Category Archives: Booze

Don’t Eat Meat

Take Good Care Of Yourself.

It turns out that the urban myth of red meat being bad for you is true after all.  Which is sad, because I do enjoy a good steak.

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.  ~  Julia Child

Eating a lot of steak, or roast beef, or burgers, or lamb, or pork increases your chances of dying from 9 major diseases by 26%, according to the National Cancer Institute in Maryland.  Red meat raises the risk of death from cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, diabetes, a stroke, various infections, and kidney, liver, and lung diseases.  (You can die from Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia.)

Processed red meat such as corned beef is even worse for you, as is eating offal, liver, kidneys, pate…

There is a lot of ‘bad’ stuff in red meat, including cholesterol, (although there is a lot of ‘bad’ cholesterol in other popular foods such as macaroni and cheese). As well as the fat in red meat having too much of the ‘bad’ cholesterol, (Low Density Lipoprotein), red meat also contains a lot of heme iron, and too much of that is very bad for you as well.  Too much heme iron increases your chances of dying from cancer, a stroke, liver failure, or heart disease.

At the moment I am taking a daily iron supplement, because I was diagnosed with a low red blood cell count, (anemia), but when my blood count returns to normal I will stop taking iron supplements. Too much heme iron can result in haemochromatosis, which is a particularly nasty illness causing things like fatty liver, cirrhosis, and liver failure.

Luckily, regularly eating white meat, (chicken breast), and oily fish may reverse the damage caused by eating steaks.  Just don’t eat the chicken skin, or processed white meat, or processed fish.  In fact don’t ever eat processed meat or canned meat ~ canned food is generally very bad for your health.

We are what we eat.  Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es.  ~  Anthelme Brillat-Savarin.

It is a scientifically proven fact that our food choices affect our health.  I know that if my diet is bad ~ if I drink too much booze, have too much sugar, eat processed foods, eat out, eat ready-meals, eat too much fatty meat, then I feel bloated, lacking in energy, and I gain weight.  It is also a scientifically proven fact that an unhealthy diet will significantly shorten my life.

Health is the natural condition.  When sickness occurs, it is a sign that nature has gone off course because of a physical or mental imbalance.  The road to health for everyone is through moderation, harmony, and a ‘sound mind in a sound body’.  ~  Jostein Gaarder

Like everything else in life, our diet should be moderation in all things.  When it comes to my diet, I have tried various fads, including eating only one meal a day, being vegan, and never eating carbohydrates.  Now I believe that a mixture of the Paleo Diet, and the Mediterranean Diet is right for me.

Some things I try not to eat include wheat, (bread, pasta, cookies), and some other grains, (white rice), processed food, canned food, and dairy products.

I need to eat more oily fish, such as salmon.  Looks like I also need to cut down on steak too.  Shame, especially as I like my steak well-done, and that is really bad for my health…

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

awol

I’ve been awol for a while.  Sorry about that.  I’ll be back soon.

Meantime he’re a song I’ve been playing.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Your Ultimate Truth

There is a warrior’s path to the end of suffering.

In my life I have been lost, often alone, and sometimes in pain.  I have been down and disappointed, I have been beaten by misfortune, I’ve been so tired and despairing I could not eat or sleep, I’ve been crushed by unrequited love, I wanted things that were always out of reach, and I was so lonely I cried bitter tears.  Then I found a guiding star to wish to, and that bright star led me to a good place of freedom from pain and suffering.  Now I can cross broad oceans, climb tall mountains, see the far horizons.

Now I can experience true friendship and real love.

Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards, and leads us from this world to another.  ~  Plato

You too can find your star to wish upon and to follow, if only you are prepared to search both the heavens and deep within yourself.

In the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy a supercomputer reveals that the ultimate answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything is 42.

The answer to the Great Question… Of Life, the Universe, and Everything… Is… Forty-Two.  ~  Deep Thought

This was meant as a joke, 42 was just a random number picked out of thin air by Douglas Adams, the author of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.  Allegedly.  However it turns out that the number forty-two has symbolism and special meanings in a whole raft of philosophies, religions, and magical convictions.  Forty-two is a highly symbolic number slipped into a work of fiction, seemingly by accident, or coincidence.

