True Love Isn’t A Deal

a calm sea never made a skilful sailor

if you survive a toxic relationship you will be stronger for it

Most relationships are deals, they arise out necessity, they arise out of wants, needs, and desires.  In these relationships, be they business related, friendships, sexual, or romantic, each person has needs, demands, requests, and expectations.  They want what they want and they want to give just enough in return to keep the relationship alive ~ if not always healthy.  These relationships are usually one-sided with one person giving much more than they receive in return.  They are about what you can get, and not at all about what you can give.  Some call these transactional relationships ~ and that’s buying and selling.

Most self-help and self-development books, podcasts, and seminars are all about how to win in a one-sided transactional relationship.

In a relationship, no amount of extra effort on your part can make up for the lack of effort on theirs.  ~  John Mark Green.

No wonder so many ‘romantic’ relationships and marriages end on the rocks.

In the average transactional relationship there are conditions around everything ~ it’s all an ‘I’ll do this if you do that…..’  And the weight of each thing that each party brings to the relationship is carefully weighed and measured.

The very sad thing is that many people don’t know any better, because they themselves are the result of this kind of dysfunctional deal making relationship.  The chances are that their parents did exactly the same kind of things that they are doing now.

Each of us has a set of hard-wired programs in our subconscious mind, and these programs dictate how we think, feel, react, and act in any given situation.  Mostly these programs are created within us before we are seven years of age, and guess who inculcates most of this stuff into our innocent subconsciousness ~ our parents.

People who come from dysfunctional families are destined for a dysfunctional life.  ~  Bo Bennet.

The tendency towards living in a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship is a family illness, in the same way that a tendency towards alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, promiscuity, and violence are family illnesses.  And you know what?  All of the above go together and can be often be found in one or both parties in most toxic relationships.

The other side of the coin to a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship can only come about through both parties giving unconditional affection, acceptance, friendship, support, respect, understanding and love to themselves and each other.  And, my friends, that is very rare indeed.  Some call this a transformational relationship, and if you are lucky enough to be in that kind of situation then you have indeed found your soul-mate.

Some say that they wouldn’t trust their lying partner out of their sight for an instant.  And that their husband / wife is a controlling asshole.  All I know is that a healthy relationship is based on unconditional trust.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

happiness comes in waves

2 responses

  1. This hits very close to home… 😢

    And I wonder. Will I ever feel strong, instead of damaged…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You will feel strong RedCat. I know you well enough to be confident that you will soon feel free, strong, confident, and undamaged.
      You are in my thoughts. 🌹🌹🌹

      Like

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