The dark side of me is waiting with malevolent patience.
I have forgotten all the important things I have learned about living a good life. Over the past few days I have not been focused on the present. I have not been calm and understanding. I have not been willing to accept, acknowledge, and deal with my emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
Over the past few days all the negatives in my psyche, and all of my character defects have been ruling my life.
In the last week or so I have turned to my dark side. I have not been the good Dr. Jekyll, instead I have been the evil Mr. Hyde.
There is probably a lot more bad stuff I could confess to. Today I will think about how I have been, write it down, and try to find a way to make amends.
In my wallet I carry a note of my own version of the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths:
- Life is difficult and painful.
- The causes of my problems and pain are my own cravings, desires, lusts, and my blaming of others.
- I can’t change what happens to me, but I can change what I do.
- The path to freedom from suffering is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit.
The first is the only one of these Four Noble Truths I have willing to accept.
My emotions, feelings, and thoughts have become unmanageable. I have been angry and judgemental – at the edge of insanity.
But, there was someone watching over me who has started me back onto the road to recovery; back onto the warrior’s path. I am very grateful to her.
Today I will do better.
I cannot change the past, but I can do better in the present and in the future.