A Solitary Traveller

Vacationing alone is darkly depressing.

Not that I was supposed to be a solitary traveller.  The plan was that I was visiting California to spend time with a friend, hang out, see some great places and do some cool things.

Sadly, it hasn’t worked out that way.

Our wants, needs, and expectations are different.  Our pasts, presents, and probable futures are very different.  Our cultures, ethics, mores, standards, and Life experiences have little in common.  Our feelings are different.  So there have been some issues between us.

Yesterday I was alone in Newport Beach, which is a very cool place to spend a day.  For me, yesterday was unbelievably painful.  My friend and I had been to Newport Beach together, so everywhere I went and every view I photographed just reminded me of happier and better times.  The ashes of a relationship are bittersweet indeed.

I have about 10 more days in California.  I guess I shall mostly spend them alone.  It will give me time to think.  Think about what?  Who the fuck knows?

One thing I do know is that I shall never take another relationship risk, I shall never risk being alone on vacation again.

Or, on the other hand, I might.

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

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17 responses

  1. Hope a ray of light shines through. Sending good energy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Most painful times pass, they become the source of most strength, I believe. I wish you the best times come your way soonest.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. still here when I can be, sending huge bouquets of hugs and happy healing thoughts for you my friend, be back in short order, tomorrow I hope if all goes well and my computer doesn’t blow up from malicious software……argh! K

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Some things make life difficult: computers, governments, relationships….
      At least I’ve only fucked up one out of three recently…. I hope.
      As it goes, one out of three is bad enough to drive me to the depths of inner darkness.
      Thank you for your kind words.
      💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 💕💜☮🕉💐🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪☕️cookies, they always help, hugs and love Jack, still sending good mojo…fyi😊🙏🏻

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Glad you left a little wiggle room to maybe trust again. This post was very moving, Jack. Everyone can relate to loneliness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A couple of inches perhaps.
      But right now the gulf is bigger than the Grand Canyon. 💔

      Like

  5. We humans are luckily resilient. We are capable of learning from experience, expanding our knowledge and broadening our horizons. Ten days is a long time to explore my beautiful home of SoCal. Walk on the beaches, eat good food, window shop, explore the myriad interesting art galleries and museums. And think. How well did you really know your friend before this trip? Was she as happy about you coming here as you were to be visiting? Did you truly share the same wants, values, ideas, or was it mostly wishful thinking on your part. Not trying to analyze – just something to ponder.

    Wishing you some happy times in these beautiful days we’ve been having. Take care of yourself and know that not all people are mean and cruel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was wishing, and hoping, and dreaming.
      Guys do that sometimes.
      💔

      Like

  6. I wish I was in California! I would hang out with you. A risk is nothing bad, you just learn from it.

    Like

    1. Thank you. I’d buy you a fabulous brunch on the old Queen Mary in Long Beach. 💕💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ten days is an excellent amount of time to accept and release what ‘should have been’ and embrace what is. I know you can enjoy yourself when you choose to do so. Once your mind is made up…you’ll do it. Choose well, Jack.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In recent months my choices have all been bad.
      Hopefully my Goddess will help me to make better choices now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What you have now is an opportunity. You can choose to embrace it with joy and verve and have a good time. Or you can choose to wallow in self-pity and be miserable. How brave are you, sir?

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Great discernment Jack. I wish you the best of times in the last 10 days in California.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweetheart. Your kind words are much appreciated. ❤❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

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