Category Archives: Employment

Trust Your Instincts

Begin by connecting with what’s really important.

Well, I’ve just started to work through the Dreambook & Planner I was given as a Christmas gift.  The initial task seems to be that I should identify my core values, my skills and my talents, and sort out what my purpose in life is supposed to be.

That’s a tall order, and not something I could do in a few minutes.  Or, maybe it is something I should do in a few minutes ~ just jotting down my first thoughts.  Sometimes it’s better not to think too hard and ponder too much.  Sometimes if I overthink things I just go around in circles.

I seem to have run in a great circle, and met myself again on the starting line.  ~  Jeanette Winterson.

There is a useful saying; ‘Your first guess is your best guess….’  Or, put it another way; ‘Trust your instincts….’  Instinctive behaviour is the way we act, or react, without having to think about it.  Psychologists talk about fixed action patterns, which are hard-wired into our neural network.  The best example I can think of in humans would be in sports, where such things as a golf swing, or baseball swing, become hard-wired into the brain after much practice.

Instincts in humans are sometimes called gut feelings or intuition, and it’s about ‘knowing’ things without consciously reasoning.

Our brains actually store every experience we have ever had, and that huge library of information is one half of what our gut feelings are based on.  The other half of a ‘gut feeling‘ is emotion.  Add our stored memories to emotion and we get instincts, gut feelings, intuition ~ call it what you will….

Don’t you dare underestimate the power of your own instinct.  ~  Barbara Corcoran.

Instinct and intuition are very powerful, and often the right answer to any question will come from instinct, rather than reason.  Ergo, in the case of my identifying my own core values, my gifts, and my life purpose, I intend to go with my gut feeling, intuition, and instincts.  Of course, after I’ve written down my first guesses, I will go back and spend ages rethinking my answers.

Gut feelings are all very well, but something tells me that reasoning is better.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

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Dreambook

Feeling a greater sense of meaning and purpose in Life.

An American friend has sent me a most wonderful and thoughtful Christmas gift ~ which I have already opened!

It’s a book; Rituals for Living, Dreambook and Planner.  When I say it’s a book it’s kind of a journal, and diary, and project planner.  The project in this case being My Life.

Stop playing small and start seeing yourself as the magical creator that you are.  You can create anything you want.  We want to help ensure that what you’re creating reflects your highest potential and most authentic self.  ~  thedragontree

It’s about connecting with what’s really important to me; identifying my core values, gifts, and life purpose.

It’s also about developing habits and rituals to help me to realise my dreams.

At heart I am an engineer, I like planning, I need to make plans before starting any new enterprise or project. Well, this is a new project, it’s the rest of my life.  A big project that deserves some big plans.

We firmly believe that if you set out to achieve your goals while remaining steadfast on the necessity of playing, caring for yourself, connecting to family, friends, a higher power, and the natural world ~ you actually amplify your ability to succeed.  ~  thedragontree

I firmly believe that this book, the gift my American friend has sent to me, will help me achieve my fullest potential and realise my dreams.

In part it’s about self-awareness and self-actualisation, and in part it’s about developing habits and rituals which will lead towards the fullest and most congruent realisation of my desires, dreams, and goals.

You know what?  This is a wonderful gift, and I know it was sent to me with love.

One of the benefits of writing this blog is that I can publicly thank my friend for this wonderful Christmas gift.  Oh, and the kind friend concerned also has a blog.  https://therobynbirdsnest.com

There are a couple of websites which sort of go along with this life planner;

http://www.thedragontree.com   and  dreambook.vision

 

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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So, don’t be a fake.

The most poisonous people come disguised as friends.

Some say that I’m an egotistical fake, and that all my problems are caused by my own lies and character defects.  All I know is that I’m working very hard to be a better guy.

I took a walk outside early this morning, down by the sea where I usually find solace and serenity.  The snow and wind were in my face, and the seashore was shrouded by a cold mist.  Today there was no tranquility for me.  My soul feels hurt, hungry, and lacking in love for myself.  All I feel is regret and sorrow.  What I could see of the surf was angry and accusatory.

