It’s never to late to be what you might have been.
Most people would like to change some things about themselves. They may want to be fitter, to lose weight, to be more successful at work, to be more successful with the opposite sex, or maybe just to lose the terrible feeling of dissatisfaction they constantly suffer from. Or it might be worse, some people want to lose their Borderline Personality Disorder, or paranoia or schizophrenia…..
One thing is certain, we can never get what we want by trying to change other people, nor by attempting to alter the way the world works. The only thing we can ever change is ourselves. But, look at the upside, when we change ourselves the whole world and everyone in it changes around us.
Reinventing ourselves into a better looking, cooler, fitter, more effective, more successful, less disturbed person is an essential process if we want to grow and flourish.
Here’s the hard thing. To reinvent yourself into the person you really want to be requires some hard choices. You need to be ready to walk away from aspects of your life in which you may have invested much time, effort, and money; the way you look, the personality you project, your existing career, unsuitable friendships, toxic relationships with the opposite sex, a dead-end marriage, the pub where you get drunk and try to get casual sex with anyone you may meet at the bar…..
Worse than that, you may have to forget and hide some of your past; the alcoholism, drug taking, criminal record, gambling, over-eating, casual sex, heavy smoking…..
Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you. ~ Charles Bukowski.
To reinvent yourself and have a truly successful life, ask yourself these questions;
- What should I stop doing and thinking?
- What should I start doing, thinking, and being?
- What could and should I do less of?
- What could and should I do more of?
- What could I do, think, and be differently from who I used to be.
Reinventing yourself can be a difficult and lonely path, and it is not a one-shot deal. Truly reinventing yourself is an on-going process you will have to work at, every single day.
Some say they already have everything their heart desires. And there is nothing really wrong with them that a few days sober and clean wouldn’t put right. All I know is that denial is the greatest block to becoming a better person.
Somebody here is going to get into trouble
or maybe they both will.
A liar will never be believed, even when she speaks the truth.
Everybody lies. Lies are the oil that lubricates the grinding wheels of interpersonal relationships. Most people don’t always want to be told the unvarnished truth, especially by their partner ~ for example being told that you look terrible hurts, even if it is the truth. In a 10-minute conversation the average American will tell two or three lies ~ basically people lie a lot.
There are different kinds of lies, some are small and immaterial, and some are huge, outrageous, and evil. However a lie is still a lie, even if it’s justified as a well-intentioned white lie, or it’s a lie of omission where we just don’t say anything at all about something important.
Some lies are actually criminal fraud. For example;
- lies about your qualifications and work experience on your CV
- Plagiarism, piracy, and passing-off
- creating false paperwork to obtain a loan, drivers licence, passport, etc.
- using false information to complete official forms, for example health insurance
It seems that many people are happy to live with lies like this, telling themselves that it’s just a clever way to beat the system. Do or say whatever you like, but if you go down this road your life will be a fake. And, at some point you may get into serious trouble. As an example, a contract of insurance is a contract uberrimae fidei, (of utmost good faith), if you don’t tell the whole truth on an insurance document the whole thing is null and void. Your insurance company can refuse your claims, and reclaim any past claims you have made.
If you do lie and cheat, just be ready for the consequences because eventually you will be caught out. Your fantastic house of cards will just fall apart. The thing about lying is that you can never know with certainty the risk of being discovered or the severity of the consequences. Lie in a relationship and you’ll probably get dumped. Lie in a marriage and you will probably get divorced.
Some say that there’s a fool born every minute. And that women make the best liars. All I know is that some truths are best left unsaid.
lovers often lie to each other
and to their husbands and wives
Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.
The uniform of a wolf is a sharp suit and tie.
Society has conspired against the modern man to make his life very challenging, filled with setbacks, uncertainties, and frustrations. Sometimes the younger man just has no idea who and what he is supposed to be. For the average man, deciding upon his life path requires patience, determination, and strong communication skills. Partly this is the fault of the feminist / metrosexual / LBGT communities who seem to see the traditional, strong, heterosexual, masculine male as some kind of a threat.
