Category Archives: Booze

she walked on eggshells

you don’t lie to the person that you love

~

skilled liar

she was carnal

and I truly adored her

I never knew the real woman

she walked on eggshells around me

why do I adore a false chimera, an avatar?

~

jack collier

jackcollier@talktalk.net

 

and she never tells the truth

 

 

Keto Diet Myths

Jack Spratt could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean

apple, butter, and sage pork chops

Some confuse the Keto diet with the Paleo diet, and while there are some similarities, in reality they are radically different, and you will be on one or the other for completely different reasons.  The Paleo diet is all about a healthy way of eating that should normalise your weight.  Other benefits of the Paleo diet are improved heart and circulatory health, less inflammation, and it also helps people with type 2 diabetes, and / or staves off diabetes.

The Ketogenic Diet is something else all together.  It’s also a low / zero carb way of eating, (less than 50 grams of carbs per day), but the key thing is that it’s a very, very high fat diet.  Among the principal benefits claimed for the Keto Diet are that it helps with diabetes, polycystic ovaries, and it also staves of cancers, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, drug-resistant epilepsy and acne.  But mainly, the Keto diet is about weight loss.

I have read that one should not begin a proper Ketogenic Diet unless you have proper medical supervision, because the whole point of the keto diet is to completely change the metabolism of your body, especially the way the liver works.  Instead of turning carbohydrates into glucose, your liver must turn fat into ketones.  Thereby your body will become incredibly efficient at burning fat.  You will see a massive reduction in blood sugar and insulin levels.  Once you start this diet it will take your body 3 to 5 days to reach the point where it switches from using sugar to using ketones.

One danger of the keto diet is ketoacidocis, where excessive ketone bodies accumulate and you will get a dangerously toxic level of acid in your blood.

On the keto diet you don’t eat carbohydrates, (less than 50g a day, say a bagel), and only 10% to 20% of your daily food intake should be protein.  The rest of what you consume is fat.

Eat; high fat meat like bacon and a good steak, cocoa butter, lard, goose fat, olive oil, palm oil, coconut oil, almond oil, avocado, coconut meat, fat-rich nuts and seeds, green low-carb vegetables, butter, hard cheeses, wild caught oily fish, liver, eggs, dark chocolate, hard liquor without a sweetened mixer…..

Do not eat; any grains or anything made from flour, like bread, refined sugars, mayonnaise and the like, starchy root vegetables like potatoes and sweet potatoes, corn, squash, fruits, fruit juices, peas, beans, peanuts, anything marked ‘low fat’, beer, wine, flavoured and sweet booze….

The keto diet can be dangerous causing; low blood pressure, kidney stones, constipation, nutrient deficiencies, Beri Beri, heart and circulatory disease, dizziness, low energy, mood swings, upset stomach.  The keto diet is very antisocial.  The keto diet is utterly unsafe for anyone who has problems with their pancreas, liver, thyroid, or gallbladder.

Some say the keto diet is a great way to lose weight fast.  And that it helped with their diabetes.  All I know is I wouldn’t try this without consulting my doctor and a dietitian.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

you can drink this with a little spring water

 

 

 

Why I’m Still Alive

when all that’s left are the empty promises

the sun was going down on my life

Christmas had come and gone.  I couldn’t remember the New Years’s at all, time had slipped from 2019 to 2020 completely unnoticed by me.  It was January 7th 2020 and I had been smashed and broken to another low rock bottom.  My life was a slow-motion freight train wreck at the end of the line in a place called Hell.  My mind was numb and empty, my soul was tortured by demons of my own making, my body was suffering from a lack of food and too much booze.  Part of me wanted to die, part of me hoped I would die, and a small part of me entertained dark thoughts of painless suicide.  Walking into the cold North Sea would kill me, but that would mean I had to get out of bed, leave the garret, and walk the hundred or so yards to the beach.  That was never going to happen.

But something happened.  Call it sheer bloody mindedness, call it being protected by a guardian angel, call it the universal unconscious helping me, but I did something positive.  It took a while.