Some would say that I’m a prisoner of my own ego, and that my personal identity is driven by conceit and self-importance.  All I know is that it’s sometimes difficult to get through the next 24 hours, and then the 24 hours after that.

Sometimes I was a fake just to cope with life.  BPD can do that to you.

What I’m trying to say is that I need to get my life in order ~ start to be honest with myself and everybody else, become reliable and trustworthy, stop being hurtful and aggressive at the drop of a hat…  Perhaps then there can be some trust in friendships and I can begin to have real relationships with sensible people.  I need to consider the feelings, needs, desires, wants, and commitments of others.  I need to give more and take less.  I need to change my ways.

It’s OK for me to want what I want, but becoming a fake to get it is abhorrent.

Some say that if nothing changes, then nothing changes.  And, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  All I know is that this post is the start of something different for me.

All prayers are answered, but sometimes the answer is difficult.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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What do women really want?

Women don’t like mind games.  Most women like romance.

I’m just a guy, you know?  Ergo I don’t actually understand the woman I care for, and sometimes I don’t really know what she wants from me.  However, in an effort to be a ‘better’ guy I’ve been exploring the internet, and I believe these are the behaviours a woman would like me to bring to a relationship.

You know what?  I worked out #1 all by my self.

  1. Do not be a jerk.  (From time to time I have been a 21 carat jerk.)
  2. Give her respect.  Respect her opinions, career, interests, friends, family, needs, dreams, and desires.  Respect her body, her mind, and her soul.  Accept and understand who and what she truly is.
  3. Give her time and space.  She’s an independent lady, so don’t be clingy and dependent.  She is not responsible for your happiness, you are.  Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not ready for.  But, when she needs you, be generous with your own time; always be there for her.
  4. Be confident and capable ~ take charge when you need to.  She needs to know that you can always be relied on to take the lead when necessary.
  5. Always help her to feel safe.  Don’t ever be threatening, and if she’s worried about someone or something, or scared of something or someone ~ then help her to deal with it!
  6. Respect her privacy.  Don’t ever intrude where she wants to be private, and never, ever, comment on what she posts on social media.
  7. Follow through with your plans and ideas.  Women like to know that if a guy says he is going to do something, he will actually do it.
  8. Be completely honest, unless complete honesty is hurtful.  Women don’t like liars, and once you have lost a woman’s trust it’s hard to get it back again.
  9. When it’s appropriate be romantic.  And, what is truly romantic changes from time to time, and from woman to woman.  To be romantic; You need to get to know her.
  10. Be polite, well-mannered, and well-spoken.  Very good manners take a little effort ~ but I’m lucky here, I’m a true English Gentleman, and good manners come naturally to me.  And never, ever get drunk when she’s around.
  11. Self-deprecating humour.  Don’t make jokes at her expense, but it’s OK to poke fun at yourself.  She will probably like gentle humour, and dislike you trying to be funny by being vicious and nasty about other people.
  12. If she ever feels the need to apologise, accept her apology with grace.  Especially never, ever, mention the things she’s apologised for ever again.
  13. A Man should never be late.  She may have no sense of time, she may always be late for everything, but you should always be there on time~ always.  If you’ve promised to call at eight o’clock, then you should call her at exactly eight.
  14. Be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy.  Women don’t seem to appreciate unreliability, a good guy needs to be the same good guy every minute of every day.
  15. Listen to her.  When she wants to talk, listen patiently with acceptance and understanding.  Don’t give her solutions she hasn’t asked for, just listen to her.
  16. Respond to her texts and emails in a timely manner.  She may take forever to reply to you, but if you get a message from her, then respond as soon as is humanly possible.
  17. Always be clean, tidy, and well-groomed.  You and your place should always be pretty immaculate, especially the bathroom.  And, if you are ever invited to her place, treat it with the utmost respect.  Clean your shoes, get a manicure, get a haircut, have some great pictures in your place….
  18. Be faithful in word and deed.  Don’t screw around, don’t date other women, don’t constantly flirt with other women, don’t check out other women, don’t ‘like’ other women’s pictures on social media, and do not constantly jerk off to porn.
  19. Be complementary.  Tell her she looks pretty, her hair’s nice, tell her you like her. and if it’s appropriate tell her that you love her.
  20. Do things just for her.  Clean her car, make sure she’s always got petrol, (gas), in the tank, fix things for her, send her flowers and perfume, but bear in mind point #9, and be romantic in the right way and when it’s appropriate.
  21. Sex.  Do not try too go to far and too fast.  If anything, follow her lead, and remember point #10 , and always be polite and well-mannered.  And, if and when you sleep with her, remember that her pleasure is important.  You may need sex, but perhaps what she really wants is love.