However, there is another kind of man who couldn’t care less what most other people think of him ~ the wolf will get whatever he wants even at the expense of everyone else. The wolf will run his own life, according to his own rules, and without much in the way of morality, ethics, or guilt getting in the way ~ especially when it comes to work, women, and sexual desire.
Wolves know their deepest purpose is to make as much money as possible, and to enjoy sex as often as possible, with as many women as possible. He is unabashedly masculine, purposeful, confident, grounded, spontaneous, and sensitive. A wolf is totally turned on by the feminine ~ he loves to take women sexually, to ravish them, to embrace his inner masculinity and her femininity. He is dedicated to incarnating sexual love, and in his quest he is not bound by outer convention or inner cowardice.
A wolf is not a macho jerk, scared bully, posturing King Kong, scruffy tradesman, or spineless wimp. However, he will not try to be cooperative, conventional, safe, sharing, or understanding. He simply lives his life to its deepest core, fearlessly pursuing his wants, needs, and desires, totally committed to abundance, dominance, and sexual gratification for both himself and his partner. A true wolf doesn’t want to make love, he wants to fuck her like an animal.
Sadly I am not, and never have been a wolf. If I am meeting a woman I always ensure that I am spotlessly clean and well-groomed, I open doors for women, stand when she enters a room and arrives at or leaves my table, shut up when a woman wants to talk, listen attentively when a woman is speaking, and I never invade her space without a clear invitation. (But a clever wolf will do all of that, except he will invade a woman’s personal space, without invitation.) Also, whenever I am on a date, or taking a woman on a trip, then I fully expect to get my wallet out and pay for everything. Some among the feminist / metrosexual / LBGT communities don’t like any of that.
Some say that wolves have more fun than do gentlemen. And that women like to be used and abused at every opportunity. All I know is that I have never had first date sex or casual sex ~ despite a plethora of opportunities.
most wolves prefer their victims to be submissive, eventually
most women feel understood and validated by a wolf
and most wolves have great bodies
Wake up each morning a better person than you were yesterday.
Most people, if they’re both honest and intelligent, have an in-built desire to be ‘better’. For most of my life I was no different from most people ~ until I tried to work out what it really meant to be ‘better’.
I firmly believe that for most men, being better really means being better than the other guy. For most men being better means being superior ~ getting what you want, even if it’s at the expense of the other guy. And, I can look back and see that attitude in myself. I read innumerable books, watched hordes of self-development videos, and attended courses that were all about being superior, about winning at all costs, and not at all about being better.
Today I believe that being better, means being better than I used to be. More honest, honourable, considerate, understanding, and accepting than I used to be. Now I believe that being better doesn’t mean just going all-out to get what I want, even if it’s at the expense of someone else. For me being ‘better’ no longer means being ‘superior’ ~ and that goes completely against all the business training and life experience I’ve ever had. And you know what? All that training and experience was really about surviving in a dog-eat-dog world.
That is such a bad, negative, misogynistic, and uncharitable attitude to have.
The difference between surviving, and really living a great life is all about attitude.
To become the man I wanted to be I’ve had to learn some difficult lessons along the way. It’s a hard road, but it’s possible. It’s a struggle, it’s harder than I wanted it to be, it’s takes longer than I wanted, and it takes more out of me than I could ever have believed at the start.
However, to be better than I have ever dreamed I could be, I had to learn this lesson ~ the only person I am competing with is myself.
To be a better man, to be a really cool guy living a really great life, to achieve my absolute and fullest potential, to reach enlightenment ~ all I have to do is to strive to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday.
Some say that the only way to win in life is to put yourself first, even if it’s at the expense of others. And, that good guys finish last. All I know is that I have learned the real lessons in life ~ Chivalry means something.
be a Paladin
we are already found; already truly, entirely, messily, marvelously who we were born to be ~ Anne Lamont
Real bravery is not an absence of fear; real bravery is pressing on to do the right thing even though you may be very afraid. Real heroism is putting others first, even at your own peril. Real gallantry is showing courageous behaviour, and especially politely protecting and cherishing all women ~ no matter what.
