It’s never to late to be what you might have been.
Most people would like to change some things about themselves. They may want to be fitter, to lose weight, to be more successful at work, to be more successful with the opposite sex, or maybe just to lose the terrible feeling of dissatisfaction they constantly suffer from. Or it might be worse, some people want to lose their Borderline Personality Disorder, or paranoia or schizophrenia…..
One thing is certain, we can never get what we want by trying to change other people, nor by attempting to alter the way the world works. The only thing we can ever change is ourselves. But, look at the upside, when we change ourselves the whole world and everyone in it changes around us.
Reinventing ourselves into a better looking, cooler, fitter, more effective, more successful, less disturbed person is an essential process if we want to grow and flourish.
Here’s the hard thing. To reinvent yourself into the person you really want to be requires some hard choices. You need to be ready to walk away from aspects of your life in which you may have invested much time, effort, and money; the way you look, the personality you project, your existing career, unsuitable friendships, toxic relationships with the opposite sex, a dead-end marriage, the pub where you get drunk and try to get casual sex with anyone you may meet at the bar…..
Worse than that, you may have to forget and hide some of your past; the alcoholism, drug taking, criminal record, gambling, over-eating, casual sex, heavy smoking…..
Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you. ~ Charles Bukowski.
To reinvent yourself and have a truly successful life, ask yourself these questions;
- What should I stop doing and thinking?
- What should I start doing, thinking, and being?
- What could and should I do less of?
- What could and should I do more of?
- What could I do, think, and be differently from who I used to be.
Reinventing yourself can be a difficult and lonely path, and it is not a one-shot deal. Truly reinventing yourself is an on-going process you will have to work at, every single day.
Some say they already have everything their heart desires. And there is nothing really wrong with them that a few days sober and clean wouldn’t put right. All I know is that denial is the greatest block to becoming a better person.
Somebody here is going to get into trouble
or maybe they both will.
Cultivate love within you and negative emotions will disappear.
Negative emotions are so all-pervasive that doctors will now prescribe drugs like Prozac and Valium to patients who are merely feeling mild anxiety. Really negative emotions, such as; anger, boredom, confusion, despair, disappointment, fear, grief, jealousy, resentment….. are extremely powerful and painful. Medication, and self-medication such as booze, are no solution whatsoever. Go down that road and you will become hypersensitive to your feelings, and take more and more of the drugs of your choice in an attempt to medicate them away.
This is just treating the symptoms, and it doesn’t work. I should know, for many years I had a pot-mess of those negative feelings running through my psyche. And none of those negative emotions did me any good at all.
So, what takes people back to the doctor, the pharmacy, the drug dealer, and the bar? Not to mention the casino, the refrigerator, unsuitable relationships, and casual sex. Escaping painful thoughts and negative emotions drive people to do stupid things, all in an effort to find a pleasure rush that will ameliorate those bad thoughts and terrible feelings.
There is also the thought that just one drink, or one piece of cake, or one small wager wouldn’t hurt at all. Besides, you’ve been pretty good all week, so one little slip is OK. Forget that, escaping really negative emotions takes a lot more than just one drink, or one night fucking a stranger. And the guilt you will feel, (even if you don’t acknowledge that guilt), will make your bad feelings worse.
Your mind will tell you that you might as well give up on losing weight, staying sober, being good, because it’s pointless. You will never get better, just take another pill and have another drink.
To truly escape those negative emotions and bad feelings you have to find another way. This might involve a 12-step group, talking therapy, or completely changing your lifestyle ~ more exercise is good. Try walking 10,000 steps a day. Mostly, stay away from those people, places and situations that encourage you to do bad things that will only feed your negative emotions.
Some say the way to escape negative emotions is to turn to drink. And that moving home and finding new friends is the solution. All I know is that running away never solves anything.
get out the back Jack
make a new plan Stan
no need to be coy Roy
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
Stress can kill you, but in an older women stress is far more likely to drive her to comfort eating and hence pile on the pounds. For most women less stress, or better stress management, is the key to sustainable weight loss. Of course, for older women the menopause doesn’t help with controlling your weight at all. There is evidence that there are changes in the brain chemistry of a menopausal woman that triggers a shift in her metabolism, causing her to overeat.
Looking for comfort food; cakes, chocolate, pizza, bread, burritos, donuts, (or drinking too much), is a common occurrence among woman of a certain age ~ of any age when stressed if it comes right down to it. These high calorie foods and booze do pile on the pounds ~ particularly unsightly belly fat. It’s all to do with insulin, and this energy dense stuff spikes your insulin levels, which only makes you want to eat more.
The environment doesn’t help much, there are countless fast food outlets, supermarkets promote more expensive energy dense foods, and there’s a bar on just about every street corner. Rule #1 is stay away from fast food places, and rule #2 is that a woman on her own should never, ever go into a bar.
