Love’s No Friend Of Mine

Love can be the infinite curse of a true heart.

If you believe that you love someone, then there’s no rhyme or reason about the way you think, feel, or behave.  All of your various emotional and happiness chemicals just take over.  Scientists say that there are 4 sets of these; dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and the endorphins which accentuate the effects of everything else.  But, you have to add to that a whole bunch of other mind – brain – body stuff happening when you think you’re in love ~ such as an adrenaline rush every now and again.  Add to that not eating, not sleeping, and drinking too much, and no wonder we get messed up when we believe we are in love, (or we are consumed by desire).

Our own default subconscious personality type also has a big part to play.  For most of my life I suffered from an intense fear of abandonment caused by a serious psychological illness called Borderline Personality Disorder.  This fear of abandonment thing either makes you utterly destroy a relationship you’re in, or hang on to a dysfunctional relationship long past the point you should have called it a day and walked away.

So this deep interest in / deep affection for / sexual desire for a particular person caused me no end of problems, because none of it was real.  Multiply that by several women over time and you can see how a polite and generous Englishman could become seriously screwed up.  And ‘screwed up’ is putting it very mildly.

If I tried I could probably work out how much these false love affairs / relationships / marriage had cost me in time, money and lost opportunities, but being a banker I’ll make a stab at how much ‘being in love’ has cost me in hard cash over the years.  Roughly, to the nearest $100,000 ~ about $2.75 million.  Thinking I was in love, with the wrong woman, has cost me more than most people will earn in a lifetime.

And what did I get in return?  Bad sex.

Ah well, t’was ever thus.  A fool and his money are soon parted.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

you would think I should have learned my lesson by now

18 responses

  1. And when they see i am being over friendly without the intent i get blamed for being a bitch so then i am left thinking that i am a bitch and that i never get any damn chance to being able to feel anything.. so i get angry and i lash out because i HATE defending myself for doing nothing but, be a nice person with a happy or a little bit sassy … it just makes me feel so bloody aweful

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not very men can know a sassy, charming, intelligent woman without wanting sex, and that deludes them into thinking that sex with them is what she wants too. Especially if alcohol is involved. ❤
      Of course, sometimes she does want sex. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  2. the funny thing is then because others do this it never gives me a chance to think about what i want in life however, partners then blame me for me being honest so go figure

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I fully understand and empathise with the way you feel ❤

      Like

  3. However, who is the fool that plays hide myself in the first place for nesrly 2 and a 1/2 years!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like a bit of a mess Sweetheart ❤❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, not really Jack, I really don’t ever look into my life so intensely I just get so disappointed that people think something that isnt anything other than me being friendly.

        I have always had this thing about me all my male mates always, always wanted more from me and I was the only one at the end of the day that never new anyones intentions.. but i was blamed for being friendly and nice..

        Its such a shame really i feel like i walk on eggs and find out ppl have feelings and then i get so let down that i start to blame myself and i then get so paranoid and look intensley at me for thinking i lead someone on..

        And that is just not me EVER

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Bloody well should have looked for the sod… instead of playing silly buggers saying Stupidly, ” im too posh for hide n seek, fuck it’

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ever 50 years someone things oh goodie lets try going back and rrepeating the same friigin mistake ..
    Cost my entire sanity if i ever do this again well, i must be either a twitt or a stupid bloody twitt

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hmm, my first marriage was like that… now 21 years later. Fuck knows… prolly repeating it over bit like Stepford wives

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This made me sad. It also reminded me of a comment said to me in a store. I was purchasing a favorite ice cream and mentioned it was better than sex. The surprised person next to me said I was having sex with the wrong person…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Men will say ‘I love you’ when what they really mean is that I want to have sex with you.
      Anyhow, you know I love you, and you can take that however you like. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Perfect in any way it is said and meant!!

        Like

  8. love the photos… beautiful 🖤🖤🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Kitten ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t think we learn lessons easily; not me 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhhh
      Me neither. ❤ 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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