Coping With Retroactive Jealousy

the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves

~

Retroactive Jealousy is being jealous of your partner’s sexual past.  Sufferers of this sickening disorder can be jealous of things their partner did long before you even met them ~ maybe jealous of things their partner did years ago.  It’s completely insane.  It’s a monster which will grow and grow if you feed it, and it will utterly destroy relationships.  Jealousy of any kind is incredibly destructive, retroactive jealousy even more so.

Jealousy ~ that sickening combination of possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation ~ can overtake your mind and threaten your very core.  ~  Helen Fisher.

Generally, sufferers of retroactive jealousy also suffer from some serious underlying mental health problem such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Bipolar Disorder.  Mostly it’s men who suffer from this insane kind of dysfunctional jealousy.

Now it may be that their are things in your partner’s sexual past that you just can’t live with ~ in which case you should just walk away.  However, if you believe that you want to keep seeing your partner, there are some basic tools you can use to cope with your problem;

  • Acknowledge that this is your problem, and not your partner’s.  You need to deal with it on your own.
  • Stop obsessively talking with your partner about their past.  Do not stalk them by looking at their social media.
  • Get clear about your own morals, ethics, and values.  What are you fearful of, and what don’t you understand?
  • Realise that it’s a new world out there, and some of the things which may have been totally unacceptable twenty years ago are commonplace now.
  • Accept that nobody is perfect, and don’t be a hypocrite.
  • Don’t be utterly judgemental and avoid black and white thinking.
  • Realise that you are never, ever, going to be totally happy about your girlfriend’s past, but get yourself into a place where you can live with it.
  • Do not compare yourself with your partner’s past lovers.
  • Don’t go out and get drunk in the mistaken belief that will make you feel better.

The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare.  Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires.  ~  Dorothy Corkille Briggs

Some say that being jealous of your partner’s sexual past is just being hypocritical.  And that if you love someone you should be accepting and understanding of their sexual past.  All I know is that jealousy is a deceptive, tricky, and pernicious emotion ~ it’s all an ego game.

~

 

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

don’t throw away a good relationship

over things that happened in the past

4 responses

  1. I learned to not be jealous finally. It was and is difficult, but I realized I have no real claim on those I care about other than as a friend. If they find their wife or a different woman is fulfilling their needs, it’s a much better thing to be graceful than angry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Being jealous and judgemental of the past is an insanely destructive emotion. It’s something that I have to learn to leave behind me. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When I was dating I met men that insisted on knowing my history. The advice says not to give in to this, but I would do it, because the men said it helped them understand me. Yet it always led to trouble. They never stopped tormenting me with it. There are a lot of people who do this!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Guy’s shouldn’t ask about their date’s past because it will always lead to trouble. Most guys do get jealous. I need to learn to cope with jealousy. Thanks for commenting Paula. ❤👅😎

      Liked by 2 people

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