We are each our own devil, and we make the world our hell.
You decide what to eat, how much alcohol you’re going to drink, how much rest and sleep you are going to get, whether you’re going to smoke cigarettes, how much fresh air and exercise you’re going to have, whether or not you’re going to take drugs (illegal drugs, prescription drugs, and over the counter medication), and how much stress you’re going to put yourself under before you stop and maybe meditate for a while.
And, more likely than not, you know what you should be doing for a healthier and longer life, as opposed to what you are actually doing with your life every day. The chances are that every day you’re putting your body, mind, and spirit under extreme stress by doing exactly the wrong things on purpose.
Our bodies are designed to self-heal, but if we keep putting our body, mind, and spirit under stress, then we are going to degenerate, get sick, get old, look old, become unfit and overweight, and die painfully long before we should.
Yet I know that everyone reading this wants to be fit, healthy, and happy ~ so why do so many people subject themselves to so much
fucking crap, every single day?
- Be your own best carer. Too many of us spend too much time taking care of other people, when what they should be doing is practicing self-care and putting themselves first. If you make yourself ill, unfit, mentally sick, stressed-out, then you’re not going to be of much use to anyone else.
- Get back to nature. Get outdoors, get some fresh air and sunshine, breathe deeply of clean air, drink at least 3 pints of fresh clean water a day, enjoy the far horizons. If you spend a lot of time indoors, using a computer, drinking coffee, then the tiny electrical signals that actually operate your mind and body get screwed, so you’re tired and can’t think properly by the end of the day.
- Get plenty of sleep. Most people need 7 to 9 hours of good quality deep REM sleep. Don’t fall asleep in a chair in front of the TV. Make your bedroom a blackout zone. Go to bed the day before you get up. Don’t drink too much booze right before bedtime.
- Eat the right amount of good quality, healthy, organic food. Avoid processed foods. Drink those 3 pints of good clean water every day. Eat a high water content diet.
- Stop sabotaging yourself. Commit to self-care and practice it every single day. If you are addicted to anything: cigarettes, booze, drugs, gambling, binge eating, self-harm, anger, stress then find a cure. Be prepared to do whatever it takes to recover from your addiction.
Some say that they hate themselves. And, some people act as though they really do hate themselves. All I know is that these days I am a very cool guy, living a really great life.
recently I stayed at the best B & B in all America
The more you eat, the less flavour. The less you eat, the more flavour.
There are literally thousands of diets out there, from the 5:2 diet, the Mediterranean diet, the Paleo diet, the Sushi diet, and even the simple calorie controlled diet. These diets can get quite complicated and the professional aficionados would love us to buy their books explaining the benefits of these diets and giving us lots of recipes that we’re probably never going to cook. As it happens I try to follow the tenants of a Mediterranean diet, simply because I like Mediterranean food. Conversely I would never follow a Sushi diet because I hate sushi and I firmly believe that raw fish is inherently unhealthy, to the point of being dangerous.
There is one basic truth about losing weight ~ eat less. The average female office worker only needs about 2,000 calories a day, and the average male about 2,500. A weight loss diet probably means a woman eating 1,500 calories a day, and a man about 2,000. There are a myriad of calorie calculators on the internet.
However, after some study of diets, nutrition, and health, I can give you some basic guidelines about what you should include and avoid in all those calories.
- Drink 3 pints of fresh clean water every day.
- Eating a little every couple of hours avoids and cures adrenal fatigue.
- Wild foods are good ~ especially healthy grains such as wild rice. Eat organic food whenever you can.
- Try not to eat processed and canned foods.
- Eating fresh fruits and vegetables is vital to our health. Apples, Banana, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots, Celery, Grapes, Leeks, Pears, Potato (especially potato skins), Spinach, & etc.. Avoid too much citrus fruit, it messes with the acid balance of our gut.
- Adding herbs and spices adds important phytochemicals to our food. Fresh parsley, basil, and rosemary are especially good.
- Eat grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, lamb, wild salmon, net caught ocean fish, shrimp, crab, and lobster. Avoid too much pork, (and if you eat pork make damn certain it’s properly cooked). Avoid farmed fish, (especially tilapia which is cheap whitefish), cheap chicken, bacon, and turkey. Eat shellfish at your peril.
- Don’t drink a lot of fresh milk, don’t put cream or half-and-half in your coffee, and don’t eat a lot of yogurt or cheese.
