nobody can be right all the time
It takes a lot for me to admit that I just don’t know ~ honestly saying to someone that I don’t have all the answers is difficult for me. Appearing to be less than perfectly in control is an uncomfortable feeling and it takes a lot of guts for me to go there. Admitting that I’m out of my depth, that I’m at a loss, that I haven’t got a clue what to do next, seems to me to show weakness. In the hard-knock schools I was brought up in, to show weakness was to invite ridicule, persecution, bullying. Even in my most senior roles in business, to be weak meant that you went to the wall.
To ask someone else for help, and genuinely mean that I needed help, has never been something that came easily to me. In all of my life I guess the only people I have ever asked for help have been doctors and….. nope, that’s it, doctors.
Well, now I need help, and the only thing I can think of to do is to pray, and sincerely mean my prayers. It’s day 42 of lockdown, and because I was sick before March 23rd this is actually the 48th day I have been in quarantine / self-isolation. I am emotionally and spiritually bereft. I have a serious mental / emotional / relationship problem to deal with, and I’ve got nothing. The well is fucking empty. And me, the guy who can do anything, hasn’t got a clue what to do.
It’s like I’ve been driving in a great car, along a good straight road, through cool countryside by the ocean ~ and suddenly I’m standing there in the desert. Alone. And it’s hot, harsh, brutal, empty, and silent.
Where do I go from here?
I don’t have a clue.
some deserts are pretty
right now mine is just brutal