However, despite what some may say, there is an answer, a simple answer to Life.

If we are to believe numerology then 42 is an Angel Number, and the energies of this number bring us an inner-wisdom to help us pursue our Life Purpose.  To pursue your Life Purpose, then first you must realise that the true purpose of your life is to live and to grow ~ to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually, in health and happiness.  That may be a long, long way from where you find yourself right now.

In order to get to where you want to go, you first have to know two things;

  • Exactly where you are right now.
  • Exactly where it is you want to get to.

You don’t need to know the road in-between, that will become only too apparent on your journey to your ultimate truth.

If you are anything like I used to be, then where you are right now could be unhealthy, unsatisfying, and depressing.  There may be no real joy and happiness in your life.  You may see no way out, even though you have sought relief and escape through religion, inspirational books, motivational speakers, support groups, counsellors, psychologists, doctors, medication, booze, street drugs, gambling, casual sex…

None of those escape routes will work for long, and the consequences of some methods of escape from hard reality just make things much worse.  I know, before I found my own ultimate truth, my own warrior’s path, I tried just about every quick fix there is.

There are more false prophets than there are those inspired by an ultimate truth.

Taking the wrong road through self-destructive behaviour leads to one rock-bottom after another, and each new rock-bottom is worse than the one before.

There are no quick fixes in Life, and nobody can fix you but you.

The Ultimate Truth is this;  Life is Difficult and Painful.

Once you are prepared to recognise that truth, once you are prepared to accept, appreciate, and understand that Life is Difficult and Painful, then you can transcend all pain and suffering.  You can take your first step on the warrior’s path to freedom from desolation and misery.

The first step in any journey is always the hardest.  It will mean uncertainty, leaving your comfort zone, doing things that seem unnatural, and at first it may seem just as painful as the misery you’re trying to leave behind.  But, you have to know this ~ follow the warrior’s path and things will get better.  Your life will become even better than you could ever have imagined it could be.

The first step is to recognise and accept that you are the cause of your own unhappiness.  Whatever the proximate cause of your misery and unhappiness, be it alcoholism, gambling, an abusive relationship, or whatever is your personal purgatory, the ultimate cause of your pain is your own need for instant gratification.  We must to accept that the causes of all our problems and unhappiness are our own cravings, desires, wants, lusts, needs, and our blaming of others when things don’t go the way we want them to.

The path to freedom from suffering and pain is through self-discipline in body, mind and spirit.  This is the ultimate answer to Life, our Psychological Cosmos, and Everything.

Self-discipline is hard, it means not taking that next drink, not having that next cigarette, not overeating, not placing our happiness in the hands of another.  Self-discipline means turning up for work on time, getting enough good quality sleep, getting enough fresh air and exercise.  Self-discipline means not blaming others for our misfortunes, not spending money we don’t have, not allowing ourselves to become infatuated with someone who will never truly return our affections.  Self-discipline is what will free you from pain, misery, and the teachings of false prophets.

You don’t need the hurt anymore, and you don’t need the pain in your life.  I promise you that if you accept and understand that you can’t ever change what happens to you, but you can change what you do, then your shadows will turn into warm sunlight.  Don’t ever allow yourself to give in to your craving for instant gratification, have the patience to appreciate, accept,and understand yourself, trust in yourself and not in others, and your life will get better.  Your whole life will improve very fast, and it will be better than you have ever dreamed possible.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Food on Friday ~ Sheet Pan

Eating is a Necessity, but cooking is an Art.

If you don’t have a sheet pan, get one.  It’s a super way to cook an easy and healthy meal in about 30 minutes, especially a sheet pan midweek dinner, especially if you’re a very busy person trying to hold down a full-time job as well as have a real life.

Chungah at Damn Delicious has some great sheet pan recipes, sheet pan garlic butter shrimp, sheet pan steak and fries, and this one, sheet pan garlic butter salmon.  Looks nice for a healthy dinner.  I know my friend in Southern California would lake me to make this for her sometime.