- Take vitamin and mineral supplements; B4, B12, Folate, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Zinc, (and if you are a menstruating woman take Iron supplements).
- Do not ever eat anything made with modern wheat; bread, cake, cookies, pasta, tortillas…..
- Avoid too much; complex carbohydrates, caffeine, sugar, and salt.
- Don’t drink too much coffee or ordinary tea, try green tea instead.
- Don’t drink diet sodas, or use artificial sweeteners. In fact really cut down on drinking any soda at all.
- Really, really avoid too much alcohol. One bottle of red wine a week is a good limit, (or if you can’t live with that, two bottles a week). Do not regularly get buzzed, and regularly would be once a month.
You may think that’s all too damn difficult, and probably expensive. Well, it takes effort to follow any guidelines, and good organic food carries a price premium, but really, how much is a healthier and longer life worth to you?
Each time we face our fears we gain confidence, self-belief, and freedom.
People have a strong tendency to sabotage themselves when things are going really well in their lives.
It doesn’t really matter how smart you are, how grounded you are, or how much money you have, one of these days you will probably get to a place where everything is cool and fine, and then you’ll
fuck foul it up with drink, drugs, prescription and over the counter medication, smoking, gambling, binge eating, casual sex….. It seems as though we have an in-built belief that we are not really worthy, or good enough, or nice enough to have all that success and all those good feelings. We aren’t comfortable with standing out among our family, friends, and peers ~ and this belief that we don’t deserve our own success is something that we learn in early childhood, before we are seven years old. Our parents, care-givers, and siblings are to blame for that.
Also, very early on in life, many of us learn to believe that we are unworthy of love. We learn that we don’t deserve to be loved by others, we learn how not to love ourselves, we learn to believe that we don’t deserve to get all the good stuff that life has to offer. We continually judge ourselves, criticise ourselves, and fall prey to negative thinking and negative beliefs.
In the extreme these negative feelings and beliefs lead to something called Borderline Personality Disorder, and that creates no end of troubles; paranoia, fear of abandonment, addiction, boozing, reckless behaviours, depression, bi-polar disorder…..
It takes real genius, strong will, self-honesty, openness, and willingness to escape from these dark negative places.
First of all we need to understand love and what it means. The belief that stops us from fully embracing the love of others and accepting self-love is the negative expectation that it’s all going to turn to crap eventually, and whoever offers love to us is going to abandon us anyway. Usually that means we will push others away from us, and the denial of love becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The same things happen with anything and everything else we want, need, and desire; money, health, enlightenment, friendships, personal growth, freedom to do what we really want to do…..
And all of these negative beliefs and thought patterns are imposed upon our subconscious minds in childhood, which of course means we learn to believe all this crap from our parents, the rest of our families, other care-givers, teachers, older children…..
To escape from an unsuccessful, unfulfilled, ultimately unhappy life we need to be willing to throw aside our past and instead build a future which truly reflects the unique, lovable, loving person we are. If you talk about your past you are just reliving all the negative crap, no matter what gloss your subconscious mind tries to put on all the shit you used to do.
Most people aren’t truly willing to take that monumental leap ~ in fact I don’t know anyone who is.
Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you always got.
you may believe all this smoking, drinking, and sitting at the bar is cool
Love can be the infinite curse of a true heart.
If you believe that you love someone, then there’s no rhyme or reason about the way you think, feel, or behave. All of your various emotional and happiness chemicals just take over. Scientists say that there are 4 sets of these; dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and the endorphins which accentuate the effects of everything else. But, you have to add to that a whole bunch of other mind – brain – body stuff happening when you think you’re in love ~ such as an adrenaline rush every now and again. Add to that not eating, not sleeping, and drinking too much, and no wonder we get messed up when we believe we are in love, (or we are consumed by desire).
Our own default subconscious personality type also has a big part to play. For most of my life I suffered from an intense fear of abandonment caused by a serious psychological illness called Borderline Personality Disorder. This fear of abandonment thing either makes you utterly destroy a relationship you’re in, or hang on to a dysfunctional relationship long past the point you should have called it a day and walked away.
So this deep interest in / deep affection for / sexual desire for a particular person caused me no end of problems, because none of it was real. Multiply that by several women over time and you can see how a polite and generous Englishman could become seriously screwed up. And ‘screwed up’ is putting it very mildly.
If I tried I could probably work out how much these false love affairs / relationships / marriage had cost me in time, money and lost opportunities, but being a banker I’ll make a stab at how much ‘being in love’ has cost me in hard cash over the years. Roughly, to the nearest $100,000 ~ about $2.75 million. Thinking I was in love, with the wrong woman, has cost me more than most people will earn in a lifetime.
