Forgiveness
To truly forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover that the prisoner was you.
Looking back, I never learned what it means to truly forgive someone. Worse than that, my morbid fear of abandonment makes it extremely difficult for me to forgive anyone I believe has / will / may betray me.
Refusing to forgive has never made me feel better about anything. All I was doing was holding on to negative feelings of upset, anger, jealousy, resentment, and a desire to somehow get even. And all that has ever done for me has been to drive me deeper into the Abyss.
Resentment and holding on to anger is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~ Malachy McCourt
The worst of it is that I can become angry, resentful, jealous, paranoid, and believe that someone has betrayed me ~ when it’s really all in my own mind. I can feel abandoned and betrayed by things that a friend did in the past, maybe years before we even knew one another. The reason I am hurt may be just crazy, but the hurt is real, and the forgiveness I need to feel should be real as well.
To create even a moderately successful life I should forgive others who have hurt or offended me, even if the offence, betrayal, or hurt is really all in my own mind. I need to learn forgiveness, not because I believe someone close to me was right, or because I can forget what they have done, but because forgiving will free me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By forgiving I can allow myself to move on with my life ~ I can get my feet back on the warrior’s path.
Forgiving others will allow me to finally learn to trust. Honest and real forgiveness will be a part of me learning to build relationships with others, instead of always having unstable and dysfunctional relationships which usually end with one of us just walking away.
Forgiveness will release me from my self-built dungeon of extremely dark and negative feelings.
Some things I will never forgive. I will not forgive the low-life vermin who burgled my place a short while ago. Come the Revolution they will be the first up against the wall and shot.
Some say that forgiving others is weak and stupid. And that to forgive means that you weren’t actually hurt, upset, or angry in the first place. All I know is that I must forgive others for the sake of my own well-being.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
with forgiveness, it can be a Wonderful Life
Strength of Character
The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.
I’m in trouble, my soul is in distress, and it’s only bravado that’s keeping me sane and sober.
Every day is a winding road, and we can never know what the end of the day and the end of the road will bring. The future and the destination are both uncertain, and sometimes all a man can do is to keep on going on. And, it seems to me that the real man doesn’t give up, just because the going gets really tough. As Churchill said sometimes we just have to ‘keep buggering on…..’
My past few years have had lots of ups and downs, but it seems that today I have really hit rock bottom, and there is no booze involved ~ I am stone cold sober. In fact I have passed through sobriety to the desolate slough of despond that lies beyond. Taking a drink would only solve the problem in so far as it would help me to forget my worries for a while. In reality, taking a drink would compound and multiply my real and perceived problems ~ and that’s not a good plan.
For a while I’ve been working towards being a better man, more worthy on body, mind, and spirit But, worthy for whom? It seems that I’ve been striving to be better every day, not just for myself, but also for someone I cared for. Trying to be the better guy for someone else is incredibly false, and it set me up for a fall. Your Goddess will never be perfect, and that presupposes that your ideal of perfection has some ultimate truth.
So, from now on I will still go on quietly working to be the superior man; in body, mind, spirit, and achievements. However, from now on I shall be doing this for myself, and never again to please another. No more lists, no more plans, just living each day to the fullest.
The strong are considered weak, and the weak are considered strong, that’s the way of the world, but it’s not the way of the spirit.
Some say that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And that real character is to live each day as if it was your last. All I know is that I don’t want to live another day feeling like this.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
don’t make a list
do something real instead
Monochrome Monday ~ Memories
The worst part of holding onto the memory isn’t the pain, it’s the crushing loneliness.
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Not all memories need to be bad ones ~ but then why are all my memories and dreams in out-of-focus monochrome?
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
this isn’t a memory
it was a nightmare.
Cool Put Downs
Lifting the blinders is always dangerous.
There is a history among men and women of the short put-down, to be said when the bad guy bites the metaphorical dust ~ or when the good guy dumps the bitch.
There is a long, long collection of these, from; beware the ides of march to; look into the eyes of the dragon and despair. I like;
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
and if you’re dumping a particular kind of an older woman,
there’s always; cooo cooo ca choo
Road Trip Arizona
Arizona is arid and mostly empty.
I’ve only been in the Copper State for a few days, but it will leave some lasting impressions on my memory. And, not just the obvious ~ that it’s big, empty, and fucking very hot.
This is a place of contrasts; from the red desert to the high pines, and from downtown anywhere Phoenix to utterly crazy, totally living in the past, Flagstaff, Arizona continually surprised me.
Red Rock Country around Sedona reminded me of John Wayne western movies, and the high pines on the road to Flagstaff reminded me of innumerable Jimmy Stewart westerns. Funny how one’s impressions of a place can be coloured by the film’s one watched as a boy.
But, mostly what I’ll remember about this place is that, on average, it’s empty. There’s a lot of space with bugger all in it except rocks and heat.
I like Arizona, but the whole world is a big place, so I don’t think I’ll ever get back here.
Some say that Arizonians know what’s best for Arizona. And, that there’s more to the Grand Canyon State than heat. All I know is that this state is extreme.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Meteor Crater has no visual references to tell your mind just how damn huge it is
Food Glorious Food
One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. ~ Virginia Woolf
After my depressing piece about how practicing veganism is most likely very bad for you, something more upbeat about food.
I’m more the Artful Dodger type than any wimpy snowflake like Oliver.
Note the use of the English word ‘cadge‘ at the beginning of the song.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
slow cooked Scottish beef stew
Monochrome Monday ~ Sexy Englishmen
Most women love an intelligent man with a great sense of humour.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Real English Men treat all women like Ladies,
even when they’re quite obviously not
Here’s looking at you
The art of seduction is knowing what she really wants.
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I don’t belong here
I can’t get near her
loved her for years
and there is no cure
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
It’s the same old story,
a fight for love and glory.
Niki Lauda 1949 ~ 2019
To Hell with safety, all I want to do is race. ~ James Hunt
Niki Lauda and James Hunt
Motor Racing is inherently dangerous. Since 1952, 53 drivers have died as a result of incidents while driving Formula 1 cars. Many more famous drivers have been killed driving at Le Mans and in Formula 3 cars.
The Legendary Austrian driver Niki Lauda has just died aged 70, after a period of ill health. Lauda had a terrible crash at the Nurburgring in a Ferrari in 1976, where his car burst into flames. Lauda’s helmet was dislodged in the crash, and he suffered horrific burns to his head. Although he came back to motor racing his health was never the same after the accident, and he eventually had both kidney transplants and a lung transplant.
Lauda was Formula 1 World Champion in 1975, 1977, and 1984.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
there is a great movie; Rush
about the rivalry between
Niki Lauda and James hunt
Songs on Saturday ~ Sugar Me
You catch more monkeys with sugar than with vinegar.
This song takes me all the way back to my staid and honest younger days. Sadly, I never did have a misspent youth ~ not even in swinging 70’s London.
Lynsey wrote this song for Peter Noone, and only recorded it herself at the urging of her then boyfriend Dudley Moore. Back in the day Lynsey was very much part of the swinging London scene ~ minis and all.
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
the all-conquering mini cooper
