Know What You Don’t Want

A wise man doesn’t try to get what he doesn’t want.

Many people don’t know what they want out of life, and many of them struggle to find a way to discover their true needs, want, desires, and dreams.  Even if you know what you most need, want, desire, and dream of having ~ well, whatever it is might be very difficult, or almost impossible to acquire.  This applies especially to friendship, love, sexual desire…..  in fact anything that relies upon another person doing what you want is always going to be an almost impossible dream.  You have no control whatsoever over what another person thinks, feels, likes, dislikes, loves, or hates.

Your most important “want” should be the one you can control.  ~  Shannon L. Alder.

You cannot make her / him love you, desire you, or even like you.

It follows therefore, that in our journey through life, at some point we should work out what we truly, honestly, realistically need, want, desire, or dream of having.

And this is where most of us come unstuck.  We have no idea what it is that we want ~ other than our life goes on pretty much as it has always gone on, without us having to think about it too much, or wandering too far outside of our own comfort zones.

We Just Do Not Know What We Really Want.

However, all of us, or almost all of us, know what we don’t like about our life.  Almost all of us know exactly what we hate about our lives.  Most of us know exactly who and what we want to walk away from, and after that never, ever, keep in touch.

Some of us can tell exactly when there’s an elephant in the room ~ we know when there are important issues that are not being discussed with our significant other, and instead all we ever seem to talk about is meaningless trivia.

Many of us know that our wants, needs, desires, and important dreams are not being fulfilled.  We know that we are frustrated and unfulfilled.

Therefore, as a first step to knowing what you really want, write down what you know you don’t want.  Write down what you don’t like about your life.  Write down what you hate about your life.

Be honest.  Be brutally honest with yourself.

Do not censor yourself ~ just write down what comes into your head.

Don’t over-think things, just write, whatever it is and however bad it seems.

You will have to force yourself to confront the real and damaging issues in your most private life, instead of just focusing on fluffy easy minor annoyances.

Most likely you will not complete your list of dislikes and hates in one short attempt.  Keep your list safe, and add to it whenever you think of something else that disturbs your quest for a fulfilling inner peace.

And, most importantly, DO NOT let anyone else see this list of the things and people you hate and what you hate about them.

For example, your partner / wife / husband may not be happy to know that you think she / he is as sexually responsive as a wooden plank.  You know what, if I had a significant other / partner / wife like that, then I’d hate that too.  (Trust me, I’d hate it, I’ve been there.)

Most likely, if you’re brutally honest with yourself,  sex will feature heavily on your list of things that aren’t going right for you.  After that, probably your job, your home life, your friends, health, fitness, enjoyment…..

My current list of things I don’t like / hate about my life has 34 things on it, and I’m telling nobody what they are.

But now I have a good idea of what I don’t want, I can start to get what I do want, by any means necessary.  (As long as the means I use are legal, honest, and ethical, I will do whatever it takes to get what I truly need, want, desire, and dream about.)

When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.  ~  Jim Rohn

Some say that success is getting what you want.  And that happiness is getting what you need.  All I know is that I’m damn certain what I don’t want in my life.


jack collier


I would like to go back to California again



9 responses

  1. What a powerful subject and truly thoughts to ponder. We often get trapped into the daily rut and I have written about being alive vs existing. There is a difference, much like with likes and dislikes. Thank you for sharing this. Xoxoxo❤️❤️❤️


  2. Jack, the secret to happiness is detachment.

    If one detaches the emotional, physical or mental responses to stimuli beyond one’s control, then one can concentrate more on inner bliss.

    What this means in reality is when someone, or something does not measure up to your expectation, you need to lose the expectation. Once you accept everything at face value and treat it with a loving acceptance, you will find it easy to bear.

    This is the principle behind Buddhist Monk training and the initiation rights behind many ancient cultures in that you lose all of the physical comforts to find your inner, spiritual comfort.

    You are getting there Jack, but try not to make too many lists… They start you back on the path to disappointment. Letting go and free falling into you destiny is the most freeing experience…terrifying and exhilarating all at once as truths unfold in front of you.💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am driven, by nature I am a problem-solver, I find acceptance difficult. In short I am a typically masculine male, filled with faults and self-doubt.
      Detachment and the quest for inner peace come hard for me.
      But, I know that I cannot find my destiny by looking for it.
      Thank you Colette. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ll get there… I just know it! 💓

        Liked by 1 person

  3. A great question to ponder… knowing for sure what you desire is the beginning of the creative process. love your writing, barbara x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Barbara. ❤ ❤ ❤
      Knowing what my dreams of the things I desire mean is one step on the road to getting what I really want.


  4. Jack, this is another one of your posts I needed to read and not just read but do.
    I often know what i don’t want. I have no idea how to find anything I do. I don’t have dreams or goals. OK, I do need to finish those library books and complete a few chores every day. Even in Oregon, that is my existence. I do make a few plans a year for dinners on holidays or special events like a birthday. But, what do I want?? Good stuff, my dear man. Good stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Until I worked out what it was I didn’t want in my life, I couldn’t come close to knowing what I needed, wanted, and dreamed of having in my life. For example, I knew that I didn’t want to feel like crap when I woke up in the mornings, ergo I knew what I really wanted was to get a good night’s sleep, every single damn night. Trivial, but a decent example of what I mean.
      Thanks Kris, I know that I want your friendship in my life. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m afraid if mom does finally pass, I’ll sleep and not wake for a few days……
        I love your words and wisdom. xo


Please Leave a Reply or Ask Me Anything you like.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: