Monday morning and the poor working stiffs are getting out of bed to earn an honest crust, as best they can.
I spent long enough doing some of that. But now it’s your lucky day, because I’ve decided that Mondays I’m going to give you some money advice, whether you want it or not. Look at it this way, back in the day I used to get paid $500 an hour for doing this, so listen up. I’d tell you my qualifications, but unless you’re the type who is having a heart attack and asks the heart surgeon where he interned, there’s not much point. (If you are the type who asks a heart surgeon where he interned, then just fuck off and don’t read my blog again.)
So, the most important thing right now is to ask yourself is; are you broke, or do you have any money in the bank and / or cash under the mattress?
Interest rates are an historic low. If you have more than $1,000 in spare cash you are a fool. Money is worthless, (that’s complicated, but trust me), if your cash isn’t doing anything you may as well stay in bed on Monday morning.
So, what would financially intelligent people do right now?
- Pay off your debts, until you only have the magic $1,000 left in your pocket-book or bank account.
- Pay off those debts in order of the highest interest rate first. Unless you are an utter wassock this will mean #1 credit card balances, #2 store credit, #3 personal loans from a reputable provider such as your bank, #4 your mortgage.
- Get rid of any and all bank accounts, credit cards, store cards that charge a fee. This is a sick practice, and I should know, I practically reinvented the idea of ripping-off bank customers.
- Start putting any cash, bank balances, and ‘credit monies‘ you have left to work for you.
- Do not fall for get rich quick schemes. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is. An honest annual rate of return right now is 6%.
OK, number 4 above is difficult. But this starts with the fact that the stock market as a whole usually shows an annual rise of 3% to 6%, plus you get dividends. Google this if you don’t believe me. Rule #1, don’t buy a managed portfolio / product. The people advising you about / selling financial investments are jerks and crooks. Don’t trust them. If you have a little spare cash buy a couple or four blue chip stocks or a tracker investment.
Never, ever, trust a financial advisor / banker / friend when it comes to financial investments. (And, you are a fool, and or a woman, if you lend money to a friend or member of your family.)
If you’re a guy with a lot of spare cash, at least spend it on your girl, or any woman, rather than being that utterly boring and useless fart, the contemptible Scrooge who thinks he’s watching his money grow. Your money isn’t growing, it’s dwindling away. Idle money loses value over time, always.
insults advice for the financially naive next Monday.