Sheet Pan Garlic Butter Salmon

Cool San Diego girl Averie, of Averie Cooks also likes 30 minute sheet pan dishes like this sheet pan Italian chicken and vegetables, sheet pan orange chili salmon, and Averie also has another salmon dish, sheet pan honey lemon salmon.  If you like honey, then this dish is for you, particularly if you live in SoCal and have a lemon tree in your yard.

Sheet Pan Honey Lemon Salmon

Found for us by How Sweet It Is we now have a recipe from Alyssa at The Recipe Critic; Thai Glazed Salmon and Vegetables ~ another delicious 30 minute recipe ~ and just how cool is that?

Thai Glazed Salmon and Vegetables

From Kansas City girl Katherine at Cookie and Kate we have this vegan and gluten free balsamic butternut, kale and cranberry panzanella.  Enjoy.

Balsamic Butternut, Kale and Cranberry Panzanella

This is different, damn easy, and so damn fast.  From Karen at Honestly Yum we have sweet potato nachos ~ made with chips in 3 minutes….  well maybe 10 minutes all together.  If you want to graze or snack in front of the TV with a beer or glass of wine then these are for you.

Sweet Potato Nachos

This is a meal to gladden the heart of any true Englishman; found for us by Elise Bauer at Simply Recipes we have sheet pan fish and chips from Boston cook Sheryl Julian.  Brilliant!

Sheet Pan Fish and Chips

I hope you’ve realised by now that a sheet pan is your new secret weapon ~ if your busy, and don’t really have time to cook, then try one of these 20 sheet pan suppers you’ll love, found just for you by Becca DiCenso at Eat This, Not That.  I like the look of this chimichurri chicken and potato sheet pan meal from Dara at Cookin’ Canuk, and how about one pan honey roasted turkey and vegetables from Katie Jasiewicz at Katie’s Cucina?

One Pan Honey Roasted Turkey and Vegetables

~

thanks ever so to all the great cooks featured in this week’s Food on Friday

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Adult Night Terrors

Night Sweats, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Sleep Terrors.

Night Terrors are not Nightmares ~ typically a nightmare happens when you’re in deep dream sleep, whereas night terrors wake you up, so the experience of a night terror is one of wakefulness.  Night terrors are also different from Sleep Terrors, because a night terror will wake you up, whereas with a sleep terror you will have all the symptoms of extreme fear, but you will stay asleep.  If you are awake, or partially awake, and terrified in the night, then the chances are you are suffering from night terrors, (which are a recognised psychological disorder).

Nightmares usually occur in the early morning during REM sleep when our dreams are at their most vivid.  More often than not we can remember all the cinematographic details of a long, scary nightmarish dream when we first wake.  On the other hand, night terrors usually happen during the first part of the night, aren’t part of REM sleep, and we won’t remember anything much other than waking up / being awake in a terrified state.

Typically, night terrors are caused by a previous psychological trauma, (such as an abusive childhood), or by stress, or by substance abuse, (such as drinking too much just before bedtime).  However, as one of the causes of drinking too much before bedtime is a mental illness like Borderline Personality Disorder, which is itself probably caused by a previous psychological trauma, it’s fair to say that if you suffer from night terrors you’re probably drinking too much and suffered some severe disturbance / abuse / trauma in your past.  Chances are if you’re in that situation you’re also feeling very pressured right now, and suffering from the symptoms of undue stress.  It’s an illogical Catch-22 situation.

If you suffer from night terrors it’s likely that you wake very suddenly with an intense fear of something unknown / a nameless dread.  Your heart will be beating fast, you will be breathing hard and fast, your blood pressure will be elevated, your eyes will be wide and staring, and you will be sweating.  This is different from night sweats, which is severe and excessive sweating, without the associated terror.  The common causes of night sweats are medical, and some of them are very nasty, such as cancer.  However, one other cause of night sweats is drinking too much.