And what did I get in return? Bad sex.
Ah well, t’was ever thus. A fool and his money are soon parted.
you would think I should have learned my lesson by now
Political Correctness is merely bullying by another name.
It seems that I’m really not ‘politically correct’ ~ if what you mean by political correctness is fitting in with whatever is perceived as the ‘right’ way to believe, think, speak, and act by whatever minority group holds sway. For example; I like the film The Damn Busters, about a WWII RAF raid on Germany ~ that even though the word ‘Nigger’ is used 12 times in the movie, and I have no problem with that. (Nigger was the name of Wing Commander Guy Gibson’s black Labrador dog.)
Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organises hatred. ~ Jacques Barzun.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that all women, (including whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), deserve to be treated with the utmost consideration and respect. And, that sometimes creates a cognitive dissonance for me when a woman acts like a lot less than a lady; smoking, swearing, getting drunk, using drugs, cheating on her partner, picking up guys in bars,
fucking having extra-relationship flings with younger men, and having multiple sexual partners. But then, who said the world has to be perfect?
If the first words out of your mouth are to cry ‘political correctness!’, chances are very, very high that you are in fact part of the problem. ~ N. K. Jemisin.
I’m mentioning all this because of a couple of things I saw on television.
Firstly, I’ve been enjoying re-watching some old Carry On Films. These bawdy British movies are so incredibly politically incorrect it’s almost surreal. They feature very attractive, very well endowed young women, often portrayed as dumb blondes, often played by the legendary, and very funny, Barbara Windsor.
Secondly, and very seriously, I caught an episode of a US comedy / crime / drama series I quite like. The dramatic hook in this episode was that there was a person of interest, and nobody in the police department could figure out what this guy was saying, or which obscure Eastern European country he came from.
Having said that, even I couldn’t understand a
fucking damn word this particular character uttered. Whatever accent he thought he was imitating it certainly wasn’t Geordie.
No American actor can imitate any British accent whatsoever, so why the
fuck hell did the producer of this show go down the road of totally pissing off every English person born North of the Watford Gap? Ignorance and Stupidity.
There is no way the same producer would have made the same kind of mistake with any American minority, especially someone from the Gay, Lesbian, Transsexual, (whatever two letter acronym is appropriate), community. If he had he would have been sacked, pilloried, and remorselessly attacked.
But then, who gives a fuck about white Englishmen like me? (And by the way, I am NOT British, I’m English.)
TV can’t make mistakes when portraying lesbian BDSM
but it’s OK to make fun of Geordies
What the New Year brings to our tables will depend on what we bring to the New Year.
Next Year I will have a new focus for each week’s food on Friday ~ concentrating on recipes, foods, and dishes to enhance our wellbeing, health, and happiness. I have no doubt whatsoever that the great cooks I have featured thus far in this series of blog posts will be more than up to the challenge of our creating a healthier lifestyle, while still retaining each of their unique signature styles.
But, for this last Food on Friday of 2018, I want to show you some recipes and dishes which will be great to offer your guests at whatever New Year’s get-together or wild party you are hosting.
No part would be complete without a great cheese board, so from San Diego cook Averie Sunshine we have ideas on just how to make the best cheese board. I really like that Averie uses prosciutto on her cheese boards! Me, I like to have a soft blue cheese, or maybe just a good old English Stilton. There are as many wines to drink with cheese as there are cheeses, but with Stilton it should be a good warm port.
The Very Best Cheese Board
Should you want to drink beer at New Year, then what about having these spinach and artichoke stuffed soft pretzels to go with your brew? From Tieghan Gerard at Half Baked Harvest. Of course, what we English call beer and the fizzy pop the rest of the world drinks are two very different ales.
Spinach and Artichoke Stuffed Soft Pretzels
So, if you live by the sea, then you should serve a dish that reflects that. I guess none of you live on the Chesapeake, but from Dianes Kitchen I offer you this Chesapeake Crab Strata. Serve it like slices of pizza. Here in the North East of England we get some really great crab from the cold North Sea. Some say you should drink a Pinot Grigo with crab, but I would always prefer a cold Verdicchio.
