Fucked Up Life

recovery is something you have to work at every hour of every day

recovery from a fucked up life is a long road

As I begin to recover from my disastrous and stupid behaviour over the holidays I have been thinking about my life.  In truth I am so ill that I can’t do much else than sit and think.  If you’re very sick then everything is either difficult or impossible.  Add to that crushing depression and you might understand that it’s an achievement for me to be out of bed, washed, shaved, and wearing clean clothes.

My thoughts are slow and faltering, but I believe they are clear, honest, and unafraid to accept the truth.  And the truth is I have fucked up, big time, for years and years.  I have done almost everything bad you can think of that wasn’t illegal.  I haven’t stolen, taken drugs, been physically violent, gotten arrested, lived on the street…..

I have entered into several unsuitable, dysfunctional, and dishonest relationships, all of which ended very badly.  I have destroyed some good and honest relationships, hurting the women involved.  I did put my stupid high-flying career before relationships, friendships, and real life.  I allowed my ego, my wants, needs, and my expectations to rule my life.  And for a lot of the time I was drinking far too much.

How do I come back from that?

All I know is that, one day at a time, one hour at a time, I will be sober, honest, open, and avoid any conflicts.  I will not build castles in the clouds dedicated to my own ego.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

building this now would only be satisfying my need for instant gratification

12 responses

  1. Awww…jack I promised and meant you have a friend In me always and your such a sweetheart!!!!
    I am so touched ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you beautiful steadfast friend.
      You touched my heart ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww thanks jack…your making huge steps sooooo happy ❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You just made me smile and Love you more. 😎💖💖💖🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You have taken admirable first steps. You will succeed! Be kind to yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Like a lot of people I need to learn to be much kinder to myself.
      You help a lot. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Always Jack ❤ I think your moving in such a great direction follow your words and heart!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will also follow your example. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Honest and empowering and your on your way! Feels good to let go! Good for you jack! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for everthing glitzy mommy ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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