always choose the lesser of two evils
cure global warming by setting fire to the sky
The world is going to hell in a handcart, mostly because governments and their unelected officials have responded in a very male, linear-thinking manner to the supposed coronavirus pandemic. They have seen a problem and tackled it with gusto, without any thought whatsoever for the wider consequences. It’s like the man who has an ant infestation in his home and sorts it out by burning down the building. Perfectly logical if your logic is based on Boolean Algebra and the only possible answers are yes and no. That is brutal male thinking taken to extremes. I’m certain that to cure supposed global warming some male scientists would be happy to set fire to the sky.
This highlights the biggest problem that besets most relationships; men think in straight lines and women think in patterns. This is why most men don’t talk much and most women like to talk. It’s also why if there’s a problem in a relationship a man will want to find an immediate solution and most women will want to talk about it. If you don’t understand that then you can’t have a real relationship with the opposite sex ~ all you can have is a deal, a contract, a set of compromises neither of you actually understand. What you have is called a Transactional Relationship.
If you have a transactional relationship it’s most likely suffering right now. Being thrown closely together because of lockdown, or because there is just nowhere to go, means that established positions get blurred and it’s difficult for both of you to fulfill your allotted role. What you might realise is that both of you aren’t actually very happy being together. Or that if you are going to stay together things will have to change.
And, this is where it falls apart. Suppose one of you is now drinking too much. Most people will fall right back into that transactional model; ‘if you stop drinking so much, I will…..’ or the more likely; ‘if you don’t stop drinking so much I’m walking out…..’
You have a Choice of Catastrophes. We can all stay with the shit we have now, or we can set off into the unknown. We can stay with our partner and regret it. We can leave and regret it. We can believe all this COVID-19 crap and have our civil liberties taken away, or we can ignore all the facile advice and instructions thrown at us by governments and health officials and maybe die of the
It’s up to each of us to choose the lesser of two evils ~ but choose wisely.
when in doubt, trust your gut
humiliation scars deeper than the lash
renting a Mustang does not alleviate humiliation
It is only very recently that I have had the courage to take a long, hard look at my life. The implications of my actions over recent years are severe. Obsession, overindulgence in the wrong people and things, dissipation, confusion, despair, joylessness are what mark my days. A struggle with addiction to alcohol. The proximate cause of that addiction ~ an unhappy destructive toxic affair. The waste of time, money, and love now weigh heavily on my mind.
And yet, I was very unwilling and almost unable to finally break that bond ~ a bond that had no future except walking deeper into the dark slough of despond. Call it sexual immaturity, desperation, or lack of self-worth ~ I was deeply attracted to someone who has been, is, and would go on being extremely bad for me. If she could, she could well spell my doom, for in many ways she is a witch.
I needed to open my eyes and understand the extent of my bondage before I could begin to see a way out. Escaping from a black widow is not the easiest thing for a man to do. I was caught in an unhealthy unproductive place, ignorant of the truth and its implications. I was obsessed by a person, the idea of her, a pattern of behaviour and the booze that went along with it. Even in the midst of everything I knew it was all bad for me. I had severe doubts in my own future, and dark thoughts of my own demise.
It will be all right, now that I have realised that I don’t always have to pay for my past mistakes. I had a false picture of myself and the situation I was in, but now I can hold fast to the best vision of who I am and the man I shall become.
Now I have freed myself from constant deep humiliation I can know resurrection, renewal and revival, my long-dormant inner man coming back to life.
Despite everything, this is a time for me to be happy, joyous, and free.
six times I traveled to Southern California to meet my own nightmare
every man must face his own secret sorrows
the lonely sea and the sky
Normal life is a thing of the past for many of us. Here in England we are in the middle of yet another lockdown. We can’t go anywhere, meet with our friends, enjoy a meal out, or even go to the pub because they’re all shut. In fact, the official guidelines are that we should stay at home unless going out is absolutely essential ~ such as a trip to the doctor, pharmacy, or to buy groceries. It’s the middle of autumn here, it’s turning colder, and yet we are not even supposed to be able to buy a warm jacket or sweater.
The rules and regulations are enforced with varying degrees of enthusiasm by the police, (depending on where you live), neighbour is spying upon neighbour, and supermarkets have grown a crop of security guards to enforce the social distancing and face-mask rules. It’s turned into a Kafkaesque version of 1984. It’s got so that a lot of us English are spending a lot of time alone, locked up in our own homes, solitary.