Writing this stuff, it all makes perfect sense, and I don’t believe I’ve got anything badly wrong in this list.  But, Ladies, if I have, then please feel free to tell me about it.

And, writing this stuff I realise that I do most of these good things most of the time, and some of them all of the time.  Sadly, that isn’t good enough.  Point #14 behoves me to be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy ~ I need to do all of the above all of the time.

That’s a tall order, but if she is worth it, and you really care, then she’s worth all of it all of the time.

In future, I shall make every effort to follow my advice from this list.  I am going to do this stuff.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

pictures by Jack Vettriano

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Shipping Container Homes

You don’t need more space, you need less stuff.

Back when I owned a trailer park, shipping containers often made instant buildings which could serve a myriad of purposes for me, from simple storage units, through a workshop, to a pretty nice office.

(not my office, a home made from shipping containers)

What I have never yet attempted is to use a shipping container to make a tiny home, or more likely, use several shipping containers linked together to make a decent-sized home.  The place to start is to learn something about shipping containers, and then buy the right units.

Shipping containers are usually strong steel boxes with doors at one end, but they actually come in lots of versions.  The standard width is 8′ (eight feet), the standard height is 8’6″ (eight foot six inches), and the two standard lengths are 20′ (twenty foot), and 40′ (forty foot).  There are a whole raft of non-standard lengths starting at 5′, but a 10′ container is the more common of the non-standard lengths.  The internal floor areas work out at 150 sq ft for a 20′ container and 305 sq ft for a 40′ container.

Given that most people regard 1000 sq ft as a decent size for a home, (plus a garage), then we are talking of at least a couple of containers to make anything that approximates a ‘normal-sized’ house.  Container architecture is a discipline all of its own.

You obviously need a plot, the appropriate permissions from whatever building authority is responsible for all the regulatory stuff, and you may / or may not need to lay a concrete slab on which to stand the container(s) you’re going to turn into a home.  (Whether or not you need to lay a concrete pad depends on the ground, and how long you expect the container home to stand there.)

It’s no good just buying a plot, plonking a used shipping container there and expecting to live in it.  Shipping containers are steel boxes, and that means they are damn hot inside in summer, and bloody freezing inside in winter.   To make a home you will have to line out the inside, and perhaps even clad the outside.  Even if you just buy one 40′ container and are going to be happy living in 305 sq ft, you will still need to do a hell of a lot of work to make your steel box habitable.

One of the first things you need to learn is how to cut steel plate.  Your box needs more than a big door at one end, you need windows, (at least), and maybe another door, and perhaps holes so you can link one container to another to make a bigger home.  Luckily, shipping containers are mostly made of steel that’s only between 1.5mm and 2mm thick, so it’s easy to cut.  Realistically there are 3 ways to cut steel on site, (using an ordinary hacksaw will take you aeons and you’ll hurt your wrist and hands).

