deep down we already know the truth, we merely have to accept it
not all is well if she ignores you on a date
I needed to write this because the story of my life that has been related within these posts has always been true, but not necessarily the whole truth. At times the whole truth was too distressing for me to accept and understand, let alone write about.
At times my life demanded more of my inner resources than I had to give. And, when I failed and fell off the warriors path I risked doing far more damage than just scraping my knee. There was a time, years that ended just a few days ago, when being a sacrificial animal on the alter of someone else’s toxic wants, needs, and desires was an integral part of my mindset. Self-neglect resulting in unhappiness, depression, alcoholism, and physical illness also cost me a hell of a lot of time and money. I have now come to accept that some manipulative people can make being in a dysfunctional relationship seem perfectly normal. Of course, for a man like me that devious person had to be a woman ~ perhaps more than one woman. We go on making the same mistakes until we accept and understand our own denial. That is part of my truth.
I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives. ~ Leo Tolstoy
Fortunately my mindset has changed. I can’t take much credit for that, but now I am seeking and finding real balance in my life, the critical differences that can prevent me from falling off the cliff and hitting yet another rock bottom. The critical differences between living well and living foolishly.
It’s time for me to practice self-care and self-love instead of martyrdom and victim-hood. I haven’t forgotten that these are not easy battles to win ~ not least because of my own previous denial. It’s difficult to admit the whole truth to others when you are lying to yourself. And from time to time I got drunk and went off-line just to escape from the truth, just to escape from a dysfunctional ‘friendship’ for a while.
Deep down I always knew the whole truth, I merely had to accept it.
Some say that it’s better to live with soft lies than learn from hard truths. And that having half a loaf is better than no bread. All I know is that if I accept the truth and live with it my heart will be at peace.
not all is well is she dates much younger men
not when she’s supposed to be dating you