If what you’re doing isn’t working, then change what you’re doing.
Time is short, make the most of every day you have.
Sometimes it takes a shock to your system before you realise that things aren’t working. Sometimes you could be aware for years and years that your life just isn’t quite right. As it goes, I’ve had both of those things forcibly tell me that what I’ve been doing, the life I’ve been living, isn’t really working for me, nor anyone else either.
What I want, need, and desire to to lose my feelings of existential dread. To remain calm and grounded in the face of adversity. To be more considerate, more self-aware, and self-reliant. To be less judgemental, and not so angry. To have the strength to defeat my fears and rise up to any challenge. To stop running away from myself, my thoughts and feelings, to stop going crazy and hiding at the bottom of a bottle of booze.
Snag is, to make those deep changes within myself would usually take months or years of counselling, or a good while in a retreat / rehab. I don’t have months or years, and finding a suitable retreat / rehab that would be willing to take me on isn’t a quick fix either.
So, starting from this morning I have built my own programme, and believe you me it is not going to be easy.
- No alcohol and no coffee.
- No bread or anything else made with wheat flour.
- No dairy; milk, cream, cheese, eggs.
- Cut down on sugar and salt. Add more spices such as cinnamon, sage, turmeric…
- Eat a mostly plant-based diet, with no processed foods whatsoever.
- No T.V. except for some motivational speakers on YouTube.
- An hour reading some deep spiritual text every afternoon,
- A 2 hour meditative walk every morning, and 30 minutes or so meditation each afternoon.
- A half-hour of yoga each afternoon.
- Lights out at 22:00 every evening, and wake-up time is 06:00. If I go 3 nights without 8 hours of good sleep then I will take a non-narcotic sleep-aid.
None of that actually gets to the hard point of what this retreat is all about. In meditation I will allow my thoughts and feelings to flow through me, no matter how deep, dark, difficult, perverted, or uncomfortable I will just accept my thoughts and feelings without reacting, taking action, or being judgmental.
This is a weekly programme. Next Sunday I will write a progress report on myself, and probably post it on this blog.
saying ‘Fuck It’ is just running away