What night terrors will do to you is prevent you from getting the 7 to 9 hours of good quality sleep that most adults need every night.  As well as making you feel tired, lethargic, and irritable, not getting enough sleep can cause lots of nasty illnesses such as; high blood pressure, strokes, and heart disease.

The most likely advice if you have night terrors when you get beyond your teens is that you should see a doctor.  Good luck with that one, because the only real cure for night terrors is to treat the underlying problem(s).  That will mean doing something about the effects of any psychological trauma in your past, and cutting out whatever drug you’re taking too much of late at night ~ including coffee, booze, prescription drugs, street drugs…

There are some very common-sense things you can do if you suffer from night terrors, sleep terror, nightmares, and / or night sweats ~ without resorting to medication and a long period of talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy.  None of these are easy, or likely to give you a quick fix, but you should consider;

An episode of night terror can be brought on by worry, stress, emotional tension, fatigue, conflict, and especially too much alcohol late at night, (or more likely a combination of factors, including booze).  How much is too much alcohol?  Actually, too much booze is however many drinks puts your health and well-being at risk.  For me, one drink is one too many.

After suffering night terrors you are likely to be utterly inconsolable, grown women, (and men), may cry, and the event may be so disturbing that your mind will wipe most of it from your memory.  The next morning you won’t be able to remember what terrified you.

In adults, it is most likely that night terrors, sleep terrors, and nightmares have an underlying cause of previous severe stress, trauma, mental and / or physical abuse, and subsequent mental disorders and generalised anxiety.  In fact, the underlying causes of sleep problems can be very similar to the underlying causes of addiction.

Not getting enough good quality sleep is a serious matter.  The consequences are severe, up to and including death.  If you’re suffering from night terrors, sleep terrors, nightmares, night sweats, then you really do need to take action right away.  Start with the tips I’ve given above, but if you have to, go and see your doctor.

~

jack collier

jack collier7@talktalk.net

prisoner of insanity writes

~

captive in a locked mind

camera behind locked doors

the empty vodka bottle is unkind

imagination’s running distant shores

inhabited in gloom and blackness defined

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Is Using Marijuana Stupid?

Marijuana is addictive.  Marijuana eases pain.

Among all the alternative truths, fake news, denial, and propaganda aimed at the legalisation of cannabis / pot / marijuana are a couple of recent reports by ‘real scientists and doctors’ which clearly show that marijuana is quite likely to ruin your health, destroy your quality of life, and quite possibly kill you.

The first report compiled by the National Inpatient Study in the USA shows that marijuana use significantly increases your risk of suffering a stroke and / or heart failure, as well as exacerbating some other factors known to increase significantly cardiovascular disease including; obesity, alcoholism, high blood pressure, and smoking tobacco.

Meanwhile, a report by the Institute of Living in Connecticut, clearly shows that marijuana use makes young people stupid ~ especially when combined with booze.  Of the people I know who use marijuana, ALL of them are also heavy drinkers, bordering on alcoholism.  Honestly, I do not ever want to be around anyone who uses this stupid drug for recreational reasons.

Also in the USA, Narconon states that marijuana use significantly increases the risk of road traffic accidents, accidents in the home and workplace, psychosis, and schizophrenia.  In fact, the chances are than anyone you know who suffers from schizophrenia has been a heavy user of marijuana at some time in their lives.

It’s well know that marijuana makes people have mental time and space distortions, poor coordination, impaired communication skills, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, and terrible cognitive skills.  The effects of the drug can last up to four weeks, so anyone who has used marijuana in the last four weeks shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the need to make important decisions.  Anyone who has made an important decision within four weeks of using cannabis should seriously think again.

Despite what the proponents of marijuana use might say, marijuana is addictive.  One in 11 people who smoke cannabis will become addicted, rising to one in six if marijuana use starts in adolescence.  However, addiction is a complex problem, with multiple addictions being the most common way that lives are destroyed.  Any regular user of marijuana probably also drinks, smokes tobacco, gambles, binge eats, and is most likely addicted to all of those life-destroying habits and more.  There is a strong chance that anyone with multiple addictions / an addictive personality, is also suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, and should seek immediate medical treatment.  (This is unlikely because most who are addicted, or suffer from borderline personality disorder, will be in the last stages of denial.)

