Being Emotionally Intelligent

Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll.

I wanted to share with you something I learned on a four-day retreat in the high desert of New Mexico.

When we just react, mostly we react unconsciously, without thinking about things at all.  That isn’t at all surprising because for 90% of the time our subconscious mind is running the show, meaning that our consciousness is only in charge for 10% of the time.

It’s a bit more complicated than that, because our unconscious mind never forgets anything.  Therefore, when we just react, our subconscious is using behaviours that we learned before we were about seven years of age.  All the negative stuff we learned from our parents, older siblings, teachers, and other adults is deep down in there, and it will come out when we least want it too.

When you feel threatened, judgemental, jealous, envious, angry….. you will probably react in ways you learned as a child.  It’s not you that’s having an argument with your husband / lover / boss, it’s the 7-year-old child arguing, using negative behaviours you learned before you knew any better.  It’s worse than that, because it seems that our subconscious mind has very little self-control.

Our subconsciousness / unconscious mind, which runs the show for 90% of the time, is really a pretty stupid, non-selective, totally emotional, feminine autopilot, (that’s not sexist ~ the conscious mind has mostly male characteristics and subconscious mostly female).  The subconscious will accept ideas as truth, no matter how negative or destructive, and never fails to express ideas that have been impressed upon it.  It’s our subconscious that will let us drink too much, use drugs, have casual sex…..

But, and here’s the good thing, our conscious, objective male mind can dominate our subconscious mind, if only we truly know what we need and desire  We also have to learn to talk to our subconscious and knowingly impress feelings onto that part of our brain.

If you can meditate, then you’re half way there.  If you know how to achieve heart ~ brain harmony, then you’re just about all the way there.  Talk to your heart and your words and feelings will reach your subconsciousness.  But, use very simple, positive and unambiguous phrases.  Don’t say; ‘I want to be a really charismatic guy…..’  because your subconscious mind will accept the thought that you want to be, and do nothing about that thought / feeling.  Instead say to your heart; ‘I am a really charismatic guy…..’ and suddenly you are charismatic.

I turned my whole life around by saying and believing; ‘I am a really cool guy, living a really great life…..’

Honestly, our subconscious has a very emotional and unintelligent way of controlling our lives, mostly by reacting without there being any conscious or selective thought in the process.  Therefore, to have an emotionally intelligent subconscious, we must first turn to our consciousness and impress its intelligence upon our inner mind.

There are a hell of a lot of books and stuff on the internet about all this, so the thing to bear in mind is to keep things simple, because 90% of our minds is quite stupid really.


jack collier


13 responses

  1. I like this. Really informative. I sure wish it was a viable excuse the next time i get in an altercation to confess “dont blame me, you were arguing with child me” lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t forget that you were arguing with his / her child too. 💔💔💔

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The fact that we use such a small percentage of our brain almost makes me want a lobotomy because… why not? On the lighter side of this – Have you seen the old movie with Meryl Streep and Albert Brooks called Defending Your Life? These 2 people go to Purgatory to defend their lives and the brain use is brought up in funny ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jayne. ❤ We use 100% of our brains, but 90% of our mind is in the subconscious.
      Hey, I haven't caught that movie, I'll have to look out for it this Christmas tide. ❤ ❤
      There's a David Niven movie I like called 'A Matter of Life and Death which has a similar premise ~ classic English nostalgia. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I do like David Niven. I have to look that movie up. Thank You for mentioning it. xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You Tube has that movie and I just watched the trailer. It MUST have been on Brooks’ subconscious or conscious mind as he wrote Defending Your Life.
        ; )

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Our unconscious part of the mind …does kinda lots of harm to sweet fluffy us 🙂
    Mmm, shouldn’t we place it in the corner or just lock somewhere lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some would say that the dark and dangerous recesses of our subconcious mind is the real us, and that the controlled and selective consciessness is no more than the froth on a glass of strong beer. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess they are right…but I think my unconscious need some punishment lolz

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Well said Jack, it’s a devil of two minds isn’t it.. sounds like an awesome course you did while tripping around … The subconcious mind is either your friend or foe.. still working that one out.. your correct by saying that it never forgets … what it does however, it will send you messages of NO EXIT BACK AWAY…. the reason is that it is reminding you of your old ways of thinking and of course doing.. which normally means someone got hurt…(you) Now, if only the Conscious mind was as intellegent as the old mind….. it is however here to show you how to do things and it does help you say to your subconcious let him do what he needs to do with faith that he will do it without hurting himself or others… that is the best way I would put it down to…both great minds… however, they both can give you a bit of a whiplash of thinking hehe 🙂


    1. Thanks Sweetheart, I always appreciate your comments ❤ ❤ ❤
      The more I read my notes the more complicated things get, and the more it all makes sense.
      There's a conscious mind, a subconscious mind, left brain, right brain and heart brain.
      One of the very best things we can ever do is to get in touch with our heart.


      1. I agree your heart never lies ever

        Liked by 1 person

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