First I got myself out of bed, went to the kitchen counter and poured a half-full bottle of vodka down the drain.  Thought about coffee, but I knew I’d throw up.  Drank some water, threw up.

Bathroom and alcoholic constipation hurts.  Stood under the shower in my filthy clothes and stripped naked there, soaped up some.  No chance of my risking a wet shave.

Got dry and left the wet towels in the middle of the garret, on the floor, discarded at random.

Combed my hair, got dressed in clean clothes, even clean socks.  Looked at the clock, it was just on half-past-six, and I didn’t know if it was morning or evening, nor did I know what day it was.

Collapsed into my armchair, exhausted and shaking.  Sat there for a long time staring at the wall, my mind empty, my soul in pain.  I could see scuttling things out of the corner of my eye I knew weren’t real, weren’t there at all.  Electric shave.

After a long long while I made myself a coffee, felt like throwing up but didn’t.  I knew that somewhere out there someone or something was sending me all good wishes.

My thoughts and feelings were being led by demons down a dark road that only led to bad things, so I picked up my tablet as a distraction.  Tried to play solitaire, not enough concentration.  Instead I read some posts by the very special people I follow.  I read a post by Rhapsody Boheme about The Wolf Moon, and the special things that could happen then ~ transformation, renewal, rebirth…..  And here, The Wolf Moon was at 19:21 hrs on January 10th, 2020.  I resolved to stay sober until then.  Before then I would clean the garret, only demons will enter a place that looks like a pig-sty.

At around 19:15 on January 10th I darkened the garret, lit some scented candles, and put some soothing music on the record player.

19:21 on Friday January 20th, 2020 a sense of peace I had not known ever before in my tortured existence, the music playing was The Memory Of Trees by Enya; the simple vocal refrain on that instrumental track is Be Yourself.  It was a profound message, and I knew exactly what it meant.

My life hasn’t been the same since.  My life is different and better, and improving day by day, hour by hour, and something or someone is still guiding me.  If you are suffering as I was, I know that you can have that too.  Nobody with even an ounce of goodness in their soul is abandoned forever.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

infinity came for me and lifted me up

Paleo Diet Myths

agriculture is all about profit, it’s never been about health

The first thing to know about the Paleo Diet is that it has bugger-all to do with the Paleolithic era of man, which actually lasted from about 3.3 million years BC until about 14,000 years ago when the Paleolithic era morphed into the Neolithic Era.  During most of the Paleolithic era people weren’t even what can be called human.  During all of that time ‘man’ used stone tools, ‘lithic’ means ‘of stone’, and the for all of that time ‘man’s’ diet was whatever he could kill or gather from the environment around him, wherever he happened to live.  Acorns don’t feature heavily in any popular diet I know of.

Since The Wolf Moon on January 10th this year my life keeps getting better and better ~ different and better.  I have made a conscious decision to turn back the clock on my lifestyle and live more like our Neolithic ancestors did ~ in terms of diet and exercise that is…..  And so help me, a proper Paleo Diet is a good starting point ~ there is a difference between some popular versions of the Paleo Diet and what is good for you.

First, what isn’t included in a Paleo Diet; refined sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, grains like wheat, barley, and rice…..  all of those will make you ill, maybe cause cancers, and eventually kill you.  Also avoid; Legumes like beans and peas, dairy like milk and cheese, (make your own mind up about eggs), most vegetable oils like corn oil and sunflower oil, trans fats like you find in margarine, look for the words ‘hydrogenated’ and avoid that like the plague.  Don’t consume anything with artificial sweeteners like aspartame and saccharin, these are nasty and will hurt your body, cut down on salt.  Don’t eat processed foods, nothing from cans, no pre-prepared meals in an aluminium or plastic tray, nothing labeled ‘diet’ or ‘low-fat’.  If it looks like it was made in a factory don’t eat it.

Don’t buy take-out ~ you don’t know what’s in it, and have you ever seen around back of a take-out place?  Dirt, rats, cockroaches, dangerous filth…..  Don’t eat at restaurants too often.