Being alone for an extended period isn’t necessarily a good thing. Few enjoy solitary confinement, because that’s what lockdown means for many, many people. Days, weeks, and months alone with very little to do can prey upon the mind, make grown men brood and ponder their own inadequacies, make a man face his own secret sorrows and regrets. The ghosts of the past come crowding in, snuffing out the future.
Some feel like throwing it all away, sales of alcohol have soared, and mental illnesses torture some sorry souls. And there is very little help or relief to be found. There is no immediate end in sight either. In England this current lockdown is due to end on December 2nd, but nobody in the real world knows what will happen after that. Prime Minister Boris Johnson probably doesn’t know either because Carrie Symonds hasn’t told him yet.
All a man can do is to keep on keeping on. Find something difficult and intellectual to do. Discover a new creative interest. Look for an idea to get excited about. Think about a new business venture you can do from home. Read something challenging. Don’t just sit there, take some action, put lots of energy and enthusiasm in it. Most of all get outside in the fresh air, walk a few miles and let thoughts drift toward better times.
get outside and enjoy the fresh air
that and sunshine will kill a virus
autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower
It’s the middle of fall, Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks, we’d like to make a start on Christmas shopping, and most of us are trapped in one sort of a lockdown or other. But there is nothing to stop you going grocery shopping, and then honing your chef skills.
These recipes have a kind of mid-autumn, pre Thanksgiving flavour. In one case I would strongly recommend serving a decent sherry or Madeira to go along with the cake. In fact, why not treat yourself to a decent glass of something any way. You deserve it, and you probably won’t be driving to work today.
(BTW for new readers, and if you just don’t know, if you click on the highlighted recipe name you will go right to that dish on the chef’s own website.)
First up this week, from Half Baked harvest we have this delicious looking 4 Cheese Sage Pesto Florentine Lasagna. How great would this be to make ahead for your Thanksgiving parties? (NB. Women should be very careful of too much sage.)
4 Cheese Sage Pesto Florentine Lasagna
Another pasta dish from Diane at In Dianes Kitchen; a very warming Cheesy Chicken Noodle Casserole. (Noodles are pasta too.) This is a very easy dish, even most of my fellow single men could make, (and most single men cannot cook).
Cheesy Chicken Noodle Casserole
Now a really pretty midweek dinner from Andrea at Cooking with a Wallflower; Honey Garlic Shrimp Farro Bowl with Maple Balsamic Vinaigrette. And how fabulous to serve this if you have friends over for a pre or post Thanksgiving lunch.
Honey Garlic Shrimp Farro Bowl with Maple Balsamic Vinaigrette
Tiffany from Creme de la Crumb has a very seasonal dish in this Candied Pecan Sweet Potato Casserole, (with marshmallows). Being English I’m not quite certain if this is an entree or a dessert. No doubt someone will enlighten me.
Candied Pecan Sweet Potato Casserole
Joy Wilson at Joy the Baker has come up with what has to be the longest recipe name ever, (and that’s saying something here), Dad’s Perfect Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Refined Sugar-Free Sweet Potato Pie. You have got to make this just so you can tell your guests what it’s called.
Dad’s Perfect Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Refined Sugar-Free Sweet Potato Pie
And finally for this week. As you would expect from Heather Christo we have an extremely pretty dish, this time a Pumpkin Pecan Coffee Cake, which is both vegan and gluten free. How brilliant for afternoon tea around thanksgiving, although I’d serve this with sherry and not tea.
Pumpkin Pecan Coffee Cake
if you have never tried a good Maderia wine, then you have no idea the heaven you’re missing out on
to let go of the past, we first have to accept it
just one of the cars, just one of the hotels
For more than five years I was in a dysfunctional relationship with a woman I believed I cared for very deeply. Just about everything you can imagine being wrong, was wrong with that friendship ~ if that was what it was. And I was too willfully blind to see it. Call it lying to myself, or ignoring the obvious facts, or just call it denial. The plain truth was that because of my own unrealistic expectations, I was on a down-bound train to some very personal hell, and my conscious mind did not want to know.
