Category Archives: Manage Yourself

Time is Running Out

Time is probably infinite.  Your Time and my Time is very finite.

Time goes by, after all that’s the basic job of Time.  What Time does best is pass.  And, the ordinary scientist, working in an ordinary universe, will tell you that time passes at a constant rate.  To all practical intents and purposes that’s true – except for when it’s not.

For a start, perfectly respectable physicists can prove that Time passes at different rates depending on things like how fast you are travelling, and how much gravity is affecting you.  As it goes, that’s only interesting to people who fly a lot and astronauts.

What’s more interesting to everyone is how fast time seems to pass in different situations, with different people, in different places, when we are doing different things.  For example, in airport departure lounges Time crawls by like a wounded fly – unless you are late for your flight, and then Time just blasts past.

If you are with the one you love, and she / he loves you too, then each moment lasts a delicious eternity, but eternity lasts  just a heartbeat.  Conversely, if you are in an abusive / dysfunctional / one-sided relationship, then the minutes last forever.  Trust me, I’ve been there more than once.

When you are having a brilliant vacation, (as I am on Crete right now), then the days pass in a blur, and all to soon it’s over.  Then Time brings you back down to Earth with a bump when you’re in an airport departure lounge again.

As we get older, we come to realise that our personal lifetime is short, finite, and will end probably sooner than we would like.  That’s Time’s final cruel joke.

Some say that we have commitments and responsibilities…… that we  should spend our Time doing what’s expected of us, to the best of our abilities.  And, that sometimes Time drags through boredom, ennui, and lassitude.  All I know is that the rest of my time on this Earth is going to be filled with adventure, fun, love, sex, and really wild things.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Time for me to leave my comfort zone behind forever

Project: Jack Collier

I you try you risk failure, if you don’t you ensure it.

In order to truly become a better man I’ve had to fall back on some of my past strengths and abilities.  Back in the day, I was paid stupid amounts of money to invent, develop, organise, and run major projects ~ ergo I’ve decided that I should treat my becoming the better man as a project.  Think about it, it sort of makes good sense.

It is less about becoming a better person, and more of being better, as a person.  ~  J.R. Rim

This self-improvement, and self-development project would seem to have the following elements;

  • Embrace change to avoid slipping back into my old, negative patterns of behaviour.
  • Have more confidence and self-reliance in my own innate abilities.
  • I should always speak up for myself, and always speak the truth, strive to communicate well with others, especially with those I care for.
  • Keep my close relationships in focus, neither neglect the people I care about, nor have unrealistic expectations of them.
  • Conversely, have increasingly ambitious expectations of myself, and what I will be able to achieve.
  • Get some balance and stability into my life ~ and I may need a lot of help with this.
  • Remain grounded, balanced, and in control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
  • Be in touch with the Universe and accepting of the realities in every area of my life
  • Develop the endurance to plan and successfully achieve long term wants, needs, goals, desires, dreams, and ambitions.
  • Get fitter and healthier so that I have the controlled energy to make the fullest success of Project: Jack Collier.

Written down like that it seems I have a lot to work to do, and I’m certain that if I thought harder I could add more bullet points to that list.  But, 10 difficult things to work on is more than enough for now.

My Life is changing day to day, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in quite scary ways.  I need to find my path forward, and be the captain, master, and director of my own life.

It’s not about taking control of my life in the sense that I am trying to control everything and everyone around me, it’s about me deciding what it is that I really want, and then striving with everything I have to get it.  I I really want something, I should let nothing stand in my way.  My life is a reflection of my choices, and how I use my strengths and abilities to achieve success.

The goal of life purpose is not what you will create, but what it will make you into for creating it.  ~  Shannon L. Alder.

Some say that success is getting what you want.  And that happiness is wanting what you get.  All I know is that my strength will not come from winning, my strength will be the result of trying very hard.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

parasailing was so far outside of my comfort zone that I didn’t try it

I should have

 

Empowerment

Don’t be satisfied with how things once were, unfold a new story.

