neither a borrower nor lender be
The phrase above comes from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and actually refers to never lend nor borrow from a friend, but I would expand that to include never lending to nor borrowing from a family member, partner, lover, or anyone else for that matter. Often you will never, ever see a single penny paid back to you. I would also expend that to say never, ever, ever stand as guarantor for anyone either. Because as guarantor you are jointly end severally liable for the whole debt, plus interest, plus charges ~ up to and including losing your home and everything else you own.
- Work out your monthly budget, with hard numbers. How much do you have coming in, and how much goes out, and on what? If you have more going out than you have coming in, then stop fucking wasting money on cigarettes, booze, gambling, drugs, vacations, sex, new clothes and shoes you don’t need…. Or get a higher paid honest job.
- Only ever borrow for two reason; #1 a mortgage to buy your home #2 to buy your car, if you must have a car. (actually student loans to pay for your education sometimes make a third reason) The only borrowing I have ever had, in my whole life, was a mortgage on my home.
- Pay off your debts just as soon as you possibly can, and only take out a loan if that is allowed in the documentation with no penalties. Don’t ever borrow from anyone other than highly respected, and properly regulated institutions. If you have never heard of them, don’t touch them with a barge pole.
- Never, ever, ever borrow on a credit card, for any reason whatsoever. Only buy something on your plastic if you can afford to pay for it in hard cash right there and then, and always pay off all your card debt in full every single month. The interest rates on credit cards are stupidly high. Anyone who says using a credit card / line of credit to consolidate your borrowing is a crook.
- On the other hand, I buy everything on plastic. I do that for 3 reasons #1 I get good points which I can use to get other things #2 because I pay off my card bills in full every month, I get 1 month’s free credit #3 if I have a dispute with the seller, then in the UK the card company will, at the end of the day, refund me in full in the seller will not, or cannot.
- Save for your retirement, however that works in your country and in your company. Save as much as you can afford for your retirement.
- Never ever trust anyone who tries to sell you any kind of financial product whatsoever. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is. If you don’t understand it, then it’s a scam. Never, ever believe anything you see on the internet ~ especially on YouTube. Everybody lies sometimes, sales people lie all the time. Often they believe their own lies, or they’re to badly educated to understand their own products. (That applies to all sales people.)
We had a mantra when I worked in Banking and Finance in The City of London; ‘My Word Is My Bond’. Sadly that no longer applies anywhere. The world of Savings, Loans, Credit Cards, Banking, Finance, The Stock Markets, Real Estate….. are today full of the ignorant, dishonest, liars, charlatans, confidence tricksters, and crooks.
We had another saying in the City of London caveat emptor; which is Latin for Let the Buyer Beware.
being in control of your finances is a great stress reliever
Next to being in a dysfunctional relationship, money troubles are the commonest cause of severe stress. Sadly, dysfunctional relationships and money troubles often go together.
There are four sets of reasons that may have caused your money troubles;
- Misfortune. This is not your fault, You may have lost your job, have uninsured medical expenses, your ex may have never paid child maintenance, your water heater may have exploded in a cloud of steam…..
- Laziness and Stupidity. You never open your mail, you don’t check your balance when you withdraw cash from the ATM, you can’t be bothered to balance your cheque book, you don’t bother to look for the thriftier items when you go to the supermarket…..
- Compulsive Spending. You max out your credit cards and then get another, your favorite pastime is shopping, when you’re stressed you go shopping, you buy shoes you will never wear, you’ve bought a car you can’t afford, you buy stuff you don’t really want, need, or already have…..
- Addictions. Maybe this is where things get really, really bad. You’re a drunk and you spend a fortune on booze in bars and supermarkets. You’re a drug addict, you’re always jonesing for your drug of choice, and you would do anything to get your next fix, including spending the rent on coke. You’re a gambler and when you’re in a casino you lose track of time and money. You’re a sex addict and pay for a fuck or a suck, and you’re addicted to on-line porn and sex-chat…..
So you’re flat broke, have bills to pay, and you are very, very stressed, suicidally so. So WTF can you do?
- Stay calm, make yourself a cup of tea, sit down, get a pen and paper and make some notes.
- Work out exactly how much you owe in outstanding debt, including all your credit cards, parking fines ~ basically write down and add up every single penny you owe. Depressing isn’t it?
