who am I?

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Sense Of Self ~ Low Self Esteem ~ Social Isolation

My counsellor has suggested that I have a poor sense of self.  If you read my post Borderline Personality Disorder, you will know that I didn’t really know what that means.  So, I did what I do, and undertook a little research.

It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head.  Always.  All the time.  That story makes you what you are.  We build ourselves out of that story.  ~  Patrick Rothfuss

In psychology the sense of self is defined as the way a person thinks about and views his or her traits, beliefs, and purpose within the world.   Then the people in white coats talk about self-image and self-esteem.  Do I have a poor self-image and low self-esteem?  Some psychologists say the characteristics of genuinely poor self-image and low self-esteem are;

  1. Social withdrawal
  2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
  3. Lack of confidence, depression or bouts of sadness
  4. Less social conformity
  5. Eating disorders / alcohol and or drug abuse
  6. Inability to accept compliments
  7. Being unfair to oneself
  8. Focusing on negativity
  9. Exaggerated concern over what others think
  10. Self neglect
  11. Treating oneself badly, but not treating others badly
  12. Worrying if you have treated others badly
  13. Reluctance to put yourself first
  14. Reluctance to trust one’s own opinion
  15. Expecting little out of life

It doesn’t feel like I have low self-esteem, in fact I often feel exactly the opposite, but from time to time I have probably done stupid things that tick all of those 15 bullet points.

How do I recover from this?  I am not going to stay on this dismal road to the dark end of the swamp for much longer.  I know the root cause of my problem, I wrote about some of this in Sometimes I Act Insane, and I am taking steps to address the underlying trauma.  But what about some short-term fixes?

There is nothing better in life than commitment to personal development and lifelong learning.  ~  Lailah Gifty Akita

After a little bit of research, it turns out there are some self-help techniques I can use, and these basically boil down to learning, changing, and doing.  To recover from chronic low self-esteem is basically making oneself do good stuff:

  • I need to take good care of myself.  Stay sober, eat well, avoid excesses, (too much coffee for example), get plenty of sleep, fresh air, and exercise.
  • Stop comparing myself with others, and with things that happened in the past.  I can’t fix the past.
  • Learn how to say ‘No’  I can be a people-pleaser at times.
  • Forgive my stupid mistakes.  Instead focus on my abilities, skills, and accomplishments.
  • Avoid and ignore negative feelings, thoughts, places, people, and things.

Sounds easy.  I bet.  If it was easy there wouldn’t be such a huge range of organisations, therapies, and medication to help one deal with, and recover from a poor sense of self, low self-esteem, and social isolation.

I will let you know what happens next.

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P1040484jackcollier7@talktalk.net

liebster-12

 

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11 responses

  1. Keep doing the hard work! You’re already better off now than you were simply because you’ve made the first step. As always, I send you love and positive energy for your healing process.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Take care

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’re all far more loved than is comfortable. Perhaps sometimes low self-esteem is a matter of reverse pride — “You are not allowed to love me as is, lest you seal me into this little spot I only visited.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are very insightful, and your compassion shines through in everything you write.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, I guess that new bottle of multi-vitamins is worth its weight in gold! 🙂 We’re all so hard on ourselves, I think.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Every time you look at mirror do you smile or frown ?
    If you frown..then start to smile?
    If you always smile..then you have already covered a mile
    from the border towards the center
    Maybe you will be or not be in the limelight
    But will be where there is light
    even better..you will be a source of light
    a reason within life
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Best wishes on your journey. Hugs. 🌷

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your hugs and kind wishes.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome. Have a great day. ☺ 🌷

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Have you ever tried intuitive healing, such as reiki?
    It’s soothing, balances out your chakra, auras, emotions it helps you deal whatever you feel. Whenever I feel low, I do affirmations.
    I know I presume too much by relating what helps me,
    But I hope you feel better stronger and any doubt about yourself vanishs! Lots of hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Rebecca. No, I haven’t tried reiki, but I believe in alternative therapies, especially from the East. I’ll let you know how it all works out.

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