Associating unhealthy food and booze with good times is something your brain will program into itself, and rule #3 is that you must work hard to break that programming. Eating unhealthy food and drinking too much booze doesn’t mean you are cool, in fact quite the opposite ~ you are perhaps pushing being an unattractive lazy person.
The really important thing for women to learn, accept, and practice is how to manage stress. And usually it comes down to:
- Delegate More. Stop letting your family and friends push you into doing everything for everyone.
- Be Creative. People with a creative interest are much less stressed that those who don’t have that worry-free time. Why do you think art therapy is such a big thing in rehab?
- Take a Walk. Walking is bloody good for you; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Aim for 10,000 steps a day.
- Talk to People. And don’t go into a bar to find someone to talk with.
Some say that the change made them overeat. And, that their happy place is the refrigerator. All I know is that fat people often get very sick.
regularly eat healthy and nutritious food
When you stop expecting people to be perfect,
then you can like them for who they are.
Believing our expectations causes pain because the expectations often clash with reality ~ with life as it really is, and the future as it is meant to be. The expectation could be as simple as; I wish I didn’t have to go to the store today’ or the expectation could be powerful, such as ‘after all this I expect her to have sex with me’. It could be an utterly impossible desire, such as wanting her to exercise hard to have a better body.
Whatever the disconnect is, any time we believe a thought that says Life should be different from the way it is now, then we will really suffer. Every single time.
Have an expectation that isn’t completely under your own control, an expectation that says; ‘he / she should be different, Life should be different’, and you will get badly hurt. Take life as it is, live in the moment, and don’t ever try to change another person, and most likely you won’t be hurt ~ or not so badly. Even you cannot control the cosmos.
Some of the time we cannot even control our own thoughts, which have a tendency to drift off into fantastical flights of fancy, building castles in the clouds. Most of the time we can’t control our own bodies; we get sick, we gain weight, we start looking older….. What will happen will happen whether we like it or not ~ sometimes it’s best to pretend to like what’s happening, even if you secretly hate it. Remember the adage ‘fake it to make it’.
If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou.
Never focus so hard on what you want that you ignore what you already have. Never believe that you can change a woman, because you can’t. And, if you can’t live with what you have, then just walk away. You certainly can never change her past.
Some say that men are quick to leave a relationship. And that they almost always return. All I know is that if you leave her, you should never, ever look back.
never date an alcoholic woman
it will not end well
Tired minds don’t plan well. Sleep first, plan later. ~ Walter Reisch
Not getting enough good sleep causes all kinds of problems. You lose sharpness, your concentration and memory suffers, you get bad tempered and irritable, you gain weight and look terrible. Really sustained lack of sleep is very serious; it weakens your immune system, leads to heart and circulatory problems, increases your risk of diabetes, kills your sex drive, and if it goes on for long enough it will lead to your early death.
A long lie-in at the weekend doesn’t help either. That long lie-in is not good sleep, all it will do is give you the equivalent of jet-lag on Monday morning. Changing your sleeping patterns at the weekend is bad, you should aim to go to bed at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning ~ no matter what day of the week it is.
Drinking too much just before bed time will not help you to sleep either ~ you might pass out and be dead to the world for a few hours, but you will wake up disgustingly early, feeling very thirsty, and looking like something the cat dragged in. It’s best not to touch any booze for an hour or so before you go to bed ~ instead drink some water, water is good for you.
Using your tablet or laptop late at night isn’t good either, the blue light fries your brain and that stops you from having a good sleep. Playing computer games late at night means that your brain isn’t relaxed when you go to bed, a part of your mind is still concentrating on whatever game you were playing. Using social media late at night is worse, part of your mind will be racing with what you’ve just learned and said.
If your bedroom is too warm, not dark enough, and not quiet enough, then you will not sleep well either. You need a dark, cool, quiet, and peaceful environment to sleep well. If your partner keeps you awake a night; snoring, being restless, or whatever, then one of you should sleep in a different bedroom.
You need between 6 an 8 hours of good sleep every single night of the week. If you get less than 6 hours sleep then you will be running on adrenaline he following day.
Some say that they don’t need much sleep, they do fine with four or five hours a night. And that sleep is just for losers. All I know is that people who don’t get enough sleep look really old.
eating a narcotic laden apple to get to sleep might just be a bad idea
To achieve your goals and dreams you are going to need money.
Back in the day I worked in banking and finance, and I saw first-hand just how much of a mess most people could make of their finances ~ usually due to buying things they couldn’t really afford. The three main culprits when it came to unaffordable and expensive purchases were; cars, clothes / shoes, and vacations ~ none of which are essential. (There’s a caveat, in that you may actually need a car and you do need clothes and shoes, but you can buy the cheapest used stuff you can find, rather than flashy and expensive.)
You do not need to be a millionaire, or act like a millionaire, to be successful or feel successful. Financial wealth is only one indicator of success. However, you’re going to need money just to live day-to-day, and no successful person has ever ignored their finances. Conversely, all successful people know how to manage their money and plan their finances. And rule #1 is Borrowing is Bad, especially if you borrow money you can’t easily pay off.
