So, now I need counselling.

Never look to another to tell you who you really are.

A friend of mine has said that I need some form of mental health / spiritual counselling ~ suggesting to me that she thinks there’s something seriously wrong with the way I feel, think, act, and react to events and people.  I guess she believes that I don’t feel, think, act, or react in ways that she likes when it comes to my friendship with her.

I thought about this a lot and very seriously.  I am fully aware that I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and I also know there are, (at least), a couple of reasons for this.

Something happened to me deep in my early childhood, so far back that I don’t know exactly what happened to me when I was maybe 3 years old.  But whatever happened had a very profound effect on me, sufficient to change my personality for my whole life.  It’s complicated, but various mental-health types have said a couple of things; #1 I don’t have bipolar disorder, and #2 I may have had borderline personality disorder, but if I had I’ve recovered.  Well, that’s helpful….. or not. The practical upshot of whatever happened when I was a young child is that I will not willingly accept advice, criticism, or chastisement.  So what?  That just puts me in line with 99% of the rest of the crazy people on this planet.

The second reason I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour is because I’m better than that. I’m enlightened, truthful, open, ethical, grounded, and fucking smart.  And to be honest, with the exception of the people who follow me on this blog, that makes me a better man than anyone any of us is likely to meet in an average day.

So, I thought about this very carefully when it came to finding a therapist / counsellor / spiritual adviser….. and decided that wasn’t going to happen.

I’ve spent the greater part of the past 2, 3, or maybe 4 years trying to walk the warrior’s path.  Trying to find out who I am, who I was, and who I wish to be.  And now, after years of effort, I’m finally beginning to see some light.

It may just be a candle in a hurricane of hellish darkness, but that small light is me.

The little boy may have become a broken man, with a broken spirit and broken dreams, but today I can hold on and today I’m feeling strong.  I know who I am, and I’m not a shadow or the man in the mirror anymore.

No over-qualified, well-intentioned, mental health wazzock is going to be given my permission to dip their dirty fingers into my soul.  There is no chance of me attending therapy / counselling / psychotherapy.  Not now, not next year, not ever.

It turns out that I know who I am, and I like who I am.  And, those that don’t can fuck off.  Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and please don’t keep in touch.

Some say that humility is the true key to success.  And, that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  All I know is that I’ve tried humility and therapy, and all I got was insanity.

I have a new plan of action concerning my supposed need for counselling.  I am happy to take no action whatsoever.


jack collier


Marmaduke is as sick of misplaced and unwanted advice as I am.

9 responses

  1. Wanting to be abnormal is normal. The only ones who want to be normal are those who’re institutionalized with serious mental issues.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have to agree with you Jack.
    While I know that counselling helps some people to recognise their issues, and the cause of them, I think it is inadequate on the issue of conquering them.

    Many people have traumatic things happen to them throughout life. Some people are overwhelmed by them. Some people bury them, and some people analyse them constantly. The survivors look at them, accept them without self judgement and move on with a new awareness not to repeat them. This is all there is.
    There are no magic bullets, drugs or self-righteous expoundings that can change anything. The learning is yours and yours alone.

    You say you cannot be told anything… That you cannot take advice. No, but you can look again and do your own research on that advice and then make your own mind up. And that my friend, is free and does not come at £50 per hour for some guy or gal with their own screwed up psyche and a few letters at the end of their name to dose while you spill your guts onto their office floor, only to be swept into the bin in time for the next client to arrive.

    You recognise your issues, you see your short comings and you know inherently that you are intelligent enough to go in the right direction.

    We never forget the past, nor do we always forgive despite trying (because it hurt), but we can forgive ourselves for our reactions and resolve to do better in future. And you, my dear, are already doing that.


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Truthful and honest! By the by, what’s a wazzock? 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One of your best posts! Incisive and insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes, reality just grabs a guy by the balls. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I thought what you are describing about yourself is what’s considered – A typical Man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I bloody well hope not.

      Liked by 1 person

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