Chesapeake Crab Strata
After my recent trip to Albuquerque I said that I would never eat meatloaf again ~ but brought to us by Elise Bauer at Simply Recipies here’s an idea for bbq meatloaf bites. Now I know that the chef, Nick Evans, intended these to be part of a meal for kids ~ but after a few drinks all men are just kids anyhow. As far as I’m concerned you can drink whatever the
fuck hell you like with meatloaf….. personally I would choose a red Cotes du Rhone Villages.
BBQ Meatloaf Bites
From Chungah at Damn Delicious there’s this new recipe collection; 15 best quick and easy New Year’s Eve appetisers….. My favourite dish here is this really clean-looking dish of lemon garlic shrimp kabobs ~ try these with a really cold vodka martini.
Lemon Garlic Shrimp Kabobs
And finanally for 2018, from Country Living Magazine, we have a collection of 40 unbelievably easy New Year’s Eve appetisers. From this collection I like the look of these smoked salmon and cream cheese cucumber bites. Just how easy is that? If you want to show some real class, then you drink single malt whisky with smoked salmon and cream cheese.
Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese Cucumber Bites
not many are man enough to drink Laphroaig
To enjoy a comfortable and happy life ~ stay fit and healthy.
If you want to live a great life, then you first have to show up. If you want to live a great life, then first of all you have to drag yourself out of bed at a decent time in the mornings. If you want to live a great life, then don’t spend your time smoking, getting high, drinking, over-eating, or having casual sex.
That’s unless you think that sleeping late, hanging around in bars, taking drugs, and fucking casual pick-ups constitutes living a great life. Trust me ~ it doesn’t. Live down there in the gutter like a slut or bum and you’ll die young and unhappy, and nobody at all will care.
Others may think that their lives are good, even though they spend all their time at home alone on social media, or on sex sites, or watching porn, or ‘enjoying’ other disreputable online activities. Those people are quite likely to go from one day to another unwashed, unshaven, without putting on a clean change of clothes, hair uncombed, and if they’re a woman without a touch of makeup. Their place probably looks like a pigsty, and they most likely stink too.
To live a truly great life we first of all have to be fit enough, healthy enough, and mentally alert.
And there are some easy steps to take;
- Stop using drugs ~ and that includes pot and unnecessary medication, such as sleeping aids.
- Stop smoking ~ I saw a documentary the other day, and a lot of older people were interviewed, people who had lived in the generation when everyone smoked cigarettes. Fuck! They looked horrific, especially the women. Smoking destroys your looks, your health, and then it kills you.
- Stop drinking so much ~ you may think you’re intelligent, sensible, and funny after several drinks. You are deluding yourself. After a few drinks you’re just embarrassing.
- Go to bed at a decent time every night, and get up at a decent time in the morning ~ every fucking day.
- Eat healthy ~ there are a million diet suggestions on the internet, for example try the Mediterranean Diet.
- Get some fresh air and sunshine ~ just don’t try to be one of the children of the night.
- Exercise ~ preferably in the fresh air and sunshine. For example, try walking 10,000 steps a day. Get out of your fucking car and walk to the store for a change.
- Learn to meditate ~ yoga, and walking meditation are good.
- Have some pride in yourself, learn to like and love yourself, and stop lying to yourself and others.
Everything I have written above is true. I should know, I’ve been to all of those bad places. Today I am really cool guy, living a great life, and I follow the simple programme I have outlined above.
always hanging out in the moonlight is just for vampires and fools
What happens on vacation, stays on vacation…..
On vacation in a pretty nice hotel, six of us decided to find the very worst dive on Lanzerote. Although it didn’t start out like that. It started out as an ordinarily normal evening in an hotel bar. And then we went out and caught a bus.
The bus driver got so fed up with the 3 women trying to pay in 20 Euro notes that he just waved us on board, and then made us all get off at the end of the line. Where we found the very worst dive on the Island.
There was an ugly Spanish guy behind the bar, the black guitarist, and two other bewildered looking customers. Without asking the barman brought all the women caramel vodkas, and then again, and again.
The guitarist was damn good! He played all of ‘classical gas’. Mind you he could have used a haircut, a wash, and a shave, a change of clothes, and a better attitude.
So there was a sing-along of beatles, stones, and the who. After 4 or 5 caramel vodkas women cannot sing.
And then it went pear-shaped My female temporary friend demanded that the guitarist play Norwegian Wood. Not going to happen. But it did
Eventually I went back to the hotel, walking, took me an hour. My friends did not show up for breakfast. I do not want to know what happened. I guessed.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
Unless we do something nothing happens, and if nothing changes then nothing changes. I can sit here and think about what I want out of life, what I need to keep me safe and healthy, and I can dream about the women and adventures I might desire, but unless I take some positive steps I most likely will never get anything on my wish list.