What should we eat, what am I going to eat?

  • fruits and vegetables, but not legumes like beans and peas.
  • nuts and seeds, good luck on buying acorns.
  • lean meats, grass fed if possible.
  • Fish, especially those fish rich in omega-3, like salmon, mackerel, herring, albacore tuna.  Cod and haddock are good too because you know they must be wild-caught.
  • Use good oil from fruits and nuts, extra virgin olive oil is my staple.
  • Potatoes.  Strictly speaking I shouldn’t eat high starch food, but I’m not giving up on a jacket potato with my steak.

Also I do not ever take medication, the side-effects aren’t trivial, they are effects, not innocent side-effects.  Most medication will make you very sick sooner or later, and all medication is addictive sooner or later.  Avoid alcohol and drugs, do not use pot, it will give you schizophrenia, do not ever ever even experiment with something like cocaine.  The effects on your brain never, ever go away.

Along with a good diet I will also exercise like our neolithic ancestors, and they walked.  Imagine walking down a herd of bison.  How far do you think you need to walk to exhaust a bison?

Some say that modern processed foods are a boon.  And that take-out pizza and beer makes for a healthy diet.  All I know is I want to be fit, healthy, and looking forward to a long life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

if you want to drink,

stick to a little red wine,

or a good British beer.

Honesty and Discretion

it takes strength and courage to admit the whole truth

~

You may be aware that in the last few days I have undergone something of a transformation, and it seems the man I have become has a dedication to truth, honesty, and openness.  That is not necessarily a completely good thing.  Already I have found that there are innumerable situations where complete honesty wouldn’t be appropriate.  If someone is promulgating a web of lies about who and what they really are, it seems to me that it’s better if I ignore all that, keep quiet, and allow them to live their life of sad, dishonest, illusions, and delusions.

Hell, for all of my life I lived as versions of me that were only mostly true.  That was not my fault, maternal neglect can have a negative effect on your whole life.

If someone wants to hide what they did in their past, and never mention the reprehensible things they have done to give the impression that they are someone and something that they are not and never have been, then maybe it’s better that I ignore that too.  After all, if someone is mostly hiding their past, then it means they don’t want others to know about it, including me.

Some people are just beautifully wrapped and packaged boxes full of fucking shit.

In general, if someone is hiding their past it either means they are ashamed of it, or scared of your reaction if they tell you about it.  Hiding or denying your past doesn’t work, because sometime, somewhere, someday, somehow you will come up against someone who knows all about you.  And the chances are they will tell your new and innocent friend just exactly who and what you used to be ~ either by accident or on purpose.

There are lots of reasons people hide or deny their past, or even who they really are right now; alcoholism, criminality, unpaid debts, drug taking, promiscuity, prostitution, sexual deviance, marriage, children…..  But, all of these things are matters of public record, and you can hide none of the above for very long.

I will throw out one piece of advice, don’t lie to me unless you’re absolutely certain I will never find the truth.  And even in the days of my crazy alter-egos of myself, I always found the truth.

Mean and toxic people don’t bother me.  Mean and toxic people who disguise themselves as nice and honest people bother me a lot.  ~  Cindy Cummings Johnson

Some say that everybody lies.  And that if someone is hiding their past, then they must have a damn good reason.  All I know is that liars need a very good memory, and most people have very poor memories.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

every time you tell another lie you handcuff yourself just a little tighter

 

Looking After #1

you can’t pour from an empty glass

Especially in recent weeks, and perhaps for years before that, I have been sick; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Over the Holidays I was so ill it almost killed me.  The proximate cause of my illness was drinking to much, and that also meant that I didn’t eat, nor did I sleep.  It was so bad that a few days ago I hit rock bottom ~ where I didn’t care if I lived or died.

I have recovered from that nadir of my unhappy existence.  Recovered enough that I know I don’t ever want to go there again.  I want to life a different life from where I’ve ever been before, I want to live a better life ~ even though I’m not yet certain what any of that means.

