If you can’t find sex under a blue sky, you can’t find it anywhere.
sunshine good times
high clear deep bluest sky
new friends open conversations
food wine music party suntanned girls
strolling sightseeing swimming sunbathing
dancing talking kissing friends romance love sex
late summer Mediterranean vacation’s fond memories
seem mostly of fleeting romance, transient love, casual sex
not that casual sex on vacation is to be approved of
So set ’em up Joe, there’s no one in the place, ‘cept you and me.
How many bad decisions seemed like a good idea at the time?
Over the years I’ve made some really bad decisions. From time to time I got angry and subsequently did some reprehensible things I now regret. I have reacted with nasty spite when I should have stayed calm, and I’ve felt resentful for no good reason, which usually turned me into a dangerous Mr. Hyde or a rabid black dog.
And when he was good he was very, very good, but when he was bad he was horrid. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Not every time things went badly pear-shaped was my fault. Not every person I’ve hurt was an innocent bystander. Some of the people I’ve had uncharitable thoughts about actually deserved my condemnation. And there have been some people I wouldn’t cross the road to spit on. But, and here’s the thing, all the time I was an angry, judgemental, resentful, dangerous
bastard person, I was still suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, and / or, Bipolar Disorder. I was always afraid, and I was always running away.
Add the whole lot together, all the anger, resentments, mental illness, and it’s not surprising that I used to be hypercritical, lacking in understanding, and totally unwilling to accept anyone who didn’t measure up to my warped standards. It’s not surprising that from time to time I could hurt the ones I love. Sometimes the only things I was good at was causing pain and heartache.
It only takes one word to hurt a woman, a matter of seconds, one stupid, impatient sting of the whip. But winning back her trust takes years. And sometimes there isn’t the time. ~ Nina George
I have actually made a list of all the people I believe I have hurt over the years, (that’s the difficult step 8 in 12 step programmes), and thought about the what, why, when, how, where, and if of making amends to those people. Of my original list I’ve crossed off some names, because I’m not a saint, so I’m not making amends to everyone I’ve wronged. And, I’ve underlined some other names, of women I really do need to make immediate, meaningful, and lasting amends to. (my Goddess Aphrodite and The Girl Riding Shotgun spring to mind.) But as the quote from Nina George says, sometimes rebuilding trusting relationships takes years.
I have spoken in haste too often, spoken from negative and dark emotions too often, and been thoughtless too often. But, the recent paradigm shift that I experienced from being way outside of my comfort zone for a week should mean that I don’t make those enraged mistakes again.
Some say there is no such thing as a mistake or a bad decision. And that the consequences of a really bad decision are a learning opportunity. All I know is that if I go off the rails there is going to be a painful disaster, and someone will get hurt ~usually including me.
Nobody likes to be with a dangerous jerk.
Be that guy, and be alone in the dark.
Alone and on the road again…..
I’ve just enjoyed the first decent night’s sleep I’ve had in about a month, and I’m in a hotel……
In my long and mostly disreputable life I have spent more nights than I care to remember in all kinds of hotels, in most of the major cities of the world, (and some towns that would have to work hard to qualify as a bomb-site). And in all that time I
never hardly ever slept well in an hotel.
One solution to ‘hotel insomnia’ is to get good and drunk….. But these days I am utterly sober.
So, what’s different this time?
I believe it’s that I’ve put my worries, resentments, and anger behind me….. And nobody can possibly sleep with a mind racing like an evil train crash.
I also believe that a few hours in the hotel pool taking the strenuous exercise of swimming lessons, and then going for long walks by the sea, also helps.
And, on a cautionary note, sharing your hotel bed with a woman you’ve just picked up at the hotel bar will not help you sleep either.
I have never in my life ‘picked up’ a woman in a hotel bar.
Hooker, or otherwise.
The first step in solving a problem is to admit that you have it.
And, the second step in solving a problem is to tell someone about it.
For me, the savage black dog of depression is never very far away.
There have been many times that I have been in denial about my problems. And, there have been many times that I tried to solve my problems on by own, through will-power and self-control. Yet, nobody can solve all their problems without help from others.
A lot of the time I have created my own problems through my own character defects, such as; anger, controlling, depression, drinking too much, fear, impulsiveness, being judgmental, jealousy, and lack of self-confidence….. Also I convince myself that I am in love far too easily and far too often.
Partly these character defects are the result of a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, and partly they are down to my own desires, lusts, and need for instant gratification.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I can’t go on ~ I always have the feeling that I don’t belong ~ that I am just not good enough.
No man can be a hero every day, and some days I just don’t try. But, on the days I do try, I try to be honourable, true, honest, bold, and brave. On those days I try to walk the warrior’s path with real and honest virtue.
Words are cheap, but sometimes words are all I have.
Maybe I’ll live so long I’ll forget her.
Maybe I’ll die trying.
Never let your head hang down. Never give up and let your soul grieve. Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
I do have very severe mood swings, that range from euphoria, to very bad temper, to suicidal depression. But, one can get severe mood swings with both bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
All I know is that my behaviour over the last week had been disgraceful, and right now I have become seriously depressed.
Today I can begin thinking about making changes in my life and my responsibilities. I can ask for help from my friends, and do some rearranging so that no day is completely overwhelming.
All I hope is that I don’t turn into Mr. Hyde again.
Turning into Mr. Hyde is the very worst thing that can happen to me.
Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete in the summer months.
Another month, and another vacation planned.
This time I’m going to Chania on Crete, a spectacular island in the blue, blue Mediterranean sea. I fly out to Crete on Tuesday September 4th for a week, and I’ll be staying at a small, family run hotel, the Pella Steve II, which is exclusively for the more adult single traveller.
Chania is the most beautiful, interesting, and evocative town on Crete ~ from the Venetian Harbour to the narrow shopping streets and waterfront restaurants. Chania also has it’s own international airport, which is very cool when it comes to transfer times.
I’m fully expecting the weather, hotel, sightseeing, shopping, entertainment, food, drink, and company to be brilliant.
These singles holidays are something different and exclusive. Always in a smaller hotel, everyone has their own double room, everyone is open and friendly, and there always seems to be a lot going on among ‘the group’. These singles vacations are not just sitting by the pool and reading. In my experience these singles vacations are fun from waking in the morning to getting off to bed early the following morning. Luckily, these days I never touch booze and get by with a few hours sleep.
In my experience you don’t need to worry about not knowing anyone before you get there ~ on this kind of vacation, new and very interesting friends are made pretty quickly. Anyhow, on this type of vacation everyone hangs out with anyone they wish to ~ starting at the hotel bar.
However, I was thinking that it would be cool to have a travelling companion to share the experience with, not as a couple, but as friends who travel together. Being a guy, of course I’d be the one spending all the money. That’s what guys of my generation do.
You never know, I may find a cool travelling companion yet. And, after this holiday on Crete, there will be another vacation coming along soon.
My email is always at the end of these blog posts.
Crete is a very beautiful island
Character defects exist to remind you of how much you were wounded.
My past was darkness
anger, anxieties, arrogance
bigotry, blaming, boastfulness
controlling, cowardice, crudeness
dishonesty, destruction, deviousness
fear, guilt, hate, harshness, hopelessness
intolerance, judgementalism, lying, lustfulness
manipulating, negativity, perfectionism, recklessness
evil sarcasm, selfishness, thoughtlessness, unfaithfulness
unreliability, undisciplined thrill seeking, vulgarity, wastefulness
all my days were filled with misery, pain, suffering, doubt, difficulties
today I am empowered, self-aware, self-confident, accepting mindfulness
I have abandoned my character defects and found acceptance and happiness
the pain you felt yesterday
is the strength you feel today
The blue sky in July trembles like a butterfly.
It’s high summer. I have just returned from Turkey and the best vacation ever. The food in Turkey was fabulous, and went perfectly with their hot summer sunshine.
These recipes may not all be authentically Turkish, but they are all the kind of dishes you would get in the better Turkish restaurants in the tourist areas, and they will all go perfectly with our long summer days.
First up this week, found by Elise Bauer at Simply Recipes, we have 4 Great Add-Ins for Hummus. Hummus is almost an essential component of a Turkish banquet, and these ideas from Katie Workman are just brilliant. I especially like the roasted red pepper hummus, and Katie even tells us how to make perfect roasted peppers.
Now, from at How Sweet Eats we have summer BBQ Quinoa Salad, which is a perfectly Turkish inspired side dish, or a lighter meal to take to work.
Summer BBQ Quinoa and Chicken Salad
Well now, OK, this recipe for orozo stuffed red peppers with lemony basil tomatoes from Tieghan Gerard at Half Baked Harvest is actually Greek, but I had an exactly similar dish when I was in Turkey. This is a very quick and easy 30 minute vegetarian dish, (other than it has cheese, but you can buy vegan cheese).
Greek Orozo Stuffed Red Peppers with Lemony Basil Tomatoes.
From lovely San Diego girl Averie Sunshine we have this wonderful looking dish of Peach Chili Grilled Chicken, just the kind of thing you could be served in the better Turkish restaurants in the tourist parts of the country. This damn easy 10 minute dish needs no cleanup afterwards ~ how cool is all that?
Peach Chili Grilled Chicken
I almost never feature the same cook twice in one Food on Friday, but here’s another Dish from Tieghan Gerard, at Half Baked Harvest. Turkish fried eggs in herbed yogurt. You could have these at breakfast, lunch, or dinner ~ and the whole thing takes only 30 minutes to prepare.
Turkish Fried Eggs in Herbed Yogurt
For desert, this is another sort-of Greek dish: frozen honey Greek yogurt dipped strawberries, shown to us by Andrea at Cooking with a Wallflower. But, there is nothing to stop you from using Turkish honey and Turkish yogurt to make this guilt free desert recipe.
Frozen Honey Greek Yogurt Dipped Strawberries
Finally for this week we have a great collection of Turkish recipes from Delicious Magazine, including this fabulous Lamb Kofte Tagine. This is an easy 30 minute dish that would make a super mid-week meal, or something fast for a Saturday night in with friends. Buy Turkish beer to go with it.
Lamb Kofte Tagine
we sat in an outdoors restaurant watching the parasailors landing.
how cool was that?
When I am true to myself, I am strong beyond measure.
the application of will
continues to tempt me still
uninhibited too dangerous thrill
urges wants desires needs emotional
uninhibited casual sexual relationships fill
my life with seductress midnight encounters
hazardous erotic carnal liaisons midnight hours
rash instant gratification sensual lustful animal urges
I know that I should have become a better man than that
the path to freedom from suffering
is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit