The Perils of Living Alone

we realise we are all alone when we need others the most

Gary Cooper in High Noon

Discharged from hospital and back at the garret much earlier than I expected.  At first it was very quiet and very strange in here, after the organised hustle and bustle at the hospital.  It was also cold, the heating was off, maybe I turned it off before I left.  The thing is, if you live alone you are completely responsible for what happens in your place.

The first time you try living alone can be both strange and exhilarating.  In theory you can do whatever you want whenever you want.  You can stay up late watching TV, or you might work through the night on your latest creative project with no threat of interruption.  You can decorate your place however you like.  If you want to be sexually promiscuous you can bring whomsoever you want back to your place, and if you want to smoke pot and drink all night you can do that too.  You don’t have to clean the place except when it suits you, and if you want to you can stay in bed all weekend.

The astute among you may have noticed a worrying trend in what I’ve just said.  If you live alone it’s very easy to lose control and start living the life of a lazy hedonist, and many who live alone adopt that lifestyle for the whole of the rest of their short, sad, dangerous, reprehensible lives.  There is another issue with living alone, you will have a higher probability of developing a mental illness than those who live with someone else, as long as the someone else is congenial.

For most of the time I have lived alone I have stayed sane and safe, displaying self-control and a sense of self-worth, but…..  every now and again I lost that control and became something of a hedonist alcoholic fool.  The thing is, I have enough money to afford to be a hedonist alcoholic from time to time without worrying about my finances ~ and that’s a dangerous place to be.

Things will be different now, I have put some secure checks and balances in place, I’m in the process of building myself a much stronger support network, and most importantly I don’t really want to suffer that much pain, or be at Death’s door again.  It’s all very well being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, but it’s going to be much better if the things I do are worthwhile and benefit myself and others.  Most of all, I need to look after myself; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I don’t want to find myself back in hospital, not knowing how I got there.

Some say they like to be alone, but hate to be lonely.  And that it’s OK to live a life others don’t understand.  All I know is that if you live alone you have nobody else to blame when things go wrong.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

for some, living alone is very like being in solitary confinement.

36 responses

  1. Really great post, My Friend!! Not something I’m good at! After three days I get cabin fever and want to know when her visit with her daughter will end! Ha! I never thought about the mental illness part of it, but you are right to some people it is like solitary confinement. Loved your lines – “All I know is that if you live alone you have nobody else to blame when things go wrong.” Bravo!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve lived alone on and off for quite a few years. I’m living alone right now, and today I feel pretty crazy. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hear You!! Like those life alert commercials. They do that to scare you and I’m guessing it’s pretty convincing!! Hope you are well on your way to a full recovery, Jack!!
        Chuck

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I hope I’m recovering, it just doesn’t quite feel like it just now. Thanks Chuck.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. It can be hard to be on your own but it can be equally hard to be on your own when surrounded by people. Glad you are back home!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Petra 🌹
      I guess you and I will be found in the kitchen at parties 💖💖💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s the best place 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You know what, I’ll look for you there the next time I’m at a party ❤ 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad to hear you’re better and home again. 🌹

    I struggle with feeling alone, even worse, my depression have made me isolate myself to the point where I lost most friends… Maybe since they didn’t stick around they weren’t real friends, but that doesn’t stop me from painful loneliness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know that I understand completely. 💝
      You have got to try, just try to get through each day, do the best you can each and every day. Do not worry about friends for the time being, look after yourself, like yourself, love yourself. Trust me, eventually real friends will come along. 💖💖💖

      Like

      1. Those last two things. To like and love myself. I thought I could fake it and one day it would feel true.
        Instead it seems to be the gnordic knot I have to solve to save myself…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Sadly, you can’t fake liking and loving yourself. You have to look deep inside and resolve whatever it is that makes you dislike yourself, or worse. I had to deal with being disgusted with myself. 🌹🌹🌹

          Like

  4. You said this on your 4th day in the hospital. Do you think this still?

    “But, if I get though all this with my health intact, it will be a supreme and liberating experience for me; annulling routine expectations, providing new contexts and challenges, widening my horizons and opportunities.  I believe that this scary episode is testing my abilities, nourishing my honesty, individuality, stoicism, irony, humour, fortitude, humility, and the complexity of my character.  I hope I come out of this a much better person.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reminding me ~ we so easily forget things we say when we are fevered. ❤
      Yes, I believe this even more this morning of my first full day after hospital. I don't know if I am a better person, but some things have been strengthened for me; honesty, integrity, individuality….. And some things have gone; fear, paranoia, machismo…..
      Maybe it takes suffering to make a man realise his own mortality and allow him to truly cherish himself and others.
      You know what? I believe that I am a better man than I was a week ago.
      Take care Sweetheart, I think of you, I have prayed for you, insofar as I know how to pray.
      Hugs and warm thoughts ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

      1. Awwww….

        That means the world to me. Thank you!!

        💋❣️🙏🏽

        Liked by 1 person

        1. We each have our own troubles, and we try to deal with then in our own way, but if in dealing with our troubles in the same old way goes on making us unhappy….. Well than it’s time to do something completely different. ❤ 😉

          Like

          1. Agree wholeheartedly. You are absolutely right 💋❣️👍🏽

            Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so thankful you are back in your nest. It is scary to be alone, I learned that after mom died and I was alone in her house. Suddenly, I found myself responsible for a million things I didn’t think about before. It’s sobering to be free from boundaries.
    You will survive and grow from this abrupt change in this new year. I have confidence and faith in you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Kris. It’s not scary for me to be alone in the garret. What was scary was for me to alone inside my own head, when I knew that I had created a living Hades for myself that manifested when I let the fires of my own goodness burn low and the black dog came in from the darkness. You know just how much I cherish our friendship. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I Find many things peaceful when im alone – like travelling but I also find that it Is important to make sure I don’t remove myself too often otherwise I does become an issue

    Liked by 3 people

    1. ‘Wherever we go we take ourselves with us…..’
      I like to travel, but I am becoming far past getting any pleasure from travelling alone.
      Thank you Tall Girl ❤

      Like

  7. I enjoy my own company enough to know I like being alone, but I also recognize the importance of company👌. This is brilliant

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, and I agree with you completely 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Having lived alone and been a hedonist alcoholic from time to time I seem to remember the loneliest place can often be a crowded room.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I certainly know that feeling. 😈

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I am glad you are home. I hope you had someone to visit you in the hospital, because the staff looks at you funny when you get no visitors. May your safety nets work. Yet I hope you don’t need them. It’s funny ain’t it, that you can be home everyday but when are gone for a week, home feels and look different.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The garret seemed strange when I got back here, plus it was bloody cold. I hope I can make this on my own, without needing a safety net, but in the end I just have to stick to the program. I had a visitor, she came a few times, (I think).
      Thanks for all your caring thoughts ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Definitely! It is impossible to rest in a hospital. Lights on 24/7, noise, general discomfort, strangers everywhere. As soon as one falls asleep, the nurse must take vital signs!
    And then they wonder why people can’t sleep 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mermaid, you’ve been there…..
      When I was first admitted I was on 4 hourly observation and they took blood at the same time. I would just doze off to sleep and then I was woken again. Still, I feel a hell of a lot better now than I did when I went in there. And the nurses were very nice. 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Welcome back to your home Jack. Hope you are getting your strength back. One day at a time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sandra. I got into the garret and just collapsed into my favourite chair ~ I feel as weak as a kitten. ❤ 😉

      Like

      1. Healing is usually better is our comfortable surroundings. ❤🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. That is a very profound statement of truth. 😉

          Like

  12. I’m happy to hear you are home! Now you can peacefully rest, recuperate and live healthfully.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m happy to be back in the garret Mermaid. I think rest is first on the agenda. You wouldn’t think I’d have to rest after spending days just lying down in a hospital bed! 😉

      Liked by 2 people

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