When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
We are all prisoners of the past ~ our own past and the past lives of those we care for. We are all trapped in the dismal dungeons of our deep and dark subconscious minds. We all have within us everything that has happened to us, everything we have seen and been told, and worst of all, every degenerate desire we have ever imagined.
Almost all of the time I am a really good guy ~ understanding, supportive, loyal, honest, and honourable. When I am that good guy I don’t need instant gratification, I don’t need perverse pleasures, I don’t feel psychological and spiritual pain. But, sometimes, when I get tired, the negative defects of my character fight their way out of my subconsciousness and I become an angry, bitter, jealous, resentful, untrustworthy fool. The bad memories, the imagined wrongs, the terrible insecurities and fears from the past come flooding into the present.
When I get tired, late in the evening, one of two things can happen to my personality ~ or rather a couple of my character defects are likely to come to the surface. Often, I can become a jealous, resentful, insecure, angry, bitter fool. Alternatively, I may become demonstrably, falsely, overly understanding, adoring, amorous, passionate, sexual, and selfishly lustful. When I get tired my subconscious mind may sometimes drift to one extreme or another, and both are the darker sides of me. These are not the darkest, most devious, and most manipulative aspects of my psyche ~ if I should ever get drunk I can become that epitome of evil, Mr. Hyde.
Sometimes, when I see my reflection, I wish it wasn’t me and I want to turn away. That’s a very negative emotion, because I also know I would do almost anything to change that dark shadow in the mirror into the really good guy I know that I am, can be, should be.
Sometimes it is difficult, and sometimes I suffer, and sometimes the warrior’s path is harder and longer than I could ever have imagined. Yet, this is that path I have decided to walk, the warrior’s path to becoming the very best Man I can possibly be.
Some say that we are all trapped in our own minds. And, that nobody can ever truly express the way they feel deep inside themselves. All I know is that being locked inside a dungeon gives me a chance to rest, reflect, and regather my strength.
In the dungeons of my mind
the evil darkness gathers
yet I am not afraid