cold broken trust

It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.

Everybody lies.

Lies of omission, half-truths, fabrications, exaggerations, deceptions, excuses, white lies, broken promises, black bold-faced lies, or just saying nothing at all.

Lies are easy on social media and by telephone ~ it’s harder to look a person in the eye and tell a black bold-faced lie.  Only sociopaths and very practiced deceivers can do that with real conviction.  There are plenty of practiced deceivers around.

Hardly anybody trusts anyone anymore.  Hardly anyone is committed to truth.

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.  ~  Albert Einstein.

Mostly I expect people to lie to me, and mostly I don’t care.  I have been lied to far too many times to care very much anymore.  The cold-hearted people who have lied to me have diminished themselves more than they have hurt me.  Now, with few exceptions I do not allow anyone close enough to me for their lies to matter.

Because of all those lies, I do not trust easily anymore.  A broken trust is as cold as the sea in winter.

Life is lonely and bitter without trust.  Everyone has to trust the one they care for, and when that trust is broken the taste is bitter and hearts grow cold.

Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.  ~  Mona Sutphen

A couple of days ago I told a very close friend, my best friend, that I knew she had lied to me.  She did not deny the fact ~ how could she?  Everybody lies.

What does it matter that she did not deny that she has lied to me?

More importantly, why did I say that I knew she had lied to me?  That achieves nothing good in a relationship.

I’m afraid it’s a hangover from my suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, where I sabotaged and destroyed every relationship and friendship I’ve ever had.  Telling someone you care for that you know she has lied to you goes a fair way towards destroying a relationship.

I need to do much, much better than that.  My friend deserves much much better than that from me.  I deserve much better for myself than that kind of stupid comment.  It shows no mindfulness whatsoever.

I’m afraid that, because of the inclement weather, I am spending far too much time alone brooding in the garret.  It isn’t good for me, and I know I need to walk near the sea and meditate.  I know need to accept people as they are, and not expect them to be the way I wish them to be.  I need to accept that sometimes there is a good reason that people have lied to me.

The world is as it is, and not as I would wish it to be.  But, perhaps with a lot of effort I can turn this situation around and get past my paranoia.

Magic happens.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

16 responses

  1. Great imagery today.
    “I am spending far too much time alone brooding in the garret.” — This is good for no one. Solitude quickly turns to isolation.
    I’m sorry about the situation with your friend. Get out and get you some good vibes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yesterday I got out and walked 5 miles, and felt the better for it. I will do the same today.
      Thank you for your kind thoughts. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If it were me, perhaps (if I happened to be thinking on my feet) (not always the case) (okay, almost never the case) I might say something like “I was puzzled about X” and see how my friend responds … was it an honest mistake, or a deliberate whopper? As you said above, “kindness or deceit?” Is the matter being lied about funny, of little import, dead serious or State Secret? Another thing – is it about me or is it all about his issues (the one who fibbed)? Then if I somehow magically started thinking on my feet (it happens), I might remember the saying, “go with your gut.” Make that my gut. Generally one’s instincts give one subliminal messages based upon subconscious observations – worth noting at least. If I had strong feelings, I might sit with those and ask why. (Then again I might just mope, eat pizza, or write cheesy haiku). Okay, I’ll go quietly. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At least you made me smile amid my confusion.
      The only gut instinct I have is that I need to get past this, in any way I can, and without all the wheels coming off the wagon. Even if that means turning a blind eye to something or other that I’m probably not going to be happy about if I allow myself to take proper notice.
      Not ideal, not strong, but maybe practical.
      There aren’t that many alternatives.
      Me, I’ll go kicking and cursing..
      ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This can be such a slippery slope. I’ve been in similar situations where I learned a friend lied to me but didn’t say anything to the person. I think knowing about the lie and not saying anything undermines our continued relationship with that person. Not saying anything doesn’t provide a chance for healing and recovering the relationship if it is possible. There are at least two ways to look at every choice we make, either the choice is to help things improve for the better or the choice is to destroy what we have built. Sometimes destroying what is built can be the grounds for building something better and stronger but it all depends on the intention behind it. I agree with Dabblewords, it depends on whether the lie was given with malicious intent, sometimes lies are given with the intent to protect, both can be bad but at least one is from a good heart. I hope your friend has a good heart. I don’t trust easily anymore either. I wish that wasn’t the case but life has taught me I need to be more cautious. Take care, Jack. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This happens to be the one person I should trust above all others. Right now, I’m not certain who I can trust, or can we never completely trust anyone? It’s a truism; ‘everybody lies’, but what is the intent behind the lie. Is it kindness or deceit, or an effort to escape criticism and anger?
      What I need to do is forget this and instead take a chance on happiness.
      My life is what I make it and I don’t want to make it a life filled with miserable paranoia.
      Instead I will try and build something better than before.
      Thank you for your kind words and good thoughts. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry this happened to you, especially from someone you felt you could trust. Those hit us the hardest. It makes us face something we don’t really want to face, that people aren’t perfect and we all make mistakes. I hope you take that chance on happiness whatever it takes for you. I’m trying to do the same by finding my own happiness and not let other people destroy it. Right now, the only way I’m able to do that is to remember we are all flawed human beings. I hope you are able to build something better that leaves paranoia at the door or better yet left in another universe far from this one. ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. “You have to feel safe with yourself first. How can you trust anyone else when you keep lighting yourself on fire?” ~ Erin Van Vuren

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. You are right. Perfectly aposite quotation. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s not easy dealing with life when one just doesn’t fit in…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think, what matters is whether the lie is given with malicious intent. So many white lies, half-truths, ommissions are made to avoid conflict or smooth over a difficulty.
    Complete honesty at the wrong time can be as hurtful as any lie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A while back I tried being completely honest all the time ~ it didn’t go well. ❤

      Like

      1. Most people can’t handle the truth.

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