When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. ~ John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
When a man gives advice to a woman he is asking for disappointment and disillusionment. If it’s unsolicited advice she may think he hasn’t been listening to a word she’s ever said. Or she may decide that he’s a jerk, an idiot, or just a typical insensitive male. Mostly she will disagree with whatever he tells her.
You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway. ~ John Steinbeck.
Unless she specifically asks you, personally, directly, for your advice on a particular problem, then I strongly suggest that you never, ever, offer any advice to a woman. Women and unsolicited advice from men go together like oil and water ~ it doesn’t mix.
A great deal of the time you think that a woman needs your advice she only wants to talk, preferably with you, but if it is absolutely necessary a woman will talk at you. When she is talking, volubly, sounding as though she is asking for your advice, the chances are she is merely venting some feelings.
When she is venting, all she is doing is thinking out loud, and unless she says something like; ‘So what do you think?’ she isn’t asking for advice. She doesn’t even need you to comment much. If you want to do the right thing, then let her vent, and keep your comments brief and noncommittal. But, if you value your relationship don’t act aloof, distant, disinterested, bored, curt, annoyed that she interrupting the game on TV…
Should you have the temerity to believe that she could really use your advice, then you could ask her; ‘Would you like my opinion?’ Just do not be surprised if she says no.
Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close, and not necessarily to get solutions. John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
A sneaky way to give advice to someone you care about is to ask her some questions. This will force her to think, perhaps to reevaluate the situation, or reassess her emotions. Remember to ask open questions, keep in mind Kipling’s what, where, when, how, where and who?
However, be prepared for her to go on at length if you do manage to ask some intelligent, open, interesting questions. And, make damn sure you listen to her answers. Of course there is a problem here, women use far more than words to communicate a meaning, which means that men miss about 75% of what she means as opposed to what she says.
The best advice to a man can give to another man who may be thinking of giving some wise, but unsolicited advice to a woman is; Don’t do it.
If you do have to give her some advice, then keep it to things you know something about, and don’t get dragged into anything to do with people, relationships, or feelings. Especially don’t talk about feelings.
There’s no such thing as good advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice they wouldn’t be lovelorn. ~ Frank Lebowitz.
Finally, never give advice in anger. If she has pissed you off, annoyed you, done something stupid, done something really bad, then don’t dress things up as advice. Tell it like it is. If you think she’s been a damn fool then tell her that, and leave it at that. Don’t offer advice by telling her what she should have done instead…
Of course, if it’s bad enough, just get out of Dodge, and never once look back.
Women who won’t take your good advice are a waste of time anyway.