Our modern word Hero derives from the classical Greek and Latin word Hērōs meaning “protector” or “defender” or “to safeguard”. A classical Hero is a warrior who lives and dies in the pursuit of honour. In ancient legend, How Horatius Held the Bridge as in the poem by Thomas Babington, and the 300 at the pass of Thermopylae. In modern times the first responders who went into the burning Twin Towers are rightly thought of as Heroes.
The journey of an individual towards selfless heroism follows a pattern, oft-repeated in myths, legends, history, by Hollywood. A relatively ordinary man, (heroes are almost always men), with more than his fair share of flaws and character defects, is thrust unexpectedly into an extraordinary situation. More often than not a group of innocent individuals are threatened with serious injury and death by some very evil people, or a malevolent force of nature.
This ordinary man is forced by circumstances, and probably against his will, to step up and save the potential victims from harm. Usually there is a woman, a romantic interest, somewhere in the background.
It will turn out that this reluctant hero has an unexpected and previously unrevealed skill, ability, and strength of character which will allow him to face down the bad guys, and thus save the day.
Our hero will probably suffer greatly, and be badly injured during his journey into heroism ~ sometimes he may die. Usually there won’t be a romantic reconciliation with the woman he loves ~ instead he will metaphorically ride off into the sunset, nursing uncomplaining his physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.
Hollywood has innumerable examples of this hero’s journey; High Noon, Die Hard, North by Northwest, Alien, (Ripley was a heroine), Star Wars, Shane, Valdez is Coming…. More importantly, this story is played out many times over in real life. And yet, these stories almost never have a happy ending.
Some say that true happiness is to have no ambition, and yet to work like a horse as if you had every ambition. And that it is to live apart from the cares of another, not need her, and yet still to love her. All I know is that true happiness is being wherever you are, and whomsoever you truly are, and not let that scare you.
it’s not the age honey,
it’s the mileage
we are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think and believe
Neuroplasticity is the ability your brain has to rewire and restructure itself according to usage and needs. The more we use certain parts of our brain, the stronger they get. Conversely, the less we use certain parts of our brain the weaker they get. So, if your brain spends a lot of its time being depressed, then the part of your brain / body that is depressed, that creates sadness, melancholy, and hopelessness in you, will become stronger and larger. You will get better and better at being depressed.
Whereas, if you fill your life with joy, companionship, and happiness, then the part of your brain / body that deals with those things will become stronger and larger ~ you will become better and better at pleasure, satisfaction, and elation.
Weird, but that’s the way it really works.
If you learn a new and difficult skill, particularly one which involves both the mind and body; golf, tennis, touch typing, knitting, carpentry, learning to drive….. then your brain will change, enlarge, and strengthen to allow you to get good at your chosen pastime or occupation.
Because of the power of neuroplasticity, you can, in fact, reframe your world and rewire your brain so that you are more objective. You have the power to see things as they are so that you can respond thoughtfully, deliberately, and effectively to everything you experience. ~ Elizabeth Thornton.
The really interesting part is that we can use neuroplasticity on purpose to create and reinforce a change in ourselves. With each repetition of thought or feeling we reinforce a particular set of neural pathways. These small changes, frequently enough repeated, lead to changes in how our brains work. Neuroplasticity offers us the opportunity to make real and lasting psychological changes in the way our brain / body works.
There are a number of exercises we can use to enhance the interconnectedness of our neural pathways, and they are both intellectual and physical. For example, regularly only using your ‘wrong’ hand promotes left / right brain connectedness, while reading a good, difficult, and stimulating book promotes the efficiency of the intellectual and memory parts of the brain.
The key is repetition and keeping on practicing until whatever it that you want becomes a habit and your normal way of life. If you want to stop being jealous, then practice being tolerant, accepting, trusting and understanding. As they say in AA; ‘fake it to make it’.
Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And that once a sinner, always a sinner. All I know is that the phenomenon of neuroplasticity allows us to be whoever and whatever we want to be.
you can change and strengthen your brain / body so you could build anything
You will find your true life path when your inner compass is steady.
