We live in a world of illusions and fantasies, lies and deceptions.
In my life I have often seen and heard what I wanted to see and hear, not what was really there at all. I was never willing to separate fact from my own fictions, to see what was actually going on around me. And yet, for relationships and connections to endure, reality and truth must be embraced whole-heartedly, one cannot go on looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses.
Consequently I oft-times found myself walking down dead-end streets and staying with totally dysfunctional relationships. I missed the many good opportunities the universe was sending me, any of which could have transformed my life. Being faithful and steadfast is all very well, but not when I was living within a tissue of lies and falsehoods. Being generous and kind is all very well, but not when I was pouring time, money, and love into a bottomless well and receiving little or nothing in return.
Ultimately, my behaviour was negative and destructive of my own self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Through not really facing the truth I would become paranoid, suspicious, jealous, frustrated, and angry.
Today I am ready to accept and understand the mistakes of the past, end the chapter, close the book, and allow progress and positive growth to happen. For that I need complete self-honesty and better self-awareness. Only then will real change lift me emotionally and spiritually out of the darkness that sometimes surrounds me ~ washing over me like a cold wave in the depths of a grey autumn.
Parts of my dark psyche still linger from my past negative behaviour; anger, bad temper, marginal propensity to alcoholism, pain, jealousy, frustration, resentments, selfishness, impulsiveness…..
This October, when my opposite and partner star-sign of Libra is in the ascendant, I can see clearly the person I used to be, the person I am now, and the man I shall become. I am more than just the two-dimensional image that stares back at me from the mirror. Now I am wiser, more open and ready to see change in my life. The lessons that must be learned are how to understand and accept the truth and not surrender to illusions.
Some say that change is bad, and today should be the same as yesterday, while tomorrow should be pretty much the same as today. And that they are perfectly happy living mundane and routine lives. All I know is that I can and will separate truth from fiction.
though it may twist and turn, the warrior’s path goes onwards and upwards