a carnal woman
maybe she was that way because she was sad and lonely
~
leaving a carnal, sexual, woman
one battle over, one victory won
the long struggle that will end
one day in honesty and freedom
not for her, not for years to come
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
heading to her favorite bar
to look for a much younger man
Escaping Humiliation
humiliation scars deeper than the lash
renting a Mustang does not alleviate humiliation
It is only very recently that I have had the courage to take a long, hard look at my life. The implications of my actions over recent years are severe. Obsession, overindulgence in the wrong people and things, dissipation, confusion, despair, joylessness are what mark my days. A struggle with addiction to alcohol. The proximate cause of that addiction ~ an unhappy destructive toxic affair. The waste of time, money, and love now weigh heavily on my mind.
And yet, I was very unwilling and almost unable to finally break that bond ~ a bond that had no future except walking deeper into the dark slough of despond. Call it sexual immaturity, desperation, or lack of self-worth ~ I was deeply attracted to someone who has been, is, and would go on being extremely bad for me. If she could, she could well spell my doom, for in many ways she is a witch.
I needed to open my eyes and understand the extent of my bondage before I could begin to see a way out. Escaping from a black widow is not the easiest thing for a man to do. I was caught in an unhealthy unproductive place, ignorant of the truth and its implications. I was obsessed by a person, the idea of her, a pattern of behaviour and the booze that went along with it. Even in the midst of everything I knew it was all bad for me. I had severe doubts in my own future, and dark thoughts of my own demise.
It will be all right, now that I have realised that I don’t always have to pay for my past mistakes. I had a false picture of myself and the situation I was in, but now I can hold fast to the best vision of who I am and the man I shall become.
Now I have freed myself from constant deep humiliation I can know resurrection, renewal and revival, my long-dormant inner man coming back to life.
Despite everything, this is a time for me to be happy, joyous, and free.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
six times I traveled to Southern California to meet my own nightmare
Sexual Confidence
a truly confident man has no desire to control a woman
she is probably not with a confident man
That’s a challenging quotation at the top of the page, and goes against all the fashionable BDSM stuff in the Fifty Shades….. But trust me, the need to control your wife / lover / partner / girlfriend displays a complete lack of self-confidence. More than that, wanting and needing to control a woman means that he doesn’t trust her at all. There are men like that. Their control over a woman will begin with small things, and end with him ruling and ruining her life.
Any woman involved with a controlling man needs to get out as soon as she can, go far, go fast, never once tell him where she is going, and never look back. He doesn’t care for her and never did, everything is all about him. That kind of controlling relationship soon turns to abuse; mental, verbal, financial, spiritual, sexual, and physical abuse. That kind of man is completely lacking in confidence ~ in fact he is completely lacking in any of the finer qualities that go to make up a real man. Especially he does not know trust.
Conversely, a truly confident man, the man who knows who he is, knows what he wants, and is filled with enough energy, enthusiasm, and vitality, would never need nor want to control his Lady. A confident man will trust her enough to be happy that she does what pleases her, and fully explores her sexuality within the bounds of decency. (The bounds of decency are flexible depending on where you are, who you are with, and what time of day / time of year it is.) It’s about trust and confidence. Which makes me think that the men of some churches and religions must be utterly lacking in both.
Sexual confidence begins outside of the bedroom. It’s what allows a man to talk to any woman and treat her like an equal ~ actually not like an equal at all because men and woman are very different. A confident man looks at a woman and sees an individual, someone strong, unique, and completely feminine. Confident men will approach that woman at a bar, and not necessarily believe that she should be flattered by his attentions and want to have sex with him. His confidence and good humour means that if they are both free she might.
Some say that a man’s sexual performance is a reflection of his confidence. And that he is comfortable with a woman who wants and likes sex. All I know is that sexual confidence in a man means trusting her.
