Borderline Personality Disorder


An Unnatural Fear Of Abandonment

Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.  ~  Shannon L. Alder

I have a counsellor to help me with my nastier character defects, and recently she explored with me the possibility that I may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder which is a serious mental health problem.  The evidence my counsellor quotes is that;

  • I have a great fear that the people I care for will abandon me and hurt me.
  • I suffer from very intense emotions, and mood swings.
  • I am an all or nothing, black and white person.
  • I do not have a strong sense of self, (and I have no idea what that means).
  • I find it extremely hard to make and keep stable relationships.
  • I act impulsively and some of the things I do are dangerous.
  • I am the original ‘angry man’.
  • I have ‘attempted suicide’ as a cry for help.
  • I often refuse medical treatment.
  • I sometimes abuse alcohol.

As you would expect, I’ve thought about this very carefully, and decided that my counsellor was talking bull droppings. Accordingly, I found some online self-test questionnaires from sites like; Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified,, Psyche Central, PsyCom, and the UK National Health Service

Every single time I honestly and openly took one of these tests the answer was that I ‘most likely’ have a Borderline Personality Disorder.  (Most of the time my scores were off the red end of the scale…)  I would rather not have my whole life affected by something that happened years and years ago, when I was a child.  Sometimes I act insane, and honestly, I’d rather not.

In order to recover from this ‘illness’ or whatever Borderline Personality Disorder is, I have some serious work to do.

It seems that I should be reporting to my family doctor, for onward referral to psychotherapy, and treatments like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Schema-focused Therapy, and Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS).

There are also a lot of drugs the doctors can prescribe for BPD; antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilisers, sleeping tablets, tranquilisers…  My guess is that none of these drugs will work much to actually treat a Borderline Personality Disorder.

None of that official medical treatment is going to happen any time soon.  This is my problem, in my own mind, and I am determined to solve it myself.  Self-help is a very powerful thing.  Even though I am my own worst enemy ~ the real me will win out in the end.

I’m so good at beginnings, but in the end I always seem to destroy everything, including myself.  ~  Kiera Van Gelder

Self-help may not be the whole answer, but I will keep you posted of my progress.  The Truth Is In My Own Mind.



7 responses

  1. […] counsellor has suggested that I have a poor sense of self.  If you read my post Borderline Personality Disorder, you will know that I didn’t really know what that means.  So, I did what I do, and […]


  2. Recognizing the problem and having a direction are two great steps forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s a lot to process – It would be for me. I think you’re smart to question it. You seem to understand yourself which gives me the feeling that you can make strides. I hope you’re wiser than me and you know when to ask for help. That’s a hard one but it’s worth it and it could save you time. I rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind support. Now that I know what the problem is, (more or less), everything seems much easier.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For me, that point is always when the work starts. Soldier on. You built a house – you can do this too.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I applaud you on taking initiative. That’s a major part of the battle right there. While there are some medications that can be helpful, most of the progress on BPD is made with changing thoughts and perceptions, so indeed, CBT especially, is really helpful. I’m very sure that with enough dedication you can make a huge dent on your own, but there will be times that you won’t see clearly your own actions and motivations, so I do hope that you’ll be able to do *some* therapy.

    I think your honestly and bravery in confronting this head on is extraordinary. You’re way ahead of the game on that front, so I have absolutely no doubt that you’re going to kick this thing in the teeth and create a better and more satisfying life for yourself. I’m sending you many blessings and good thoughts. Xox

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you sweetheart. Yep, I have been talked into ‘some’ therapy, but I don’t think I’ll allow myself to be talked into ‘some’ medication. I have a feeling I need to be clear and sharp to achieve the recovery I want in the time I want. Your kind words are an inspiration to me. xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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