Black and White Thinking

black and white thinking is a bar to recovery from any addictive behaviour

black and white thinking causes me extreme problems

I have a serious mental and emotional problem called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD),  which comes with all kinds of nasty symptoms, including a much higher risk of suicide than the general population.  (Statistically I have about 1000 times greater risk of attempting suicide than the majority of the population.)

Another nasty symptom of BPD is called Splitting, or more colloquially Black and White thinking.  For me things are either very good, or totally bad.  This is much worse to live with than you might think ~ for example I tend to think as women as either a Goddess, or a Slut with nothing in-between.

Intellectually I know this both stupid, nasty, and unfair, but emotionally I’m trapped in that loop.  Similarly I either think of myself as a really good guy, or a worthless jerk ~ depending on how my chaotic emotions are running at the time.

It goes much deeper than that.  Life is either really worth living, or I may as well end it all

Splitting, or black and white thinking means my emotions also go to extremes; love and hate, desire and disgust, stone cold sober or blind drunk.  My memory is either perfect or false with paranoid delusions.

This weird all or nothing mind-set also means I suffer from something called dialectics,, which is all about metaphysical contradictions.  My life is all about contradictions and extremes, which is fucking terribly difficult to live with.

Some say that black and white thinking is the brain’s attempt to achieve perfection.  And that if things were truly black and white we would not be using all of our mind’s capabilities.  All I ask is why do I go to such extremes?

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

either a goddess or a slut,

or bot at one in the same time?

6 responses

  1. I thought I was replying to a different post. Not yours. Not sure what happened. My bad. Have a nice day while I crawl myself back into a hole😀😀😀

    Like

  2. Jack you are probably driving your loved one crazy. And not in a good way

    Like

    1. Gotta say…. that’s a mean comment and extremely uncalled for. Seems you missed the lesson, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

      Jack is openly discussing his challenges with a mental health issue. I live with a mental health issue, as well, and the struggles are hard and very real. I can tell you 100% that each and every one of us KNOWS that we’re hard to live with and can be difficult to be around. Pointing that out and being mean doesn’t help matters at all. Kindness is one of the first things to help make things better.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I wasn’t trying to be mean. Sorry. I just know someone like you. And being kind to him would cause him to take advantage of you. No offense.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s total bullshit!!! I”M NOT JACK!!! I’m a totally different person and ALL mental health conditions are different… even among those who have them.

          Go crawl back in your hole.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Ok

            Like

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