In the last few days a great deal has changed for me.  Circumstances of my own choosing forced me well outside of my comfort zone, and made me escape a prison of my own making.  And coming down the pike like a runaway a great deal of transition is heading right for me.

It is time for me to embrace a life path that is more true to who I am, and the grounded, enlightened, successful man I want to be.  Now is the hour for me to grow in courage and mental strength ~ no longer allowing my doubts and fears to undermine my dreams, desires, hopes, and plans for the future.  Now is the time for me to be who I truly am deep inside.

You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can  stand in your way.  ~  Richard Bach

That means ridding myself of the emotional burdens of the past.  It means ceasing to be reckless with the feelings of others.  Ceasing to be negligent when it comes to accepting, cherishing, nurturing, understanding, and supporting those I care for.  And it means embracing harmony, strength, and fortitude.  All the mistakes I made in the past are now just learning tools for the future.  Each time I fell off the rails and turned into Mr. Hyde are salutary lessons and cautionary tales ~ reminding me that those dark places and negative feelings are to be avoided and not encouraged.

Hard work bears fruit, and the near future will be bright for me and those I care for as a result of my hard work in the past paying off.  I have tried so hard to be the best version of me that I could possibly become, that I have earned the right to enjoy life now that I can finally see the results of my efforts.  My ‘new’ personality, attitudes, demeanour, heart , and soul means that I can express myself with greater clarity, confidence, and strength today and into the future.

My core values, the things that really matter to me, are what I will live by today, tomorrow, and in each and every day to come.  I need to spend some time in walking meditation to reflect more seriously on my ethics and ethos, to truly identify what I am willing to tolerate, and what I will just not accept.  It is so ingrained in the habits of most people, (myself included), to put everyone else’s needs first, and then forget to take care of themselves.  Yet if we don’t take care of our own needs, our physical, mental, and spiritual health, we cannot grow nor prosper nor be truly happy.  Today and into the future I will take care of myself first, and then nurture and support those I care for to the very best of my abilities.

Un-winged and naked, sorrow surrenders its crown to a throne called grace.  ~  Aberjhani.

Some say I am worthy of a life full of friends, loving connections, enlightenment, and spiritual empowerment.  And that there will be a new love in my life, either platonic or romantic.  All I know is that I am not just going to sit back and wait for things to happen ~ the cosmos does not roll out a red carpet for anyone.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

A new day has come.

Songs Saturday ~ Tom Petty

This above all; to thine own self be true.

Something I re-learned this week.  Your comfort zone is nothing but a prison of your own making.  And that when we allow parents, family, friends, coworkers, or those in authority to rule our lives we are just adding another set of bars to our own prison.

Be yourself, turn up for life, and don’t back down.

Please listen responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Englishmen say ‘sorry’ as often as Americans say “have a nice day”  ~  and both are meaningless

Nothing Lasts Forever

Great things never came from comfort zones.

Just another day and I’m back in the garret where my psyche tells me I belong.  Not anymore I don’t.  I need to change and the picture of York Railway Station is a metaphor.  To get to anywhere by train I have to change at York ~ in rail journey terms York is the fulcrum.

Some of you may recall that I have been trying to change for years; to grow, to become the better man, to walk the warrior’s path…..  and I’ve had some limited success.  No that’s wrong, I’ve had a lot of success.  I’ve gone from being a celibate recluse, stuck in the garret and afraid to go out, to a chap who has just completed a course of swimming lessons ready for my solo vacation in Crete in a couple of weeks time.

It seems that my fulcrum has been shown me by those self-same swimming lessons ~ the whole thing was utterly outside my comfort zone, and I mean a long, long way outside my comfort zone.  And you know what?  Our comfort zones are not a place of safety, they are a prison.

Have the courage to leave our self-imposed prison and great things start to happen.

What I know now, (what I always really knew), is that I have to accept life as it comes, live in the moment, enjoy whatever the moment brings, open my eyes, and welcome surprise.  Stop cowering in the corner, and stop living a life where today will be pretty much like yesterday, and tomorrow will be pretty much like today.  Life goes on, but from now on my life will be filled with adventure and good things.

