Stop Being a Jerk

there is a big difference between being cool and being a jerk

Please forgive me because I have some problems, as in; confidence, creativity, ethics, honesty, integrity, intelligence, loyalty, manners, morals, self-awareness, standards…..  I really belong to a bygone age of gentlemen, or perhaps at heart I am a knight errant who craves no more than chivalric courtly love.  Perhaps my heart is a little vulnerable, and mayhap I can be bruised too easily by a woman ~ especially a Lady I care for.

Being brave and bold tends to go along with being idealistic and moral ~ and those character traits don’t seem to fit well in a society based on deceit and instant gratification.  Casual sex, drug taking, smoking pot, gambling, lying, cheating, slutting, and promiscuity all seem utterly wrong to me.  A dedication to truth, honesty, and openness may seem hopelessly outdated and stuffy to most younger people.  A strong sense of right and wrong doesn’t seem necessary to many people today.  Most will just do just what they want when they want, no matter who they hurt and no matter what other people may think.  Many people seem unreliable, selfish, and crass to me.

Where all this becomes a real problem is that I suffer from something called psychological splitting, which is easier understood as black and white thinking.  To me life is simple; people are either good, or they are bad, and there are no grey areas in-between.  If you want to show off you could say that I have a personality disorder called Dichotomous Thinking.

All of these character traits of mine can create some very powerful emotions, ranging from jealousy to protectiveness, and from anger to remorse ~ utterly opposite sets of feelings.  These can best be resolved by  something called Dialectical Thinking, which means balancing between opposite sets of thoughts and emotions.  And as far as I am concerned, right now, there is no chance of that happening ~ not without me putting in a lot of hard work.

I may not be able to think dialectically, but what I can do is to act dialectically; I may be fucking angry due to retroactive jealousy, but I will act in a completely opposite way and only show a laid-back, mellow, and charming face to the world.  This is not lying, either to myself or others, I am merely not doing anything permanently stupidly destructive just because I am temporarily extremely upset.

Basically, I am not acting like a jerk.

Some say that honesty, integrity, and openness are outdated.  And that it’s OK to cheat, lie, steal, get drunk, smoke pot, and fuck anyone you want.  All I know is that I’d rather have morals, even if I’m often temporarily upset.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I will try hard to forget her

I might die trying

21 responses

  1. Seems men of integrity are hard to come by these days, and that is a sad thing. But because it is this way, I’ve learned to focus on my life, rather than a relationship. I think I’m finally settling into that and enjoying it. I appreciate and enjoy your articles very much!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Sometimes having strong ethics gives me a problem, but I’m working on that.
      Living just one day at a time is working for me ~ a bit anyway.
      I like your insightful comments. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I appreciate gents like you with integrity and knows right from wrong. These days, chivalry is rather “dead”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you sweetheart ❤
      This chivalrous man is sending you lots of good thoughts and warm feelings. ❤ ❤

      Like

      1. Thank you and well received❤❤💐

        Liked by 1 person

  3. In my book, honesty and integrity are NEVER out of date, and I have little or no use for those who think they are. You can only be who you are … people will love you or not, but if not … it’s their loss. DO NOT die trying to forget her, dear Jack, or I will be rather pissed at you! Hugs! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Now that I know exactly what I’m suffering on, and what it means, I’m on the road to recovery.
      Thank you for your firm guidance Jill. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good to know! Love you, Jack! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Right back at you Sweetheart. ❤ ❤ ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I also experience short bursts of intense rage where I hate people I usually like. I’m somewhat better at managing this than I used to be only because I know my feelings pass like trains; they aren’t ME. But still it’s true that I prefer to be alone mostly because people are such a pain, so disloyal and hypocritical.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I get irritated, jealous, and angry for the slightest reason, or no reason at all. But those emotions are a part of the personality disorder I suffer from, they are not part of the me that I want to be. I am not my illness. I did not ask to have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it’s not my fault.
      Like me, I know you do the very best you can. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah yes… Wise Mind. Easier said than done, my friend. I underwent 18 months intense DBT for anorexia in my late 20’s. I learned the skills intellectually, though it took another 7 or 8 years for them to solidify. I still use them around food… more often than I’d like admit. The tool I found most useful… urge surfing. When a strong emotion hits and I want to act in way that’s going to hurt me or others… wait it out. 15 minute incriments. That is the typical period of time it takes for most emotions to pass. It’s a simple skill of doing NOTHING in way that’s doing something to give me time to decide WHAT to do. A gift. I’m a great believer in act as if, too. You may not be able to think in the dialectic yet, but you certainly can… and do act as if you are. ♥

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You know what? I’d probably give my eye teeth to have 18 months of DBT. Right now, my recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is all down to just me.
      I know exactly what you mean by urge surfing. If I feel utterly negative and destructive, or any other strong emotion, the best thing for me to do is bugger-all. Then I act as if nothing at all had been bothering me. Exploding with vicious anger is kind of permanently stupid.
      Thank you for your kind and insightful comment. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome! ♥♥ Do you have the DBT workbook by Marsha Linnehan? (spelling..?) Great tools!! Assuming you don’t, she has put all of the handouts I did as “homework” in the book for tracking moods and behaviors. The BEST tool I got from it was learning to trace my actions and stimuli to the moment a trigger first hit (after the fact) and look at how i could handle the situation better the next time. You know… that moment when you have a rational choice to be in a triggering environment or not and all that stuff. Excellent tools. Hope you can find the help you need!!! It saved my life in the long run. Way more than just food. lol You’re talking to a bipolar 1 chick here! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Sounds like I need to find that on Amazon.
          Yet, I know how I can handle things better ~ don’t instantly turn into Mr. Hyde the moment a trigger hits me. I know if I wait a while then the thought / feeling / mood will go away ~ until the next time. But those next times will get fewer and farther between the longer I act ‘as if’ I am a very cool and self-confident guy, living a really great life.
          My mood swings are extremely fast and violent, but at least my extreme moods are very short-lived.
          Much love to you. ❤ ❤ ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          1. You, too, Sweetie! ♥ Seems you are already doing what DBT teaches. 🙂 Have yourself a lovely Saturday afternoon.

            Liked by 1 person

  6. How often is “often”? :))
    Ray been a jerk many times. Ray is ashamed sometimes, but I tell him. Dude… at least you have lots of experiences to write about.

    But I got it, the post 🙂 and I agree..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, right now, only 2 or 5 times a day. Not so bad. 😉
      Especially after I’ve been very angry I suffer from deep shame and remorse, and you’re correct, it does give me something to write about.
      Thanks for everything sweetheart. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Often.. I think for me is 2 in a month 😂

        But I’m much calmer now…older lol 😂

        You should reduce to once a day, then to twice a week…it’s possible 😉😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Not so long ago it was once a day ~ all day 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Lol 😂 but you are not angry at me …at least? 😉

            Liked by 1 person

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