I Need Help

nobody can be right all the time

It takes a lot for me to admit that I just don’t know ~ honestly saying to someone that I don’t have all the answers is difficult for me.  Appearing to be less than perfectly in control is an uncomfortable feeling and it takes a lot of guts for me to go there.  Admitting that I’m out of my depth, that I’m at a loss, that I haven’t got a clue what to do next, seems to me to show weakness.  In the hard-knock schools I was brought up in, to show weakness was to invite ridicule, persecution, bullying.  Even in my most senior roles in business, to be weak meant that you went to the wall.

To ask someone else for help, and genuinely mean that I needed help, has never been something that came easily to me.  In all of my life I guess the only people I have ever asked for help have been doctors and…..  nope, that’s it, doctors.

Well, now I need help, and the only thing I can think of to do is to pray, and sincerely mean my prayers.  It’s day 42 of lockdown, and because I was sick before March 23rd this is actually the 48th day I have been in quarantine / self-isolation.  I am emotionally and spiritually bereft.  I have a serious mental / emotional / relationship problem to deal with, and I’ve got nothing.  The well is fucking empty.  And me, the guy who can do anything, hasn’t got a clue what to do.

It’s like I’ve been driving in a great car, along a good straight road, through cool countryside by the ocean ~ and suddenly I’m standing there in the desert.  Alone.  And it’s hot, harsh, brutal, empty, and silent.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t have a clue.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

some deserts are pretty

right now mine is just brutal

15 responses

  1. Thank God for the sunshine… You too Jack, easy on yourself. 🤗

    Like

  2. My heart goes out to you. Feeling emotionally, physically, mentally bereft, i identify with that. Not easy. I dont have a quick fix, no remedy besides for me, a nap. My Dad always said that things look better in the morning. In the meantime, i was to be kind to myself. We are our own harshest critic. Spoil yourself, for yourself, and then for all those that are not able to, in this lockdown period.
    I send warm regards from a full moonlight South African night.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words and warm thoughts. Love and kindest regards from a sunny English afternoon. Look after yourself Darling. 🌺🌺🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh honey, thanks for sharing. I can totally relate! In my world – admitting that you need something, was a sure way of someone noticing and using that very thing against you to play you like a puppet…. But I’m here to help… What a sad reality that we live in a world where the one thing that will help us heal – being vulnerable with people that can help us heal, is also the thing that can lead to your total annihialition… I believe it is now more important than ever to be kind to one another, heal one another, reach out, lift up…and also perhaps the time to be vulnerable with one another so we can do those things for each other. You’ve always been so kind to me. Let me do the same for you. Keep talking, keep sharing… None of what you write here will ever leave the wordpress world…because we all have virtual identities…Use that opportunity to talk and talk and share until all the hurt you’ve kept inside of you has been bled onto the pages of your blog…So that people like me can read it and help you heal from it, move forward….have hope again. You are such an amazing person. I know you will be just fine. Sending so much love, comfort and hugs your way my friend…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am speechless with gratitude and hope.
      Thank you for your kind words and healing thoughts. ❤❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Jack. I have no answer. But a lot of caring and imagined hugs. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And you know about Life, Love, and Healing Emotional Trauma ~ so if you have no answer….. Thank you for caring and for your well-imagined hugs. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  5. I think many of us were raised to be pull ourselves up all by ourselves or else sorts. You are brave to ask for help. It is a difficult thing to do. This whole world is in crisis, we have to have hope and faith in ourselves, each other, and for me, my God.
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kris, I know we will crawl out of this abyss, but when you’re in the slough of despond things don’t look so bright. I pray that all those I care for stay safe. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree. I’m glad I am able to be out in the yard so much. So thankful for that!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I have posted a Sunday song….did u read the words? I suggest to just focus on urself. Quarantine will be over b4 u know it Jack😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweetheart. I know things will get better for all of us. ❤

      Like

      1. I’m hoping so🌻

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Be kind to yourself, Jack. No one ever has all the answers. Especially now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oftentimes I judge myself too harshly.
      Thank you Mermaid 💖

      Liked by 1 person

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