My subconscious mind, my inner child knew all right. I spent years being miserable, torturing myself, and looking for some easy escape from my pain. I started to write this blog…. No that is not true, she found me through this blog, in March 2014, (or maybe earlier). What happened was that the things I started to write here changed. My posts became darker, filled with pain and angst as I tried to find some relief from my feelings. I went back to drinking, and every time my feelings got the better of me I would get the better of a few bottles of booze. I even tried therapy ~ although I never told my therapist the truth of it.
The worst thing I did was to invest more and more of myself in that one-sided relationship. I visited California often, and took my friend on great road trips, including to Wyoming to see the total eclipse of the sun. We went to some very expensive new-age seminars in Sedona AZ and Albuquerque NM. We found some great restaurants in Orange County, and breakfasted on the Queen Mary in Long Beach. I would send flowers and gifts on every possible occasion. And. I couldn’t see that everything I did made it worse.
Perhaps because I was going crazy during the coronavirus lockdown, but a couple of weeks ago I admitted to myself and others that I was in deep, deep trouble. Then I finally admitted why, and found the sense to tell my Californian friend that we needed to say goodbye.
I know that she is still in my mind, and will be for a while. But I have an Angel at my shoulder, and as long as she is watching over me I will stay free of the chains that once bound me.
alone again, naturally
addicted to sex, hitting the bars, picking up younger men
I was mystified
she cheated and lied
sadly that’s bad
she likes young men
when she can get them
and they know what to do
‘I am under no obligation to make sense to you…..’
covid-19 police ready for action
That heading is a quote from the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll’s book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. At the time the book was written Hatters were famously mad because of all the mercurous nitrate they used in curing felt. Mercury poisoning will send you mad before it kills you.
So, what excuse have our politicians, health officials, and sundry bureaucrats got for acting like insane secret policeman during this alleged coronavirus pandemic? Actually, the alleged coronavirus pandemic gives any jumped-up little Hitler the perfect excuse to throw their weight around.
For crass stupidity and the insane enforcement of illegal regulations one cannot go further than the Principality of Wales where there’s a failed Marxist called Mark Drakeford running things. What a useless dickhead.
Supermarkets in Wales have entire aisles closed off to stop people buying non-essential items. These ‘non-essential items’ seem to include womens’ sanitary products, baby formula, diapers, school uniforms, shampoo, hairdryers, vacuum cleaners….. Yet in Wales alcohol seems to be very essential ~ if I was in Wales I’d want to get blind drunk.
People there shouldn’t be going into stores anyhow because the whole place is under a 17 day ‘firebreak lockdown’. Which is stupid because soaking wet Wales has as much chance of suffering a wildfire as you have setting light to the mud in a swamp.
Police are manning border controls between England and Wales to stop people from the ‘more infected’ counties here from entering the Principality.
In England some 8 million people in the North have been plunged into the strictest possible lockdown because more testing in their cities shows that more people are infected with the virus than before. BTW 60% of positive tests are false positives. But who in London gives a shit about ‘the North?’
Also in England pubs can stay open if they are selling whole pizzas, but not if they are just selling pizza slices. Meanwhile some children here are actually going hungry.
The power-mad ginger dwarf running Scotland has closed the entire country for business. Safety tip; never let a crazy ginger woman run your life for you.
And the compulsory pointless wearing of face-nappies is set to continue, probably forever.
Meanwhile, the entire USA is in the grip of a set of lunatics who seem to have been given the keys to the asylum.
‘step away from ze tampons…..’
true friends always bring out the best in you
and will always stand by you
beware of women drinking beer in bars
The people I have become ‘friends’ with in the past have had both positive and negative effects on my life. My friends have improved me and brought me down. I have spent too much time with toxic people and some of their habits have rubbed off on me. Things that should have been utterly acceptable to me became almost acceptable for a time. Of course the ideal is for my friends to bring out the best in me, to help me to grow, to stand by me in times of trouble ~ that hasn’t always happened. In fact sometimes it has been the reverse.
In life you will realise there is a purpose in everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. But most importantly….. some will bring out the best in you. ~ C.S. Lewis
Just recently I have come to accept that a supposedly very close friend used me badly, and brought out the very worst in me.
I actually believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason. Sadly, at the time, we seldom know the reasons. Just because I met someone didn’t and shouldn’t have meant that she became and stayed my friend. Perhaps I should be more ready and willing to lose friends and acquaintances who repeatedly caused me pain and distress, took up a great deal of my time and money, offering me little in return.