Financial planning begins with these 4 questions;
- How much money do you take home each month?
- What are your regular bills; mortgage, utilities, taxes, loan repayments?
- How much do you spend each month in the various stores you use; clothes, groceries, gas, booze, cigarettes, etc?
- What assets and debts do you have?
If you are in the fortunate position of making more money than you regularly spend, then you should also be able to work out how much you are saving each month.
You need to write all this down, either just pen and paper, or on a spreadsheet.
If you are regularly spending more than you earn, then you are heading for deep shit.
If you are regularly spending more than you earn, then you need to totally cut out some of your expenditure. Stop buying booze, cigarettes, chocolate, and anything else you may be addicted to; gambling, porn, sex, drugs….. Always buy the cheapest gas, buy less expensive groceries, stop eating out, stop using the deli to buy your lunchtime sandwiches and make them at home instead…..
Borrowing is Bad. Some borrowing is worse. PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARDS. Credit card debt is ruinously expensive. In this day and age if your paying more than 10% as an annual interest rate on a loan, then stop eating until that debt is paid off.
Some say that they can make money playing online poker. And, that its good to go to the pub most nights a week. All I know is that some people end up on the street.
life on the street is no fun
It’s a smile, it’s a kiss, it’s a sip of wine, it’s summertime.
Now that the weather is much better for most of you guys ~ warmer, sunnier, bluer skies ~ it’s perhaps time to think of lighter and healthier summertime dishes, rather than all of those warming soups you were cooking just a few weeks ago.
This week’s dishes all have a seafood angle to them.
First this week we have Chungah at Damn Delicious with these very clean and healthy looking garlic butter shrimp zucchini noodles. I have to admit that I don’t actually make zucchini noodles, but looking at this recipe I’m beginning to think that I should.
Garlic Butter Shrimp Zucchini Noodles
Now, from Heidi at Foodie Crush we have this very useful post entitled how to make the best grilled salmon. This isn’t so much a recipe as a method, but I think it’s damn good.
How to Make the Best Grilled Salmon
Elise Bauer at Simply Recipes has a great summertime dish; spicy garlic shrimp with coconut rice. And, Elise is right, any shrimp dish is best eaten fresh.
Spicy Garlic Shrimp with Coconut Rice
Jessica Merchant at How Sweet Eats has an absolutely delicious-looking crab avocado salad on buttered garlic toast. So mouth-watering. So great to serve with drinks.
Crab Avocado Salad on Buttered Garlic Toast
This is interesting from Tiffany at Creme de la Crumb; garlic lime shrimp marinade. And this is a fast marinade that will be ready for the grill in just 15 minutes. Lots of cilantro.
Garlic Lime Shrimp Marinade
and to drink, not wine
Heather Christo gives us a
If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. ~ Hitler
Allegedly there are 8 types of lie ~ that is an oversimplification. I don’t believe that you can simply categorise lies. I believe that there are an infinite number of ways that we lie, and that we are lied to, and that most often we are lied to by omission. People just don’t admit to some things they don’t want us to know.
The slickest way in the world to tell a lie is to tell the right amount of truth at the right time ~ and then shut up. ~ Robert A. Heinlein.
The worst lies of all are those we tell to ourselves, and again mostly these are lies of omission. We refuse to remember some of the bad stuff we have done in our past, and we refuse to admit to ourselves the bad things we fully intend to do in the future. And if anyone asks us about any of that, of course we shall lie and hotly deny our past, present, and probable future sins.
Probably the biggest lie being foisted upon the world at the moment relates to the cause of the fire at the medieval cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris, which allegedly was an accidental electrical fire, or something like that. I believe that like I believe Parisian women don’t smell of garlic and cigarettes, overlaid with lots of perfume. But if I was a Frenchman in authority, I wouldn’t want to stir up even more sectarian hatred of moslems.
But that matters not one jot. What really matters is how much of the truth we admit to ourselves, and how much of the truth are those we care for telling us.
We should stop expecting loyalty from people who won’t even give us honesty.
if you think you’re being lied to, then you probably are
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. ~ Seneca
There’s a 1945 film noir called The Lost Weekend, starring Ray Milland, which explores the really bad side of drinking far too much. The lead character literally loses an entire weekend ~ and then tries to kill himself over the things he learns when all the misery and pain start to come back to him.
Alcohol and suicide go together like ham and eggs.
As it goes, any booze at all counts as drinking far too much for me. I have no tolerance for alcohol whatsoever. Most people can take a couple of drinks in safety; nothing really bad happens to them. These days I can’t even smell strong drink without something bad happening to me.
Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you. ~ Jay Bylsma.
I took a couple of drinks on April 13th, and didn’t really come around again until April 19th ~ that’s very bad. I lost a whole week out of my life, and for what? I don’t even enjoy the best wines anymore
I took drink
to take away the pain
I took another drink to do the same