Assertiveness

to be passive is to let others decide for you

Some of you may know that I have been emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sick for quite a while, but that over the last few days I have been recovering from the personality disorder that ails me.  I had another sign of that recovery today when I had a couple of very unpleasant situations to deal with, and I dealt with them effectively and assertively.

What I’m going to tell you isn’t something I’ve picked up off the web, or read in a book ~ I guess it harks back to when I operated at the highest levels in the fields of international banking and finance.  Today I used that accumulated knowledge, with a little something extra added from my recent life experiences.  In short I was extremely assertive and sorted things out without being aggressive.

To be assertive you must first of all make damn certain there is something wrong.  To be assertive when there’s nothing actually wrong, or about to go wrong, is just to make yourself look like a jerk.

Then figure out exactly what is is that went wrong, is wrong, is about to go wrong, or just isn’t happening at all.

Find the most senior appropriate person you have access to who might just be able to do something about your issue.

Tell that person succinctly, but with enough detail for them to fully understand, exactly what the problem is.

Tell them exactly what you want them to do about it; just saying ‘I want you to do something about it…..’ is being passive aggressive and not assertive.

Tell them when you expect the appropriate action to have been taken and the results you want to see.  Give them a time limit.

Tell them what will happen if they don’t do what you want them to do ~ but don’t threaten violence, that’s just being aggressive.

Tell them again what you’ve just told them, but this time summarise the whole thing in as few words as possible.

To be assertive requires intelligence, energy, determination, and a willingness to go out on a limb.  Being assertive does not require aggression, machismo, raised voices, or female seductiveness.  Maybe a little charm helps in the right situations.

Assertiveness works to help you get what you want, need, and desire in every single situation you can think of.

I also know how to utterly and completely deflect assertiveness when it’s used on me, but maybe I’ll tell you that another day.

Some say that assertiveness means carrying a big stick.  And that assertive people say no to almost everything.  All I know is that if I want it enough, true assertiveness will get me everything I desire.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

this is not assertiveness

just violence and aggression

7 responses

  1. I find it very difficult to be assertive, since whenever I speak up about anything, bad consequences ensue. There are exceptions to this. My daughters are understanding when I speak up and turn down an invitation or whatever. But my friends are jerks, so I lie to them. I know I need new friends!

    Like

  2. Can’t wait to hear how you get out of it being used on you. That will be an even more interesting tactic to learn. Thanks!

    I find few times I need to be assertive in life lately. That’s probably a bad sign that I’ve been letting life dictate far too much and not taking the reigns enough. Something to look at more closely I believe. Thanks for that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The opposite of being assertive is being passive; going with the flow, agreeing to keep the peace, or just not speaking up. I was like that for a few years, and at the end of it my life had gone down the toilet. When you know something is happening that you don’t like, then that’s the time to be assertive. Or when there is something that you really want and need, and that’s not happening either, then be assertive.
      I know you can do this, all you need is the energy and determination.
      Be strong little sister ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

      1. You have more faith in me at this point than I do. But thank you!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent advice which I just applied in a phone call! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good for you Mermaid Princess. 💖
      I am always pleased to be of service. 😎

      Liked by 1 person

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