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Sense Of Self ~ Low Self Esteem ~ Social Isolation

My counsellor has suggested that I have a poor sense of self.  If you read my post Borderline Personality Disorder, you will know that I didn’t really know what that means.  So, I did what I do, and undertook a little research.

It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head.  Always.  All the time.  That story makes you what you are.  We build ourselves out of that story.  ~  Patrick Rothfuss

In psychology the sense of self is defined as the way a person thinks about and views his or her traits, beliefs, and purpose within the world.   Then the people in white coats talk about self-image and self-esteem.  Do I have a poor self-image and low self-esteem?  Some psychologists say the characteristics of genuinely poor self-image and low self-esteem are;

1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of confidence, depression or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders / alcohol and or drug abuse
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. Being unfair to oneself
8. Focusing on negativity
9. Exaggerated concern over what others think
10. Self neglect
11. Treating oneself badly, but not treating others badly
12. Worrying if you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to put yourself first
14. Reluctance to trust one’s own opinion
15. Expecting little out of life

It doesn’t feel like I have low self-esteem, in fact I often feel exactly the opposite, but from time to time I have probably done stupid things that tick all of those 15 bullet points.

How do I recover from this?  I am not going to stay on this dismal road to the dark end of the swamp for much longer.  I know the root cause of my problem, I wrote about some of this in Sometimes I Act Insane, and I am taking steps to address the underlying trauma.  But what about some short-term fixes?

There is nothing better in life than commitment to personal development and lifelong learning.  ~  Lailah Gifty Akita

After a little bit of research, it turns out there are some self-help techniques I can use, and these basically boil down to learning, changing, and doing.  To recover from chronic low self-esteem is basically making oneself do good stuff:

• I need to take good care of myself.  Stay sober, eat well, avoid excesses, (too much coffee for example), get plenty of sleep, fresh air, and exercise.
• Stop comparing myself with others, and with things that happened in the past.  I can’t fix the past.
• Learn how to say ‘No’  I can be a people-pleaser at times.
• Forgive my stupid mistakes.  Instead focus on my abilities, skills, and accomplishments.
• Avoid and ignore negative feelings, thoughts, places, people, and things.

Sounds easy.  I bet.  If it was easy there wouldn’t be such a huge range of organisations, therapies, and medication to help one deal with, and recover from a poor sense of self, low self-esteem, and social isolation.

I will let you know what happens next.

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jackcollier7@talktalk.net