and adore exotic, weird, mysterious women.
Just perhaps, this strange song and weird video are for her.
Please listen responsibly.
never kiss a Goddess holding a snake
and never look into their eyes
You can close your eyes to reality, but not to your memories.
In a very full life I have known some people with very bad memories, they just can’t or won’t remember anything much. I’ve been told by a close friend that it’s possible to completely forget years and years of your early childhood. And, I’ve known people with false memories, manufactured memories, and memories that were implanted into their subconscious mind. Thoughts and memories are just chemical changes and electrical impulses and charges inside your brain ~ memories are easily altered.
A memory of the past which is either non-existent, false, manufactured, or implanted is often the result of alcohol abuse, the abuse of prescription drugs, or using any street drugs at all, especially marijuana. Booze and drugs tend to destroy the memory vitamins B1 and B12, and the negative effects on memory can go on for years after the heavy drinking or drug taking has stopped. Booze, in particular, robs the body of B vitamins. Lack of B1 and B12 has other very bad effects; slowness, confusion, fatigue, irritability, apathy, poor sleep, insomnia, and shortness of breath.
But then, all memories are untrue, because we see the past through the prism of the present ~ all of our present-day character defects and positive character traits change how we remember the past.
Our experiences of pleasure, ecstasy, pain, suffering, and loss extend far beyond our personal recollections. When we tell others of our memories, then they will react, remember, and retell our memories back to us. And when we tell others of our past we cannot ever tell the whole truth.
Sometimes we are afraid to admit our past, and sometimes we are ashamed to tell the whole truth. Also, we can never fully remember the truth of our past. Our incomplete and inaccurate memories of the past go on to tint our picture of the present, and our expectations of the future. Sometimes what we think we remember is an event that’s actually happening right now, or we expect to happen in the future, or will happen in the future. A memory of the past may be nothing of the sort ~ especially if you use alcohol or drugs. Smoking doesn’t help much with remembering things either.
Some say they can’t remember names, or faces. And, that they’re always forgetting where they left their car keys. All I know is that I’m cursed with an eidetic memory.
drinking and smoking are no good for your memory and brain health
When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
We are all prisoners of the past ~ our own past and the past lives of those we care for. We are all trapped in the dismal dungeons of our deep and dark subconscious minds. We all have within us everything that has happened to us, everything we have seen and been told, and worst of all, every degenerate desire we have ever imagined.
Almost all of the time I am a really good guy ~ understanding, supportive, loyal, honest, and honourable. When I am that good guy I don’t need instant gratification, I don’t need perverse pleasures, I don’t feel psychological and spiritual pain. But, sometimes, when I get tired, the negative defects of my character fight their way out of my subconsciousness and I become an angry, bitter, jealous, resentful, untrustworthy fool. The bad memories, the imagined wrongs, the terrible insecurities and fears from the past come flooding into the present.
When I get tired, late in the evening, one of two things can happen to my personality ~ or rather a couple of my character defects are likely to come to the surface. Often, I can become a jealous, resentful, insecure, angry, bitter fool. Alternatively, I may become demonstrably, falsely, overly understanding, adoring, amorous, passionate, sexual, and selfishly lustful. When I get tired my subconscious mind may sometimes drift to one extreme or another, and both are the darker sides of me. These are not the darkest, most devious, and most manipulative aspects of my psyche ~ if I should ever get drunk I can become that epitome of evil, Mr. Hyde.
Sometimes, when I see my reflection, I wish it wasn’t me and I want to turn away. That’s a very negative emotion, because I also know I would do almost anything to change that dark shadow in the mirror into the really good guy I know that I am, can be, should be.
Sometimes it is difficult, and sometimes I suffer, and sometimes the warrior’s path is harder and longer than I could ever have imagined. Yet, this is that path I have decided to walk, the warrior’s path to becoming the very best Man I can possibly be.
Some say that we are all trapped in our own minds. And, that nobody can ever truly express the way they feel deep inside themselves. All I know is that being locked inside a dungeon gives me a chance to rest, reflect, and regather my strength.
In the dungeons of my mind
the evil darkness gathers
yet I am not afraid
I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. ~ Mark Twain
Lust, Greed, and Addiction. These are deadly sins ~ deadly because lust, greed, and addiction can all drag you down to a rock-bottom more horrible than your worst nightmare, humiliate you, make you ill, and then kill you. Lust can give you all kinds of STD, take you to dangerous places, where you could meet some very nasty people. Greed can make you take risky decisions with money, accept all kinds of bad financial advice, and ultimately take every penny and asset you have, including your home. And addiction is more terribly dreadful than you could possibly imagine. If you are a woman, and addicted to anything, you will most likely do some sordid things just to feed your addiction.
