if you expect nothing then you can never be disappointed

the sun doesn’t always shine

Yesterday, once upon a time, my life was complicated.  So many things were on my mind and I had so many extreme and conflicted feelings that I struggled to find peace and balance.  I was impulsive yet indecisive.  I had bursts of intense energy followed by doubt, lethargy, and procrastination.  Although I didn’t know it everything was leading to better outcomes for me.  It was alien to me, but all I needed was a little patience, and the insight to take a couple of simple steps to get me onto a better life path.

The first step I needed to take was to use my charm and diplomacy as much as possible ~ no matter how bad, negative, and angry I felt inside.  No matter how defensive and threatened I felt by people close to me I had to avoid saying and doing things that would come back to haunt me later.  I had to learn to compromise my black and white thinking, especially with those closest to me and whom I cared for.

Black and white thinking took me down the path of wanting and needing 100% of my desires and expectations.  Yet when if I could but find a way to compromise greater harmony and contentment was there for me.  My heart may have strong desires, but oft-times I needed to tame my expectations.  I was demanding affection, admiration, love, and respect from people who were resistant to giving it to me ~ because of the way I was.

I also needed to uncover and nurture my deeper internal wisdom, to learn how to face my demons and extreme psychological conflict, to resolve the constant confrontations between the different parts of my psyche.  I am not bipolar, but I do suffer from violent, vicious, and fast mood swings.  If you’ve ever been there you know how hard that makes even the simplest things in life ~ like holding a normal conversation.

I needed to learn to pause before I reacted to my extreme feelings, and before I acted upon my negative thoughts.  I knew I had to always weigh up all the options and come to some sensible next step in my life.  I needed always to act coolly and unhurriedly with care and consideration for others.

In my life there have been heartaches and pain, and sometimes I didn’t know if I could face the unfriendly day again.  Yet, I have been able to change myself, and in changing myself the rest of the world has changed around me.

Some say that I have to be true to myself.  And that I have to learn to love myself before I can possibly love another.  All I know is that being a really cool and self-confident guy doesn’t work for me every single damn day.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes it even snows in New Mexico