IF I continue on a wiser, kinder, more mindful, more courageous, more self-loving path, I know that I will be able to embrace the results of all the hard work I’ve put in over the past few years, and discover the truth of my Life.  I know that things WILL improve, even from this good place I am in right now.  And, not in years, or even many months, but in the coming days and weeks.  Things will get even better for me far sooner than my comfort-zone loving heart might expect.

But I have to stay focused and believe in myself, because sitting back in my comfort zone and waiting for the Cosmos to roll out the red carpet just doesn’t work.  Trust me, I know.

We have free will.  We need to use it and leave our self-imposed prisons.  We are the Masters of our Own Fate, we need to accept that, get out of our comfort zone, and live life, even if that means making mistakes.

Some say that all the changes we try to make for ourselves are bad.  And, that we should do as we are told, do what’s expected of us, never question authority, always respect the wishes of our family, and stay in our comfort zone.  All I know is that leaving my comfort zone far behind me is the fulcrum of my Life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

this is a long way outside of my comfort zone, but the next time I go to Turkey I will be up there

So, now I need counselling.

Never look to another to tell you who you really are.

A friend of mine has said that I need some form of mental health / spiritual counselling ~ suggesting to me that she thinks there’s something seriously wrong with the way I feel, think, act, and react to events and people.  I guess she believes that I don’t feel, think, act, or react in ways that she likes when it comes to my friendship with her.

I thought about this a lot and very seriously.  I am fully aware that I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and I also know there are, (at least), a couple of reasons for this.

Something happened to me deep in my early childhood, so far back that I don’t know exactly what happened to me when I was maybe 3 years old.  But whatever happened had a very profound effect on me, sufficient to change my personality for my whole life.  It’s complicated, but various mental-health types have said a couple of things; #1 I don’t have bipolar disorder, and #2 I may have had borderline personality disorder, but if I had I’ve recovered.  Well, that’s helpful….. or not. The practical upshot of whatever happened when I was a young child is that I will not willingly accept advice, criticism, or chastisement.  So what?  That just puts me in line with 99% of the rest of the crazy people on this planet.

The second reason I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour is because I’m better than that. I’m enlightened, truthful, open, ethical, grounded, and fucking smart.  And to be honest, with the exception of the people who follow me on this blog, that makes me a better man than anyone any of us is likely to meet in an average day.

So, I thought about this very carefully when it came to finding a therapist / counsellor / spiritual adviser….. and decided that wasn’t going to happen.

I’ve spent the greater part of the past 2, 3, or maybe 4 years trying to walk the warrior’s path.  Trying to find out who I am, who I was, and who I wish to be.  And now, after years of effort, I’m finally beginning to see some light.

It may just be a candle in a hurricane of hellish darkness, but that small light is me.

The little boy may have become a broken man, with a broken spirit and broken dreams, but today I can hold on and today I’m feeling strong.  I know who I am, and I’m not a shadow or the man in the mirror anymore.

No over-qualified, well-intentioned, mental health wazzock is going to be given my permission to dip their dirty fingers into my soul.  There is no chance of me attending therapy / counselling / psychotherapy.  Not now, not next year, not ever.

It turns out that I know who I am, and I like who I am.  And, those that don’t can fuck off.  Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and please don’t keep in touch.

Some say that humility is the true key to success.  And, that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  All I know is that I’ve tried humility and therapy, and all I got was insanity.

I have a new plan of action concerning my supposed need for counselling.  I am happy to take no action whatsoever.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke is as sick of misplaced and unwanted advice as I am.

Follow Your Dreams

The future is not something we enter.
The future is something we create.

My dreams have always been the fuel for my success.  Without my dreams there could never have been any meaningful and lasting success in my life.  And, some say I have been very successful ~ depending on how you measure success.

I firmly believe that behind every successful person there is a dream fulfilled.  That all enlightened people have come to their enhanced state of happiness through achieving at least one of their dreams.  There must always be something in your life that motivates, drives, excites, and captivates you, otherwise you are not living, you are just existing.  Or, you may as well be living in a doorway on a sheet of cardboard.