However, I believe I know how I got there; I was looking to other people to create my happiness for me.  Mostly I was looking for a woman to make me happy.  That can never work, putting your happiness in the hands of another is a certain road to misery.  It just means that you don’t live your own life at all.

When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you aren’t saying ‘no’ to yourself.  ~  Paulo Coehio

I’ve been very guilty of saying ‘yes’ when I should have said ‘no’.  Amazingly I know exactly why all that happened to me, maternal neglect can do that to a child, especially if he’s spent the first weeks of his life isolated in an hospital incubator.

What I need to do is to first take good care of myself.  Look after my body, mind, emotions, and spirit before I do anything else.  Put myself first.  Look after #1.

Obviously I’m not yet certain how I’m going to do that, and I’m not going to explore the internet looking for solutions.  From now on everything I do will come from within.

My first thoughts are; stay sober, eat and drink well, take the right supplements, get plenty of fresh air and exercise…..  (fresh air and exercise in the North of England in winter?)  But that just looks after my body.  Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually all I can think of is to give myself time to heal, avoid conflicts, avoid dysfunctional emotional entanglements, stay away from toxic women…..

You can tell me if you think I’m wrong, or if you have better ideas.

Some say that loving yourself is selfish vanity.  And that loving the wrong woman is the most exquisite form of self-destruction.  All I know is that a wound only gets worse if it’s treated with neglect.

~

Ingredients:
1 part vodka
1 part tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

too much of this stuff will kill you

Rock Bottom

hitting rock bottom doesn’t mean I have to stay there

Everyone’s rock bottom is different.  Things could be worse for me; I still have a roof over my head, I still have money in the bank, and I haven’t hurt myself.  I’m haven’t been on the street drinking, and I haven’t been arrested.

My rock bottom is life-threatening sickness in body, mind, emotions, and spirit.  I feel so ill that I don’t want to eat and I can’t sleep.  I’ve been sipping a little weak beer to stave off the symptoms of acute alcoholic withdrawal, and because it helps ameriolate the worst symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. (a couple of cans a day)

I’m so emotionally distressed and depressed that I’ve been wondering if it’s worth going on at all.

And yet, some very kind people care about me, and my ending it all would be very unfair to them.

So, I need to pick myself up from this self-inflicted hell, take the time and do the right things to recover ~ writing this blog helps.

There are some kind people I care about very much, and I send them all my love.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I need to find a new and better road

A Different Life

it is always darkest just before the dawn breaks

I need a new life, a different life from the emotionally painful existence I have been enduring.

I don’t exactly know what kind of life I need to live, except that I need to stay sober and avoid all conflict in my interpersonal relationships.  Maybe the one will lead to the other.  I hope so.

There is nothing I ask for, other than to be free from this emotional pain and suffering.  There is nothing I can think of to do, no plan of action other than to stay sober, avoid all conflict, and maybe just be nice, kind, and compassionate.  To be honest, that’s about all I’m going to be able to cope with for a while.

Love to you all.  Wish me luck in my different life.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Maybe having a true friend would be good for me.

Fade Out ~ Fade In

I wish I’d been born with no feelings at all.

wine was the least of what I was drinking

Last year I discovered some unpleasant things about myself, and the way my interpersonal relationships worked ~ or rather didn’t work.  All my relationships were dysfunctional, painful, and ruinous.  Mostly this was my fault because I could have just walked away from anyone at any time.

I didn’t, instead I let myself go downhill into depression, paranoia, and booze.

Over the last year, and over the Christmas Holidays I faded out.

Well, it’s time I faded back in again.

I don’t know what kind of life I’m going to have, and I’m afraid to find out.

I’ll keep you posted.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I need to work on fading back in

In The Bleak Mid-Winter

my life is bleak, unhappiness is mine

Through no fault but my own the one good thing I had in my life is destroyed.

I am in the bleak mid-winter of sorrow today.

Please listen responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Bleak Mid-Winter in New Mexico

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