~
jack collier
jack collier7@talktalk.net
a confident man will be happy for his wife to wear a dress like this
Random Jottings ~ Sex
if you want to prove your love, then give her your credit card
~
a women who wears a see through dress without lingerie has got balls
~
a real woman is her man’s personal porn star
~
‘be mine…..’ he said, ‘your what…..’ she asked
~
love is whatever you think it is at the time
but first date sex is always just sex
~
‘OK, let’s go and fully explore my sexuality…..’ she said
he made his excuses and left the bar right after that
~
there is something about a really sexual woman that frightens most men
~
some women fake orgasms, but all men fake finances
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
if you want to prove your love
then give her your car keys
Music ~ The Cars
some say it’s a woman’s erotic little death
A ‘friend’ of mine sent me this song a long time ago. You will not be surprised to learn that this is the only Cars track I know. You might be surprised to know that girl and I have lost contact with each other. So, I don’t know if Tonight She Comes.
This is for a far better friend of mine.
It is quite good fun, so please listen with a smile.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
naughty or nice?
noisy or not?
Random Jottings ~ Femme Fatale
now the party’s over he’s beginning to wonder what went wrong
~
a hero is good
a heroine is brilliant
a villain is essential
but a bad woman is erotic
~
‘hold me….’ he said
‘hold your what? she asked
eventually she decided he meant his billfold
~
he would do anything for her
the trouble was so would a lot of other men
~
he would try to forget her
he would spend the rest of his life trying
~
he liked women who looked as though they killed men for a living
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
she thought of herself as a black widow
and that some younger men liked to be caught
Baring My Soul
to let go of the past, we first have to accept it
just one of the cars, just one of the hotels
For more than five years I was in a dysfunctional relationship with a woman I believed I cared for very deeply. Just about everything you can imagine being wrong, was wrong with that friendship ~ if that was what it was. And I was too willfully blind to see it. Call it lying to myself, or ignoring the obvious facts, or just call it denial. The plain truth was that because of my own unrealistic expectations, I was on a down-bound train to some very personal hell, and my conscious mind did not want to know.
My subconscious mind, my inner child knew all right. I spent years being miserable, torturing myself, and looking for some easy escape from my pain. I started to write this blog…. No that is not true, she found me through this blog, in March 2014, (or maybe earlier). What happened was that the things I started to write here changed. My posts became darker, filled with pain and angst as I tried to find some relief from my feelings. I went back to drinking, and every time my feelings got the better of me I would get the better of a few bottles of booze. I even tried therapy ~ although I never told my therapist the truth of it.
The worst thing I did was to invest more and more of myself in that one-sided relationship. I visited California often, and took my friend on great road trips, including to Wyoming to see the total eclipse of the sun. We went to some very expensive new-age seminars in Sedona AZ and Albuquerque NM. We found some great restaurants in Orange County, and breakfasted on the Queen Mary in Long Beach. I would send flowers and gifts on every possible occasion. And. I couldn’t see that everything I did made it worse.
Perhaps because I was going crazy during the coronavirus lockdown, but a couple of weeks ago I admitted to myself and others that I was in deep, deep trouble. Then I finally admitted why, and found the sense to tell my Californian friend that we needed to say goodbye.
I know that she is still in my mind, and will be for a while. But I have an Angel at my shoulder, and as long as she is watching over me I will stay free of the chains that once bound me.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
alone again, naturally
Music ~ Lady in Red
sometimes the wrong woman will come along and ruin you life
It’s happened to me before, but the last wrong woman who crashed into my life was nowhere near as HOT as the Lady in this Chris de Burgh song. Funny video too.
Please have fun listening. We all need more fun right now.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
the last wrong woman for me
was very much a dragon mistress
well, she often had dragon breath in the morning
Air Travel
flying anywhere is mostly sitting around and waiting
waiting at John Wayne, what a great name for an airport
Given that I have an hotel booked in Cancún it seems like a good idea that I arrange to get there. It’s a series of flights and layovers that make up to a long journey. Newcastle to London Heathrow, to Chicago O’Hare to Cancún International. Even British Airways and American Airlines can’t get me there the same day I leave here. Another hit on the credit card that gives me the most points. And the only number I need is the booking reference NO**QB
Sadly there is no way I can get there via John Wayne.
Now all I have to work out is how not to be spending a couple of weeks alone in a fabulous resort hotel.
I am open to suggestions.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
a nice place to relax
carnal drinking is messy
addicted to sex, hitting the bars, picking up younger men
~
I was mystified
she cheated and lied
sadly that’s bad
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
she likes young men
when she can get them
and they know what to do