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential….. these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.  ~  Confucius

My dreams became the goals that pushed me to believe in the impossible, to make interesting and unexpected changes in my life, to get out of my comfort zone and take unimagined risks.

Sometimes we choose to ignore or forget what it is that we really love, want, need, and desire.  We let ourselves be guided and driven by other people’s’ expectations.  We think my parents will never support my ideas, and, my wife will never allow me to do this…..

A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, courage, and hard work.  Colin Powell

Really successful people never forget what they love to do, what they want, what they need, what they desire and lust after.  Fortunate men and women learn to follow their own path and make the right choices ~ no matter how crazy or unpopular those choices might appear to others, especially parents and partners.

Think about this; If money was not an issue, what kind of life and work would you choose to have.  Would you choose to live, or would you choose to just exist?  If you aim to be perfect, if you aim to please everyone all of the time, then you will be very disappointed.

Some say that behind every successful person there is a dream fulfilled.  And, that we should create plans, solutions, and strategies to achieve our wildest dreams.  All I know is that today I live an enlightened life that others don’t even dare to dream about.

Sometimes, the Magic happens.

~

jack collier

email:  jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

last night, the England soccer team were not truly following their dream

Be peaceful in the storm.

So I can’t sit own and let the time of my real being take me, for if I try and for a moment can see no direction, cannot tell where I am going, I am filled with panic, scared of emptiness.   I am driven and must always look to the far horizons.  ~  Joanna Field

For most of my life it seemed that I was afraid of still serenity, uncomfortable of just having nothing to do, and having to make no plans.  I seemed to be happiest if there was a great deal going on around me, as though I was in the midst of a raging storm.

I have come to believe that this was a manifestation of what was going on inside my own mind, that I was driven by a mixture of perfectionism and fear of failure.

My focus seemed to be on what I didn’t have; materially, intellectually, and spiritually.  My glass was always half empty, never half full.

Perhaps that was not such a good place to be.

Instead of bemoaning what I don’t have and the things I feel are wrong with my life, I am changing my attitude to celebrate what I do have.

Today I have an infinite number of choices, and they all begin with me having a positive outlook.  The decisions I make today will have a direct bearing on how meaningful and mindful my life will be.

I am reminded of some words by Ralf Waldo Emerson; This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.

Today I will try to do some good and mindful things with my time.

Today I will be peaceful amid the storms.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Being Mindful and Forgiving

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the lunatic prisoner was you.  ~  Louis B. Smedes.

There has never been much forgiveness in my life, and mostly I have been very unforgiving of myself.  I expect to cope, whatever happens, and be a high achiever.  At times I can act like a lunatic.

This has led me into a very disruptive pattern in my life.  A pattern which others can often recognise better than I can.  These words of advice were sent to me a couple of days ago, by a very good friend.  This is how she describes my life.

  1. High on Life …… very optimistic….. on top of the world.
  2. Sexual buzz is strong.
  3. I forget all the things that were said when I tried to confront past problems and issues
  4. Minor irritation sets in when I don’t feel appreciated.  I become resentful and mistrustful.
  5. I start looking for the hidden dark meaning in things said, or not said.  Become more distrustful, and often angry ~ often very angry with myself.
  6. Get totally pissed-off when feelings, emotions, and thoughts that have no basis in truth fill my mind.  Start to apply twisted logic to situations and conversations.
  7. Voices in my mind tell me to escape, say ‘Fuck It All’, and then I will have a drink or 10.
  8. Go missing from the world for days at a time, during which something very bad will happen.

That’s been the pattern of my life for a very long time.  I need to recognise it, and cut it off at the neck when the darker, depressive thoughts begin.

I agree with my friend that I need to try to live with inner peace, mindfulness, and serenity.

Escaping into booze is no solution.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke lives very peacefully

Not Sleeping is Very Bad

Insomnia turns an earthly paradise into a place of torture.

If you don’t fall asleep within 20 minutes of getting into bed and turning off the lights, if you toss and turn and wake up several times in the night, if you don’t wake up feeling instantly refreshed and ready to hit the ground running, then you are not getting enough good sleep.

