Arguing, Informing, Rowing

Arguing isn’t communication, it’s just hot noise.

Violence is an argument lost.

Most arguments are nothing like a reasoned debate, because usually arguments come about when two people in a relationship have completely opposing and irreconcilable views.  Most arguments become heated at some point and degenerate into a flaming row ~ or turn utterly cold and vicious.  Seldom does an argument tell anyone anything that they didn’t already know ~ usually arguments are circular and rehash familiar disagreements.  And, no argument ever changes anyone’s mind about anything at all.  In fact, arguments tend to reinforce existing views as new reasons are found for the status-quo.

Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy.  ~  George Herbert

Think of this; you and your partner have opposing views, you disagree, and you argue.  In that case we mostly pretend to listen and be open-minded, instead what we really do is try to find weaknesses in his / her position so we can disprove his / her argument. Or, if they’ve just put a dent in your reasoning, you are frantically thinking of some new counterpoint.  Open-mindedness and reasonableness doesn’t come into it.

Denial and self-delusion also form a big part of most arguments.  Even when we are totally and utterly wrong we are unlikely to admit it, even to ourselves.  However, most arguments are not a clear matter or right and wrong ~ black and white is often more like multifarious shades of grey.  Mostly there is some right and some wrong on both sides.

A truly calm and informative discussion of opposing views should, in theory, lead to a compromise.  BUT, more often than not a compromise is just a situation that pleases neither side.  Compromises often leave both sides unhappy, which will lead to future arguments over much the same ground.

Worse than a compromise is to resolve an argument by one side imposing a resolution on the other.  The ‘stronger’ imposing their will upon the ‘weaker’, the richer imposing their will upon the poorer, the adult imposing their will upon the child.  These false resolutions are usually unjust, which will undoubtedly create resentments, which will undoubtedly lead to more and bitterer arguments in the future.

The imposition of the Treaty of Versailles on Germany after the 1914 – 18 war inevitably resulted in WWII.  World War is the ultimate of hot arguments.

Some say that they are honest, honourable, and open-minded.  And, that you should always agree with them, because they are always right.  All I know is that you may be right, but I don’t agree.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a short Lee-Enfield convinces most people

 

13 responses

  1. Wonderful post. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, along with unkindness and selfishness. People don’t listen; they’re just impatiently waiting for an opportunity to burst in with more of their own chatter. That’s what arguments are too ~ trying to outyell the other. My parents argued their whole marriage, yet died insisting they were happy for 50 years. Fifty years of fighting. Ughhh 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yelling isn’t ever nice ~ maybe yelling happens when nobody knows what the argument is really all about anymore. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very true! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Princess Mermaid. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a good post Jack😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank’s Sweetheart. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Over time I’ve learned that if you just admit you might be wrong or the other person is probably right it helps deflate an argument. Because the other person is normally prepared to argue,yet if you agree then what are you arguing for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And, often there is much right on both sides. One shouldn’t ever be a doormat. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Agreed

        Like

  5. Very good. Thanks for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No worries Athena ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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