A Prisoner of the Past

When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.  ~  Friedrich Nietzsche

We are all prisoners of the past ~ our own past and the past lives of those we care for.  We are all trapped in the dismal dungeons of our deep and dark subconscious minds.  We all have within us everything that has happened to us, everything we have seen and been told, and worst of all, every degenerate desire we have ever imagined.

Almost all of the time I am a really good guy ~ understanding, supportive, loyal, honest, and honourable.  When I am that good guy I don’t need instant gratification, I don’t need perverse pleasures, I don’t feel psychological and spiritual pain.  But, sometimes, when I get tired, the negative defects of my character fight their way out of my subconsciousness and I become an angry, bitter, jealous, resentful, untrustworthy fool.  The bad memories, the imagined wrongs, the terrible insecurities and fears from the past come flooding into the present.

When I get tired, late in the evening, one of two things can happen to my personality ~ or rather a couple of my character defects are likely to come to the surface.  Often, I can become a jealous, resentful, insecure, angry, bitter fool.  Alternatively, I may become demonstrably, falsely, overly understanding, adoring, amorous, passionate, sexual, and selfishly lustful.  When I get tired my subconscious mind may sometimes drift to one extreme or another, and both are the darker sides of me.  These are not the darkest, most devious, and most manipulative aspects of my psyche ~ if I should ever get drunk I can become that epitome of evil, Mr. Hyde.

Sometimes, when I see my reflection, I wish it wasn’t me and I want to turn away.  That’s a very negative emotion, because I also know I would do almost anything to change that dark shadow in the mirror into the really good guy I know that I am, can be, should be.

Sometimes it is difficult, and sometimes I suffer, and sometimes the warrior’s path is harder and longer than I could ever have imagined.  Yet, this is that path I have decided to walk, the warrior’s path to becoming the very best Man I can possibly be.

Some say that we are all trapped in our own minds.  And, that nobody can ever truly express the way they feel deep inside themselves.  All I know is that being locked inside a dungeon gives me a chance to rest, reflect, and regather my strength.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

In the dungeons of my mind

the evil darkness gathers

yet I am not afraid

 

25 responses

  1. Well even my mind tends to dwell in my past its a shitter, turns me off on and off again. My mind has many levels of bullshit and bliss i might add…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I’d prefer you in bliss.
      But your fucking bullshit might be cool too.
      Kisses ❤👅

      Like

      1. Bullshit hmm yup some

        Like

  2. Oh brother i have been replaced sob, sulk, kick, oh well anyhoo… lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Of course you haven’t been replaced. There is only one Franny for me. 😈❤👅

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your pretty good with words and your a big flirt well done

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks Sweetheart. ❤

          Like

          1. Hmm catchy sweetheart im even using that these days and this, “thats a fact jack” omg what have i become

            Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so boring…..when I get tired I get cranky and that’s it🙄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve read your blog, you might be cranky, but you are not boring. ❤❤❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. As my husband says,”twenty years on and still not a dull moment”……..problem is I’m not sure he always mean it as a compliment🙄🤣🤣🤣

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Well, he should. ❤ 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  4. So true, Jack. The warrior’s path is difficult at times but also more rewarding.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anything really rewarding tends to be difficult. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Kalliope, you continue to challenge and enchant me.
    You surprise me with the depth and breadth of your knowledge.
    You show me emotions unknown 💖💖💖😈😈

    Like

  6. This is interesting since I just found a book (yeah, surprised it took me this long). The Feminine Mystique. It was written ages ago and I’m in the first few chapters! It pretty much says the same thing, so far. I am a product of my past. Now…I need to break that chain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The past is deep in our subconscious mind. To break with our past is a difficult and painful thing. Complete self-honesty and a willingness to admit our wrongs and previous mistakes is needed. The love of a good friend helps.
      Kris, I can be here for you 💖💖💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it is more a need to break with the traditions of the woman I was ‘supposed’ to be and become the woman I was born to be.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ahhh, trying to live our lives according to the preconceptions and expectations of others causes much misery. Not until we live as we truly are can we even begin to achieve true happiness and enlightenment.
          Kris, be the woman you were born to be ~ and if others don’t like that just tell them to ‘fuck off’.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. This book is fascinating. It shares stories of women who were depressed or unhappy and no one could undepress them. And it turns out we women were programmed to be a certain way. Generations of us. Absolutely crazy!!!!!!

            Liked by 1 person

  7. In the darkness you can hear minthe singing you to sleep. 🌠

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps Minthe can find other ways to lull me to sleep. ❤ ❤

      Like

      1. Lol go to town. Never know unless you ask her. You may pass through thine halls to find her river bend. Bade her forward tenderly, and wait. Xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oft times it feels like I’m walking through Hades. It might be worth it to find a divine water nymph ❤ ❤ ❤

          Like

          1. Hades is the noun for the realm, as either the ruler or the place. Queen Persephone, although she only spends 1/3 of the year there, is always present to greet the heroes of the mythological tales that way travels. Naiads are tricksy, don’t get pulled under taken for a spin. Keep your head about you. Healing waters of wisdom could otherwise drown a fool in a fountain.

            Liked by 1 person

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