  1. Oxy-acetylene cutting torch.  These things are dangerous, and unless you’ve done this kind of cutting before, you would be best getting instruction before attempting to use an oxygen / acetylene torch.  However, a cutting torch is fast and it’s easy to cut complex shapes.  If you want circular cut-outs for round windows / portholes in your tiny container home, then oxy-acetylene could be for you.
  2. Electric jigsaw.  The sides of steel shipping containers are pretty easy to cut, so an ordinary electric jigsaw will chop out your doors and windows.  And, you can cut curves in steel with an electric jigsaw.  This is possibly the best choice for the averagely skilled person.
  3. Stihl cut-off saw.  STIHL is a trademark, but what we are talking about here is a big power saw of some description.  Cutting lots of big holes in your containers, on site, you may well want something like a petrol powered Stihl saw, (and make certain you have the right disk for steel).

The benefits of using steel shipping containers to make a tiny home, (or something bigger), is that it’s pretty fast and inexpensive to get a weatherproof structure on site, they’re strong and durable, and you can put them down just about anywhere.  A shipping container is probably the start of the ultimate off-the-grid home.

I can and have lived off-the-grid in a log cabin I built myself, (from a kit), but I would strongly caution anyone thinking of doing this concerning water.  You will need a constant supply of potable water, either from the mains or from your own well / borehole.  The average American uses between 80 to 100 gallons of water every day of the year.  It’s possible to finesse around all the other services; sewage, electricity, gas, heating, telephone and internet, but shipping water in a small bowser on a regular basis is an absolute non-starter.

Once you have a weatherproof structure with the doors and windows installed, and you’ve made a start on connecting your services, then you can start on the really fun stuff, which is fitting out the interior to suit your tastes.  The only limit to your imagination is the dimensions of whatever containers you have bought.

Making a home out of steel shipping containers is within the scope of anyone who is fairly competent at all kinds of advanced DIY, and who can also manage a project.

And all this gives me a problem; is my next project a school bus camper, or a container-based tiny home?

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

click on the book for more

 

 

 

 

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Advanced DIY

Really successful engineering is all about understanding how something will break or fail.

For some strange reason I am blessed with the ability to fix almost anything, install almost anything, make almost anything, and build almost anything.

I built myself a Caterham / Lotus 7 sports-racing car, which I then drove all over Europe on long road trips.  The trip I enjoyed most in this little car was driving down the entire Loire Valley in France.  (Or maybe it was the Stelvio Pass.)

Minor pieces of carpentry are child’s play for me ~ which is why I could rip out the old kitchen in my garret and replace it with something that I liked and suited my needs.

(With help from my friend Marmaduke of course.)

I’ve also erected log cabins and built vacation homes from plywood.  (This is a stock picture, not one of mine)

Sometimes, half way through a project, I’ve wondered why I started, and if the thing would ever be finished.  The picture above shows this kind of ‘why am I doing this’ project. Although, this wreck of an Austin-Healey Sprite turned into a really beautiful little car, finished in British Racing Green as a frog-eye.  (the almost completed little car, I like that I did the white stripes)

For my next project I’m thinking about finding an old school bus, rebuilding it as an RV, (Recreational Vehicle), and then spending an entire year in the thing, touring as much of the USA as I can, on the longest road trip ever.

Something you need, if you want to tackle advanced DIY projects, is a really, really comprehensive tool kit.  And, take my advice, always buy the very best tools you can afford.  (You may need a hard hat.)

This post is sponsored by:  http://www.amazon.com/shops/salinevalleyenterprises

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

some power tools are a must have

click on the power tools picture

Rehab

The philosophy of fasting calls on us to know ourselves, to master ourselves, and to discipline ourselves the better to free ourselves.

On Monday of this week I was admitted to the rehabilitation ward of my local hospital.  I was so confused at the time the doctor didn’t give me any choice in the matter.

The problem is I haven’t been eating and I’ve lost a lot of weight.  I’m now just 135 pounds, which is 20 pounds lighter than I was a short while ago.

Not eating does all kinds of bad things to the mind and body, including confusion due lack of potassium in the brain.

Today I was released to return to the garret, with the strongest possible warning that I need to take much better care of myself.

So I am now on a better programme of food, liquid, vitamins, and minerals.

