it’s disorder, not a decision

this rather chaotic artwork is in the Getty Villa

Here in England we are being governed by Chaos Theory, The Butterfly Effect, and the Chicken Little Syndrome.  Princess Nut Nut, (aka Carrie Symonds), has an unwarranted influence on the Prime Minister, and Michael Gove has lost his marbles.  On leaving the European Union we will have an energy policy completely based on offshore wind farms, and an agriculture policy written by green activists who have never even got their hands dirty.  The official response to the supposed coronavirus pandemic ranges from hysteria to blatant propaganda, all based on whatever the ‘scientists’ say today.

It’s all a bit Kafkaesque, George Orwell, and the Book of Revelations.  It could be worse; I could live in the Police State of Wales, where pubs are not allowed to serve alcohol.

Amazingly, I am now handling all of this insanity surprisingly well.  The social distancing, limited support bubble, no hugging, no sex rules don’t affect me much.  I live alone in my seaside garret, I recently broke up with my long-term long-distance ‘friend’, and my only family is somewhat estranged.  However, I do feel for those trying to live a more ‘normal’ life.  There is frustration and tragedy out there ~ I can imagine how I would have felt if I was prohibited from visiting my dying father in his care home, and I can imagine how I would feel if I was prohibited from meeting my girl-friend.  There was a ’70’s movie called No Sex Please We’re British it’s not so funny anymore.

Back in the day my life was utter chaos, governed by the butterfly effect, all overlaid with a semblance of order.  I had a mantra; I am an utterly cool guy, living a really great life…..  And if you know anything at all you know that any man who has a mantra like that is drowning in a sea of troubles and confusion.  Up until last week I was beset by doubts, fears, frustrations, jealousies, and resentments ~ and that was just the chaos and turmoil running around in my mind like a frantic hamster-wheel.  Up until last week I was mired in a slough of despond.

The really smart people eventually realise that their life is fucking shit, and sooner or later do something about it.  The snag is that whatever you do is going to involve some pain and loss.  Completely breaking with chaos hurts.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

tunnel vision is not a solution to anything