It can all begin innocently enough, a date with a co-worker, regularly sitting at the bar in your favourite pub, losing a couple of hundred dollars in Las Vegas. But it may only be a matter of time before you’re the bum on the streets, or the easy slut sitting at the bar in your favourite pub, who’s just looking for a younger guy to fuck her like an animal.
The sad thing is, that once you’re on the train to destruction, there’s usually no getting off until the last stop. Almost everyone I’ve ever known who has taken that ride is now dead, often horribly so, well before their time should have been up. The list of illnesses and causes of death that lust, greed, and addiction will give you is long and horrific; insanity, renal failure, wet brain, suicide, pneumonia, cirrhosis, cardiovascular failure, cancers, accidents, gastrointestinal disorders, blood disorders, pancreatitis, malnutrition, AIDS, random violence, domestic violence, brutal rape, beriberi…..
What can you do if you have lots of casual sex, constantly think about ways of making money, gamble, drink too much and / or take drugs? Well, you can’t stop on your own. So get help before you are utterly rejected by everyone who cares for you. Try Alcoholic Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous….. It’s pointless going to your doctor, the average doctor is as much use helping with these problems as is a cement life jacket.
Some say that they drink, take drugs, gamble, make rash decisions, and have casual sex because of too much stress, worry, and fear. And that they could clean up their act anytime they like. All I know is that almost everyone is stressed, worried, and a little afraid, but they don’t all die an early, disgusting death.
just an easy slut, drinking alone, only one friend in the world, a barman
Each time we face our fears we gain confidence, self-belief, and freedom.
People have a strong tendency to sabotage themselves when things are going really well in their lives.
It doesn’t really matter how smart you are, how grounded you are, or how much money you have, one of these days you will probably get to a place where everything is cool and fine, and then you’ll
fuck foul it up with drink, drugs, prescription and over the counter medication, smoking, gambling, binge eating, casual sex….. It seems as though we have an in-built belief that we are not really worthy, or good enough, or nice enough to have all that success and all those good feelings. We aren’t comfortable with standing out among our family, friends, and peers ~ and this belief that we don’t deserve our own success is something that we learn in early childhood, before we are seven years old. Our parents, care-givers, and siblings are to blame for that.
Also, very early on in life, many of us learn to believe that we are unworthy of love. We learn that we don’t deserve to be loved by others, we learn how not to love ourselves, we learn to believe that we don’t deserve to get all the good stuff that life has to offer. We continually judge ourselves, criticise ourselves, and fall prey to negative thinking and negative beliefs.
In the extreme these negative feelings and beliefs lead to something called Borderline Personality Disorder, and that creates no end of troubles; paranoia, fear of abandonment, addiction, boozing, reckless behaviours, depression, bi-polar disorder…..
It takes real genius, strong will, self-honesty, openness, and willingness to escape from these dark negative places.
First of all we need to understand love and what it means. The belief that stops us from fully embracing the love of others and accepting self-love is the negative expectation that it’s all going to turn to crap eventually, and whoever offers love to us is going to abandon us anyway. Usually that means we will push others away from us, and the denial of love becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The same things happen with anything and everything else we want, need, and desire; money, health, enlightenment, friendships, personal growth, freedom to do what we really want to do…..
And all of these negative beliefs and thought patterns are imposed upon our subconscious minds in childhood, which of course means we learn to believe all this crap from our parents, the rest of our families, other care-givers, teachers, older children…..
To escape from an unsuccessful, unfulfilled, ultimately unhappy life we need to be willing to throw aside our past and instead build a future which truly reflects the unique, lovable, loving person we are. If you talk about your past you are just reliving all the negative crap, no matter what gloss your subconscious mind tries to put on all the shit you used to do.
Most people aren’t truly willing to take that monumental leap ~ in fact I don’t know anyone who is.
Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you always got.
you may believe all this smoking, drinking, and sitting at the bar is cool
Political Correctness is merely bullying by another name.