For much of my life I would even come up with well thought out reasons and excuses why I couldn’t have or get what I wanted. I didn’t have enough money, there just wasn’t the time, she doesn’t like me anyway, I’m too busy working…..
The truth was that I just didn’t have the courage or the realism to even try to get what I really wanted out of life. Nor did I have the focus or psychological adaptability to change what I wanted, if what I first wanted was clearly impossible. We can’t all be a rock star, and the truth is I never wanted to be. But there are some things that I wanted from a relationship, and I didn’t have the focus to make that work, nor did I have the guts to just walk away when it was clear that my relationships weren’t giving me what I wanted, needed, and desired.
However, somewhere along the way things changed for me. I wanted to be materially and financially prosperous enough that I could stop working for a living, and instead live a great life. That has happened. I wanted to stop being a miserable, judgemental jerk, and instead be a cool and charismatic guy. That has happened too.
What I want, need, and desire, right now, is to improve my relationship with a female friend, and I’ll work on that. If the relationship doesn’t improve in the ways I need, then I now have the emotional strength to just walk away.
Some say that we each have dreams and personal ambitions we want to fulfil. And, that we will always face great opposition to seeing our dreams come true. All I know is that if I don’t try to make my dreams come true, than nobody else will make them come true for me.
drinking and smoking will kill you,
but you already knew that
We are what we repeatedly do.
If you are at rock bottom, deep in the slough of despond and fighting off depression, then sometimes you can see no way out. Everything seems hopeless and pointless, and you may feel helpless and aimless. There may come a time when you don’t even want to get out of bed ~ unless it’s go and get your next drink or other drug of your choice. Sometimes, late at night I’ve seen disheveled individuals shopping for booze, obviously wearing a coat over whatever they last went to bed in.
When it’s that bad, may I suggest a way to get yourself back onto this planet with the ordinary people? Try to develop some useful rituals and habits that will stick with you for the rest of your life. Perhaps in order of bringing you back to normality, do these things every single day;
- Get yourself out of bed at the same ‘reasonable’ time every day. Say, eight in the morning.
- Go to the bathroom, have a wash, and if you’re a guy get a shave. If you’re a woman, do something with your hair. Do this every morning.
- Every single
fuckingdamn day, find some clean clothes and get dressed. If you went to bed dressed, get changed.
- In the kitchen, drink a pint of water. Try some tea, coffee, and something to eat too.
- Take out the obvious trash, and then walk to the nearest store. Do Not Drive. While you’re there buy food and fruit or vegetable juice. Do Not Buy Booze or Medications.
- After lunch take a couple of hours to nap on the sofa or in the chair. Make it an unbreakable ritual to take an afternoon nap. If you can meditate, make it an unbreakable ritual to try to meditate during that time.
- After your nap telephone someone to tell them you’re alive and doing better. It might be a while since they spoke to you when you were sober, so they’ll be pleasantly surprised. If you don’t know anyone phone AA, or NA, or the Samaritans, but for Gods’ sakes talk to someone.
- Always go for an afternoon stroll. Don’t go into a bar, or the store, or any of your usual haunts. Walk in the park, or by the sea, somewhere peaceful.
- Read something difficult, useful, inspirational, helpful ~ if you have nothing to read, find a big book, or a Bible, or a discarded newspaper, or join the
- Eat an evening meal, every single
fuckingdamn day. Eat a meal even if you feel like throwing up ~ you need the calories and other nutrients, or you will die. Drink a pint of water with your meal
- If you have been to a 12-step meeting before, go back. Attend regularly. If you haven’t been to a 12 step meeting find one that suits your particular problem. If you can’t find something that matches your current form of self-harm, go to AA. If you can’t get there, phone them, and they will send someone to get you.
- Go to bed at the same time every day. Say ten o’clock. Drink a pint of water and then get changed before you go to bed, even if that means sleeping nude. Go to the bathroom before you go to bed, wash, clean your teeth, examine yourself for injuries that might need treatment tomorrow.
If you have never been where I’ve been, where some still are, the above 12 rituals and habits might seem bleeding obvious. But, if the last thing you drank was booze, and the last thing you ate were pills, then those 12 habits might just keep you alive, sane, and on the road to recovery.
you may think you look as cool as this when you go to your bar