Vacationing alone is darkly depressing.
Not that I was supposed to be a solitary traveller. The plan was that I was visiting California to spend time with a friend, hang out, see some great places and do some cool things.
Sadly, it hasn’t worked out that way.
Our wants, needs, and expectations are different. Our pasts, presents, and probable futures are very different. Our cultures, ethics, mores, standards, and Life experiences have little in common. Our feelings are different. So there have been some issues between us.
Yesterday I was alone in Newport Beach, which is a very cool place to spend a day. For me, yesterday was unbelievably painful. My friend and I had been to Newport Beach together, so everywhere I went and every view I photographed just reminded me of happier and better times. The ashes of a relationship are bittersweet indeed.
I have about 10 more days in California. I guess I shall mostly spend them alone. It will give me time to think. Think about what? Who the fuck knows?
One thing I do know is that I shall never take another relationship risk, I shall never risk being alone on vacation again.
Or, on the other hand, I might.