write in haste, repent at leisure

the wreckage of relationships

How many times have I wished there was an unsend function on emails?  How many times have I published a blog post and gone back to trash it a few days later?  And, I have lost count of the number of times I’ve made telephone calls while intoxicated, or chatted with people when I shouldn’t have.  Perhaps telephones and computers should come with a built-in sobriety check like they are thinking of fitting to new cars.  Or, perhaps I shouldn’t look to technology to make up for my own stupid mistakes and failings.

I just trashed a couple of my latest negative blogs, which is easy to do but doesn’t undo any of the hurt they may have caused.  And, I read through my emails over the past few days, and repairing any damage I’ve done with those is going to need a lot of careful thought.  There is no unsend function on email systems.

Reality says that everyone has a darker side, the part of them that suffers from a lack of self-love, the inner demons of character defects, that deep dark cellar that mostly imprisons the ghosts of the past.  With most people that darker side stays hidden for most of the time.  With me the dark side has been set free far too often in recent weeks and months.

There are a myriad of excuses.  Like the whole world is going to hell in a handcart.  I’ve been lonely and alone under lockdown in the garret for months.  I could have had better parenting…..  The bottom line is there is nobody to blame for my mistakes except me.

Years ago there was one common theme running through my school reports and career assessments; ‘…..an excellent year.  But he could do much better if he tried…..’

I am going to have to try to do a lot better in future.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

my Mr. Hyde has been set free far too often

and my elixir is alcohol