Other downsides of cannabis use; it stinks worse than tobacco, causes lung cancer and other cancers just like tobacco, can cost you a fortune, and used anywhere that it’s illegal or against workplace regulations can land you in serious  trouble.  Using marijuana isn’t cool in any way, shape, or form, because it makes you talk and act like a deranged fool.

However, in the USA this addictive drug is now legal for recreational use in; Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, and Washington DC ~ mostly left-leaning Democrat states.  Cannabis is still illegal in Great Britain, but the police take so little notice that you’d have to be growing and selling the stuff in industrial quantities to get into any trouble from the law.  Urban left-leaning liberals are very keen to have pot legalised in the United Kingdom ~  the fools.

There is some strong evidence that the medicinal use of marijuana can alleviate the symptoms of some very nasty diseases, mostly reducing nausea and pain, but the medical effects have not been properly tested in the way that a new, mainstream drug would be tested before being allowed anywhere near patients.

Using marijuana is incredibly stupid.  Personally, I think you would have to be seriously loose of a few screws in the brain to go anywhere near this noxious weed.  Personally, I have enough problems without ever going anywhere near cannabis or a cannabis user.  Unless I was in severe pain, and the weed was the only way I could get through the day.

Have fun, smoke cannabis, and cure or kill yourself.  Have a nice day.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

insecurity and fear of abandonment

unease, self-doubt, nervousness, panic, desertion, neglect…

From time to time I suffer from deep emotional insecurity and feelings of abandonment, or rather a fear of abandonment.  Perhaps most people have these painful fears ~ perhaps some suffer more, and more often than me.  I know that my agitation and gloomy emotions stem from the painful loss of my maternal grandmother when I was but a very young boy.  An event that left me with a psychological illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, which has at its core a chronic fear of abandonment.

Lost WeekendSince I became aware that I actually had this problem, I’ve been able to cope with the symptoms pretty well, and I’ve been improving all the time.  Mostly I don’t fear abandonment, betrayal, and rejection any more.  Mostly I don’t have what were my other terrible symptoms, which included alcohol abuse, impulsive behaviours, and stupid jealousy.

However, yesterday I was in a terrible slough of despond ~ the putrid end of the swamp where the very air stinks and there seems to be no hope of escape or resurrection.  It’s a terrible place to be.  People who suffer badly from these feelings and evil emotions have been known to do very stupid things ~ up to and including thinking of suicide, or even attempting suicide

Sunrise1I guess I am a lucky man today, because I have learned how to deal with my feelings in a better and more appropriate way than I ever could before.  Not only that, I know exactly why I found myself in this bad emotional state yesterday.  Knowing why one feels bad is half the battle.  I now know that it’s always darkest just before the dawn, but the dawn will come, all I need to do is have faith and hold on.  Now I have a strong faith in my guiding light, my muse, and my Goddess.

A little while ago I sprained my wrist, which actually hurt like hell.  And, for some unknown reason, when I woke up yesterday morning it hurt even worse that it did when I first sprained it.  My whole arm hurt so bad I felt physically sick.  You can trust me on this one ~ when you’re in physical pain, and you feel ill to the point of needing to throw up, it’s very difficult to maintain a positive mental attitude.  No wonder I felt a terrible insecurity, loneliness, and fear of abandonment.

Luckily I knew that what I needed to do was have the physical problem treated, and the emotional problems would also go away.  Actually, just knowing that the underlying cause of my distress was physically real and affecting my body, meant that the deep feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment subsided pretty quickly.

Many people aren’t so fortunate as me, but they should know that there are ways of dealing with insecurity, anger, and jealousy ~ there are techniques for dealing with fear of abandonment, and there are treatments for borderline personality disorder.  We don’t have to suffer, unless we want to, and that’s a perverse thing to want.

Have confidence, this is a good life, all we need to do is want it enough.

