it’s cool to be confident and happy being just who you are
building a very cool car is part of living a great life
I tell people that I’m a very cool guy, living a really great life ~ and some of that is actually true. I am old enough and wealthy enough that I have no need to work for a living, and having a reasonable amount of money I can pretty much do what I want, go where I want, buy whatever I like…..
But, there was a fly in my soup. For as long as I remember I had a terrible feeling that I didn’t fit in, that I didn’t belong, that everyone was out to get me. I was always afraid, angry, envious, jealous, paranoid, suicidal, and often the worse for drink. Each and every day I struggled to keep it all together, and sometimes the chaotic shit that was going on inside my mind would spill over and I would become a really nasty, destructive, resentful jerk. That was always followed by deep remorse, regret, apologies, and promises never to do that again ~ until the next time.
I didn’t learn that the only way to deal with negative and unhealthy beliefs and emotions is to allow yourself to feel them, let them pass through you, and then let them go and move on. For no reason I can find, a few days ago I learned the lesson that I don’t need to react to negative, destructive, fearful, paranoid, resentful, jealous feelings and beliefs. I made one small change ~ no matter how bad I feel, on the outside I will always seem to be a very cool guy, living a really great life.
As they say in 12-step meetings; I will fake it to make it, I will act as if I am totally cool, that I’ve got my shit together, that I am utterly self-aware, self-confident, self-controlled, and self-disciplined. And you know what? The more I act like that, the truer and more real it becomes.
It turns out that I am a very cool guy, living a really great life.
In a few days I’m taking a vacation in Turkey, before that I’m going to do a couple of pretty outrageous things that I wouldn’t even have dreamed of doing just a few short days ago. Later this year I’ll be taking a trip over the Christmas Holidays, and I’ve already got some great things in mind for next year. How cool is all that?
Some say that we can never escape our past. And that we will never be good enough, that we could always have done better, that we will never be able to hold onto a relationship, that we will always be a drunken jerk. All I know is that the only person I need to compare myself with is the guy I was yesterday.
Sedona, AZ, one of the really great places I’ve been to this year