I already feel much better.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Overcoming Stress

All of us have to accept some anxieties.

Back in the day, when I was working all the hours God sends, I suffered terribly from the effects of stress.  Everyone around me suffered too because I was bad-tempered, impatient, irritable and moody.

We all experience stress, to a greater or lesser degree.  In fact without some stress we couldn’t function ~ our minds and bodies need a little stress to feel alive.  However, too much stress is bad, and far too much stress can kill you.

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.  ~  Hans Selve

The proximate causes of stress and distress vary from person to person, but the usual suspects are:  Bad News, City Life, Too Many People, Mindless Bureaucracy, Being Discriminated Against, Bullying, Work, The Rushing Woman’s Syndrome, Dysfunctional Relationships, Failed Relationships, Sex, Sexual Dysfunction, and the Death of Someone Close to You.  And then you might have your own particular reason to feel that you’re under intolerable stress.  Of course, there is also a chance that you are seriously mentally ill with something like Borderline Personality Disorder.

People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies.  Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.  ~  Marsha M. Linehan.

The warning signs that stress is adversely affecting your mental and physical health are;

  • Apathy and Depression
  • Chest pains
  • Crying
  • Diarrhoea
  • Drinking too much
  • Headaches
  • Inability to relax
  • Indigestion
  • Insomnia
  • Intolerance of and over-reacting to noise and disturbance
  • Irritability and a bad temper
  • Lack of concentration / brain fog / poor memory
  • Palpitations (oh Gods, did I suffer from heart palpitations!)
  • Tiredness and an inability to get things done

The symptoms associated with stress are in themselves so distressing that they are likely to make you even more stressed.

Many of us will approach our doctor if we feel under intolerable stress and are suffering from one or more of the very serious symptoms listed above.  What your doctor is most likely to do is prescribe you some powerful psychoactive drugs; Celexa, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Lexapro, Librium, Paxil, Prozac, Tofranil Valium, Viibyrd, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Zoloft… to name but a few of the very powerful chemicals your doctor could give you.

All of these drugs come with a load of side-effects, from tiredness, to sexual dysfunction, to feelings of dread, to wanting to commit suicide…  Reading the leaflets that come with these drugs can be a very sobering experience.  In my experience these drugs will either detach you from reality so you don’t worry about anything at all, or they will have an adverse effect.

If you’re lucky, then your doctor will also / instead refer you to some ‘talking therapy’ such as; Cognitive Analytic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Counselling, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Gestalt, Group Therapy, Hypnotherapy, Mindfulness, and Psychoanalysis.  Alternatively you could take yourself off to a 12-step group like Alcoholics Anonymous.

I love going to my AA meetings and I don’t think I will ever stop.  ~  Davina McCall

Drugs act fast, but all they do is mask the symptoms and make you ill from the nasty side-effects. Talking therapies and 12-step meetings will eventually make you well again ~ but the key word there is ‘eventually.

So what can you do to help yourself overcome stress?

Breathing is good.  I mean slow deliberate breathing with serene and peaceful visualisations is good.

When I was under extreme stress I would take myself off to somewhere quiet, maybe into a church or public garden or down to the beach, stand or sit, or lie down comfortably, and really slow down my breathing, and at the same time I would breathe very deeply.   Concentrating on my breathing I would listen to the sound of each breath, imagining it was the gentle sound of soft surf washing in and out on a white sandy beach under a blue sky.  My breathing in and out exactly matched the sea gently washing in and out.  After just a few minutes of this breathing exercise I always felt immeasurably more peaceful, and ready to face the next thing the day was going to throw at me.

Learning how to relax is the cornerstone of helping yourself to overcome stress.

‘Ha!’  You say; ‘If I knew how to relax I wouldn’t be so stressed…’

Breathing exercises are recommended by doctors and psychiatrists everywhere as a method of relaxation to overcome stress and anxiety.

Being better organised also helps alleviate stress.  The best way to begin being better organised is to start writing things down, keep a journal, keep your diary and day-planner up to date, make lists, always have a to-do list, never go shopping without a shopping list…  If you think of something you need to do, write it all down and then stop worrying about it.

