Days of Future’s Past

a shared memory is worth a thousand words

sometimes, silence is golden

Reality is not what we think it is.  People are not who we believe them to be.  Memories are not real, and past only exists in memories.  The future doesn’t yet exist, despite that almost everything we do is directed by what we want the future to be.  And were it not for all that then the present would be very different from the Now we create for ourselves.

Suppose your much loved partner tells you something dark, difficult, and perhaps reprehensible about their past?  The usual reaction, particularly the way men usually react, is to take that thing in your partner’s past and bring it right into the present.  We can get angry and jealous about something that happened before we even knew our supposedly much loved partner.  Retroactive Jealousy is real, powerful, and destructive.  People also get angry with people who hurt their partner in the past, and then because they can’t do anything about that they get angry with their partner instead.  Dragging the past into the present changes the Now, and then most likely goes on to change the future as well.

Conversely we can take our wants, needs, dreams, and desires, which only exist in an infinite number of possible futures, and drag them right into the present to create expectations.  We may have a great relationship with someone, but then we think of the way we want things to be, and create for ourselves a slew of unrealistic expectations.  What we have is what we have.  What we want and desire only exists in the future.  Basing the Now on what might happen in one of an infinite number of possible futures is a recipe for insane unhappiness.

Some ancient cultures believe that the Past, Present, and Future exist and happen all at the same time.  Quantum physics pretty much says that too.  But if we live in the days of future’s past we are going to get very unhappy very quickly.

To avoid being continually angry, jealous, miserable, resentful, and single it’s important to live in the Now.  To do that we have to learn acceptance and understanding.  We have to stop being jealous and judgmental.  We might want to learn about meditation and mindfulness.

Trust me.  I have made every single mistake I’ve talked about above, and then some.

I am very lucky I am not alone and lonely in this Now.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

lonely, unloved, alone

10 responses

  1. Oddly, one of my best friends is in a situation right now that reads like your post. I cannot help with more than prayers and good wishes, he’s a grownup and I wish I could protect him, but I cannot. What was said above, ‘not that one has to forget the past but it s best left there.’ is gold.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sindee is pretty smart ~ but a man is always the agent of his own destruction.
      We can’t protect people, and sometimes wee can’t even offer them any advice to a friend because it’s more likely to make our friend angry than do any immediate good.
      Kris, you have a good heart ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Sir, you are making me blush “Sindee is pretty smart” Thank You

        Liked by 1 person

  2. not that one has to forget the past but it s best left there.
    my ex used to get mad because i live for the moment and do not plan my future well.
    i still look forward to tomorrow to see what it ill bring. but i do enjoy living for this moment thru out the day. For nothing is promised. live today for it is here.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like your remark “it’s best left there.” 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    2. All the Mindfulness gurus say that we only live life to the full if we live in the now.
      My big fault was being jealous of the past, which is so pointless.
      Today is what we’ve got, so enjoy it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. have a great day i shall be thinking of a happy Jack
        Today is my day for putting u Christmas decorations.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Cool Sweetheart. ❤
          Here in England we don't put up the decorations at home until December

          Like

  3. Profound and insightful. Thanks for this cuisine for thought and reflection. Well-expressed – and frankly a lot more on target about emotional experience than the output of many “mindfulness” scribes. 💕

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Jan. Sometimes men act in some very strange ways, and it’s because our linear thinking tends to bring the Past, Present, and Future together. I could very easily be jealous of a man my partner knew years before she met me. But, like all men, I should not live in days of future’s past. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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