Each of us has an inner compass deep within our subconscious mind, and this controls and regulates everything we do, each and every hour of every single day. The snag is, sometimes our inner compass doesn’t point to the moral and ethical equivalent of North, and sometimes our inner compass just spins out of control.
We also have maps, models, and frameworks in our subconsciousness. And these maps, models, and frameworks allow us to make sense of the world and our family, our partner, our work, and the all the rest of our environment. These maps, models, and frameworks are what allows us to have any kind of a relationship with others because they help us to make sense of our body, our heart, our mind, and our spirit and intuition. These maps, models, and frameworks are our inner world. But, each of our inner maps are likely to be very inaccurate and incomplete, and have such helpful annotations such as; ‘Here Be Monsters’, and ‘Impassable Swamp’. Our models and frameworks are often completely wrong too.
Our inner compass, and our maps, models and frameworks are most likely to be utterly and totally wrong when we are under intolerable stress, or have suffered from a recent, (or not so very recent), trauma.
Because we are the Captain of our own ship, trying to navigate our way through this complicated, complex, and dangerous sea of life, we need to put our maps, models, and frameworks in order, we need to find a guiding light ~ sometimes we just have to junk our existing picture of the world and life, starting again with clean sheets of paper. We need to take our authority back to ourselves and ignore or reject all the authority that has been imposed upon us. The patterns and authority imposed upon us is always negative and self-destructive.
We need to become the very best version of ourselves that we can, and take back our self-belief, self-confidence, and self-will. We need to rediscover our truth and purpose, and we can never do that if we rely on outdated maps, inaccurate models, and broken frameworks.
In order to restore health and equilibrium to ourselves, to fix our broken compass, and to make new maps, models, and frameworks to help us make sense of the world we need to realise that much of what we are doing and have done falls into the realm of negativity and self-destruction. In order to rebuild something better we need to junk the old negative ways of thinking and allow new and better into our lives.
This is easy. This quest to become the best version of you that you can possibly be, the way to becoming the true Captain of your own ship, will just require you to work at it for every waking hour for the rest of your life. Regaining control of your inner compass, your maps, models, and frameworks will be a never-ending story.
Some say that self-improvement and self-development books, podcasts, videos, conferences, and retreats are a waste of time. And, some say that there is nothing at all wrong with them and the way the react to the world. All I know is that the harder and longer I try, the better I become.
hold true to a better Goddess
hold true to a cleaner and more positive sea
Dreams do not have deadlines nor commitments…..
Hardly anyone is really in control of their own life. This is doubly true if you happen to be an ‘average person’, who has a job, mortgage, and normal financial commitments ~ face it you have to turn up for work every day, whether you like it or not. Add in a family, who undoubtedly will have expectations of you, and your time is not hardly ever your own. (And, I wasn’t even thinking about the ‘average person’ who is married with children.)
The ‘average person’ can’t really have dreams and desires, unless their dreams and desires happen to fit in with what others expect of you.
Just supposing you want to take a year off, buy an old school bus, turn into a camper van, and see as much of backroads America / Europe, as you possibly can in that year. What do you think your partner / family / friends / employer / neighbours are going to say about that?
I’ll tell you that the likelihood is that their views and words will range from incredulity to negativity, to downright hostility. That is if you are an ‘average person’ living a ‘normal life’. Ergo, to protect yourself you would probably not ever have that kind of empowering dream and desire.
Instead your mind will be filled with things such as; ‘what can I do about my partner / sister / brother…..?’ or ‘how can I afford to pay my bills’, or ‘how can I get a better job?’ or ‘what can I have for lunch / dinner / supper?’
None of us can do anything about our past, except reframe the way we think about it.
Most ‘normal’ and ‘average’ people can do very little about what’s happening to them in the present. The chances are that, for them, today will be pretty much like yesterday. If they have to work for a living the chances are that any working day will be exactly like the working day before. Even their thoughts and conversations will have a mind-numbing repetitious banality.
However, and this is
fucking damned important, we can all do something about our futures.