- Work out exactly how much is the bare minimum amount a month you need to live on, including food, rent, utilities, car repayments, insurance, parking, and petrol, (gas). Compare that with how much you’ve got coming in, and if you’ve got less coming in than you will have going out, find something on your list you don’t need to buy.
- Find the nearest discount grocery store, and resolve to shop nowhere but there in future, and to buy only their cheapest stuff, providing it’s nutritious.
- Contact your bank, finance, and credit card companies and see if they can help you by deferring or reducing repayments.
- STOP FUCKING BUYING NON ESSENTIAL STUFF. If you have to, then cut up all your credit cards.
- Find a way to recover from your addiction. If you have to go to a couple of AA, or NA, or GA meetings a day then get your butt down there. Take part. STOP doing whatever it is that you’re addicted to; if it’s booze or drugs you may need medical help.
Some say that something good will turn up soon. And that the Micawber Principle is a load of bullshit anyway. All I know is that one shouldn’t throw good money down the drain.
it isn’t this pensioner’s fault that she’s broke
you should have her worries
some say that crime does not pay
After I was burgled just a while ago, I’ve had to spend three hours at the police station ~ witness statement, victim statement, and going through about 20 pages of supporting documentation.
The police are optimistic of finding the criminals from CCTV footage when they used my credit cards ~ and then I’ll have to testify in court.
I’m a bit stressed, tired and depressed this afternoon.
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.
I need a new plan. The one I’ve been using this past week doesn’t work.
On the other hand, I’ve been driven by events, rather than choosing my own path.
Having your home broken into kind of does that to you. In some ways it’s not the invasion, nor the fact that my stuff was taken, it’s all the
fucking damned paperwork and admin that follows a burglary that has really been depressing me. And, I’ll give you one very important piece of advice, never throw away any bill, or receipt, or piece of correspondence. Keep every fucking piece of paper in organised files for at least 6 years. If you don’t then you’ll spend forever sorting out the paperwork when some unforeseen event or disaster happens.
I just have, and mine was only a little robbery, not some huge fucking disaster.
Hopefully, things will be better for me in the next few days.
Lying, cheating, and stealing are next door neighbours.
Sometime earlier this week someone got into the garret and stole some of my stuff.
There was no damage to my door, so at first I thought I’d just lost my wallet and cash. That prompted me to spend a whole day searching for wallet / cash…..
But, I’d been robbed of my wallet with a couple of credit cards, my drivers licence, some other identity cards, and about £100 in cash. I also lost my cell phone, a couple of hundred US Dollars, about 5,000 Turkish Lire, a watch, and some other bits and pieces
I’ve spent all morning on the ‘phone sorting out my banks and reporting the theft to the police.
Even then I’m not finished restoring my life ~ for example I need a new cell phone.
I feel sorry for Marmaduke, who was alone in the garret at the time of the robbery
When you are drinking, the mood swings can be horrific.
I started drinking when I started working in the City of London in 1982. Back then, high-powered banking was a vicious trade, swimming in booze. And my drinking got worse when I began my role in International Finance in about 1990. What do you do at an airport during a four-hour layover? This has left me with a chronic alcohol problem ~ which might not be so bad if my body could still handle booze.
One strong beer will get me incredibly buzzed, and needing another drink or a dozen. It doesn’t happen often, but even once more will be one more time too many.
Even that might not be so bad if I was a happy drunk, but I’m not. If I drink I suffer from terrible mood swings ~ and horrible paranoia, depression, and aggression. I take what I hear in my own mind far too seriously and personally. Being who I am, my bad mood comes out only in words, not anything physical. I suppose that’s one saving grace.
Perhaps the mood swings come even before I take a drink.
I know that I can’t ever touch booze again, and I need to work on that.
With the help of my higher power I may just be successful.
Even one IPA is far too strong for me now.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
In The Merchant of Venice Shakespeare explores the dangers of borrowing money, and in Hamlet, Shakespeare says; ‘neither a borrower nor a lender be…..’ And, especially think twice, and twice again before borrowing money from a friend. Think about what you need the most ~ the friendship or the money, for money is often the cause of acrimony and breakups of even the closest of relationships. Your friend may not charge you financial interest on the sums you borrow, but there are likely to be charges and obligations other than strictly monetary.