Break big tasks into a number of smaller parts, and write a list of those smaller tasks with the date and time they need to be completes ~ then stop worrying about it all.

Learn how to say NO.  Being at everyone else’s beck and call all the time is a sure-fire way to put yourself under extreme stress.

Stop using social media first thing in the morning, or late at night, and especially don’t look at crap like Twitter and Facebook when you are pressed for time.

Learn how to love yourself.

Get plenty of good quality sleep.  It’s hard to sleep when you’re under stress.  If you really have insomnia, then it may be worth asking your doctor for something to help you sleep.  But only rely on sleeping medication for a couple of weeks ~ these drugs are addictive.

Make reducing the stress in your life your #1 project, something you practice all the time, every single damn day.

Extreme stress can make you extremely ill, and it’s well-known that happy people are healthier than stressed-out and unhappy people.  Make ‘don’t worry, be happy, and start living…‘ your daily mantra.

Happiness is a choice.  You can choose to be happy.  There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.  ~  Valerie Bertinelli.

And please, please don’t resort to booze or recreational drugs, they make things worse very fast, and you can trust me on that one.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

click on the book

demons of the soul

Men who fear demons see demons everywhere.

My life has been plagued by demons; or character defects, or weaknesses, or a disease, or a mental illness, or Borderline Personality Disorder ~ call it what you will but with a new understanding I know that there are demons lurking in the deep darkness of my innermost subconscious.

We all have inner demons to fight, we call these demons, fear and hatred and anger.  If you do not conquer them then a life of one hundred years is a tragedy.  If you do, then a life of a single day is a triumph.  ~  Yip Man

My demons have attacked me, tormented and tortured me, brought me low and taken me down the long lonely Road to Hell.

My demons have not won the final battle.  Yet at times I have been overwhelmed and given in to anger, depression, drink ~ and that is exactly what my demons want.

My demons are cunning shape-shifters and change from one insidious, pernicious, torturous form to another as soon as my back is turned.

My demons are very good at finding the things that can hurt me the most, cause me the most pain, and bringing those things to the forefront of my mind in an ugly distorted form designed to torment and torture me.  My demons use negative thoughts of those I care for the most to hurt me the most.

My demons assume the guise of Fear of Rejection, Worthlessness, Anxiety, Depression, Jealousy, Fear of Failure, Addictions, Obsessions, and Compulsions ~ and all of those disguises are designed to cause me the maximum suffering.  And my pain never seemed to lessen, or subside, or stop.  The pain always got worse than the time before.

It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism.  The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself.  But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster.  ~  Carl Jung

My demons are my shadow side from my deep subconscious, and my demons may also exist in an evil spiritual form.  Yet I have embraced my shadow side, I have accepted and acknowledged the existence of my demons.  If dark spiritual forces surround me, if demons lurk in the blackness of my deep subconscious, I will make those demons face the light of my awareness.

My demons now know that they cannot win, they cannot kill me.  The pain only lasts if I allow it to.  Now that I am aware of my demons I can accept that all the vicious negativity in my soul is only my demons trying to hurt me.  My demons want me to feel the pain, my demons want me to fail, and my demons want me to descend into drunken depression ~ and I will not give my demons the pleasure of hurting me, of witnessing me hurt others, of seeing my abject failure.

Facing my demons is not easy.  Facing my demons may well be the most difficult thing I have ever done.  From out of nowhere my demons can make me feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, angry, jealous, afraid…

My demons want me to stop looking them in the face and telling them that they can never again cause the kind of pain and suffering I have known in the past.

My demons no longer have ultimate power over me ~ now I have some little power over them, and now I can truly begin to recover from the poison in my soul and walk the warrior’s path.

~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
click on the book

demons I can’t face down

Our very souls may be consumed by shadows.

