Life is a Risky Business

and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom

~

My life has become challenging and rewarding.  The challenges are to learn how to control my feelings, my expectations, my wants, needs, desires, dreams, and lusts.  To be a very cool guy, living a great life ~ a very cool guy who is truly self-aware, self-deprecating, self-disciplined, self-controlled, and self-confident.  A man who takes care of his friends, is accepting, supportive, understanding, patient, and steadfast.  Someone who doesn’t show uncontrollable anger, nor act like a negative jerk.  I already have some of the rewards; my friendships are returning, I am sober, I am self-aware, and I am filled with positive energies.

Life is a risky business, and in the end there are few winners. I hope that in the critical weeks ahead of me  I will make good decisions that benefit myself and those I care for ~ now and in the future.

My new journey along the warrior’s path began with a decision to make some serious changes to myself and my life, regardless of what I had to do to make changes, and regardless of what those changes needed to be.

What I do know is that the most important change I needed to make was the resolve to stay sober.  For me, drinking any booze at all just means that everything gets totally fucked-up.  If I drink then something very bad may happen, one day the booze might kill me.

None of the things I’ve tried before ever worked for long.  But, this week a light was turned on ~ and perhaps the reason is that I suddenly became uncontrollably angry at a friend.  And shortly after that I was utterly remorseful.  I had a rapid and extreme change of mood within an hour or so.  Scary.  I knew I had to do something radical.

Things are better for me today.  I still get incredibly angry for no good reason at all, but now I know I need to keep that anger locked away until I can find an acceptable way to release it.  And the same goes for all the other powerfully negative chaotic emotions that flood my mind.

I got to where I was by continually doing what I had always been doing, including drinking.  I knew that I had to do things differently.  I started by researching exactly WTF Borderline Personality Disorder is, and how others manage to live with it.

Some say that Faint Heart never won Fair Lady.  And that you will never get anywhere in life without taking risks.  All I know is that being a really cool guy means taking care of and loving others, as well as taking care of and loving myself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I can’t dance
don’t ask me
it’s too big a risk

5 responses

  1. My husband drinks far too much too. It changes him, (especially whisky) and makes him very unlikeable.
    He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see a problem and it has put a wedge between us.
    You will do much better if you stay sober, Jack.

    Problem drinkers imbibe to escape themselves. They never do. They only compound the problems already present.
    They are the last person to see it.

    Good luck Jack. Life is really sharp without the cushion of boozing, but it life cannot be life without the clarity it gives to those who choose to give themselves fully to the experience. Boozers are the walking dead. They feel nothing, experience nothing.

    May you find yourself Jack. May you be your full potential.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Drink never solved anything for me, it made things much worse. Honestly accepting that I had a problem with booze was the start of me getting better, and getting rid of the booze. If your husband doesn’t see his drinking as a problem he will never change. He will get worse until he either accepts that he has to stop drinking, or something catastrophic happens.
      Booze eventually kills the booze.
      Thank you for your kind wishes 💖
      May yours and your husband’s life get much better very soon. ❤❤❤

      Like

  2. You are on your way and you have taken the most important first step. I am so proud of you my friend and I believe in you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rhapsody, you have lifted my spirit. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That is so wonderful to hear Jack and I am so glad. Much love my friend. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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