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Sense Of Self ~ Low Self Esteem ~ Social Isolation
My counsellor has suggested that I have a poor sense of self. If you read my post Borderline Personality Disorder, you will know that I didn’t really know what that means. So, I did what I do, and undertook a little research.
It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story. ~ Patrick Rothfuss
In psychology the sense of self is defined as the way a person thinks about and views his or her traits, beliefs, and purpose within the world. Then the people in white coats talk about self-image and self-esteem. Do I have a poor self-image and low self-esteem? Some psychologists say the characteristics of genuinely poor self-image and low self-esteem are;
- Social withdrawal
- Anxiety and emotional turmoil
- Lack of confidence, depression or bouts of sadness
- Less social conformity
- Eating disorders / alcohol and or drug abuse
- Inability to accept compliments
- Being unfair to oneself
- Focusing on negativity
- Exaggerated concern over what others think
- Self neglect
- Treating oneself badly, but not treating others badly
- Worrying if you have treated others badly
- Reluctance to put yourself first
- Reluctance to trust one’s own opinion
- Expecting little out of life
It doesn’t feel like I have low self-esteem, in fact I often feel exactly the opposite, but from time to time I have probably done stupid things that tick all of those 15 bullet points.
How do I recover from this? I am not going to stay on this dismal road to the dark end of the swamp for much longer. I know the root cause of my problem, I wrote about some of this in Sometimes I Act Insane, and I am taking steps to address the underlying trauma. But what about some short-term fixes?
There is nothing better in life than commitment to personal development and lifelong learning. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
After a little bit of research, it turns out there are some self-help techniques I can use, and these basically boil down to learning, changing, and doing. To recover from chronic low self-esteem is basically making oneself do good stuff:
- I need to take good care of myself. Stay sober, eat well, avoid excesses, (too much coffee for example), get plenty of sleep, fresh air, and exercise.
- Stop comparing myself with others, and with things that happened in the past. I can’t fix the past.
- Learn how to say ‘No’ I can be a people-pleaser at times.
- Forgive my stupid mistakes. Instead focus on my abilities, skills, and accomplishments.
- Avoid and ignore negative feelings, thoughts, places, people, and things.
Sounds easy. I bet. If it was easy there wouldn’t be such a huge range of organisations, therapies, and medication to help one deal with, and recover from a poor sense of self, low self-esteem, and social isolation.
I will let you know what happens next.
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jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Keep doing the hard work! You’re already better off now than you were simply because you’ve made the first step. As always, I send you love and positive energy for your healing process.
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Take care
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We’re all far more loved than is comfortable. Perhaps sometimes low self-esteem is a matter of reverse pride — “You are not allowed to love me as is, lest you seal me into this little spot I only visited.”
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You are very insightful, and your compassion shines through in everything you write.
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Well, I guess that new bottle of multi-vitamins is worth its weight in gold! 🙂 We’re all so hard on ourselves, I think.
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Every time you look at mirror do you smile or frown ?
If you frown..then start to smile?
If you always smile..then you have already covered a mile
from the border towards the center
Maybe you will be or not be in the limelight
But will be where there is light
even better..you will be a source of light
a reason within life
🙂
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Best wishes on your journey. Hugs. 🌷
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Thank you for your hugs and kind wishes.
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You’re welcome. Have a great day. ☺ 🌷
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Have you ever tried intuitive healing, such as reiki?
It’s soothing, balances out your chakra, auras, emotions it helps you deal whatever you feel. Whenever I feel low, I do affirmations.
I know I presume too much by relating what helps me,
But I hope you feel better stronger and any doubt about yourself vanishs! Lots of hugs!
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Thank you Rebecca. No, I haven’t tried reiki, but I believe in alternative therapies, especially from the East. I’ll let you know how it all works out.
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