surely nothing else can go wrong
because all this is slowly tearing me apart
Losing and feeling helpless isn’t something I’m good at. I never lost a business contract that I really wanted to win. I’ve never done unrequited love, if she didn’t want me I’d walk away and never look back. And I have never let people ruin my life with the specious argument that we are all going to die if we don’t behave like good little boys and girls and go to our rooms when we are told to. Come to that I have never let some spotty jerk tell me I can’t get on a flight I have paid for, not when I had every fucking piece of documentation imaginable.
It’s smegging unimaginable that the politicians supposedly running this once great country are seriously debating whether or not they should Cancel Christmas. This must be a bad dream. But no, if you read the news today there are far too many health officials and government advisors saying that if we have fun at Christmas we will all die. And WE MUST PROTECT the NHS. This is the world we live in today.
I thought that the National Health Service existed to protect me, not the fucking other way around.
And our fathers fought and died for this.
It’s not as though my personal life is any better. Once again I will be spending the holidays alone in the garret. I haven’t actually spoken to another human being for weeks, not in person. And as for romance? No fucking chance.
I am wondering what I have to do to make something sensible and enjoyable out of my life. I remember what it was like to have fun. I even remember what it was like to know love. I just don’t think I will ever have those good things again. I see years and years of being alone, stretching on and on and on. I just can’t take this.
You know what? Right now I think I’d do just about anything to get out of here.
is the prison only in my mind
or is it real?