In order of the least to most desirable lenders from whom you could think of approaching are;
- Friends and lovers. Borrow from a friend and be prepared to soon lose a friend.
- Parents and family.
- Payday Lenders, who will charge you usuary rates of interest ~ 250% to over 1,000% per annum.
- Guarantor Lenders. If you have a poor credit rating you could get a friend or family member to guarantee your loan. These are doubly bad, with all the disadvantages of actually borrowing from friends, lovers, parents and family ~ plus very high rates of interest 50% per annum being about the norm.
- Credit card debt. These insidious borrowings can cost you 25% or more over a year ~ if you go on using that card you may never be debt free.
- Bank loans. If your bank will lend you money you may expect to pay a low rate of interest, maybe between 3% and 10% per annum.
- Mortgages and other secured loans from your bank or a mortgage company / broker. Personally, I could get a mortgage at 2% per annum.
- Car loans. If you should want to buy a new car, many dealers will offer you a car loan at 0%.
And, why do you want a loan anyhow? The very worst reason for borrowing is to feed your addiction; gambling, drugs, booze, sex…. and the second worst reason for borrowing money is to pay off another debt. Both of those are likely to get you into deeper and even worse trouble. Maybe the only good reasons for borrowing are to buy a home, or car, (or in some places to pay medical fees). Vacations, wide-screen TVs, plush furniture, jewellery, fancy clothes, expensive shoes, are all not worth getting yourself into debt for.
So, just beware of borrowing anything from anyone.
Some say a fool and his money are soon parted. And that a man in love never counts the cost of anything. All I know is that Shakespeare was a pretty smart guy.
Maybe a convertible Mustang isn’t the most prudent purchase.
There is scarcely anything that will drag you down like debt.
Basically there are two ways we can have more cash to spend on the things we really like, want, and desire ~ one is to go out and get more money, earn it, marry it, inherit it, steal it….
The other way to have more cash to spend on the things we really like is to spend less on ‘essentials’ ~ the things we have to buy to survive.
For if we remember our Dickens and what Mr. Micawber said in David Copperfield, happiness lies in spending less than we earn, and unhappiness lies in spending more than we actually have.
There are some tried and tested ways to spend less on the boring essentials. In my quest for minimalistic living, I have personal, (sometimes very bitter), experience of all of these following ideas:
- Live in a smaller place. Smaller homes cost less to buy, attract lower property taxes, and use less utilities; water, gas, electricity.
- If you can, switch your utilities provider to a better and cheaper company. All utilities companies are money-grabbing vultures, but try to choose the best of a bad lot.
- Drive a smaller car. Smaller cars are less expensive to buy and insure, and in general use much less gas than a bigger car with more weight and a bigger engine. If you buy a classic smaller car, as opposed to the latest model, then you won’t even suffer from depreciation.
- Switch your car insurance to a better and cheaper company.
- Learn some DIY skills. You don’t have to use expensive and useless contractors, car mechanics, cleaners, or gardeners. It’s cheaper and better if you do as much as you can for yourself.
- Cut out impulse purchases. On impulse, too many of us buy too much stuff that we don’t actually need, want, or really like. All that stuff clutters up our home and convinces us that we need to move to a bigger place.
- Don’t marry a sexy trophy wife, (or toy boy), who will also want you to move into a bigger place. A trophy wife, (or toy boy), will end up costing you most of your treasure, and you’ll end up with a broken heart.
- Don’t try to buy love. It doesn’t work, it will cost you a fortune, and you’ll end up with a broken heart.
- Control your addictions….. booze, drugs, gambling, pornography, casual sex, smoking….. All of these will all cost you just about everything you have, including your self-respect.
- Resist the urge to have the latest and most expensive technologies. You don’t need a huge TV, costly cable, the newest computer, the best tablet, the most expensive iPhone with the most expensive contract.
- Buy whole foods rather than processed, heavily packaged, and generally bad for you costly crap.
- Buy generic brands. Trust me, I’ve been into factories where the expensive labels and generic brands are actually made on the same production line with exactly the same content. Only the packaging is different.
- If you can, then buy in bulk.
- Stop going out to lunch at work, instead take a packed lunch. Those people you go to lunch with are probably boring and certainly aren’t your real friends anyway. And, if you’re an average guy the women you take to lunch are never going to have sex with you, so you’re wasting your time and money.