NOBODY has to settle for the status quo. If there is something or someone in your life that’s sucking the life out of you, then get rid of it / them. If your marriage is crap / abusive / boring, then get out of it. If your job is horrible and badly paid, then leave and get another job ~ there’s nothing like being out of work to put a real edge on job hunting.
There is only one problem ~ most people will never leave their ‘comfort zone’. If that’s you, then it’s time you grew up and grasped your own future with both hands ~ carpe diem.
As for me? I’m a really cool guy, living a great life. I can do just about whatever I want, just about whenever I want ~ within my own pretty rigid code of ethics, and the fact that I don’t ever want to get arrested again.
That van was in Palm Springs
There is no such thing as ultimate truth, truth is what we make it.
Why do you think the world is so complicated? Why are our lives so difficult? Why do we become addicted, angry, depressed, ill, stressed? Why do we fall in and out of love? Why do we love those who don’t love us?
If Einstein and other deep thinkers are to be believed, none of it is real anyway.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~ Albert Einstein.
Einstein’s words reveal a deeper truth. Everything we feel, see, hear, touch, and taste is within our own minds. All of our innermost emotions and all of our truths exist only within our own minds. Even the deepest emotions such as fear and love are created within us. We actually have to learn to see and hear. We have to learn to fear fire, snakes, lions, and abandonment. We learn to love and we learn to hate somewhere before we are seven years of age, and then we spend the rest of our lives perfecting those emotions, up to the point that they can destroy us.
The deepest feelings we build within ourselves can destroy us, just as Dr. Frankenstein was destroyed by the monster he created.
There is a truism heard within 12-step meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous;
Most folks are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln, (allegedly).
Thus it follows that most folks can be just as addicted, angry, depressed, ill, stressed….. as they make up their minds to be. For sure most people can be just as in love, or not in love as they really want to be.
But, and as Shakespeare said; ‘therein lies the rub’. Reality is a habit, it’s what we accept, it’s what we’re used to, it’s what works for us right now. So, if you’re an alcoholic it really is just a habit, albeit one that’s killing you, and something about that habit works for you right now.
Changing a deep-set habit is
fucking damn difficult. In fact your whole life is a set of deep-rooted habits, and changing all those really is fucking difficult.
But I’ve done it. I changed my whole life and all of my ways of thinking around by believing these few words I said to myself; ‘I am a really cool guy, living a great life.’
If you are prepared to do whatever it takes you can change your whole life, including what is true or false.
Your reality is what you make it
the value of money is illusory
cash has no real intrinsic value other than that which we give it
If you do what you always did, then you’ll get what you always got.
As I don’t need to earn a living these days, some may say that my whole life is just one long vacation. Actually it doesn’t quite work like that ~ when I’m at home in the garret my time seems to be filled with lots of ordinary and everyday stuff. Whereas, now I’m here holidaying on Lanzerote I seem to have much more time to just sit in the sunshine and let my thoughts drift where they will.
It seems that I needed to resolve some issues, to reject the things that have blocked me in the past; the people, the choices, the mistakes, the material possessions I thought were so important….. It seems that I need to move away from the material world towards spiritual and emotional growth, and that I need to place less importance on relationships that do not, and perhaps never will, provide what I need and desire.
I need to awaken the strength within me, the spiritual self, the masculinity, ready to fight back against all the negative influences, the misleading promises, the illusions and delusions about what real happiness looks like for me.
There are some dreams and personal ambitions I want to fulfil, particularly in terms of interpersonal relationships, and particularly sexually. I need to fully assert myself to reconnect with my own internal courage, fortitude, and drive.
This vacation has allowed me to see that I need to progress, for the physical desires I have allowed to be unfilled to really come to fruition, that it’s time to leave behind negative people and influences, even if those people have been very close to me in the past.
It’s time I told people exactly what is on my mind, and it’s time for me to take charge and stop shying away from speaking the truth of my innermost wants, needs, desires, and dreams.
Some say that you can get 80% of what you want for just 20% of the efforts you’ve been putting into a relationship. And that if you give some people an inch they will take a mile. All I know is that if people don’t like the truth they can live their lives without my help.
Lanzerote is pretty nice