The past is not the past, it is never done and gone.
male sexual jealousy is a dragon that will devour your very soul
I only just learned of a condition called Retroactive Jealousy, but it seems as though I’ve suffered from this horrible character defect for much of my life. Now I know that this is a quite common condition that’s also known as retrospective jealousy and retrograde jealousy.
Retroactive Jealousy is having extremely painful thoughts and morbid curiosity over your partner’s / loved one’s past relationships and / or sexual history ~ especially if they went through a very promiscuous phase involving multiple sexual partners or were deeply in love with another or others.
Retroactive Jealousy can lead you to do crazy things; stalk your partner’s social media, check through all their old photographs, post very negative and attacking things about them on your own social media, hire a private detective, park outside their house night after night….. All jealousy is utterly insane and crazy.
It seems that jealousy commonly arises not only about events and thoughts that happen in the present, but also about the past ~ even the past long before we met our current partner.
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive. ~ Havelock Ellis
Both men and women can suffer terribly from retroactive jealousy, but from very different causes. Men get jealous over their perception of their partner’s sexual history, whereas women get jealous about the other women they believe their partner has been in love with in the past. And, retroactive jealousy only happens in the presence of love. If you are just having a one-night-stand, casual sex, regular sex hookups, or a meaningless fling, then retroactive jealousy will not raise its ugly head. It is only when you begin to really love someone that you might suffer from terrible jealousies about their past.
This is utterly counter-intuitive, because we are conditioned to believe that true love is unconditional, and that we should accept, understand, and cherish our loved one, no matter what. Sadly, this is not how real life works. The past will always affect our deepest emotions, and more often than not things that our partner has done in the past will tear us apart.
It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions ~ especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage, and grief. ~ Debbie Ford.
Retroactive Jealousy need not plague you forever, as long as you are prepared to change, as long as you are prepared to put in the hard work ~ but that needs to be the topic of another post.
Some say that you should accept your partner’s past, no matter what it is. And that a competent and self-confident person should be incapable of jealousy in everything. All I know is that there are only two choices about retroactive jealousy; #1 fully accept and understand your partner’s past, #2 walk away and don’t look back.
Always remember that your jealousy is your problem not your partners ~ so deal with it.
if your partner has things like this in her past most men will suffer retroactive jealousy