the easiest person to deceive is one’s own self

patience is not always a virtue

Who are you?  Wife, partner, girl-friend, mother, daughter, homemaker, servant, doctor, nurse, lover, whore…..  None of that is you, they are just descriptions, they are just roles you play, for all your world is a stage and in your life you will play a myriad roles.  And none of them are you, all of them are false and but masks you wear.

From the moment we are born we start to lose our identity, we are imprinted with the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of those around us, particularly those of our parents, teachers, and other care-givers.  We are taught the first roles we are expected to play, and none of them are truly who we are.

When was the last time you sat quietly and thought about yourself, were brutally honest with yourself, looked at your own behaviours, traits, style, beliefs, attitudes, where you are in life, and what you sacrifice of yourself to satisfy others?  When did you last know who you truly are?

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is.  The most important product of his effort is to be himself.  ~  Erich Fromm

We need to make a big effort understand ourselves better, and once we understand ourselves we will be able to improve by optimising our strengths and working on our weaknesses.  We need to learn to be be ourselves, and not the actor that others want and expect us to be.

Decide who you are and who you want to be.  Forget other people’s priorities, ignore their wants, needs, desires, and unrealistic expectations of you, and think about yourself for a change.  Unless your world is populated by saints and angels, then everyone you know has expectations of you, and those expectations are not always in your best interest.

Particularly if you are married or in a relationship you will almost never be yourself, mostly you will be who your partner needs, wants, desires, and expects you to be.  If you are in a dysfunctional and toxic relationship you will diminish and sacrifice yourself for the sake of peace, to avoid being shouted at, to avoid being mentally abused, to avoid being physically abused.

I might suggest that if you are in a dysfunctional relationship, and you don’t want to lose yourself completely, then you should find a way to get out ~ very soon.

Spend time to discover all the ways in which you play different roles to satisfy the expectations of others, and then decide to chuck all of that stuff in the trash.  Decide to be yourself, even if you don’t yet know who that is.

Some say that you can get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.  And that if they make a wish then things will be safe in the morning.  All I know is that the most liberating decision of my life was to be myself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

meeting the expectations of others leaves our true self tied up in knots