~

P1040490jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

5 Ways To Lose Money Fast

a fool and his money are soon parted

sexy-woman-and-car

If you want to lose money really fast, or just guarantee that you will go broke eventually, then here are some brilliant ideas for you;

  1. Online Gambling.  Gambling in any form ~ from playing the slots in Las Vegas, to betting on horse racing at a high-street bookmaker in England ~ is guaranteed to lose you as much money as you like.  All those attractive online gambling sites just allow you to lose your money with 24/7 dedication from the comfort of your own home / office / car…  Online Forex Trading is just another form of gambling ~ you will lose loads of money.
  2. Wall StreetForex Trading.  The foreign exchange market exists for some very sensible reasons ~ it allows me to pay for a hotel stay in Wyoming, (priced in $), on my English credit card, (denominated in £).  Unecessary trading on the the Forex Market also allows idiots to risk vast amounts of money, and then inevitably lose it.  I’m an expert in all this stuff, and it would take me a week to teach you the basics, so just trust me, you will lose if you go online trading.  Even companies like Rolls Royce get burned, (lately to the tune of £4 billion), due to unecessarily hedging the Forex Market.
  3. Expensive New Cars.  A hot set of wheels might boost your ego,  get you a hot date, and it will also lose you a fortune.  Almost all cars depreciate over time, and some high-status cars depreciate at an horrific rate.  Add in the high cost on insuring your new car, and the good chance that you’ll crash the thing if you ever drive it hard, and an expensive new car can be a real money pit.  Best of all, get drunk, drive really fast, and then roll your car down a freeway embankment.  By the way, never believe a car salesperson, all sales people are professional liars, and I should know because I used to be one.
  4. Online Dating.  If your expensive new car hasn’t got you a real date, you could be a totally insane pathetic loser and try online dating as well.  Online dating isn’t cheap, both in terms of money and time.  And, it’s one of most dangerous things you can do, for example both human and robot scammers target the sad people who use online dating sites.  Or, you could get used, abused, robbed, raped, or dead.  If you just want to ruin your life, the get yourself addicted to paid online porn.
  5. Dangerous Drugs.  I include here; street drugs including marijuana, prescription drugs, party drugs, legal highs, tobacco, and booze.  To really waste a great deal of money while ruining your health and your life along the way, then get into everything at once.  Best of all get buzzed and go on the internet with your credit cards to hand.  Do not go near 12 step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous.

There are some other brilliant ways to go broke fast; trophy wife, mistress, toyboy, high-class hookers, marrying a foreigner, getting sick abroad without proper insurance, buying a home without having a full survey, signing things you don’t understand, and perhaps best of all guaranteed get rich quick schemes.

smoking-slutIf you really throw yourself into the above activities, not only could you lose all the money you have, you could also get yourself heavily into debt with some nasty people.  Along the way you are very likely to lose your self-respect, job, real friends, home, family, health, and maybe your life.  If you want to go downhill really, really fast, then I recommend you start at #5 and work your way upwards.

Most of you will never get as far as #1 because you’ll be on the streets, in jail, or dead long before that.  If you work diligently at #5 you could be dead broke and dead in a couple of years.

Good luck with totally ruining your life by getting heavily into any of the above financially stupid moves.

~

smoking-whorethese thoughts are mine, and mine alone

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

There Is A Sunlit Garden Just Ahead.

P1030721For almost as long as I can remember, and I can remember a long, long way back, I have felt odd, weird, strange, different, unhappy.  I used to suffer from extreme mood swings, I had a morbid fear of abandonment, every relationship I’d ever had was dysfunctional, I would isolate myself for long periods, and I could do strange and ‘dangerous’ things on just a whim.  Not to mention that I took to relieving the anxiety and stress I suffered from by self-medicating with too much booze.

In short, I had just about every symptom there is of a quite serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder.  Of course, I didn’t know I had BPD, well mostly you don’t, why would you?  How can you self-diagnose BPD, when you haven’t even heard of it?  Anyway, I thought perhaps I was bipolar ~ I wasn’t.