It seems that I’m really not ‘politically correct’ ~ if what you mean by political correctness is fitting in with whatever is perceived as the ‘right’ way to believe, think, speak, and act by whatever minority group holds sway. For example; I like the film The Damn Busters, about a WWII RAF raid on Germany ~ that even though the word ‘Nigger’ is used 12 times in the movie, and I have no problem with that. (Nigger was the name of Wing Commander Guy Gibson’s black Labrador dog.)
Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organises hatred. ~ Jacques Barzun.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that all women, (including whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), deserve to be treated with the utmost consideration and respect. And, that sometimes creates a cognitive dissonance for me when a woman acts like a lot less than a lady; smoking, swearing, getting drunk, using drugs, cheating on her partner, picking up guys in bars,
fucking having extra-relationship flings with younger men, and having multiple sexual partners. But then, who said the world has to be perfect?
If the first words out of your mouth are to cry ‘political correctness!’, chances are very, very high that you are in fact part of the problem. ~ N. K. Jemisin.
I’m mentioning all this because of a couple of things I saw on television.
Firstly, I’ve been enjoying re-watching some old Carry On Films. These bawdy British movies are so incredibly politically incorrect it’s almost surreal. They feature very attractive, very well endowed young women, often portrayed as dumb blondes, often played by the legendary, and very funny, Barbara Windsor.
Secondly, and very seriously, I caught an episode of a US comedy / crime / drama series I quite like. The dramatic hook in this episode was that there was a person of interest, and nobody in the police department could figure out what this guy was saying, or which obscure Eastern European country he came from.
Having said that, even I couldn’t understand a
fucking damn word this particular character uttered. Whatever accent he thought he was imitating it certainly wasn’t Geordie.
No American actor can imitate any British accent whatsoever, so why the
fuck hell did the producer of this show go down the road of totally pissing off every English person born North of the Watford Gap? Ignorance and Stupidity.
There is no way the same producer would have made the same kind of mistake with any American minority, especially someone from the Gay, Lesbian, Transsexual, (whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), community. If he had he would have been sacked, pilloried, and remorselessly attacked.
But then, who gives a fuck about white Englishmen like me? (And by the way, I am NOT British, I’m English.)
TV can’t make mistakes when portraying lesbian BDSM
but it’s OK to make fun of Geordies
To enjoy a comfortable and happy life ~ stay fit and healthy.
If you want to live a great life, then you first have to show up. If you want to live a great life, then first of all you have to drag yourself out of bed at a decent time in the mornings. If you want to live a great life, then don’t spend your time smoking, getting high, drinking, over-eating, or having casual sex.
That’s unless you think that sleeping late, hanging around in bars, taking drugs, and fucking casual pick-ups constitutes living a great life. Trust me ~ it doesn’t. Live down there in the gutter like a slut or bum and you’ll die young and unhappy, and nobody at all will care.
Others may think that their lives are good, even though they spend all their time at home alone on social media, or on sex sites, or watching porn, or ‘enjoying’ other disreputable online activities. Those people are quite likely to go from one day to another unwashed, unshaven, without putting on a clean change of clothes, hair uncombed, and if they’re a woman without a touch of makeup. Their place probably looks like a pigsty, and they most likely stink too.
To live a truly great life we first of all have to be fit enough, healthy enough, and mentally alert.
And there are some easy steps to take;
- Stop using drugs ~ and that includes pot and unnecessary medication, such as sleeping aids.
- Stop smoking ~ I saw a documentary the other day, and a lot of older people were interviewed, people who had lived in the generation when everyone smoked cigarettes. Fuck! They looked horrific, especially the women. Smoking destroys your looks, your health, and then it kills you.
- Stop drinking so much ~ you may think you’re intelligent, sensible, and funny after several drinks. You are deluding yourself. After a few drinks you’re just embarrassing.
- Go to bed at a decent time every night, and get up at a decent time in the morning ~ every fucking day.
- Eat healthy ~ there are a million diet suggestions on the internet, for example try the Mediterranean Diet.
- Get some fresh air and sunshine ~ just don’t try to be one of the children of the night.
- Exercise ~ preferably in the fresh air and sunshine. For example, try walking 10,000 steps a day. Get out of your fucking car and walk to the store for a change.
- Learn to meditate ~ yoga, and walking meditation are good.
- Have some pride in yourself, learn to like and love yourself, and stop lying to yourself and others.
Everything I have written above is true. I should know, I’ve been to all of those bad places. Today I am really cool guy, living a great life, and I follow the simple programme I have outlined above.
always hanging out in the moonlight is just for vampires and fools