Waiting for Something Good to Happen

surely nothing else can go wrong
because all this is slowly tearing me apart

Losing and feeling helpless isn’t something I’m good at.  I never lost a business contract that I really wanted to win.  I’ve never done unrequited love, if she didn’t want me I’d walk away and never look back.  And I have never let people ruin my life with the specious argument that we are all going to die if we don’t behave like good little boys and girls and go to our rooms when we are told to.  Come to that I have never let some spotty jerk tell me I can’t get on a flight I have paid for, not when I had every fucking piece of documentation imaginable.

It’s smegging unimaginable that the politicians supposedly running this once great country are seriously debating whether or not they should Cancel Christmas.  This must be a bad dream.  But no, if you read the news today there are far too many health officials and government advisors saying that if we have fun at Christmas we will all die.  And WE MUST PROTECT the NHS. This is the world we live in today.

I thought that the National Health Service existed to protect me, not the fucking other way around.

And our fathers fought and died for this.

It’s not as though my personal life is any better.  Once again I will be spending the holidays alone in the garret.  I haven’t actually spoken to another human being for weeks, not in person.  And as for romance?  No fucking chance.

I am wondering what I have to do to make something sensible and enjoyable out of my life.  I remember what it was like to have fun.  I  even remember what it was like to know love.  I just don’t think I will ever have those good things again.  I see years and years of being alone, stretching on and on and on.  I just can’t take this.

You know what?  Right now I think I’d do just about anything to get out of here.


jack collier


is the prison only in my mind

or is it real?

9 responses

  1. What Sindee and Miss Amelia said. I couldn’t express it better. Sending heartfelt hopes for some light in the darkness…💗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Many, many thanks. Much love to you. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. My heart aches for you. I’m lucky and have a tight network of family close. Wish I could give you a Huge Hug. I know how our minds can play horrible tricks on us. I thought I had nothing to look forward to or live for once. It was a horribly dark time, that almost cost me everything, including my life. PLEASE hear me, it won’t always be this way. It is today, and probably tomorrow and for some unknown time in the future, but NOT always. Find lightness in things that bring you even the tiniest pleasure. Know you are thought of and cared for by someone you’ve never even met. 💋

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Little Sister, you have always brought light into my darkness. Often I have felt the warmth of your good thoughts towards me. Your kindness and love have gladdened my heart. ❤
      Yesterday was the culmination of a dark time in my life, my feelings came to a crisis, but that has now passed and left me with a determination to fight to make things better.
      Thank you for everything Amelia. Much love to you. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are an extremely kind man. Thank you for bringing your light into my life, even when you only see darkness. 💋

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Today is a much better day, even though the sun isn’t shining, I still feel warm inside. ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Perfect! My day is a bit foggy. My baby girl moves out today to begin her new life adventure. I’m happy for her, but heartbroken for me.

            Liked by 2 people

  3. The prison is the mind. Especially, when your alone. The mind gives one all sorts of thoughts good and bad. Usually, the bad ones and the ones we dwell on. Trying to stay positive when alone is very difficult. Try to remember the kind and good things that are out in the world waiting on your arrival after this damn pandemic is slowed down or even comes to a halt. some day the sun will be out and we shall be glad this crap is over until then dream and think of good tidings and joy.
    the sun will come out tomorrow andrea mcardle

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sindee, some day the sun will shine again. Until then I will light a candle against the darkness. You stay safe and warm Sweetheart ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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