I do not have to justify why I am moving away from toxic and uncaring friends. I am and was willing to share my concerns and worries with them, but I should never expect anyone to change on my behalf. People are often blind to their own weaknesses and faults, may refuse to accept that they can be in the wrong, and blame me when the friendship got into rocky waters and sank.
Being utterly honest with those around me is important.
It is sad when friendships break up due to time, circumstances, and different wants, needs, and desires. But it’s inevitable that some friendships and love affairs fail. Often it was those sad times that showed me who my true friends are.
Those true and real friendships are the ones I should treasure.
some people have caused me pain
and I have been guilty too
you cannot fix something if you don’t know it’s broken
Each and every one of us is programmed ~ what we think, what we believe, how we behave, what we like and what we dislike are automatic responses, programmed reactions and actions buried deep in our subconscious. Our conscious minds only govern what we do about 10% of the time, and most of the time what our conscious minds do, think, and feel is based on all that stuff way down in our unconsciousness. So, if you are scared of snakes, it isn’t a conscious thing, it’s actually a primeval race-memory so far down in your subconscious you don’t even know it’s there until the first time you come across a serpent.
If you have problems in your life, if you can’t handle certain situations, if you keep lurching from one disastrous relationship to another, then you are not consciously doing that on purpose. A string of dysfunctional relationships in your past, and the likelihood that you will repeat the same mistakes over and over again in the future, means that there is something dysfunctional with the tapes in your unconscious mind.
The scary thing is that all that programming, all of your beliefs, behaviors, and opinions were put there before you were seven years old. The adults in your life; your parents, your wider family, older siblings, teachers impressed their thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, habits, and prejudices upon your unformed mind while you were still a child. And there was nothing whatsoever you could do about it. Ergo, if you are a borderline alcoholic, drug addict, a heavy smoker, or obese ~ it’s not all your own fault. If you’re promiscuous, dishonest, and continually finding yourself in toxic relationships, then that’s not completely your fault either. It’s because you were taught all those things when you didn’t know any better.
Before I was five years old I was taught that women are lying bitches, and that men who have anything to do with women are bad. I was taught that sex is nasty, dirty, and wrong. I was taught that love is meaningless, that interpersonal relationships are always toxic, and that sex outside of marriage is a sin that will send me to hell. I know who did that to me.
It took me right up until a few days ago to realise this, to truly know what was broken in me. Right up until a few days ago my life was dysfunctional, I was unable to have a stable relationship, I couldn’t ever be truly open, honest, trusting, or loving. My life was toxic. I drank to much to escape the way I always acted and reacted.
If that is anything like you, then look deep within to find out what is broken in you. Then, when you know what’s broken you might have some chance of fixing it. Be like me and kill the snake in your mind.
it wasn’t all her own fault that Red Riding Hood liked wolves just a little too much
true happiness means getting enough good sleep
insomnia is subtle torture
Sleeping well is vitally important to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Conversely, insomnia is stressful and will eventually make you ill.
Scientific surveys tell us that most people require between 6 and 8 hours of good sleep every night.
You can’t store sleep up in advance, but you can make up for lost sleep afterwards.
For good sleep you should go to bed at the same time every evening, and get up at the same time every morning.
Sleep medication only works for a little while. One should never take sleep aids for longer than a couple of weeks.
Smokers will never get a settled night’s sleep until months after they quit.
Booze may send you to sleep, but thereafter it ruins your night’s rest. Drinkers will never get a settled night’s sleep until they have had a little sobriety.
Drinkers will tend to have vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams.
Caffine in coffee or tea has very little effect on sleep.
Eating late at night will prevent you from getting a good night’s sleep. Don’t eat within two hours of going to bed.
The blue light from your phone or tablet will stop you from falling into deep REM sleep, the kind of sleep we all need.
Watching TV in your bedroom late into the night will prevent you from getting a good night’s sleep.
A lack of real daylight during waking hours will prevent you from getting a good night’s sleep.
Plenty of fresh air and exercise during the day promotes good sleep.
Bedrooms should be cool, dark, and quiet.
Your subconscious mind should associate your bedroom with only two things; sleep and sex.
Some say they can get by on 2 or 3 hours sleep a night. And that the only time they have problems is when they are trying to sleep. All I know is that early to bed and early to rise make one healthy, wealthy, and wise.
don’t spend too long gazing at the moon
that’s for lunatics