My awareness came because I want to see a counsellor about my alcohol problem.  Over several months Sue got to know me quite well.  She didn’t say that I had Borderline Personality Disorder, she mentioned a book to me, a book called I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, which just about summed up the way I used to feel about every woman I’d ever had a relationship with.

I was prompted to take on-line tests for Borderline Personality Disorder to see if there was a real likelihood that I was suffering from this horrible psychological illness.  Each and every time I came out at the red end of the scale.  I fully accepted and embraced these results.  This was the beginning of my recovery.  When I knew and fully accepted what was wrong with me I could start to heal myself ~ with the help of others.

My problem probably started at birth, (many psychological problems seem to start at birth).  I was small, premature, separated from my mother, and placed in an incubator for many days, (so I’m told).  I never, ever bonded with mt mother.  I did bond with my maternal grandmother, and never understood or got over her death when I was about four-and-three-quarters years old.

A major part of my recovery was recognising these early trauma.  Eventually,  I wrote a letter to myself, aged four-and-three-quarters, and that was a very traumatic and very healing process.

Being very honest and open with my counsellor, my doctor, and a trusted friend helped me enormously.  My doctor even arranged for me to see a psychiatrist, a specialist in BPD.  After three long and gruelling assessments this guy said that I had been suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, but that I had mostly cured myself.  Well, thanks very much for that vote of confidence.  (A little English irony there.)

How did I manage this remarkable recovery?

  1. I fully accepted that I had a problem, and that it was most likely Borderline Personality Disorder.
  2. I fully accepted that booze wasn’t helping, and I stopped drinking, got sober, and became completely abstinent from alcohol.
  3. I fully embraced honesty in all my dealings, being determined to always tell the whole truth to myself and to others, (when I needed to tell others anything at all that is, which isn’t all the time).
  4. I did not take any mood altering drugs, neither prescription drugs nor street drugs.  Obviously my doctors offered me everything, starting with Prozac.
  5. I got physically fit.  (Mens sano in corpore sano.  ~  Juvenal)
  6. I continued with formal counselling, from professional therapists, and with informal counselling from a trusted and knowledgeable friend.
  7. I embraced self-help techniques from getting lots of fresh air, to meditation, to reading appropriate inspirational books.  (I did not use inspirational videos, or group therapy, and I never will.)
  8. I became completely willing to recover from the debilitating, life ruining, destructive symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
  9. I looked at my past in an honest, open, and dispassionate way.  I learned from my past, but I did not go back there, and I didn’t let it hurt me again.
  10. I learned to to completely accept, understand, care for, cherish, and love other people ~ no matter what.

segovia-castleAnd things got better.  My life got much better, my relationships with others improved.  I was sleeping well.  I felt fit, strong, and healthy in body, mind, and spirit.  And I felt empty inside.  I felt imprisoned in the dark and forbidding fortress of my own mind.  All was not well, and even though a psychiatrist and professional counsellors were telling me that I had made a remarkable recovery, changing my whole life and attitudes around, I felt unfulfilled and empty inside.

It seems that what I needed was an awakening of spirit, an epiphany, an understanding of life’s ultimate questions as they applied to me.  Then, and strangely, out of nowhere, I had a spiritual awakening.  Suddenly I was filled with genuine self-belief and a vision of the future for me.

I will not tell you how it happened, or exactly what happened, or why I am now a completely different and much better man than I could ever have hoped to become.  You need to find your own spiritual awakening, and I strongly believe that each man and woman’s connection with ultimate reality will be different, personal, powerful, special, and moving.

I can tell you that I now understand The Divine Mother, my place in the Cosmos, and how to completely love and accept other people.

Alcoholics Anonymous, and other proponents of 12 step recovery programmes probably have it right.  The first step to recovery is fully accepting that you have a problem

Step 1.  We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.  ~ Alcoholics Anonymous

I substituted  ‘feelings’ for the word ‘alcohol’ because that was the problem making my life a complete Hell, and I had the first step on the long road to recovery.

I admitted I was powerless over my feelings ~ that my life had become unmanageable.

There is a road to recovery, and it begins with admitting we are ill.

~

P1030116these opinions are mine and mine alone

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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