unjustly accused

The average man ~ mostly harmless.

All men must have experienced that utter bewilderment when they thought they were doing something good, and that those they cared for would appreciate it, only to be accused of a wrongdoing they cannot comprehend.

I had that yesterday.

So now I don’t know what I did wrong, or where I went wrong, or even what I can do to put it right.

It hurts.

You know what that does to a man of any age?  We get defensive.  We mentally circle the wagons.  We can become difficult.  We can get the ‘go away and leave me alone’ and ‘I don’t love you anymore’ thing.

At heart men never grow up.  At heart men are not so tough, all we want to do is be around people we like and who like us in return.  Men are continually looking for approval and positive reactions.  Men are always trying to impress and show that we can do good things.

Yesterday I bombed out of all of that by mentioning in this blog that I wanted to go on a Caribbean cruise at Christmas without getting approval in advance from everyone close to me.  Wish I could have done, but people are not always just a ‘phone call away.

I got some passive aggression and some downright rejection in response to my innocent idea and blog post.

So now I feel dirty and worthless.

I’m not in love anymore, that was just silly phase I was going through.

I am just a lost soul, looking for my home.

Man the lifeboats men, this ship is sinking.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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17 responses

  1. We decided to claim our family’s Christmas the second year after we married. Obligation was exhausting. This created an all-out war, filled with guilt-trips, accusations, and rifts that would surely never heal between me and my in-laws.
    Apparently no one cares if I wanna drag 2-4 kids/babies and their kip back and forth to a pile of events. We owed them that! (???)
    Now? It’s standard, and if they don’t like it, at least they’re done saying it.
    My husband and I are exactly the kind of people who would take a trip over the holidays. I hope our kids feel entitled to spend those days as they please, too.

    I DID enjoy your explanation in the processing of man mind. I must say, that seems legit from my perspective, and I always seek to praise good intentions.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful as it explains the spiritual sleep of men as they live in the world. Life is short and people should spend the time perfecting their minds instead of endless chase of vanity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In my lil red dot, most of us escape Christmas for overseas holidays and Chinese New Year! We are a globe trotting lot and you can find Singaporeans in every corner of the world as we are a well travelled lot, jumping at every opportunity to take annual leave to extend a holiday! Stay strong and Marmaduke and you need Garfield hugs🤗🤗😚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to work for HSBC, I dig where you are coming from. Big respects. Love you more now. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. my husband and I skipped Christmas last year much to the families dismay, or perhaps it was the year before, regardless, had a grand time bucking tradition and enjoying some us time in our future home. Be true to you first, there is no happy we without a happy me I say. Sometimes people just have to get over themselves. Go on the cruise and have fun, wish I could join but alas, got a hubby at home to “cruise in the vette with”. Hey Marmaduke….make sure he gets to go too!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Marmaduke loves you to pieces. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The whole thing is; I’d like to go away for Christmas, a Caribbean Cruise seemed like a good idea, now it’s got into who runs my life. Turns out that I do. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Run your life. You only get one. And make sure you enjoy it as much as possible! How wonderful to be laying on ones death bed with no regrets and a HUGE smile as you remember. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. ok so as an adult iv never had a Christmas tree and never done Christmas. I avoid it at all costs. Now I have a five yr old I kinda have to make an effort. But if I was able to take a cruise at Christmas id be off like a shot! so I say do what will make you happy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let me know where I need to send your ticket, and I’d have you and your 5 yr old with me like a shot. ❤
      Would be better if it was just you. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ive spent a few Christmas on a ship in the Caribbean it was great!
        just think of all those ladies on the ship you could pull!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Jack – I want to thank you for your insights into how men “work” and process. It helps me with my understanding of my husband.

    I also want to share with you my experience of “bucking the trend” at Christmas. One year I decided to forego the entire shebang – I even decided to fast – a direct rebellion to the gluttony that is expected that time of year. I bought a six-pack of mini-champagne bottles and left them on the doorstep of the friend who normally hosted the New Years event, telling her thanks, but I would not be attending this year, please enjoy a midnight toast on me.

    The reaction? At best, puzzled disappointment. It was exactly as you say, “passive aggression and some downright rejection.” The New Year’s champagne was returned. She had her husband deliver it. That was awkward.

    People don’t take kindly to others when they assert their own preferences. They see that as a rebuke, somehow. I wish you will as you “navigate” these waters.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Most men, me included, have the emotional maturity of a 5 years old. Most men are as sensitive as a brick. Most men wouldn’t think of a Caribbean cruise for this Christmas. ❤

      Like

  8. It will be okay. Family are hard to deal with sometimes, give yourself some grace. : )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s deeper than that. Who runs my life? It seems that I do. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Christmas (whether you are a Christian or not) is seen as the one time of year when family, and/or loved ones stay close.
    My husband and I do not ‘do’ Christmas.
    a) Because the idea of blingy Christmas is a complete turnoff.
    b) Because hanging out with family or friends usually turns into the predictable Christmas arguments
    c) Because the whole thing becomes an expensive letdown

    I imagine that you, Jack, are facing the usual criticisms that you shouldn’t be going on a holiday to escape Christmas ‘celebrations.’ So I would say this… Do what your heart wants. We are old enough now that we shouldn’t have to be shoe-horned into boxes in which we no longer fit comfortably.
    For me (and my husband), we will be in Thailand, and for the two week Christmas period, we are volunteering on a remote organic seed farm in the middle of nowhere in jungle territory. The farm gives out its heirloom seeds to the poor farmers in the district in an effort to get them out of debt to big agro companies (but also encourages them to go organic). To me, volunteering is the most charitable thing you can do at Christmas and I have done so before. It makes me feel so much love to know I have helped someone else, even in a small way, at what is arguably the most unappreciative time of the year.

    When you go to the Caribbean Jack, you will see quite a bit of poverty. Spend your money on each of the Islands, and you will be helping their economies and thus giving back in your own small way.

    Don’t let the naysayers get you down. They are too wrapped up in their own bling and comforts to even understand your thoughts!

    Be well, and happy!❤

    Liked by 4 people

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