We each have a complex relationship with ourselves.  If we have ever really suffered through something like; alcoholism, drug addiction, addiction to gambling, sex addiction, too many of the wrong prescription drugs, parental abuse, an abusive relationship, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, serious problems with our diet, mental health problems, failed relationships, job loss, loss of our home…  (or more likely a mixture of all of these problems and more), then we also have a complex relationship with the whole world and everyone in it.

At times we can find ourselves in a very bad place where every voice is critical, malevolent, and negative ~ even our own inner voice.  Our inner voice creates inner demons;  anger, depression, fear of rejection, rejection of others, jealousy, judgementalism, self-doubt, self-hatred, worthlessness…

All the dark, malevolent Passions of the Soul are roused and exerted; its mild and amiable affections are suppressed; and with them virtuous Principles are laid prostrate.  ~  Charles Inglis

Unless you have been there you can have no idea how bad the pain and anguish these inner demons can create.  One will do almost anything to escape the crippling pain; including going back to our addictions, making big geographical moves, shutting down and numbing ourselves, isolating ourselves, psychotherapy, strong prescription drugs, attending 12 step groups, spirituality, retreating further into mental illness, suicide…

It is not just our inner demons.  If we are in that bad place then we are also surrounded by demons.  Everyone we know, everyone we meet, adds to these outer demons with their misplaced concerned advice, criticisms, and rejection.  Many people do not want us to get well, they measure themselves against our struggle and feel superior, they add their negative demons to our own.  When I was at my last rock-bottom I became aware that almost everyone I knew, everyone I met, was feeding off my pain.  Few understand, few want to understand, and fewer still truly want to help.

Some especially gifted, intelligent, and sensitive people believe that there is a third layer of demons, in addition to our inner demons, and the tormenting demons gifted to us by almost everyone we know.   Most spiritual and religious people also believe that there are more demons than the physiological and psychological.  These special people believe in genuine demons, in the spiritual realm, and that some of us may be victims of these demons.  In my mind’s eye I am very aware that in the shadows surrounding my soul lurk the powers of darkness seeking to torment and torture me.

Demons manifest themselves in people in different ways.  For instance, out of nowhere, somebody can become very angry for no reason.  That’s not just an emotion.  That’s a demon.  ~  Stephen Baldwin.

None of the details really matter.  What I do know is that if you have truly suffered, and if you are suffering now, then you are the victim of demons who will feed off your pain, and want nothing more than to destroy you and everything and everyone you care for.

It is our demons that make us believe that our partner is sleeping with other men, that giving into our addiction will solve our problems, and that suicide is painless.

Many of us have tried over the years to face down our inner demons.  Some succeed, many fail.  Many fail because they don’t realise that the main causes of their misery are inner demons which seem to have an intelligence and will of their own.  Many more fail because they never realise that they are also surrounded by malevolent evil demons emanating  from the subconscious psyche of everyone they know.  And, some fail because they are the victims of true demonic possession.

Demons are not your superiors, demons are not even your equals.  All demons have is the ability to make you cause yourself pain and suffering.  Demons can only torment and torture you if you let them, but most of us allow demons to torture us because we are not even aware that they are there.

Negative thinking patterns can be immensely deceptive and persuasive, and change is rarely easy.  ~  David D. Burns.

Recovery begins with admitting that you have a problem.

I cannot yet face down my demons, but I know they are there, trying to make me torture myself so that they can feed off my pain. (Even your inner demons feed off the pain you cause yourself.)

Now, when I feel myself going down a negative path to my own personal hell, I can tell myself that it’s just my personal demons trying to destroy me, and that I should ignore their oppressive persecution.  That helps me.  A psychological bully can only bully you if you let them.  Your demons have no physical power over you.  Ignore them and your demons will go away.  Eventually I shall be able to face down my demons and tell them to fuck off ~ and that will be a good day.

Demons are to be pitied.  They have nothing but your pain and suffering.  If you do not allow your demons to make you cause yourself pain and suffering, then those demons will eventually die and vanish into nothing.

You can and will get well if you do not allow your demons to torment and torture you.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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