- Don’t join a gym. Most of the people who have gym membership never go there. For great exercise take a long walk in the sunshine instead.
- Visit thrift stores, and if you find clothes you like, then save money and buy ‘pre-loved’ stuff.
- Don’t give to a big charity. (Have you any idea how much the bosses of the big charities pay themselves? The average pay across the top 100 charities is more than £250,000 a year, plus huge bonuses.)
- Don’t spend all your time drinking in pubs and bars ~ the booze is expensive there, and nobody in your favourite pub is your real friend anyway.
And finally, don’t spend on borrowed money, especially credit cards which all charge usury rates of interest. Credit cards are NOT money. Really, really, really NEVER use a payday lender, which all charge eye-watering criminal rates of interest.
You can probably think of some other money-saving tips of your own. For a month try making a note of what you actually spend your hard-earned on ~ I guarantee that you will be surprised and shocked. Learn what you actually spend your money on, and then you can start to control your finances.
Some say that money can’t buy happiness. And that a fool and his money are soon parted. All I know is that having money makes misery more bearable.
you can take the idea of living in a tiny home to the extreme…..
Only I can change my life ~ no one can do it for me.
Life is about change. Without change, without variety, without some stress in Life, all will stultify and diminish. Without change there can be no growth, and without growth and development all things will wither away and die.
I will not meddle with that which I cannot mend. ~ Thomas Fuller
But, as the Serenity prayer tells us, there are some things that we cannot change, some things that have to be accepted, and the wise learn to know the difference. I can think of a myriad of people, places, and things I cannot change. In reality no one can change another person, unless that other absolutely wants to change. This is why it is mostly pointless trying to talk to most addicts in an effort to make them change their ways. This is why many relationships, and many marriages, end in failure and recriminations. This is why there are wars.
A while ago I resolved to stop trying to change others and instead decided to work on myself to become a better person. That is now my lifetime’s project, and it doesn’t always go smoothly. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all. Sometimes I make progress, and sometimes I go backwards a couple of steps or more ~ it’s like a man walking into a gale, sometimes he wins and sometimes the storm wins. In the last few days I think the wind won more than I did. In the last few days I went with the wind and my negative emotions, and that meant I really staggered in the wrong direction. In other words I totally fucked-up, again. For me, going with the flow is usually the wrong choice.
Life will do it’s best to deceive you. You may get knocked down, but you must always get up again. The mark of a really great boxer is not that he never gets knocked down. A really great boxer can get knocked down, but he will always get up again. And that’s up to and including Mohammed Ali in his all prime and pomp.
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.’ ~ Thomas Edison
The English language is filled with wise sayings, allegories, parables, and proverbs. As you would expect a lot are by Churchill; ‘To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often…’ Then from Scotland we have the allegory of Robert the Bruce and the spider, which gave us the saying; ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again…’ But we also have almost the converse of that saying…
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. ~ Albert Einstein.
The Goddess knows I have been there often enough ~ every time I took a drink I expected it to be different from the last time, and it never was. But, somehow I usually got away with it.
Back in my illustrious career in banking I once went into a meeting on Madison Avenue with no ideas and nothing but blank pieces of paper in my briefcase. I had got good and drunk in the Plaza the night before, so I both looked and felt far from my very my best. But I stood up in front of the board of the world’s biggest advertising agency and tried just one more time. I told them not what they wanted to hear, but what I wanted to make happen. It worked. The thing is I didn’t give up, and I didn’t try to change anything except myself.
After that almost debacle I resolved to make a big change by giving up banking for good. It was the wrong change ~ I should have given up booze for good. Back then I didn’t have enough serenity within me to even think about being sober for life.
Right now, today, all I try to do is be the best Jack Collier I can be, sober. That is difficult enough for anyone. I realise that life is difficult and painful. I know that the causes of my problems and pain are my own cravings, lusts, and the blaming others for my faults. I now know that I can’t change others and I can’t change what happens to me, but I can change what I do, and how I react to people places, and events.
I know that the warrior’s road to freedom from continual distress, pain, and suffering is through self-discipline in body, mind, spirit… and that’s a hard road to walk in honour, honesty, and truth. I try to always walk that road, and often I fail. But, at least I try, and perhaps not one in ten men even do that.
The world and the sky is ours if we want it enough.