Scientific studies show that for good health almost everyone needs 7 or 8 hours of good sleep, every single night of their adult lives.  Not getting enough good sleep does really bad things to you.

Just some of the bad effects of lack of sleep are; depression, diabetes, fatigue, heart diseases, heart attack, high blood pressure, poor immune system leading to illness, impulsive behaviours, irritability, paranoia, stroke, suicidal thoughts, and Death.

All of us know exactly that some of the things some of us do from time to time will prevent us from sleeping well at night; not getting enough fresh air and exercise during the day, drinking too much booze, eating late at night, using social media late at night, not going to bed at the same time every night, staying in bed late at weekends, having unresolved issues that prey on our mind, having an untreated mental illness, having our bedroom too warm, too noisy, and not dark enough, being in a dysfunctional relationship, hanging out in bars, casual sex…..

I’ve got a bad case of the 3.00 am guilts ~ you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right?  Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression, paranoia, and self-loathing.  ~  D. D. Barant.

Some things that most of us do will disrupt our internal body clock, our circadian rhythm, and prevent us from getting a decent night’s sleep, for night after night after night.  Who knew that our internal body clock is so important to good sleep and good health?  If you do stuff that fucks up disrupts your internal body clock, resulting in a lack of good sleep, you will seriously damage your physical, mental, and spiritual health and fitness.

All the things that will help ensure that we will always have a good night’s sleep are so bleeding obvious that a child of 5, or 6, or 7 already knows them, instinctively.

  • Stick to a sleep schedule.  Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends and vacations.
  • Get plenty of fresh air and exercise.  Get out and walk for an hour a day, (10,000 steps), but not too late in the day.
  • Get plenty of sunlight during the day ~ tricky if you live in northern England like me, (or Canada, or Alaska, or Scandinavia…).
  • Avoid caffeine later in the day.  It’s a stimulant, and the caffeine in a cup of coffee will take about 6 or 8 hours to wear off.
  • Do not smoke.  Nicotine is a stimulant, smoking affects your breathing, you will get nicotine withdrawal through the night and wake up, you will have nightmares for years after you stop smoking.  Smokers never sleep well.
  •  Booze.  Don’t drink to much, especially late at night.  A glass of wine / hard booze just before you go to bed will stop you from getting a decent night’s rest.  Trust me, people who drink late at night, most nights, are three parts of the smegging way to being an alcoholic.
  • Do not eat late at night.  Don’t eat anything much for a couple of hours before bed-time.
  • Don’t take a nap after three in the afternoon.
  • Have a relaxing hot bath just before bed-time.  Light some candles, play some relaxing music, turn off your racing mind.
  • Have a dark bedroom, quiet bedroom, cool bedroom, gadget free bedroom, and no fucking blue light from your phone / tablet / computer shining all night.
  • Forget all the bad things from the day, especially the ignorant son of a bitch person who cut you up on the freeway on your way to work.
  • Finally, if you just cannot get to sleep, then don’t just lie in bed fretting.  If you really cannot sleep, get up and do something else instead, (but none of the bad things listed above).

One thing that some doctors say will result in a restored sleep cycle and better sleep is using marijuana, pot, cannabis.  There are some serious downside risks to the cannabis user, such as; anxiety, breathing problems, poor coordination, damaging a child in the womb, hallucinations, heart attacks, impaired thinking and cognitive functions, nausea, road traffic accidents, smoking anything is a known health risk, suicide, paranoia and schizophrenia, being arrested, losing your job, and Death.  All other drugs you can take to help you sleep are worse than marijuana, especially in the longer term.  (Anyhow, I would never sleep with anyone who uses drugs.  Come to that, I wouldn’t have lunch with a drug user.)

Some say that going without sleep for night after night is dangerous.  And, that eventually going without sleep will kill you, after 11 days or so.  All I know is that not sleeping is very, very unpleasant.

~

Insomnia

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

you may be able to tell that I didn’t sleep well last night

 

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