Building Self-Confidence

If you believe in yourself and feel confident in yourself, you can do just about anything.

acting utterly self-confident

Self-confidence is all about being comfortable and happy with who you are ~ trusting in one’s own abilities, qualities, and judgement.  It’s about being OK with what you are doing and where you are heading.  It’s not about going into a room full of people and wondering if they will like you, its about going into a room full of people and wondering if you like them.  True self-confidence is about being completely at peace with yourself.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which is a clinical condition, and this means I do not know who I am, people scare me for no good reason, and my emotions are all over the place, all the damn time.  It’s very difficult to have true and profound self-confidence when you also suffer from a morbid fear of abandonment.  Borderline Personality disorder is considered the most unstable and deadly of all mental health conditions ~ the death rate from suicide alone among sufferers from BPD is around 10%.

My confidence can be destroyed by minor setbacks, when people criticise me or put me down, or when my personality disorder creates anger, paranoia, jealousy, fear, and a complete inability to sustain a relationship.

Beware of those around you who subtly sow the seeds of doubt.  ~  Wayne G. Trotman

Back in the day, when I was in International Banking, I needed to appear to be totally self-confident ~ and I developed a set of coping mechanisms, techniques, and tricks that allowed me to give the appearance of inner certainty, complete belief in myself, and that I was totally at ease. Basically I was faking it.

However, nobody is perfect.  Nobody has all the answers.  The odd thing is that, because I know exactly what my faults are I can deal with my imperfections.  And, I am so fucking damn smart I know almost all the answers to all the questions.  I should be filled with self-confidence, and I’m not.

So what do I do?  I fake self-confidence ~ and when I fake self-confidence well enough, then I come to feel confident and empowered.  Most people have no idea that I’m putting on an act.  By appearing confident other people are happy to know me, to work with me, to rely upon me, to date me, and to be with me.  As they say in 12-step recovery programs; fake it to make it.

Some say that we don’t know who we are because we don’t believe in ourselves.  And that being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength.  All I know is that true confidence comes from inner peace.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

looking good builds self-confidence

and uses up a lot of time in the gym

4 responses

  1. Inner peace absolutely. I believe the only way we truly get that inner peace is by really knowing ourselves and being accepting of what we find when we get there. If we cannot accept what we find then it’s either make changes or struggle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Accepting who and what we are is difficult. Making meaningful changes to ourselves is even more difficult. 😉

      Like

  2. How come we didn’t get any monochrome fellas on monochrome Monday this week?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry Athena, I will rectify that this coming Monday 💘👅💖

      Liked by 1 person

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